and all the suffering that they had to go through because of me and the poor choices that i made. we were going south in the philippines. i had no idea this could mean danger. could he pull the trigger and i'd be gone. they were the most brutal and violent of the kidnap gangs in the philippines. the best way to fight this

situation was to find a way to escape. he said, no money? you die. soon. for about 20 years, i had been very successful in hospital supervision and management. i was given awards and promoted. really was on top of the world. i have a feeling at that point, the lord looked at me and said, you think you're that successful? i've got more in store for you. i was doing my usual rounds in hospital and slipped and fell and herniated a disk. i was in a lot of pain.

became a lot weaker and from that point on, everything just disintegrated. things began to spiral out of control. within a manner of months, not only had my wife abandoned me and my friends, but my job also squeezed me out. it reached a point where i became very, very desperate. i always went to the beach when i needed to think. i dedicated my life to helping people and it never occurred to me that if i ever needed help, that nobody would be there for me. i was looking for something in my life that would give me some kind of traction so that i could begin believing in myself again. church became the one thing in my life that was positive.

>> the bible tells us we are supposed to love kindness. >> one sunday the pastor began to talk about how the church was working in different countries and their need for missionaries. one of the countries he mentioned was the philippines. i began to think, this is something i could do. i could continue to languish on the streets or go to another country and make something of myself again. was a pretty easy choice. i told the pastor. and he gave me the number of the pastor in manila. i told him to expect me in the next two weeks. i didn't feel i was doing something reckless. he said, if you really want to come, you're welcome to come. even with the excitement of finally finding something to do with my life, the hardest part was going to be leaving my

children. i told them that daddy was ill. that i needed to go somewhere to be fixed and that i would come back. they seemed to understand that and accept that fairly well. i'm looking forward to the excitement of a new adventure and hopefully a new beginning for me. on the airplane, i was acting a little bit impulsive. i began talking to a missionary called blind prophet. twice a year, she would go to the philippines and help raise money for disabled children. and she invited me to go with her. i said i appreciate the offer, but i have plans in manila. was i was turning to leave, she said to me, well, we'll see you

soon. >> welcome to the philippines. >> i just buzzed. with the sights and smells of a brand-new place. there were people in colorful clothes. a lot of traffic, cars honking. there was a lot of energy around me. this was a place that i was meant to be. soon as i got into the hotel, i freshened up a little bit in the bathroom. i grabbed the map and was back out the door. the agreement i had with the pastor was that i would meet him at his church soon as i reached manila. i was able to find it fairly quickly. but i was surprised to see that it was still under construction.

there was a young lady in there at a desk working on the computer. she was surprised to see me. is the pastor in there? no. he injured himself during the construction and he wouldn't be coming back. it became obvious she wasn't going to give me more information than she already had. i was left standing there with my mouth open wondering, what am i going to do now? i'm beginning to panic. i began to see things in patterns. and sort of like signs. i suddenly remembered the conversation i had with the woman on the airplane.

here was a sign. i found the number. and i called it. not really expecting them to even remember who i was. before i even said a word, she said, i've been expecting you. i said, is there still something you could use me for? two days later, there i am in a hotel lobby with the blind prophet and her entourage. it felt good. they were obviously planning for a trip to another island. they explained where they were going. but the name meant nothing to me. i knew that we were going south in the philippines, but i had no idea this could mean danger. the blind prophet introduced me

to this guy named remy. he was going to look after me until we left the next day. after a disastrous start, i feel like everything's back on track again. remy was proud of his city and exuberant showing me some of the favorite hangouts. everywhere i went, they treated me like a king. remy explained the filipinos' view that all americans are rich and this could make me target, with my blonde hair and blue eyes, i stuck out like a thumb. he said one of the leading activities is targeting people who are part of an organization from which they can extort money. it did make me pause and think

there were certain dangers walking around in the streets. by the end of the night, remy and i had become good friends. in hindsight, i wish i had showed him more appreciation for the brief time that we ended up having together because for r remy, it was going to end badly. it was a beautiful morning. i felt ready for anything. we all needed to get taxis that would take us down to the ferry to one of the southern islands. the blind prophet and her entourage get the priority. another taxi pulled up and we jumped in and off we went. he would go in and out of traffic. other times he would go down little alleyways. i knew we would catch up with the blind prophet and her little entourage quickly.

remy is smiling and chuckling about the driving. i guess he was more accustomed to it. i certainly wasn't. i can see the masts and the antennas from the ships. we were at the port. but we were in the cargo area. i was concerned, is this guy going in the right direction? remy said, yeah, don't worry about it. he's got his own shortcut he's going to take. the car screeched to a halt and threw us up against seats. the cab driver let out this strange yelp. almost like a dog. we saw these guys standing there with black ski masks over their faces holding ak-47s pointed at us.

i saw them, but i couldn't believe i was seeing them. it's very strange to see someone in that heat with a black winter mask covering their faces. i was confused. >> are these the police? >> remy said, no, i think they are bandits. okay. we're going to get robbed. they'll take our stuff and go. someone reached in and pulled remy and threw him up against a container. boom. he hit it very hard. all of a sudden, i'm very alone. my fear is growing. i just froze. he motioned to put my arms up against my head. my whole body was buzzing with a numbness.

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they stuck in dirty rag in my mouth. everything went dark. there is this hood over me. i had this overwhelming feeling of helplessness. you want to run. but you have no option.

i'm thinking, why didn't they just take my wallet? and then i remembered what remy said about kidnap for ransom. they are making a big mistake. i'm certainly not valuable to anybody. i'm less than a zero in my own mind already. i was just in the dark. i could hear the water lapping against a dock. they're pushing me and pulling me, but i'm resisting. i have the fear that i'm going to slip and fall right into the water. and tied up the way i am, i know i'll drown. they finally yank me hard enough.

where am i going? where are they taking me? i began to think maybe they had separated me from remy and the cab driver. maybe they had even been killed. and i moaned, hoping that i would hear a moan back. i did not hear a response. i began wondering if the blind prophet knew what happened to us. they might have just thought we got lost. there was a fear that no one would ever find out what

happened to me and i knew what they would say. they would all say, yeah. it's true. he just ran off. he ran away from his responsibilities. seemed like i had been in the boat a long time. the engines stop and i can hear us bang up against a beach. then they pulled off the hood. the atmosphere, the heat, humidity and the smell of the salt air hit me. i look up and i see like a mountain range in front of me. it's almost a beautiful scene. under normal circumstances, probably would be. they grabbed the rag in my mouth and pulled it out. now i can ask the questions that are going through my mind. where am i? i felt this searing pain.

i can taste the blood in my mouth. it scared me to see the brutality that these guys were willing to use with no thought at all. i just decided, don't push your luck. hopefully, the next few hours will be next painful. how wrong could i be? i can see in front of me, remy and the cab driver. it was good to see they were okay. there was a hope i would be able to rejoin them. but i soon lose sight of them. my mind was becoming filled with a depression. i could end up just being a skeleton in that jungle and no one would ever know that it was me. it was a feeling of being totally alone.

after climbing for hours, in the darkness, i heard voices. we had come into sort of a clearing. i'm looking and hoping to see someone who is the leader to give me some answers, but instead, it is sort of a chaotic scene. i saw kids. one of them was carrying an ak-47. do these kids know how to shoot? would they accidentally shoot me? this is not getting better. it's getting worse. out of the darkness, another figure came right up to my face. i found out later this was the

leader of the group. he just stares at me and i'm staring back at him. suddenly, he grabs my arm and starts dragging me toward a tree. there was this realization that maybe they're going to hang me. (wind noise) what's happening here... is not normal, it's extraordinary. you're not sure what's on the other side... but momentum pushes you forward. and it's why we're with you. 80 thousand people now... on the ground. in the air. engines on. because there is no stop in us. or you. only go. only glucerna has carbsteady, diabetes, steady is exciting.

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my heart skipped a beat and the hair stood up on end. i just sort of wilted both physically and emotionally. my whole body was shaking. somebody was pulling my arms up behind me going the wrong way, and it was just ripping my shoulders apart.

the pain was excruciating. i remember thinking, if they are going to tie my arms to the tree, they are not going to hang me. who are you? why are you doing this? there was this laughter. just total contempt. it was just killing me not to know why i was there. then i just passed out. the next day, i'm trying to focus my eyes. i suddenly realized where i'm at. and my heart just sank.

i couldn't help but think about how brutal they might have treated remy. i was hoping against hope that my friend had been surviving this as i had. they dragged me over to a little hut and put chains around one of my ankles and chained it to a tree. there was that fear of the unknown. what are they planning to do with me? it was a relief to finally hear someone speaking english. >> my name is joseph. your name? >> this is the moment i had been waiting for. maybe i could finally get some answers. >> my name is greg. >> using joseph as a translator, sabia told me this group was the abu sayef.

suddenly, the whole mood changed. he said, where is the blind prophet? my worst fears were confirmed. they knew i had been with her and that if he would be able to get money from me. but they were not able to contact her to make a ransom demand. he said to me, you tell me where your friends are and i let you go. i started to get excited. here i was being offered freedom. my mind was racing to remember any clues of where they were going. but the more i thought about it, the more i realized, no, i really don't know where they are.

>> you're lying. >> sabay was not getting the answers he wanted. that's when he started out basically by punching. it absolutely physically shook you. i tried to convince them i am just a random american that joined the church because i had nowhere to go. i was just along for the ride. i knew they would be coming back. all of a sudden i wanted to fight. and the best way for me to fight the situation i was in was to find a way to escape. i was just staring at this chain that had me shackled around the ankle. my mind began racing.

how can i get it off? i began to look for weaknesses. bingo. one of the chains was warped and twisted. i needed a tool, something would give me leverage. i began to look around me. i was looking for nails. i realized there was nothing around me hard enough, but i knew this was the golden opportunity. i had to come up with something i could use. during the late afternoon, while i'm eating, this cook walked over and handed me another bowl with spoons in it. that would be perfect.

would he miss the spoon? maybe not. i was able to slip the spoon in my pocket. i couldn't wait to start working on that link. conquer the weather.

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i'm dara brown with the stories. the city of brussels after authorities received an immediate terror threat. subways shut down, armed soldiers patrolling the streets. here at home, this has forced the cancellations of hundreds of flights throughout the midwest. iowa, wisconsin, illinois, and indiana were all slammed by snow saturday.

needless to say it stuck. six inches to a foot reported in chicago. now it's back to "lockup abroad." there was always a guard outside that hut, usually by the tree. i realized, you don't do something rash or stupid. i decided i better wait. i felt completely abandoned and completely alone. i searched every corner of the camp to see any indication that

remy and the cab driver were here in the same camp with me. when i saw someone who looked like remy, my heart sort of leapt, but i was always disappointed. sometimes hope is all you have to hang on to. that evening, i realized this was my best opportunity. i pulled the spoon out and i started working on this link. as i tried to use the spoon as leverage, the spoon bent. i tried it again from a different angle and the spoon bent again. i couldn't believe this thing bent so easily.

i had a sinking feeling that, oh, no, this is not going to work. my hopes of being able to escape was dwindling. the next morning as the sun rose over that clearing, it became very, very hot. i was in sort of a daze. my mind going many different ways. [ screams ] i had no idea what was happening to that person. but it certainly sounded like something terrible. they emerged from the jungle dragging a headless body. my stomach just sort of twisted.

it was like a surge of fear. i was hoping that it wasn't my friend. i found myself looking at the body to see if it was thin and muscular and young. by the time they set the body down, i was pretty convinced that it was not remy. sabaya had a machete in his hand. i realized this demonstration was being performed for my benefit. they just showed me how i'm going to die. there was a new energy inside me that just wanted to run. part of me sort of rose up and said, find a way.

you have to find a way. and i remembered that i had the spoon in my pocket. how i could make this stronger? i ended up doubling it and doubling it until it finally had some body. very, very slightly, i could feel the link giving, little by little. yes! you know, this is working. i just got to keep at it. it was very slow and arduous. but eventually, i reached a point where with a couple of nudges, i could pull this apart. i got so excited, my hands were shaking.

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this winter, take advantage of our season's best offers on the latest generation of cadillacs. the 2016 cadillac ats. get this low-mileage lease from around $269 per month, or purchase with 0% apr financing. i scooted to cover the spoon. i reached up and cracked my knuckles. just praying that that answer would come to the guard. the noise he heard was me cracking my knuckles. in my mind, it sounded close enough.

he walked over and looked down at me. he looked around again and i looked up and i could see him turn around. boy, i just dodged a bullet. i knew that if i waited at the hour of dawn, all those people were going to be sleeping off an alcohol-drunken stupor. it was difficult holding myself back. as i lay there, i imagined slipping that link off. i imagined where i was going to head. i imagined i was going to find a way. i'm feeling very good for feeling like i'm going to be able to do this. it's still night time. he's kicking me in the side,

kicking me awake. why are they getting me up in the middle of the night? they unshackle me. there is no way they could know i'm trying to escape. my heart is sinking with every step because i missed my opportunity to escape by hours. i'm thinking, you really should have went when you had the chance. why did you wait? my thoughts are racing. there had to be a reason why they were doing this. maybe they've got the ransom and they're going to release remy and i both. that hope disintegrated quickly. i found myself being pushed from the back into this hole.

i started to resist. am i entering the gates of hell? it turned out that my instincts were right. i had the distinct feeling that this could be the last place on earth that i saw. i felt hands on my shoulder sort of steadying me as if they were preparing to brace me for something. this was going to be different. i recognized it right away. it was a live stock needle. i'm thinking, what in the world is he going to do with that? joseph looked at me and said, no money? you die.

i would have peed in my pants if i hadn't been so dehydrated. i just buzzed with shock. not wanting to believe that it was happening. because i knew it was going to end badly. bam. he drove a needle right through one of my knuckles. i impaled it against the table. i felt like i was in the middle of a tornado of anger and violence. suddenly, there was no sound. i was above myself looking down feeling no pain.

it was an incredible feeling of redemption and peace. and they just suddenly stopped, stood up and walked away. and at that point, i actually felt sorry for them. later this evening, the guards basically partied. i actually began to have a conversation with joseph. i was surprised at how quickly he let his guard down. i realized i had an opportunity to possibly influence him. i said, what is the most

important thing to you? he said, my children. i said to him, do your children know what you do? what would your children think of what you do with abu sabaya. he appeared to be angry i put him on the spot like that. i remember saying toysou idiot. how could you blow this opportunity to connect with joseph? i was out in the fresh air and all my senses came alive. every time i saw sabbah coming,

i always had a sense of foreboding. the person he was pulling along behind him was remy. he seemed happy to see me. as he got closer, i noticed this look in his eyes. it was a look of terror. my eyes are caught by a flashing of the blade, of the bolo. they were saying, time has come, time has come. i looked at his face. i saw sabbayah raise the bolo. i instinctively wanted to reach for him there was a very swift motion. there was a yelling, there was a screaming. there was a frenzy. my mind was trying to wrap

itself what i was seeing. i remember a retching in my throat. joseph turned to me and he said, you speak or you die. soon. when they took me into the tunnel, i felt relief but at the same time i felt guilty. i had always tried to be the best person i could be, but i had done nothing to save remy's life. i felt an overwhelming shame. i felt like a coward.

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i reached a point where the finality of things hit me. i felt like somebody just dropped a rock on my heart. thoughts about my children flooded back into my mind. my biggest fear is that they're never going to know what happened to me. i found that strength in my

prayer to feel good about what was going to happen. i just faded, faded into sleep. i couldn't breathe. and my eyes opened. i realized that there was a hand around my mouth. the person who was choking me, twists my face. it's joseph. he's giving me these gestures like he's trying to help me, but i'm not sure i trust him. why would he do this for me? maybe he's just unlocking me to take me to sabaya. as the shackle came off, i hesitated a moment. oh, my god, i might be able to get out of here. he's leading me into the

darkness. why is he taking me into the back of this cave? i think i'm being tricked. i realized that i either had to trust him and follow him or try to run out the front of the tunnel where all of the guards were going to be sleeping. was a pretty easy choice. i'm going to die anyway, there is a better chance of me getting through this tight opening than getting through what they're planning for me. my head popped out of this vent and it was like, wow!

it has probably only taken ten minutes but seemed like a lifetime to me. i almost wanted to scream, i felt so happy. joseph's pulling on me like, what are you doing? let's get going. the fear in me is beginning to rise. i realized, i'm not out of this yet. sabaya would search the whole island for me. i've still got to get away. joseph led me down a path to the beach. joseph turned to me and he said, you and my daughter take boat.

now i'm thinking, wait a minute, what's going to happen to him? i knew that he was putting himself and his family at risk. i looked at him and i said, are you going to be okay? he said, yeah. he said, no worry, no worry. i was going to have to take his word for it that he was smart enough to take care of himself. i said, why? why did you risk your life for me? he said the most incredible thing to me, i believe that we are brothers under the same god. then he sort of waved his hands and said, go now, go now. i felt like i had started a new life and there was absolutely nothing to fear.

i was actually in captivity 13 days. when i kept home to recover there were physical wounds and emotional wounds it. began therapy for post traumatic stress and chronic depression. as he went back on my feet, i made an effort to go to florida and be with my children again. it was such a wonderful feeling to see that we still had a connection. every once in a while, i would think about what joseph did and wondered if i was capable of doing the same thing. i knew without a doubt that i would risk my life for him.

whether i would risk my family to rescue him, i have to admit, i wasn't sure that i could do. msnbc takes you behind the walls of america's most notorious prisons, into a world of chaos and danger. now the scenes you've never seen. "lockup: raw." >> built in 1852 and home to california's death row, san quentin state prison is bursting at the seams due to overcrowding. when we shot our extended stay series there. but san quentin had one program designed to discourage troubled teens. from ever joining its ranks in the future