build a new one. the only way they're going to feel something and only way they'll get the message is with a body count. >> so on april 18th, the day before the bombing, mcveigh is ready to build his monstrous contraption, a 7,000-pound bomb. >> of course, you leave nothing to -- went out to the truck, checked it over, started up, drove it off, got to the storage shed. i started loading stuff in the truck. somebody was supposed to meet me there, didn't meet me there. >> mcveigh is referring to terry nichols who was supposed to meet up early that morning at the storage space in harrington, kansas. nichols appears to have abandoned his friend at the most crucial moment. this leaves mcveigh with a back-breaking task of loading the truck himself. >> he is transferring sack after

ammonium nitrate fertilizer. he's trying to get 500 pounds worth of nitromethane fuel up the ramp into the ryder truck. the weight involved in actually doing this bomb building is enormous. >> after mcveigh has almost finished loading the truck, nichols finally shows up to help. >> there was just no turning back at this point. no cold feet. terry nichols was fully on board. >> mcveigh is furious, but this is no time for emotion. nichols jumps in and helps transport the remainder of the explosive material from the storage unit into the truck. they go to a nearby location that mcveigh found to build the bomb. >> mcveigh has been looking for sometime for some place where he can build the bomb without being spotted. ultimately he chooses this place, a little park called geary lake.

it's fairly remote although not all that remote. >> geary lake is a fishing lake, but it's a little too cold at this time of year, it's a windy, choppy day on the lake, and there's nobody there. and so, you know, they're inside the truck. >> you can cut the tension in the air with a knife, it's that thick, because they want to move quick, because they're a sitting duck there. >> all the mixing takes place within the truck. since i was the principal, as i put it, right? i was the one that primed the charges, the crimped the caps, the fuse, etc., etc., tied each barrel, made sure there were redundant fusing systems so if one misfired another one would fire it. all kinds of redundancies, made sure that the barrels were stable and in place. >> i don't think there's much doubt that mcveigh did build a hell of a bomb. the way he did it was fairly remarkable. no one had really ever constructed a bomb like this, and yet it was incredibly

effective. it seems very clear he thought through these things very carefully. >> mcveigh had a two-minute and five-minute fuse, a long fuse and a short fuse. he drilled a hole through the back of the cargo space into the back of the driving cabin, so he could turn around and just like them with a bic lighter. >> both fuses for some reasons didn't go off, i knew in a front corner of the truck there was a pile of explosives that would go off by impact. so as a last resort from the outside of the truck, i could use my pistol to set it off, just by firing at the truck. >> mcveigh and nichols are focused on building the bomb when suddenly their terrorist plot is in danger of being foiled. the secluded area that he chose is breached. >> a man and his so show up a little ways away from the truck. the guy and his kid go out to

the lake on a little dinghy to go out fishing. >> there was a man with a boy in a boat. they are out in the lake a bit, so that created a little difficulty. we had to watch the guy every five minutes, because getting into his head, he might have said hi, how are you doing? >> they continue to work very cautiously with super presence of mind of what's going on around them, you know, mcveigh is thinking that i'm going to kill this man if he comes over. >> luckily for that family, they never approached the ryder truck. >> it takes four hours to build the massive bomb. when it's done, mcveigh and nichols part way for the last time. >> headed toward oklahoma, and i finally thought am i going to be able to sleep? right? for the most part i was uneasy. in the gulf war when b-52s would

come over and do their carpet bombing, okay, i could literally feel the ground tremble underneath my sleeping bag. so sleeping on the back of a bomb is no big deal. >> he said he slept like a baby. he said he had no problem sleeping beside his monstrous creation, because he's on this mission.

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the weather along the kansas/oklahoma border is crisp and clear when the sun rises on the morning of april 19th, 1995. 100 miles north of oklahoma city, timothy mcveigh wakes at dawn after sleeping soundly on the side of the highway in the cab of his rented ryder truck. now loaded with 7,000 pounds of

explosives, ready to ignite. >> he had initially intended to bomb the building at about 11:00 in the morning, but he finally decides at the very last minute, despite all his talk about how he had every detail of the plan worked out, he decides he has to go right away, there's too much of a chance of being caught. so he actually leaves at about 7:00 in the morning. >> mcveigh carefully pulls the truck on the highway, heading south on i-35 toward oklahoma city. >> i believe he was getting antsy and didn't want to take any chances. he was probably worried that somebody might blow the whistle on him. he had the whole route mapped out from previous trips to oklahoma city. he knew exactly how he was going to get to the murrah building. >> as a military man, you do dry runs of operations.

i knew what route i was going to take. i had contingency plans in case i would have had a flat tire, in case i would have been pulled over by a cop, in case the road had been closed and had to go around, i knew the roads, i wouldn't need to look at a map. >> after nearly two hours of farmland, the city's skyline comes into view, and mcveigh steels himself for action. >> you try not to let your mind stray too much. it is just like going into combat. if you start thinking too much about things you should have already thought about prior to, it's going to distract you. there's time to think about that, and it's not during the mission, because it's going to distract you. it's all on procedure. i'm going to put my earplugs in here when i pull off the exit. at harrison street. >> mcveigh gets off the highway a few minutes before 9:00 a.m. upon entering downtown, there are moments when he isn't sure if he will be able to complete his mission.

>> you've got this adrenaline pumping, but you force yourself to stay calm and not be noticed. then pulled up to the right, which was red at the time. i did the two-minute fuse at the stoplight. i swear to god, it was the longest stoplight i ever sat in in my life. i'm thinking, okay, it's lit, green, green. >> there's kind of an amazing moment as the fuses are burning back from the cab of the truck into the rear. mcveigh is kind of tapping his fingers at the red light, counting down the last few minutes. last few minutes. >> as the windows rolled down just as he's approaching the light, because he didn't anticipate that smoke would fill the cab. >> i'm thinking oh [ muted ] i'm thinking i rolled the window down, adjusting to turn down the fan and blow it out of the

defrosters, right. fan, and by the time i pull up, it's going to look funny. i was rolling the windows back up as i pulled in. i didn't want to do it after i stop. we're talking seconds, right? >> he pulls up the truck, locks the doors, and strides across the street. >> i walked very slowly, because it avoids suspicion, you have to be calm and controlled. it's part of the control. over yourself. walked across the street, and walked square toward the ymca. once i got in a blind alley behind the ymca where nobody could look, i did jog because i knew nobody was looking. just for my own personal pride, i want to make sure i use the word "jog" there because i wasn't running in a panic. it was a conscious decision to jog. >> it's very specific on that, that he did not start running, it was just a gentle trot, because in his words, i'm a professional and i'm not afraid. but he is waiting, when is this

bomb going to go off. >> so he started thinking to himself, am i going to have to go back there and shoot the bomb to ignite it? and just as he was thinking of that, the bomb blew up. >> the blast went off, and i felt the concussion in both the air and in my feet. >> it goes off and just rattles the buildings around him. he never goes back to look at the handiwork. >> i heard it clearly through my earplugs and literally was lifted off the ground. i didn't feel the skin contorting, but you felt the pressure in the air, like an over-pressure, like a poof. >> it was like an earthquake, only very loud. he says he just kept walking toward his getaway car, which was parked a couple blocks ago. >> i'm walking quickly. everyone else is coming out of

their stores, and i'm walking the other way. i know this may sound like i'm cold and detached, but remember, this is military training. i was never hyped up. i was always in complete control. the mission is accomplished, i knew it was accomplished, and it was over. >> yes, he felt the explosion, yeah, he saw the building teetering. he knew perfectly well what he had just done, and yet he felt a sense of pride? >> i think that when mcveigh talks about the actual bombing, the carrying out of the last few minutes of the bomb, he's not almost bragging, he's boasting, completely, you know, it's all about, you know, i am the consummate technician. and his whole concern to show is he was always icy cool, calm and

collected. but what the guy is talking about is mass murder on an incredible scale, including the murder of children. i felt very much this is a guy who as no connection to any kind of emotions really at all. >> mcveigh makes it to his getaway car. behind him lay the ruins of the worst terrorist attack the united states had ever seen. what lies ahead is one of the biggest american manhunts of all time. boss: y'know, geico opened its doors back in 1936

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stop taking viagra and call your doctor right away if you experience a sudden decrease or loss in vision or hearing. it's time to take a deep breath... and ask your doctor if viagra is right for you. because with national, i roll past the counter... and choose any car in the aisle. choosing your own car? now that's a good call. go national. go like a pro. it is 9:03 a.m., april 19th, 1995. within a minute after the massive explosion at the alfred p. murrah building in oklahoma city, bomber timothy mcveigh is

approaching his getaway car, a beatup 1977 mercury marquis he purchased for $250. a car so broken down that it nearly strands mcveigh, threatening to hinder his getaway. >> i got in the car, cranking it over, i pumped the gas like one half pump, i'm thinking [ muted ], you're smelling gas, you're draining the battery, it's flooded, hold it to the floor. it started right up, so i'm gunning it, try to go warm it up, it's not going anywhere. i'm, okay, i'm about five minutes from the blast, you don't want to be apprehended in oklahoma city five minutes after. >> it's fairly remarkable to listen to him talking about how he finally gets things started. meanwhile, there's absolute carnage behind him. but then he pulls that old beater onto the highway. >> i pulled out, stopped at every stoplight in all

direction, using my directions with normal speed. again, i'm military, you've got this adrenaline pumping, but you force yourself to stay calm and for the be noticed. >> if you were to be up in a traffic helicopter liking down, you would see everyone racing to this crippled building, where 168 lives have just been snuffed out, 500 more people injured, people trapped, smoke, fire. and you would just see this one car going in the opposite direction. >> although the old mercury is finally running, as mcveigh heads north to the kansas border, there is still one major problem with the car. the license plates are missing. mcveigh claims that this isn't an oversight, that he planned it

all along. >> at this point, since i had dealt myself a wildcard, with leaving the license plate off, because when you leave a license plate off, you cannot plan when somebody will pull you over, so that entire trip, every inch of my tire rolls on the interstate, i'm probably thinking, what will i do if this happens? what am i going to do with this inch? >> i just can't see how he would leave that plate off, because so much of his plan was very meticulously thought out. it always perplexed me. >> then finally, he is indeed pulled over. not a big surprise, given he's driving down the road in an old car with no license plate at all. >> just 75 minutes after the bombing, mcveigh is pulled to the side of the highway by oklahoma state trooper charlie

hanger. up until this moment, mcveigh says his's convinced he was making a clean getaway. it turns out he almost did. >> hanger was a fluke, because he said at the exit he pulled me have over at, i was at spitting distance. he was going to get to that exit, go up on the overpass, turn around and head back. they were requesting assistance in oklahoma and he was going to head that day. within one mile an hour more, in that 20-mile stretch, and he wouldn't have seen me. >> at this point the trooper doesn't link him to the bombing, so mcveigh must figure out the best way to deal with the situation. >> mcveigh, you know, announces to him i have a handgun and charlie says, and i have gun too.

>> he sits there and he thinks about, okay, am i going to kill the police officer and not? and makes the decision to simply be arrested. >> charlie disarms him and arrests him on some minor traffic counts. >> mcveigh is handcuffed and taken to the nearest local lockup in the small town of perry, oklahoma. he's charged with misdemeanors of driving a vehicle without plates, and carrying a weapon without a permit. at booking, mcveigh is calm and unassuming. >> i talked to the people who booked him in. nice boy, not nervous, didn't show any inkling. this kid can mask what's going on inside of him very well. >> mcveigh is booked about two hours after the bombing and still doesn't know the degree of damage he has inflicted. but while waiting for a cell to become available.

he catches sight of a television, showing images of the carnage. >> it was at the perry courthouse when they were booking me in, right? and i was watching the tv, and of course i'm absorbing it without pretending i'm not, pretending to be worried about being arrested. >> that's when he caught his first glimpse of the murrah building, and his first reaction was, damn, i didn't take the building completely down. so he's got that in his memory when he goes up to the holding cell. >> mcveigh was just wondering, do they know i'm involved with the bombing? i don't think they know. >> he sits in that jail waiting to see if they're going to figure it out or not, but, you know, he's not going to help them. in a way i think what's really going on is mcveigh does essentially plan on being caught. he wants the credit for this. he wants to be the oklahoma city bomber, but he's not going to help them at all. it's some kind of weird game he's playing with law enforcement.

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i'm lynn berry. here's what's happening. president obama will travel to a memorial for 29 miners killed in the explosion. florida governor charlie crist is planning to run for the u.s. senate. and toyota is recalling thousands of suvs to update stability software after concerns it could roll over in sharp turns. now back to "mcveigh tapes."

it's just 24 hours after the bombing of the murrah building, and timothy mcveigh is sitting quietly in a perry, oklahoma, jail cell. he's not being held in connection with the vicious act that killed 168 people just the day before, but rather for misdemeanor charges. an international manhunt is issued for two affects, john doe number 1, and john doe number 2. several witnesses claim to have seen a second man in the ryder truck prior to the bombing. as this is happens, mcveigh is biding his time, waiting to see how long it will take for authorities to figure out who he really is. >> while mcveigh's in prison in this little relative ocean of solitude, you know, just waiting for something to happen, the rest of the country is just uptight, in knots, wondering, is there going to be another

attack? people are wondering, is this somebody from the middle east? who could do this? >> fbi agents comb the debris for clues to who could have been behind the bombing. they quickly locate a very revealing piece of evidence. >> it was within three hours of the bombing itself that the rear axle to the bomb-laden truck was located and found. that rear axle had a confidential vehicle identification number which led to the ryder truck and took us to kansas to start the investigation there to who rented that vehicle. >> federal agents swarmed junction city, kansas, and talked to the owner of elliott's body shop, where mcveigh rented

the truck. they emerged with a description of robert clink, down the street of a tall man. down the street, the manager tells agents that the description resembles a man who had just stayed there, a guest registered under the name tim mcveigh. the question remains, why would he use his real name? it's turning out mcveigh has left clues everywhere. >> you have to realize that inside that marquis was a big thick brown envelope with all kinds of antigovernment literature, espousing his viewpoints. and he's wearing a t-shirt that has a quote from john wilkes booth when he shot lincoln, sic simper tyrannis.

tyrants thus forever. and on the back there's the words of thomas jefferson that "the tree of liberty must be watered from time to time with the blood of tyrants and patriots. >> i left the trail on purpose. just a few pieces in my car, i was wearing it on my back. even if i wouldn't have been apprehended, i still would have gained the benefit of being identified. i already made sure that was in place. there was no loose situation. >> mcveigh had this all very carefully choreographed. he decides to go this way. and let the federal agents connect the dots that mcveigh has so conveniently placed for them. >> mcveigh's trail begins to come rapidly into focus for investigators, but to the local police if perry, he's still being detained as a small-time offender. it's a cat-and-mouse chase that mcveigh clearly relishes. >> i describe it as playing a

game with them. i am playing the game with law enforcement, and every day i laugh. >> by the time federal agents identify mcveigh just two days after the bombing, he is being arraigned and about to be released from the noble county jail. just an hour or so from being set free, agents contact the sheriff to put a hold on mcveigh, to keep him in custody. they rush to perry to meet with their number one suspect, but despite his claiming that he wanted to be caught, mcveigh isn't talking. >> the guy says, you better talk to us, because you're facing the death penalty, and he pulls out pictures of dead babies, okay? he slides them toward me and says, you're familiar with the oklahoma bombing, right? or something to that effect, some way to introduce the pictures and make me feel bad and start talking. it didn't work. i kept a straight face and said, i want an attorney.

>> that same afternoon in harrington, kansas, after learning he had become a person of interest terry nichols turns himself in. unlike mcveigh, nichols cooperates with authorities. he's not the john doe number 2 they're looking for, but he provides enough information to implicate mcveigh as the architect of the bombing plot. later in the day, back in perry, fbi agents prepare to take mcveigh out of the noble county courthouse. it will be the first time the world gets a look at the oklahoma city bomber. >> i don't think anyone who was alive at that time in america will ever forget the sight of timothy mcveigh being led out of the courthouse in that orange jumpsuit.

>> the thing that i think stuck with every single person who saw this one snippet of video coverage was mcveigh walking out of that building, refusing to look down, and, you know, with 1,000-yard stare. >> there were steps leading out of the courthouse. i had to concentrate on where those steps would be without dipping my head down and looking down because people would take dipping my head down as a sign of defeat or something. and i'm in leg chains, and leg chains if you've ever walked down the stair if you stride too long because the chain catches on the middle step. so those are the things that i was thinking of. >> i think the overall visceral action is that looks like the kid down the block. how could he have done what he did. >> outside the courthouse mcveigh comes face-to-face with a crowd that grows unruly. >> it was hard to pick out individual things, because they

were all yelling at one, but i do distinctly remember one i heard, look over here [ muted ], baby killer. and my immediate thought was i'm not going to give you the pleasure of looking over there. >> i think it was obvious even at that moment that this was a guy who was trying very hard to send a message to the american public at large. for our presentations. we upload it to fedex office, then they print, bind, and ship it. the presentation looks good, right? yes, but -- you didn't actually bring carl with you. good morning! but i digress. [ male announcer ] we understand. you need presentations done right. and right now save 20% on all online printing purchases. visit fedex.com/print.

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on april 21st, 1995, two days after the bombing, timothy mcveigh is taken into federal custody and exposed to the world for the first time. that same day, co-conspirator terry nichols is also taken into custody. eventually michael fortier is apprehended as well. all three suspects in the bombing plot are locked away. but for the survivors this is of little consolation. >> you have to remember there were almost 700 people injured,

a lot of people with hearing loss, a lot of people with scars. so it's not just the people who died. it's the people who are wounded. >> i had 40 broken bones. my legs and my ankles, my pelvis, my arms, and my feet were all crushed. and they just didn't think i would make it. they put me in a five-week coma, because they were going to have to do so many surgeries on me. when i finally was able to come out of it, they had to teach me how to talk, how to eat, how to brush my teeth.

>> head and face injuries and neck injuries due to all the things that came down from the ceiling. plaster that was shoved up underneath the skin. i had an ear cut in half. the back injuries were because of the shrapnel just propelled into your back. >> it was a lot of stitching. i had somewhere between 3 1/2 and 4 feet worth of stitching, if you added it up all together. >> among the 168 killed and nearly 700 injured in the attack, dozens are young children. paula matley's daughter jordan was only 3 1/2 years old when the blast tore through her daycare classroom across the street from the murrah building. >> following the bombing, jordan had much difficulty sleeping. she had nightmares, she had extreme separation anxiety. she was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, and underwent about a year of therapy for that, where she would draw pictures and just

relate her anger about the situation. >> i remember thinking that the person who did that to so many families, that they should -- that they should have some repercussions for it. they shouldn't just get away with it. >> you know, she -- she wanted him punished, the ultimate punishment for him. >> janney coverdale lost her two young grandsons that day. they were just beginning the morning at the daycare center on the second floor when the explosion took their lives. >> i remember the day they told us that they were dead. i remember screaming at god. it took me a long time to get over some of that anger. so now i go visit aaron and elijah out at the cemetery. sometimes i get angry then, too.

they were little boys, and you just don't murder little kids. aaron would be 20 years old now, elijah would be 17. sometimes during the day you're going to cry. or there's going to be something that's going to remind you of the bombing, and you're right back where you were on april 19th, 1995. we don't ever get too far from there. >> there were reports of up to 50,000 people in the oklahoma city area suffering symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. i looked at all the photographs from the crime scene. i looked at all the photographs from the coroner's office. it was overwhelming. >> death and loss are integral part of life everywhere, and accidents like plane crashes where you lose 100, 200 people,

all the examples i give you right now are unexpected losses. we have to accept it and move on. >> he had grown into this being that lacked all sensitivity. >> he was very hostile to the victims, really almost detaching himself from their hurt altogether. >> i had no hesitation to look at them and listen to their story, but i'd like to say to them, i've heard your stories many times before. the specific details may be unique, but the truth is you're not the first mother to lose a kid. you're not the first grandparent to lose a granddaughter or grandson. i'll use the phrase, and it sounds cold, but i'm sorry, i'm going to use it, because it's the truth -- get over it. >> i think on some level timothy mcveigh was a fool to tell the

mothers and the grandparents, the sisters, the brothers, you know, get over it, this is just one of those things that happen in life. to never show or i think feel on any level even the slightest, you know, pang of remorse is amazing. >> i know he said it wasn't any water off his back, and he didn't care and let it be, and that he was not going to feel bad about it or anything. but you know, that man, you take a good look at his eyes, take a good look at those eyes. i believe that he was scared to death, and he knew what he had done. >> how can you feel so much for the people of waco and can't have feelings about the people you killed? what the heck is the difference between the two of these? i've never been able to wrap my brain around that. he wasn't going to go there.

once he built the wall, that was it, the mission is done, get over it. >> it seemed like he hated us instead of us hating him. it seemed like he was angry with us, like we had done something to him. he hurt us. tim hurt us like nobody else has ever hurt us. it was like something evil possessed him. i think if he had just said, i'm sorry, forgive me, i think i could have, but he didn't. >> more than two years after the oklahoma city bombing, a federal jury finds timothy mcveigh guilty on 11 counts of murder and conspiracy. on june 13th, 1997, mcveigh is sentenced to death. >> to any realist in that

situation, you pretty much know they're going to get the death sentence regardless of what happens at trial. i had accepted that from the beginning. my entire attitude the whole time including now, today, is carpe diem, seize the day. i've already accepted my death. in that sentence, the victims, you can have what you want. this earth holds nothing more for me. i'm ready to move on. outside. i can stream the movie "airplane" to my cell phone... at the airport. i can have a crystal-clear videoconference with my clients... ...muffin basket or something... ...while working offsite, or share five high-speed connections for online gaming... while enjoying the great outdoors. [ video game sound effects ] eat it, yoshi! what can you do with 4g? [ male announcer ] experience 4g from sprint. it's more than a wireless network. deaf, hard-of-hearing and people with speech disabilities, it's a wireless revolution. access www.sprintrelay.com. you and your tasty whole grain. this can only end one way. [ crunch ] wheat thins. toasted. whole grain. crunch. the crunch is calling.

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first of all, i believe there is no hell, but if i go further and say, even if there is, i don't think i'm going. >> on july 13th, 1999, timothy mcveigh is transferred to the federal death row unit in terre haute, indiana. this will be his final stop before execution. despite never admitting guilt to

the courts, mcveigh claims ending up on death row is exactly how he planned it. >> death is not a penalty, it's an escape. i recognized that well before i was driving away from oklahoma city on the morning of april 19 without a license plate. i in fact maybe in a sense am a groundbreaker in a new suicide by cop. >> if you're going to commit suicide, fine, go ahead, put a gun to your head, jump in a lake, but to take all these people with you, that it makes a point? that it illustrates something? for me it's the height of vanity and selfishness. it's beyond words. >> the reason i'm different and call myself make a groundbreaker is that i knew a lot of this before it happened. i knew that my objective was state-assisted suicide. and when it happens, in your

face [ bleep ] -- in other words, i'm going to use the system to my own gain. >> mcveigh was done with life. he wanted to be executed. he wanted to go down in flames and put it in government's face that you're killing me for killing people. >> in the crudest terms, 168-1. if you had it on a secureboard, on a score board, right? so i sit here today content that there's no way that they can beat me by executing me. >> early on the morning of june 11th, 2001, timothy mcveigh is brought to the death chamber. >> you asked what i would be feeling on whatever gurney, contentment and peace. peace is an important word to put in there. i didn't want to leave it at contentment. i would be content and peaceful. >> for the first time in 38 years, a federal prisoner will be executed in the united states. >> the execution day in terre haute, indiana, was unlike anything i had ever experienced.

>> you had media from japan, from europe from the whole united states. another. >> this is for oklahoma city right here. >> it was a remarkable scene. there were lots and lots of people outside the prison celebrating his death. >> it was almost like in the old days they used to hang people in the public square, and thousands of people used to come to watch. to them it was kind of a happening. >> inside the prison walls, it's much more somber. mcveigh invited lou michelle and kate mccauley to witness his execution. >> they opened the curtains and there he was strapped to a gurney. he looks very old, very gray. in the end he looked us square in the eyes, and mouthed the words "it's okay."

and in that moment, tears leaked out of my eyes because it wasn't okay. >> i was glad when he died. i'll never forgive tim mcveigh, i don't think. >> i didn't want him to live. many of them wanted him to live. not me. but i didn't find any relief. there's no way it can help to bring back all these people, and all these feelings. there's no way they can bring back all of my legs and be walking, me being sick all the time with bad lungs. there's just no way. >> at the end of the day, no matter how good justice is, it doesn't bring back a life. it doesn't undo an injury. it doesn't put back what was there. >> for the survivors and the rescue teams and the families of

those who were killed, the events of april 19th, 1995 will never be forgotten. the consequences of mcveigh's horrific act still haunt them every day. >> i don't go around people too much. i go to church, i go to grocery store, and i'm back home. because i can get up out of the bed in the mornings and i can feel pretty good, but sometime during that day, i'm going to start crying. >> it's still wrong. it just doesn't seem like it was really that long ago. to this day i have problems with loud noises and have had dreams where i can hear an explosion and wake up, and there was no explosion. >> for me it seems pretty distant since i was only 3 1/2 and i couldn't really, like, take in what was going on. i just remember being confused. it almost seems like a dream. >> i've had good days and bad. a lot of times i just sit and pray and tell god, you know, i'm having it bad.

then i realize, well, i don't have it bad. i can walk, i can talk, i can see, i can hear. no, there's many that don't have that. i don't have it bad. i just think i've got it bad, and i get going. i'm not going to sit still.