know or don't care who we're fighting against? all that, plus tory and myself discussing the obvious. what to do when your wife and mistress collide at the top of a mine? not to mention willie geist staying up way too late to make an appearance. we've got a packed and rather fun hour, i believe, and it starts right now. good afternoon to you. we start with this fraud closure crisis that continues to sweep through this country of ours whether our federal politicians want to deal with it or not. today we focus not on just deceit, but downright stupidity. new revelations about the people signing off on all of those fraud closure documents. huge financial firms now accused of hiring hair stylists, walmart floor cleaners, truck drivers to work as so-called foreclosure

experts although they were never given any formal training on foreclosure. better yet, in a newly released set of court documents, these alleged robo signers admit they barely knew what a mortgage was let alone what it meant to possess title, securitization, or to foreclose on somebody's home. and yet, these were the pros. the professionals hired by the likes of bank of america and jpmorgan, banks that you support with your tax dollars through the federal reserve, not to mention direct money so they can help kick you out of their home with walmart floor workers. they don't check the facts. are we certainly not sitting here -- i should say we are certainly not sitting here calling these people ignorant per se. it just appears they had no place in the system nor were they trained in any way that would suggest they're prepared to serve in the system. as the information about the depth of the fraud and the idea this could go directly to the federal government who could force 10% to 20% of the money that was stuck in our gut in 2008 back on to the books of these banks as it's revealed to be fraudulent.

that not good for bank stocks. they've been tumbling dramatically over the past 48 hours as investors no doubt concerned about the extent of the systematic fraud that has been at the core of the housing finance system in this country for too long. was covered up in the collapse of 2008. and now like the telltale heart may be revealing itself to everybody in this country once and for all. joining us now, florida defense attorney peter ticton who this week brought the qualification and training is currently handling a mountain of foreclosure cases in florida. with him don thomas, a vietnam war veteran whose home was recently foreclosed on. mr. thomas, tell us a little bit about your story. >> well, first of all, i wasn't injured in vietnam. it was on a training mission in ft. hood, texas. but my story was simply -- i got behind on my mortgage a month, and then i tried to contact the mortgage company and they had sold mine to another company. and i got lost in the shuffle.

and by the time i could get to the right party, i was already served at my door telling me i had 30 days to get out if i didn't take action. and that really was -- was just not right. something was not right. and that's when i hired peter and the group to fight for me. and fortunately they got in front of a judge that was able to listen and look and said herself that we need to take another look at this, something was wrong. >> peter, what was wrong? >> oh, well, you know, they had moved ahead without giving a proper service in the first place. this is a place where we are still now in litigation, but hopefully we'll be able to eventually have victory that we will have stolen out of the jaws of defeat. because he had already lost the case without his knowing about it. >> if you could elaborate, mr. ticktin on what the failure was in this particular case and in the context of all of the cases you're handling. is what you're dealing with mr.

thomas here a common problem? >> yes, that was. absolutely. the process servers would sometimes not serve a person at all in the first place. i had a lady come to me one time whose house she didn't even know she was in foreclosure until the sheriff was putting a 48-hour notice. taping it to the front of her door. and then once because there already was a judgment, no lawyer was willing to take her case because they were all saying it was too late. she went to the courthouse, nobody there could help her. she tried dealing with the lender, they wouldn't help her. the lender's lawyer wouldn't help her. and it's kind of a funny story in a way because i had an advertisement on tv, and that night she -- she prayed. and while she was praying my ad came on the tv set. and she -- she called and two days later we had reversed that by an emergency motion, we had reversed that judgment on her. and now she's the owner of her house again with the mortgage

reinstated. but she -- she actually had equity in her house. she wasn't upside down. her life savings was in that property. >> mr. thomas, what is your advice to somebody who is maybe suffering from a similar or fearful of a similar situation so that you could engage it in a way that is perhaps less emotional and fearful and actually allows you to get your house back and sort of work in a rational way? >> i agree. what you're saying is what crossed my mind immediately. here i am consider service-connected veteran, i get a pension. i'm fortunate that i still have the moneys to take care of such a mortgage. it was just getting to the right person and not -- it just seemed to rush through so fast that i really didn't know who to contact. i tried, and i got caught up in and it seemed a whirlwind of sell quick and get him out of

his house. i lived in the home many years, 20 years, it's wheelchair accessible, i need those facilities for myself, and i would never jeopardize anything to try to do this. i don't know what happened it happened so quickly. i don't have any solutions or any advice. but i know if it's americans like myself that do have incomes, when they made the original mortgage agreement, they were friendly and nice and so forth and treated us humanly. and then all of a sudden we're a number. we're just getting out the door, let's sell this property. if they could just sit down w h wiwit with -- i'm sorry -- each mortgage company or banking company and go back and see each case and sit down and see if they can't work. that might be some of the solution to where we're heading with this country. and if i could speak up on behalf, i would just ask for that. >> well, i think that you just did. and we are proud to be able to offer our bull horn to amplify that message. and we are grateful to both of

you peter and donald for sharing some time this friday afternoon to enlighten us even further to exactly what is going on the ground. thank you, guys. >> it's my pleasure. >> all right. thank you very much. >> peter ticktin. as we all continue to become more and more educated as to some of the business practices that are being conducted by the four largest banks in this country, wells fargo, citigroup, jpmorgan, and bank of america who were all propped up by your tax dollars in 2008, your tax dollars were used to absorb their risk-taking. and that risk taking still exists inside of our federal reserve, inside fannie mae, inside freddie mac, those banks are now booking higher profits or excuse me, higher compensation than ever. wall street compensation this year up 23%. while profits are down 20%. and yet the business practices as we continue to learn are these. it all begs the question, i think of all of us, why is the federal government not only condoning and allowing this, but

why is the federal government by way of the treasury department and the federal reserve helping to facilitate this and make it more difficult to solve? why won't they give us an audit of all the loans, 1.6 trillion of them inside of our government? many questions, not enough answers. however, a slightly encouraging sign today as a handful of democratic senators did send a letter to the obama administration and its leaders including tim geithner at the treasury and ben bernanke at the federal reserve calling for action on what they call a systematic problem. still, it will take much more than letters to sort out this mortgage mess, a mess that has implications that could cause the potential need to use resolution authority on some banks, that could cause meaningful disruption in ongoing mortgage availability, and that truly is a hornet's nest of mixed paper. very difficult to unwind at a time when property rights, the core of american capitalism, the

core of american freedom, more than ever appear to be in question. joining us now, democratic congressman of sacramento, california, california reeling from the fourth highest foreclosure rate in the country. and bear in mind, this is not just subprime, this is the unemployment crisis in the country that is leading to these foreclosures. these are human beings, working americans who have lost their jobs because of what has happened in this country in the past couple of years. congressman, it's a delight to see you and have you here. thank you. can you give us a sense of what you can do about this? not just the foreclosure crisis, but the broader housing finance issues that are emerging and what we can do to help you? >> well, you can do exactly what you're doing. and that is make sure that everybody in this nation knows what's going on. heads ought to roll. i mean, how many times do we have to learn that the wall street bankers have just plain screwed this country over to a fair the well. it's time for us to take action. actually, the congress, the

democratic congress and the democratic senators tried to do this, but at every turn we were stopped, delayed, and pushed back by the republicans. we did pass a wall street reform and a very, very important element of that is the consumer protection agency. now, i was the insurance commissioner in california for eight years. and i know what it is to battle the forces of the financial industry. you have to be strong, you have to have a good law, and we now have that with the consumer protection agency and the wall street reform. not as strong as it could have been had the republicans worked with us, but they didn't. they voted against every effort. now that agency can protect the kind of people that you just talked about there in florida when it is set up and when it is operating. so that's one piece of the puzzle. the second piece of the puzzle is put people back to work. and that's what we call make america work once again. >> let's address the core issue

here, though. >> sure. >> and accept, we do have a new financial reform bill, it does have resolution authority. so, for instance, if we were to do an audit of all the loans that were absorbed in fannie mae, all the loans absorbed into freddie mac, all the loans that were bought to the federal reserve. and we were to find that those loans were non-conforming to the government standards legally required, we are to find that those loans were fraudulent, we would in theory of that $1.6 trillion have the ability to put that money back to the big banks and use the resolution authority. at what point do we have to deal with the core aspect of the -- fannie and freddie were buying mortgages they shouldn't have been buying. i won't go down the whole chain. the int is everyone was doing something noncompliant with the standard put forth. the taxpayers paying the price for that, the banks are profiting from it, and there aren't any jobs in this country. we need a solution. >> well, two different areas of

concern here. one is the way in which the banks operate themselves. what's happened over the last decade and a half is that we've seen a complete change in the mortgage industry. one from where it used to be, mostly local to one where it's mostly wall street and freddie and fannie and the laws, the underlying law and the way in which that whole system operates. didn't change to make it an international and certainly a national marketplace. that needs to be done. part of the wall street reform does do a lot. but we now know that we need to take an additional step. there will be hearings in congress and in the senate and hopefully this time around the republicans will work with us to put in place the laws and the regulations to straighten out this problem. it is a major, major problem. the second thing is putting people back to work. and once again, we have no help from the republicans. beginning with the stimulus, the american recovery bill, the jobs bills, the hire act.

even putting teachers back into the classrooms, virtually no republican support. we need to work together. and our plea to the republicans is for heaven sakes, stop saying no to everything, work with us to put in place the laws that we need and take the step -- the next step, which is make it in america. we need to rebuild our manufacturing industry. those kinds of things can be done, they must be done. >> congressman, thanks for giving us a slice of your afternoon. i look forward to talking to you about this as it develops. >> my pleasure, look forward to it. >> much more ahead here on the "dr show". we mix it up on the day's political headlines in the political boxing ring for one night only out in vegas. did either of them deliver any kind of a blow let alone a knockout punch? or is it just more race to the bottom politics? and what about voters in a state with the highest jobless and foreclosure rates in the country? well, we'll talk about it. plus, are we at war with

muslims? or are we at war with misinformation that benefits politicians and media personalities? it's time for americans to know who we're really fighting the war on terror with. and it tends to be terrorists. we're back after this.

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time to mix it up with the day's other news.

and what an abundance there is. the political war on islam is a war with muslims good for votes and great for ratings and just disastrous for most of human kind? probably. but it's profitable for those who promote it. so what the heck, right? first, high stakes in vegas, though in a race that is neck-and-neck. a race between senate majority leader harry reid, a grave disappointment to many who want to see change in this country. and tea party sharron angle a great disappointment to those who want to see change in this country. angle making some personal jabs. >> 20% of all costs prior to our passing our health insurance reform was because of health care costs. the social security and also cbo has said within the past month that social security will pay out 100% of its benefits for the next 35 to 40 years. that's important.

>> man up, harry reid. you need to understand that we have a problem with social security. i'd like to know, we'd like to know, how did you become so wealthy on a government payroll? >> well, for the record, reid said he made his money as a lawyer in private practice. you already know what i think. but what does our panel think? correspondent for the nation. >> the whole time harry reid was using his inside voice, he was sort of lecturing, some of his stats were good on a complex view of the economy. sometimes i think he sounded lackluster. angle is doing what she's done the whole campaign. some of it is fact-free, but coming strong at the establishment. and that may work in a state that has high foreclosure rate. >> i thought angle did a terrible job, and i think that's why her campaign sequestered her. her best job was to say man up

and question his virility and manliness. i thought harry reid could hit back a little more. if you privatize social security, it will cost the u.s. government $1 trillion to $2 trillion to do that. >> why is that a problem? they're going to print a couple trillion this weekend. it's fine. >> it's an enormous problem. and not only that, to put people's retirement savings in the stock market is ludicrous. overall, i didn't think she did a great job. and she also started grinning at inopportune times. >> let's move on to maybe one of the biggest issues in this country, in my view. and became front and center yesterday when bill o'reilly of all people gave "the view" his view of muslims. >> why aren't we saying -- >> it's inappropriate. >> why is it inappropriate? >> muslims killed us on 9/11. >> oh, my god! >> muslims killed us on 9/11. i suppose that means we're now

supposed to kill all the muslims? isn't that the tit for tat? no? you wonder why a plan to build an islamic center near ground zero sent the majority of americans into a tizzy? well, when you fill their heads through political war rhetoric for ten years, kill a bunch of soldiers, spend a few trillion dollars in the middle east while not actually defining who the enemy is, well, heck, they're going to find one for you whether you like it or not. ari remains with us along with julie. and along with her political commentary, she is chairman of the political committee in lower manhattan. how important is this distinction? >> this is very important. what bill o'reilly is falsely saying that all muslims are terrorists. muslims are 1/5 of the world's population. terrorist threats to new york city and the country is palpable and real and he's preying on that. >> who is responsible, do you

think, ultimately for the fact that there's such a big percentage of the american population that's either willing to politically go with somebody who is going to fear monger with the "m" word or a cable personality who can become very wealthy selling books, glenn beck makes $30 million a year. all you've got to do is get people a little jacked up on something they don't know that much about, scare the crap out of them and tell them you can save them. next thing you know, you're selling books. >> demagoguing can be good business and that's been true for a long time. this is what bill o'reilly said last night in response to this. he said if moderate muslims all around the world would stand with america against islam, the terrorists could not exist, but obviously that's not happening. he's got it exactly backwards. -- who wrote a book calling "what's right with islam what's right with america." who trained members of our fbi and who was a brohelping tell

america's story as a tolerant place. this is a moderate muslim. and bill o'reilly because he is either ignorant -- >> -- an extremist himself. >> -- is going around telling the opposite. >> it's all about tv ratings. he's playing fast and loose with the fact. he is a moderate. and his ideas are moderate. and that's exactly what we should be embracing in this situation. to me it points out the fallacy of the bush doctrine and the neo conservatism ruling. we've spent trillions of dollars on these wars and then bush says mission accomplished. what mission did we accomplish? >> and the only way to justify the types of wars you're talking about would be if you're at war with all of the muslims. because if you're only at war with an extremist sect that's funded by saudi arabia from whom you buy your oil from and to whom you sell your guns to, that's a much more difficult war to navigate because you have to

argue that your funder -- as opposed to going yippy, the next thing you're a president for the second term, it works well for the politicians, works well for the media. but it's confusing to me, ari, not why bill o'reilly would lie or whatever you want to call this, but why our own government has not been vastly more effective in making the distinction to the american people so that when somebody like bill o'reilly says the muslims killed us, they look like the pandering, fear mongering, jackass fools they are. do you have any insight as to why our government doesn't or hasn't over the past decade done a better job of making the distinction between saudi terrorists and every other practitioner on the earth?

>> i think they politicize 9/11 a lot after 9/11. and there's a school of thought to beat that we have to pretend it didn't happen. well, it did. and number two, george w. bush does deserve credit, but his voice is missing. >> he basically got us into two wars we never should have been in the first place. what we should've done is attacking al qaeda and attacking extremist terrorismsts abroad. and we didn't do that. >> just because you've been screwing up your life for the past ten years, doesn't mean you have to continue screwing up for the next ten years. we'll do this another time. thank you, ari. thank you, julie. coming up here. guess how much time americans waste waiting? well, wait three minutes and i'll tell you. yellowbook has always been crucial to your business, but now, to get it really cooking, you need a little website development. some transparent reporting, so you know it's working.

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1-800-539-8115 request a prospectus or summary prospectus with investment objectives, risks, fees, expenses and other information to read and consider carefully before investing. t. rowe price. invest with confidence. time for a little bit of fun around here. if you ever feel like half of your life is spent waiting for somebody, well, because you probably do. new survey says last year americans spent 3 billion hours waiting for some kind of in-home service, be it the cable guy or a delivery. 3 billion hours. americans waited about five hours for an appointment last year. and it's not just lost time, people lost average $752 in wages by staring at their watch, checking the phone. and you guess who pays the most when they have to wait? well, of course, folks who make the least amount of money.

those under $25,000 a year and unable to take paid time off are the ones that get the short end of the stick. they end up burning sick days, vacation days or get their pay docked so they can wait for the cable guy. so why do people keep waiting? well, most say they think the companies simply don't care one way or the other, even worse, they know you'll wait. so they take advantage of that fact, which is why here at the d.r. show, we do our best to get on the air every day right at 4:00 and more importantly be done every day right at 5:00, although, occasionally it does run to 5:01. we appreciate your patience. coming up here, miner mania takes over the daily rant. i dare say this may be the most pointed coverage of what has been conducted thus far on the mine to date. they are heroes to everyone, these miners. with the very clear exception of the wives that they have cheated on. the five-step plan for when your

significant other meets your other significant other 2,000 feet above you while trapped in a mine. also ahead, guess who's bankrolling the tea party, the grass roots organization. well, billionaires who benefit the most from tax breaks. we'll talk to the renegade writer who was laughed at when he suggested this two years ago. he's been proven more than correct and he is our guest. plus president palin, and kim jong-il's celebrity golf tournament. all this and more in american freak show. has willie geist lost his mind? we've got a diagnosis and he makes his first ever appearance with us in the moments to come. ♪

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well, the risk of the chilean miners captivated the world.

the wife and mistress ran into each other while he was in the mine. let's say the result was less than good, apparently. you might expect such a thing. so what to do when you find yourself in a situation like this? only one man we can ask. toure has been there and he's now here to help. the floor is yours. >> dylan, one of my favorite moments of the whole chilean miner rescue is when the situation played out and his wife and mistress are up there waiting for him. he ended up hugging his lover first because his wife left because it seems there no love left in that house. there are at least five miners with wives and mistresses waiting for them. which told me it's time to dispense some hard-earned wisdom. most of you will never be trapped in a mine, but many of you could end up with your wife and mistress in the same place at the same time. what do you do? i have no such worries because i'd never cheat on my wife. but before i met her, i was a bit more of a romantic criminal.

i juggled girls, i was the back doorman, i was horrible. but you can learn from me. ladies, men cheat because something's missing in the relationship but also because we're greedy and want as many toys as we can get. as chris rock says, we're as faithful as our options. we'd all create harems if we could. what should a man do when his lover and his other collide? rule number one, remain calm. remember, you're playing with house money. meaning you have two and should be able to walk away with one. you'll probably lose one, but you're probably not about to go sexually bankrupt. so chill. rule number two, act decisively. you've got to pick one and pick her fast. the key to getting out with one is to declare your loyalty and create sides where us against them includes you in that us and not both of them. rule number three, love the one you're with. hey, pick your wife. it's cheaper to keep her.

if you can convince your wife to stick with you, do it. even if you'll end up on the couch for a while. you made a commitment to her and even though you've been breaking that commitment, you've got to try to honor it now. plus, your mistress is exciting because she's a mistress. don't think that excitement's going to carry over into a relationship. i tried that. a year later, i was bored of the mistress turned girlfriend and had a new mistress. so rule number four, toss the mistress like a grenade. you want to get her away like she's a ticking time bomb. don't worry, she's probably self-loathing and secretly likes the pain of being disrespected. if she didn't, she would've insisted on having a guy all to herself. rule number five, most important, perhaps. plead nolo contendre. no contest is what you want to say. throw yourself at the mercy of the court of which your wife is the judge and jury. be honest, don't compound your crimes with perjury. tell her you were confused but now you see the depth of your

love and how much you need her and how much the thought of losing her is killing you because you can't live without her. the more you smush your big face in the humble pie, the sooner your little face will smile again. >> good work. a few questions occur to me while i listen to these insightful commentaries you offer. you mentioned you yourself had issues in this regard. have you actually practiced these five steps? and how did it go for you? the talk is cheap, if you know what i'm saying. >> well, i can say that i have been skillful enough to not have my girlfriend and my mistress come together at the same time. i've avoided the situation. i have been the backdoor man when the boyfriend enters the room. >> who hasn't? >> and cool enough to know, hey, it's his house, i don't mind -- >> that's a very different issue. i've applied these. i've been skillful enough. that's part of the game.

you've got to be able to keep moving your pieces around. >> it's tough when you're trapped in the mine. that brings the whole thing to a halt here. tell that to a guy 2,000 feet underground for three months. >> yeah, he can't do anything. he's handcuffed. but you see some of these guys -- some of these football players, basketball players, baseball players. they've got a girlfriend in this section, wife on the other side of the house, a third girlfriend in the bleachers. they know how to keep them separated. that's key. >> i understand, but -- >> this is a crisis situation -- >> obviously. >> when everybody comes together, what do i do? >> can i offer an alternate proposal? you're in the mine, it's on. you can go with the toure fi five-step plan, which i think may be implemented for yoears t come. i question whether it's effective. what if you just called in dead. you're down in the mine and tell them i didn't make it out and grow a beard and come out with a new name, run the other way?

no? >> here's the other thing i would say, if you can't save your marriage, maintain the mistress as a mistress and search for a new wife, but don't elevate her because number one is gone because you can't make that switch. it doesn't work, people. >> all right. thank you for the love advice and an inspiring afternoon rant. toure, ladies and gentlemen. still ahead, the tea party brought to you by billionaires, a grass roots revolt against big money control of government. financed by giant money that wants to control the government. and it's exposing a clear rift between the movement and the people funding the movement against the people that funded the movement. a message our next guest has been preaching since the time when no one would listen. mark ames after this. [ animals calling ] ♪ [ pop ]

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all right. welcome back. let's do a little tea party talk, shall we? two weeks to the election and about 35 key races, tea party candidates are ahead or within striking distance of a tea party caucus with an even modest boost in membership could influence votes in congress. nobody actually knows what they're for. we just know what they are against. and they're against the government. so i don't know what they're for. but what really happens if the crowd makes it to washington. the movement has always claimed to be without a leader. well, they're going to have to have some kind of leader. we've seen it in koch brothers.

now they're singing a different tune after a video surfaced as one tea party activist after another got back -- report back to him about their efforts. it's all in a documentary called "astro turf wars: how corporate america faked a grass roots organization." he was targeted himself because of his early reporting, mark, a man who takes his inspiration from the saying inflict and endure in a man who lives to that end. educate us a little bit, mark, as to how much of this is really a case of a very small special interest of rich people manipulating an angry population for reasons that you and i are also angry about, but conducting that manipulation basically to the advancement of further destruction of this country and enhancement of their wealth. >> well, see the reason i am --

my co-author of the first article exposed the link between the billionaire kochs and the tea party movement, the reason we were able to see this before most other journalists because because we worked in russia. and russia we saw develop what they called virtual politics. and virtual democracy. and you had these virtual opposition movements set up by -- by the oligarchs and people in power and successfully pr operatives. and they would get people out to protest. and to basically do the bidding of the oligarchs who controlled that country. so to be quite honest, it was shocking and disturbing to come back here. my paper was shut down in russia in 2008 to come back and see that our democracy had sort of degenerated so far that it was starting to resemble russia's virtual democracy and then all of a sudden this virtual opposition movement appears. and you have all these people hitting the streets basically

doing the billionaires' bidding. it was disturbing and it's -- i'm still kind of getting used to the fact that things have really gotten that bad here. >> what are the keys to manipulating understandably disenfranchised people into basically fighting for policies that they think will empower them in some way or the plays of some emotional manipulation like a bill o'reilly muslim comment that at the same time advances their own destruction and the further accumulation of the power of those that they claim to hate? >> well, first of all, this is an old trick. if you go back -- i wrote a book about workplace shootings. if you go back even to roman times or to, you know, slave management manuals that were written in the 1800s in the south, generally, slave management theory said that you should try to make your slave

identify his personal interests with the interests of his master. and the way you do it is, you know, have an outside enemy or, you know, you make the slave think you get along and see eye to eye on certain things. eventually the slave winds up adopting the master's own interests and painting the fence on his own because he thinks it's in his interest, as well. in this case what they really did is quite frankly they played on people's fear, anger, and hatred. and as the economy is worsening. as people have less and less power, they really tapped into that anger and hatred, which is really big and strong and growing in this country. and this sense of enemy and powerlessness. and they were able to focus it on, you know, on the current government. this -- we've got to remember now the tea party movement started literally a few weeks after obama took power as if -- as if he had already caused all

the harm. the problem is, the other side, you know, the democrats, i mean, there's this void -- an ideological void on the left or on the liberal side that isn't really seeking to tap into the anger and alienation that is really widespread in this country. so the right really took advantage of it, played on people's fears, played on their anger, frustration, and powerlessness. and ultimately made them think that by joining this tea party movement that they were actually fighting for their own interests. but, in fact, you have that one woman holding up a sign, government, keep your hands off my medicare. people are being led, you know, right over the cliff. >> yeah. well, listen, not for long. especially with work, from people like yourself and so many others. they're not the only ones who are angry. and there are more of us who are angry than there are of them. and we're more prepared to use anger to solve our problems and prevent those who would use our

anger to destroy our country or make them rich. we thank them for their efforts. mark ames, as a pleasure. "hardball" is up next. chris mathews will be your host as he always is. nbc news political director chuck todd. but first, the men you wake up to early each morning has stayed way too late on a friday to tell us about his brand new book, willie geist with some hilarious satire on our biggest newsmaker. exchange traded funds. some firms offer them "commission free." problem is they limit the choice of etfs to what makes financial sense to them. td ameritrade doesn't limit you to one brand of etfs... they offer more than 100... each selected by investment experts at morningstar associates. only at the etf market

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it's been a heck of a ride here in the white house, but i have to say, said president taft, i did not get stuck in the bathtub. seriously, you guys.

it's an ugly smear -- it's an ugly smear spread by opponents who would rather focus on my weight -- than on the issues. >> well, of course, that my dramatic reading from excerpts of willie geist's new and most fabulous book this morning on "morning joe." and here's the book. i've been doing reading and you can see who's here now for a little bit more fun. one william geist, author of "american freak show" a collection of swipes of our political landscape and pop culture. the stories are technically nonfiction, but not all that far from reality either. and where most people see a book, we, william, see a cry for help. >> i'm starting to feel like this isn't your average book promotion segment. >> it is not. but that is only because of the level of affection we feel for you. >> you're worried. >> we look at you ultimately as one of us.

>> sure. i feel that way. >> and we wouldn't want one of our own to suffer any ailments or -- or issues. and so i want you to think of this less of a book-promoting interview, and more as an intervention. >> oh, okay. >> but before -- >> i truly don't know what's happening. >> so let me -- before i get into the actual diagnosis. >> sure. >> i want to talk about some of the evidence of the disease you're suffering from. one of the things in this book you have satan's celebrity roast of bernie madoff hosted by paul pots. >> yeah, paul pots the roast master and they have a dean martin style roast for him. they've got all the stars. >> that's in this book? >> that's in there. >> i understand also in this book there's a neverland ranch yard sale? >> there is. the jackson family looking to raise capital sells off everything down to the last

kiddie coaster at the neverland ranch. >> and that's also? >> that's within the pages, yeah. >> one more. i think you have this disease, honestly. kim jong-il celebrity golf tournament with folks like ahmadinejad and maury povich playing. is that also in this book? >> that's in this book. he also has celebrity golf standbys. it's really a great weekend in pyongyang. >> great weekend in poyongyang, huh? >> yeah, a long weekend. >> so are you familiar with a -- there's a disorder that's -- i don't know, one of the drug companies makes a pill for it so we can get you something. it's called mjsp. have you heard of this? >> no, i don't think i have. >> it's something -- think of like somebody who has a tremendous sleep deprivation. >> check. >> and spends his life

overexposed to the bizarre and peculiar. >> yeah, sure. that's two. >> the sleep deprivation alone leads to memory problems, inability to recall what actually happened and what happened in your own brain. the sleep deprivation also leads to dramatic mood changes. what time is your show on? >> 5:30 in the morning eastern. >> you're on tv -- what time do you wake up? >> about 3:15. >> and you have children and a wife? >> two small children who make a lot of noise. >> noisy children, and a wife, and you're up at 3:30. >> all of these are true. >> do you ever have an upset stomach? >> occasionally, sure. >> you certainly, you confirmed the existence of the satan celebrity roast, kim jong-il, and all of the rest of this. so there are certain things that actually exist. sarah palin, christine o'donnell, sharron angle, kim

jong-il. even blagojevich. >> he's still here, yeah. >> and yet you wrote a book about things that don't exist where you -- you took these people and mixed them together in your brain in a sleep-deprived madness and created a golf tournament. >> i did. >> fair? >> fair. real people, fake stories, yes. that's the whole point. so what we have diagnosed here -- >> yeah, where we are now? >> morning joe stress disorder. we believe we need to intervene on your behalf and either change your hours or the degree of freakishness you are exposed. that's one treatment for this. there's another treatment you might like better. >> okay. >> which is i can help you sell as many of these books as possible. if you're going to do it, we might as well make it worth your while. i'm not giving up the freaks -- >> i don't have much choice on the sleep. >> that's what we'll go with. with there be a sequel? >> there has to be. since i handed them this book, christine o'donnell, linda mcmahon --

>> tell me a fantasy story that has occurred to you because of your mjsd that is not in your book that you might put in the context of this week's debates? >> it's occurred to me that there could be some sort of a sorcerer's lounge run by christine o'donnell which all the others who hang out, linda mcmahon, jerry brown calling people whores maybe, it's just kind of a lounge where they hang out. these are the early stages. trust me, it'll be much better than that when i write it. >> yeah, when you're more sleep-deprived. >> i haven't slept in four days. >> what was the presidential quote i was reading this morning? >> beautifully read. >> are you planning on an audio book, by any chance of this? >> i wasn't until i heard you read that this morning. >> can we call your publisher and offer my services? >> in 16 seconds we can when you're off the air. we'll call. >> fantastic.