tv Absurd NTV January 1, 2023 12:20pm-3:31pm MSK
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what are you wearing no? the convicts of the deposit have gone nuts under your nose, the diamonds have been found here, the snot has dissolved and all the money from the stones of the thieves' obshchak is gone. how to understand it? are you the wife's boss or what? i 'll remember, colonel, we are representatives of state power. people in uniform half of the profits by law, our half half of the thieves, everything should be
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see how we hold convicts a parasites from unesco because it turns out that the prison building is a world cultural heritage site, the oldest stone building before our days. they are all evil, impudent, such a crocket comrade is approaching our asses. and i already figured it all out. we will clear the area of convicts in 2 hours, but this is already too many souls for the next world.
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this doesn't happen, where do we get so many artists , and we don't need a lot. we will say, not about the commissions, that crime in the country has fallen sharply, so to speak, under the insurmountable onslaught of stability. there are fewer and fewer prisoners every day, but the russians don't want to break the law, like, soon we will shake hands
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the last perpetrator to talk. here. right, you understand? that's just what we don't have in the city. so this is all unnecessary nonsense, such as theaters and museums of artists, let's take it. i have already taken care of this, i have one trumpet of the burnt theater begins for these artists. marina
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who for such grandmas, guys, i could not refuse, and then i picked up the phone, how to live? now that everything and the stage and dramaturgy have disappeared, how can an actor burn out to live? as rightly said by all of our beloved and put it on. thank you lord , dear. thank you dear, but the leadership has provided for everything, while our burnt temple will be restored without a trace. you have a great opportunity to earn some money, as well as replenish your acting piggy bank with experience and be the ultimate question. the general called me this morning. we have to play
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inmates of one of the siberian zones. but there is one thing involved in this project, only the male part of the team and sexism. actually, we also want to participate in the project. you must understand, this is still a male zone, you understand that there is no female contingent there. or maybe not an actress, or what? how many men? well, in the sense of children's roles, tom sawyer was played prince, look, chuck and huck belka and shooters, and we will wrap our chest with screws.
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there are guest workers in the city. you better tell me where they are now. here attract and do not be stingy nikozimovich. pay double for speed and quality, easy for you to say. and me about half a ruble and the skeleton of a mermaid. i knew you would say that. take it on expenses. he doesn't steal much. well, what, i succeed, as always? why are you whining, old escort, wolf cub, some dumb- nosed professor from the academy of sciences, and one
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who's out there in your mind? which? reception? what convicts are in the yard at night? go to sleep. you got too drunk again, or something, we learn to create, we create, we take steps to new impressions achieve new hopes with a plan. zhenya opening meetings, we are walking into the new year is not just a battle of korants. this is 365 new days of new important steps happy new year rubles.
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gingerbread sealed construction. so come on, bro, undress, i'm going to the parade ground. wow, what kind of icy something, and if anything, a reference, or what? extremist blow on the parade ground in general construction. here and so it turned out that there were three of us, well, which you didn’t get to loading. i am an experiment. wait boss, how could this be? why not bring to the polar? that's
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what i tell you all every time in the head, when loading on the heads, you need to twice the first deputy of our owner by the name of berezin , so he is generally in life. no, after which the battle will become even more comfortable and red you will have a fantastic opportunity for a free tour of endless russia
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deep deep dive very deep dive hierarchies of relationships understand the motivation of these people, you understand, yes, yes, comrade director, so that stanislavsky does not even dare to shout out his famous i do not believe it. here i have sketched expressions such as the mouth to get acquainted with them, read these two wonderful ones.
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standing at the station for an hour and does not interfere with the movement of other trains. and what do you want? i need to close the road act for this i need to know where you are going. right here. this is the end point of the railway, i know. i will report to my superiors to command the squad while intoxicated. listen to me carefully. now i, by my power, will live in the city in the apartments of the families of the sexual
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police department captain pushkarev ivanovich here some drunks are buzzing right at the library porch. understood the nightstand, now we'll figure it out. 5 will answer the central here fifth. what happened? so the signal has arrived. check out the drunken brawl at the library. now let's check, hang up communication accelerator.
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how do you think to distribute them among your eagles who is the most authoritative one here? well, yes, 6 convictions for theft of a professional thief in the zone was an authority. well, then, this is your guest mish, well, authority with authority will always find a common language. listen albert, i think it's better to give the driver what. term?
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trying to soar my gold into the car. and in general, what sensations can there be beyond the edge of geography? you have a head just to paint your lips and pump non-silicone. if there is no news, it must be invented, in what direction. we have n't written anything for a long time. so what about the zone, well, they’re sitting there, zaki are sitting there, not shoots, no riots, rotten, i have information that there is something incomprehensible, their zones got sick with something, but so that no one would guess, maniacs were brought in instead of convicts. in short, move to the zone.
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my name is alik sveta and you are a colleague of vanya yes, what kind of colleague is this? together we served in the army until vanka transferred to the teaching staff, and you also guarded the convicts with all your natural passion. maybe he'll stay with us for a while. do you mind at all? there will be at least someone to talk to while you are at your stupid job messing around, only without fanaticism. what are you, wan, you don't think we're good? yes vanya what you and i fought together in the same cop
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against the convicts. have you forgotten how they attacked us with tanks, how i pulled you out of the field covered in blood in a millet cough. and as you said, that you will not find a friend than both. where are your things? can you imagine your son, we lost the internet in the morning. here i am trying to call the master, i ca n’t find the number in any way, i don’t need any master. now let's try to solve your problem. hello. i'm dan in passion vera ivanovna and
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well, what kind of nonsense is this, this is verified information from a source that deserves every kind of trust. well here's what i'll tell you girl all the prisoners fell ill and died, and we drowned their bodies in a distant lake, drowned all night. they took it out and drowned it. you understand that this is nonsense. and who then walks around the zone here, everyone is alive and well. by the way, today we had a scheduled medical check-up to take a few shots, that everything is in perfect
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have time to load the havchik. before the time the train sent there, maybe just like it, but hippo is better. you are on a salary, and we are bonded to us. it's a pity, but you are not there, ugly girls, the beach, four in a row, society has teeth of the clouds. and if a rebellion is raised, they support it. yes, you wait, now we're going to the chief, the convoy of the course about him. can you think of something there?
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hello, do you have internet? it hasn't been since morning. well, denis fixed everything. so here is the same master who delved into the distribution box, and then the whole house lost the internet. what have you done to our internet? confess the infection. i didn't do anything with your internet. i just lowered the signal level on all lines to a minimum, due to
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bomzhara catch hand over the money you will get, hey, what's so not polite? what, but nothing you say thank you. the most important thing in this life is politeness, if you are khan, no one will respect you. special respect should be shown to people, senior authoritative separate respect for thieves and vagabonds, i don’t hear everything clearly. and now we are
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panic, but we can't hide the truth either . it is our professional duty, so we decided to give a replica to the head of the local correctional colony. no banknotes. well, that's what i'll tell you, the girl got sick and died, and we drowned their deeds, yes, drowned all night, what nonsense can be? the editors do not invent or manipulate anything. this is a direct speech, then the initial colony came to his senses and tried to say that not all the prisoners died, but only a few people, but too late. now we are trying to find out. what kind of infection was so many people. if it were my will, i would be happy with this edition. i also wonder what they smoke there. yes, do n’t smoke here, you need to inject liters with it, if there are psychics who believe, there will be panic. come on, men are our citizens
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idiots like those radio sheep. with these brakes, to whom he is near the cafe, we rush for pies. here you look, in the meantime, we break through to the commercial break and the music block. what kind of nonsense on the air you asked for a sensation to get signed karina chef what else advertisers called, they say freaky news are ready to advertise under their repetitions in the afternoon evening edition on a hot topic.
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there is no society, we are going where no one knows we are worried to drag our soul to answer us. and you just give me your soul first. wet and then drunk someone else, soak, yes, we will be quiet. the word of a crook, maybe actually, well, like humanitarian aid. revealed, otherwise where we are going,
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i'll put on nothing now, it's useless. petrovich don't even think about it, all the swans have been exhausted, not one and there is no need for another. listen, there is a little man in the city, one herman stomacher, a van driver, so i need your people to find him and bring him to me. well, why do you need him? it takes a long time to explain, most likely something is on the run. i don’t remember that we had such a thing
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and not from yours. thieves will soon be a train to the ground. and zheleznyak is now slaughtering pirozhkov. now pies to him, you have already survived your face today you are a criminal and you speak beautifully, the boss misha is decent people, they share the lunch for everyone. and you take the microphone from him. kill urka. i'm not you misha, you understand, okay?
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order number 005 top secrecy within an hour to requisition the relevant population of cows, pigs horses and surplus grain in the minsk region, we change horses and continuously advance on warsaw to pull all suspicious personalities to bring to me for interrogation, connect me with the supreme pvc. magical girls
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i've seen it several times before. everything in herman's car and drove off to a distant lake. let's go to the far since childhood, i don't understand why they call him far? maybe the closest thing to the city is igor, that you haven’t heard the version about the dinosaur. there, at the beginning of the 20th century, they saw a living dinosaur. devoured a mammoth, a dinosaur. it is clear that drunks are not seen like that. well, the lake, then far why igor because the dinosaur was
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alik i'm leaving until the evening i want to visit my friend. you rest food in the refrigerator. thank you vera ivan vera ivanovna can i invite one of my colleagues here? we need to discuss something in the exchange of experience service, of course, the phone is on the shelf. thank you right. you are just an angel. hello my soul, i
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there are no such. i'm talking to you now. the first is to organize training camps for the personnel of the department at the recreation center, the rangefinder 2 to attract five female persons with low social responsibility to provide special services, the third to buy vodka, two boxes of cognac, two boxes of champagne, six cows, so you have five in the department where so many booze? he said fake, estimate my wife read it and now she doesn’t have me question, a claim. max need i'll place you
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for a couple of days. as if it's a step away from the cia finale tonight at 21:00 on ntv new year's eve is a time of miracles. on the first day of 2023, we are guaranteed to raffle 1 billion rubles. in total, more than 2 billion rubles are raffled off. hurry up to make a wish and shake the rabbit's paw for good luck and a new year's miracle, it will definitely happen. after all, we are playing a new year's billionaire 12:30 moscow time live on ntv
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black ears tomorrow 19:30 on ntv that the mayor is ready to personally shoot himself if nizhnyaya ruki is not paved this year movement i'm going to kill you now damn mother damn. why did you decide to bring us all under the article? oh, lord, i'll kill, what treason is just a joke. i'll have fun now i see misha you have 3 minutes.
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stop, stop, it's not free, it's right, every work must be paid. naturally, but you are my dear. can i order i got drunk, i'm drunk. stop pushing non-citizens, police comrades. put in order, i'll dial. i am the first second. so get out the paper and make a playlist. all wishes will be taken into account. now we will quickly collect money for the sacrifice. order on the fight against corruption manifestations
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in order to combat the captain's manifestation in the system of forces of orders to exchange between employees in the sinus of all zones of the russian federation from the previous composition, leave the head of the zone to the head of the involved medical workers, the deadline for execution is 12 hours. what does that mean, ours are going to the krasnoyarsk territory, the escorts from there are going here. and how do we explain the new to the guards, drop the real one. well, if you calmly and think, then nothing terrible happened.
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well, what did you eat from the belly? well, if he says such a thing, he’s belly himself, then he’s definitely eaten, and now training, what, well, in the sense of a rehearsal. we share by votes, i did not understand the coach. well, i mean the conductor. you know how, don't worry, for seven years the musicians wanted me to become a musician, but i was lucky to become a lieutenant. so get ready. well, let's start drinking.
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and you will tell me your secrets for this, yes, girl, yes, what kind of secrets can the police have? we are generally ordinary peps, the road is high, far from the authorities. and how about mass extinction of convicts in the zone, why shouldn't it die? exactly from what? mom dug it up and got infected with an ancient virus. x
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detained pro explosion no pro explosion. maybe they're lying, do you remember something bunkovo outside the city today ? everything worked out for me. it was they who deliberately dug a grave for the dead with an explosion. you and i are going to a distant lake tomorrow, we will conduct an investigation there as a journalist.
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upset. in this case, means that the next time in the far lake of his own room. if you know where herman is and you don't say, not only the cops will ask you eyes. look at me, shake the air over me, my ears began to receive. yes, i really don’t know where he got into the room, because he wanted to cut the tv set in the morning. they threw it off for 2 liters would be enough. but herman is still missing. why should he? i don't know. you
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we are with you the plot. i’m completely crazy about what kind of zombies, where will we get them, if they simply don’t exist, bogdanchik. be goats. you to me the main thing is to ensure the quality of your video. yes, that's all. the entire internet is ours. what are we convicts with a ride? how will it end again?
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this is what people are kidding, or what? no, van estimate, we have posted on the internet who karina is a three-legged journalist, damn it, health officials are increasingly recording cases of exposure of residents of ensk to 5g towers the third day they continue to record more and more new cases of a mysterious disease in our city. however, the editorial staff managed to collect information about the symptoms of this disease by assigning the promotion of a hallucination of increased aggression and a constant voice. the zero patient was a political sergeant who ate mammoth meat , this sergeant managed to bite five more police officers, and now they are all too much. similar to the symptoms of the zombie virus i'm like 10 moron movies on this topic, so
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we're not there either. you work according to hermann and faster faster, he is urgently needed. i completely forgot one more special task for you. so you need to blow to the local journalists so that they stop broadcasting this chariot about the zombie infection of dead convicts on the air. or maybe them by the scruff of the neck and into the camera. well, you're crazy. are you just staring at me with cabbage? superstar final today at 21:00 on ntv new
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year's eve is a time of miracles, on the first day of 2023 we are guaranteed to play 1 billion. in total , more than 2 billion rubles are played. hurry up to make a wish and shake the rabbit's paw for good luck and the new year's miracle will definitely happen. after all, we are playing a new year's billionaire 12:30 moscow time live on ntv policeman to our employees on the basis of
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follow the instructions of the authorities truncated exactly everything, well, despite the pressure from the power structures. we consider it our professional duty to bring to the attention of citizens the following editorial information has become. it is known that the policemen blew up the railway bridge, the only thread connecting us with the mainland, friends. we are thrown one on one in the spare epidemic. there is nowhere to wait for help. devour i'm going to be sick of this now and eat. the fact that you are welcome is so direct picnic in the open air beauty for a picnic is still necessary. kebab guitar bonfire beautiful women in the company, what else is needed in order to meet nature
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good for you. marish's husband is a director, the lover of the first handsome man, in the theater it was good in the wild, but here they are sitting in the same cell, sorting out the relationship, and i'm with you right there in a circle of cutting and sewing. well, at least some kind of comfort i can’t imagine how convicts live here for years. you can not live in the same room with everyone, how do you not understand this?
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i hope you have gathered with the whole family and continue to celebrate the new year, and if you haven’t gathered, you still have literally 1 minute to get last year’s salads and sit comfortably in front of your tv screens while watching your favorite program. in this issue you will find an incredible number of gifts, bright musical surprises. and most importantly, many of you will become winners today, everyone is ready. then let's go let 's go.
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