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tv   Absurd  NTV  January 1, 2023 5:00pm-7:01pm MSK

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natasha khabib is with you and only with you we will raffle off the remaining cash prize fund philip number one here here. here and, of course, we will play the car. wed guests of our studio. so we have one unfilled playing place left. philip, let's play it among the audience in the studio, whom the opportunity to bask in the glory of such brilliant artists will choose. please remove number 24, we are waiting for you participant at number 24. and we continue the drawing with natasha koroleva keep number six ten six wonderful
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female name glad to see you number nine i remind you that the owner of the number that ends today will become the owner of this car. do not show, do not show the number, 36. natasha continue. number three number 64 number 69 back and forth is a lucky number
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gift from russian lotto, bravo is amazing in the company of stars it is you who get the gift. let's see if i can open it for you. what is there? oh-oh-oh tablet congratulations that's it, i understand the tablet perfectly. philip number 57 number 84 attention friends important information as updated ticket, which is today won 1 billion rubles. was purchased in nizhny novgorod, congratulations oh, this, nizhny
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novgorod and our billionaire number 40 don't worry, we already bring happiness, and you bring happiness, number, 61 number 318. number 87 number 28
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number 54 happiness and joy of russian lotto and live broadcast composure number 43 attention, 68 attention the next move is the last and this means that the participant whose car number. so inna
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thank you inna kegs with what numbers are friends in the bag now, until these numbers need to be crossed out in your tickets, mishka there are barrels with numbers 8 11 50 and 77. i ask these people to stand up so that we can see you all. among you, dear friends, is the owner of this car. victoria four people we have two wonderful boyfriends your men and two gorgeous girls one of them queen oh my god, my philip queen vika yes this is marina what are you feeling very exciting now i understand that you are aware that
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your pulse is 100 beats per minute . if no more, you don’t have these cars, but you don’t have a driver’s license, you only have a husband, and we already don’t have a car, and we don’t have a husband. what is your name elena are you an experienced driver, yes, 22 years old, someone right now. maybe win a car and in a second we'll find out who it will be. you are not natalya, because we have a beautiful woman in your light hand. i have no doubt that someone from this four will have to donate a car. it seems to me that this is fair. you are ready for number 11
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50 of the third draw of the russian lotto. here he is, our motorist, congratulations. here they are your keys, keep right. here's your car pass to him great. well, i'm friends now , attention, i pour out the remaining kegs, and into the bag. khabib check if the bag is empty and i will lay out the kegs of the bag empty. khabib confirms everything, the guys are left, and i call their numbers attention number eight. number 50 and
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number 79 friends, if these numbers are not on your tickets, then you won the guaranteed jackpot of the next draw. russian lotto 900 million rubles. dear friends, new year's edition. russian lotto won 8 million 32.065 tickets. today live for you there were times for a total of two billion 524 million 46.000 635 rubles many millionaires and one have appeared in our country. cheers, congratulations and attention friends,
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following the results of today's draw, a member of the board of the russian bar association says we'll stick the commission has no comments on the results of the new year's draw of the russian lotto. eh, we will reflect this in our final protocol. thank you dear, drawing commission friends happy new year. hello please tell me if you have any scientific literature razumbi, grandfather, such literature does not exist by definition, there is milochka as it is, but you should be ashamed. so you heard you are sitting here with education, and you don’t know about such a science, i
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repeat to you again. well, there is no such scientific literature, only fictional zombie werewolves as much as you like, but this is not scientific literature. here is the author m gremyatsky edition of 1926 called death and resurrection chapter 1. from which the dead sometimes stir, chapter three. how to make a hand cut off from a dead man move, but the most interesting thing is the revival of corpses, page 43, you know that we don’t have such a book and never had an old man. you don't understand yet. well nevertheless, it is clear that the authorities ordered the population not to give this book from us, but they are hiding everything.
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well, what kind of nonsense only milochka cannot hide the truth. we are not idiots, we know everything. quite people with coils. do you have any books on the pregnant animal virus? it's a pity. igorek please forgive me for yesterday. i didn't know you were dying for a doctor. we've been with her for a long time.
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she didn't tell me anything about you. you , too, excuse me, that you were led through the forest with your fists like a moron. we must ask vanyuk not to call. she walks home. from all colors most respected. well done comrade lieutenant. and if you take
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on a hunt, not two, but three boxes - three. then we don't take wives. we don’t let the dogs out of the bus and we ourselves go far into the forest, we don’t go in the dogs, we don’t take guns and we don’t go out into the forest ourselves from the bus.
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see you soon we are learning to create a plan to achieve the new year is 365 new days of new important
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steps happy new year. it hurts, sorry bogdan. i didn't mean very symbolic for the current moment right in the head. sorry. who are you, and for what reason? allow me to introduce myself spiritual son, tempest, fighting white magician of the seventh generation, this is my certificate arrived in your city to provide practical assistance in the fight against manifestations of the zombie virus friends. i hurt the laser. go vodkash and everything is the first time i see such a certificate. i
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understand that people of your profession have a special cynicism, but now is not the time for jokes and disbelief in my authority, the city is a terrible danger for another day of delay and black forces will completely capture it. live broadcast and appeal to the citizens of russia when you realize that you can't live without me get by, find me at a local hotel and god forbid it's not too late. we
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can use it. it is no longer needed, as people will buy tickets, wait for the train, our station is no further way, only the northern lights. probably someone alice, we need more than the devil knows how we will go back
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in any way. i'm telling you, the rails are gone. so call the police, look for the villains who stole the rails, do something. yes, i already called, they can't. therefore, he died from drinking a week ago. and opera without him works and will be. so there is no one to issue these as separate instructions. goodbye young people next spring. contact sanych finished. the matter is the very ears the bastard, the traitor, the fool of the people, we are standing,
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waiting stupidly, but you can’t think of anything else. all thoughts are around you. the female sex is sitting at home with you. use it as you like, and we unfortunate tramps are trimmed with female attention. to stand here like this, to glow
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without some kind of pontorezki. in general, there is a thought , to hell with you, say that you are there about a thought, so herman has one corefan rattle, alaska i know where he lives if you take him to business and talk about what he didn't say. and here i was thinking. by the way, why are you helping us again? and i decided to start a garbage fund. here i can smell you have some kind of personality interest. let's go find this herman.
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what bridge? what are you carrying? it's me allegorically that they themselves have ordered secrecy all that, so that you die of diarrhea pogodin speak normally delirium tremens. we hospitalized him. now drips, injections and all, we have another problem, rails. stole. now we don't know how to get out of here .
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hello husband,
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he was tortured late. it turns out that besides us, someone else is looking for herman and they were looking for something in the room, if there was something here, then it is no longer here . agree. what are we doing now? we call petrovich and then i told her that i couldn’t sleep with her, because we didn’t legalize our relationship, well , i have a conscience of principles. well, that's all. it had such an effect that after 10 minutes she raped me herself. the main thing is that children are the
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right work with the brain, a woman is her weak place - it's really pour in there any nonsense. the main thing is that he likes it. what if she loves someone else? i have a recipe for you. pretend that you are in love with her best friend, a woman is such a creature that you did not get a friend. swept up means herman drove to the zone is
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prohibited. drunk phone a couple of times there were girls. well, of course, the guards were on the ointment under the elbow, for example. why is he here? i see that you are looking for him no less than ours, i will not deny it. a week ago, i gave him a normal amount of money for vodka for the entire zone. well, there's one more thing you need. almost i believe, while there is no other data. okay, i have a counter question.
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guys, maybe i have good moonshine in the bathhouse? so what's the plan go in and say, what did the zombie see who are we magazines? move fast they are real. and what did i say, in general, here we
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hope how dangerous they are there, how can it be like in the movies, they need to hit the bridge, right? yes, you can go to the cinema, but it's better to try. to admit no, kind, goodbye. wait. yes, i have no practice, but i am an excellent theorist. we can help each other. you can film the world's first documentary about zombies, and i'll be
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the first scientific specialist in questions about zombies our names. let's try okay. to do this, people will need a little.
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clearly blood, how real is it? i went to the farm specifically today. well, now i'm taking a picture of you myself
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. why, excuse me, wasn't there? here it is.
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my heart is calm when he is under the supervision of such a person. and what, i’m like a piece of glass, it ’s the young body that can’t stand it. he needed to sleep. well, i mean sleep. the weather is so good.
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the husband came, but the wife was not tired marital. maybe you want something unusual.
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you sometimes so cute slips criminal body. hear.
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another success. thank you for being with us for 30 years . megafon is just the beginning, it’s just the beginning, then it’s just not up to it, then the spikes are neat here, then i’ll take off your krupnyak. then you take off my krupnyak, this seventh generation white battle mage is ready to come, and we will take it off. oh, this is such a cool bread.
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what are the zombies shooting?
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stand save the fear.
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that the citizens put aside the panic? let's dive into the ground. well march home is enough. go go. let's go
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zombies run zombie zombies, verochka ivana, you go home, and i'll go see what's going on in the city for shukher at home.
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fools age has passed the challenge, what's in the disco living corpse only to our arrival, or died, then resolved. where nothing did he resolve himself in the cemetery back and saw, or what? as he kusalma heard.
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i don't know. so tomorrow morning you will meet him near the entrance and everything is fine for couples, a miracle, how interesting and then blame. it's up to the circumstances. in the morning, tsarik will throw me into the zone, he said he will do everything beautifully, you can’t find the belly in the game. maybe they still know about our pebbles?
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what's wrong with you to take? an
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hour later, about lunch, we are just going to negotiate with the local authorities.
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you are concrete, well, for you, serious people on the phone asked for grandmothers with them. zakinu, but i was promised that you will not talk cleanly to wet anyone like that. tomorrow there go back. we have a new convoy here. zachar does not yet know the locals by sight.
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i crashed into a car, there was blood on the hood , i caught it, i took off the skins and put it in the museum. and now what?
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and where are you from, you know, it’s not interesting, everyone saw them yesterday, mummers, i’ll catch their guts on a fist, wind up. what's so vicious? and he called me a goat, by the way, talking zombies do not exist zombies do not exist at all, but so much the worse for them. they say half of our employees have fled
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home and don't want to go to work. what a treat what accommodation? here you are, out of your mind, we never had a zone, how will i build it for you, especially since i have no budgets, no funds, no elections for the head of the village
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on my nose. where did the profits by rail come from , according to the instructions of the command did not stay here, only aggravate the situation with the phenomenon of citizenship. authorities
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so it will be with everyone who does not give me food. if you do not fulfill our request, i will escort several dozen of them and send them to the village. superstar
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finale today at 21:00 on ntv
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citizen chief jack yes, the artistic director has questions that is, while your acting team was flattened by a new guard, you and kostyan were enchanted in the barn. no, no.
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where she just visits, you don’t need to talk about it. we said that we would not talk about it, because we were promised here resort, and instead of a resort, here the gruel is a turner and grins like dogs. listen, well,
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whatever you want, do you really want nitrogen, where did you download it like that? when will they bring in two or three? why are you so fast? you see, the place is taken. sti
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do you have any questions? yes, i understand, i understand, here a whole boiler has gathered a bush, where you can throw it until the morning. and in the morning they will take me out.
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i've never seen a road that grabs like that. come on, there was a rumor here that soon the electricity would turn off in the city, so they removed it for the generator, but there is no new fuel plant will. yes business, but for you i will find, if a ceiling. the menus have arrived. the year is over and there will be no more. here you see mishan so that with his police they messed up empty gasoline stores. no, the bridge was destroyed by riots in the city. this has never happened to us.
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reforms wheelchair, and how can you forbid them? they also have submachine guns. and whatever one may say, although they are schismatics, we still have
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one faith. cop, fuck the video
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you want, excuse me for renting a hall from the stage, where the organization of the concert of the joint choir of the zk and the order of the population is exactly like that concert, audience tickets everything is as it should be, but can you play the performance? well, in principle, this is a variety of repertoire. we only have plays. no, there will be a play for you, we will skate it purely for two. and what can grinya do? well, yes, no, your issue price is 20% of the collection. 10 and what, a fair share? how would we solve the issue of advertising by mail, there are always three or four grannies sitting there. tell them a secret. in half an hour the whole village will be aware of the cashier and tickets. i will provide. well, we will introduce the boy, so to speak, fairly, we agree. yeah, we're throwing off
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anka calls. yes, what is it? great? let's. haven't had time to trade yet. give me the money. what kind of animals are you? with buckwheat, only an animal
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will interfere with the boys. thank you guys, these villagers
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are some wild yes, and the cops are at the same time contagious with them. oh guys help yourself a. help yourself thank you of course. we better buy. we need a lot of different things, tell me about your chicken. why do you have a discount?
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tamara what happened went crazy or something, and you will know how other people's men. application fight of women, street of the conquerors of siberia
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17 2 set but no.
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can you provide? and what, i will show the european commission? everything must be real, but our convicts really work in production. and this is a new guard. well, she should not guess that you are not real. god forbid it comes to our leadership in moscow agree to work. you are
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a speciality. there is such a zone, the only one in the world that makes feature films. cloud, yes, i don’t need your igor no, of course, he is a good boy. but what is wrong with him, he is a modest handsome man earning
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his police. well, use it health, if this is the man of your dreams. but i have my own dream and my own man and says, alik is not the hero of my novel. you can’t even imagine what it is. thank god everyone is alive. everything is fine. and we'll master the musical
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here in the north, we need a space to put the bears. what are you? is that you? why our boys?
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understood, understood.
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woman, i'm completely wild and i get very upset when someone does not answer my questions, i get terribly upset and don't control myself. you live in the house, who is he? nit you now is the time to chat with
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you to find out who you are from? where is herman where is the glass? what is the son's name? igor i'll ride for another half an hour. you will do what we say let go. there is a ballet next to you, pass the tube to him.
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but where? and the goals of the swede, i immediately recognized it was the case. even in the kaluga colony, they ate in the same family. no, they weren't friends, so it's better to endure each other rather than play. he immediately lies all over the ballet and kicks, tramples on this great love for me, and so, i immediately understood what was the matter. seriously. even earlier, i noticed them at the station, that the two of them were a complete mess. to tell you, thugs
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i hear such a thing, in general, we need to go help igor's mother needs. well, there you need to drag something from somewhere to somewhere? yes, no question, now we’ll finish it and roll up. in general, the topic is such a personal one. well, in general, i and she are what a great love you bring down. yes, by the way, we are serious there. come on guys. thanks chief. what kind of people
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shvets questions only four where herman who brought down
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his sidekick alaska where are all the men and tramps of the zone? and most importantly, all the people of the devils of the zone were taken out. i don't know where, where herman i don't know, who is a sidekick and alaska killed him. i don't know where. diamonds where i don't know.
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what got up this? there is no one here.
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i don’t know the masked man in the black mask had a face, he didn’t see the voice, he didn’t hear the house. didn't even say a single word. maybe he was silent because he was afraid that you would recognize him. here, as it turned out at all. it’s just that you’re a shot sparrow, you’re lying professionally, and igor is driving this one into that one, while she didn’t know how at all. it was written on his face that something terrible was happening. here we are following you . we don't know about diamonds.
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the truth a couple later decided back. the boys and i get up on skis. they started digging a tunnel, and from our zonov boiler room, they decided to go straight to the prison cemetery, and then there was glass. grinya is the diamond of will from the moscow thieves so
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few pebbles the authorities found out about our finding early with the moscow thieves and it was decided that half of the authorities. well, half of us did n't forget anything. no? now, honestly, i understand that because of all this, under such a distribution across the field, you have the right to know everything. well, you finally got it. and by the way, in history already there is one body. yes, alaska is a local sidekick. herman, we were imprisoned 7 years 10 ago in the same cell. or maybe it killed him? no, he was just asking where the germans were, who's sidekick
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had flunked him, it wasn't him. no, what are we going to do with him? don't know. oh, stupid sharp, which means that during this time you need to find his accomplice and pack it too. this is the property of the state. this is the property of the thieves' society. let's just find them first. and then we'll all
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quarrel here, i agree, we'll go to petrovich and try to find out. we would like to communicate with this corpse. in terms of look at it?
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this is a lucky one we purchased. with your head, everything can be sent here. what are you doing? i host you nothing.
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come on, come on, come on, come on the whole climate, forgive love.
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here you are even more mocking, whoever doesn’t know how to drive, doesn’t need a car. let him ride a taxi and we have nothing to talk about.
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friends knees, konstantin and i agreed with the head of the zone that instead of working workshops. we are starting to shoot a movie with you so that there is no idle creativity, so we are starting to build the interior of tomorrow day. and what kind of interiors so hard labor lines of
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the xix century attack him, what are they artists? almost like a circus. and who will play the guard of hard labor? make scary face even scarier. here you will play. you don’t even need to live well, you don’t need a good one. find
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out who sent him to the next world.
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this is all the result, the action of 850 radiation of the 5g connection activates the neural connections of the heptalamus after the physical death of the body, forcing the dead to go grab and bite. what, again, did we install 4g only last year, and on the outskirts so far since only 2g spruce creeps. these are all elements of zombies and the virus is enough. you're on air in 5 minutes, by the way. when you have already become number one, you have already
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achieved a lot. already got up. the main thing is not to stop one more step higher. thank you for being with us for 30 years. megafon is just the beginning.
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okay let's check. what are we undressing, or maybe you will come out? why a zone? we have a male woman, not here, everyone is the same. we cannot be with you.
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so we went out there wondering to put lust. vasya, we still need to think about what all this means, only this is someone with him on escape took the zone of the wife or brides, but how are the women connected with the shoots. i don't know, i do
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n't really understand what's going on here. and when i don't understand something. there is only one answer here - these are scammers who want to lower our village. oh come on, first of all, let's not rush. and secondly, shut up i tell you what i want. the main thing,
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the campaign, of course. one day
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of it raise the rise. of course you are the boss. this is the head of this dust camp. it may be necessary. hero , let's get this hero to the basement, come on faster.
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assigned in charge of storage military weapon. i understand about weapons. there is an offer. i thought big here, maybe we will spend the night here.
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ok. do you people think this is a mobile connection? no, this environmental impact radiation affects your skin, your pores work like antennas for sure. and i think that it's so itchy when i call on a mobile phone from this radiation. we all experience stress. many cannot have children. yes, not the worst thing. the worst thing is that the radiation from this tower kills your dna and helps the virus turn you into a zombie. they
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already here among you. zombies among you people don't let yourself be turned into the living dead. pyaterochka answer central pyaterochka is listening to the crowd trying to smash the departure cell tower. lesnaya 6 was taken by a large crowd, but about 30 people. well, i can’t help you any higher. one two three, come on, come on.
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igor apologies do you
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think this is a mobile connection?
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i did not understand, what kind of provocation is this? cops goats take? his camera, and here i go come on.
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petrovich said in a different way, there is no point in provoking. and what to do a little more and the robberies will begin. m. central fifth on the air, we are passing a bear settlement.
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i can fix it before dark. hello good people hello everyone. the next performance is only tomorrow, we have a different reason. i am the head of the pensioners' club of our village, comrade dyatlova , the head of the women's committee of our village
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, this is the narrow head of the machine operators. well, representatives of the general public. clearly means local activists, honestly. they don’t let them live like that, they do what they want, they rape whomever they want, money takes away children from the street , they don’t let them out, guys, guys. you can say for so they inject the truth. no, the head of the
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village is a bandit, the head of the police is a bandit, the head of the bandits is also a bandit. wow, this is all terrible. we are here, and we ask you to put things in order with us. and we will vote for you in the elections by the authorities.
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wow you saw she bit me bro. you will now turn into a zombie. i saw her growl. help me be afraid, if you become a zombie i will kill you. you must be hunted down and killed.
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take off the flint. dear beloved, you saved me, kill my head shoot moscow i'll shoot a stupid head.
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can i have enough space for a big house, i agree. i should go and visit alaska. we'll go tomorrow. what the hell are you doing with
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a gun? i told you to put it down and don't touch it. okay boss. i'm not making fun of him. listen well, you at least wrap your jacket. the hero leads the prisoners. we have nothing to feed them. we are letting you go. but if you get caught again.
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like, take off their bracelets. weapon recoil. and what kind of weapons they didn’t see, didn’t take , your weapons will remain with us.
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what are we doing, huh? tamara was going through the rest to keep order in the city of mpps, or who or who? it is said that in the prophecy all sins will be credited to us and everyone will be according to
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his deeds and who died, but did not reconcile, and he runs and bites there will be no eternal rest, but only a fiery hyena would you fall asleep, or something, send, wait a minute, the real thing talks about what our sins are, that we don’t have individual sin, but there is a collective sin, man, you are mental. don't bother, you live. go on man. we are mankind, but we imagine that we are the kings of nature. and we are not the kings of nature. we are excrement nature invented electricity. tram. the phone is still a lot of things, but like shrimp, yes bogomerskie, and how nature originally conceived a man naked and wild, but honest and kind, it's wonderful. man, but
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there is only one way out. what do you say. we're listening to you fucked up. shmetal close. we are waiting for your word. teacher to give up all the blessings of civilization. completely return to their roots to purity, pristine witches neanderthals and pithecanthropus. we are human monkeys the whole civilization in the oven. and then we will salvation from the virus and let's not be my zombies. we hear you teacher, we understand you teacher. you called him a teacher and he hindered hello . do not agree. to train
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i did not sign up to stand in the place of the cops. i didn’t rob collectors for this, that no one forces you to wear a cap, you just need to remove the dead from power and establish a normal life in the north, lads. and what if this is our chance to start living anew, even if not for long, but at least try to breathe in the lungs to think, i agree to be the head of the provisions, and the posture won the main in the village.
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boys wear, and the bazaar is for justice for the poor from collecting taxes for those who have a surplus. we are for accepting the proposal of the locals. we are all different here. this is very good, because we complement each other.
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and now the main thing. what are we going to do with the old government, huh? i propose to arrest our new government. australopithecus was eaten by picanthropes, pithecanthropes were eaten by neanderthals, and neanderthals were eaten, in short, for it is said in the prophecy.
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and here they say, let's collect, there will be too many of them, maybe we'll take the machine in in which case the crowd will trample. kill the zombies, release the fuckin. what are you doing?
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and now, brothers and sisters, let's put an end to sin in the city.
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there she is wow.
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happy new year 2023 has come in all regions of russia, how it was met from kamchatka to kaliningrad will tell about benefits payments and taxes. why the word association became the main word of the first days of the new year will tell a resident of nizhny novgorod won a billion rubles and in total in the new year's draw of the russian lotto on ntv today they played.

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