tv Pamyati Mikhaila Zadornova NTV July 22, 2023 9:20pm-11:26pm MSK
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in terms of laughter in the hall, times have not changed. that's what's interesting, they laugh at the same topics. and when journalists ask me, is it true that the joke has become more difficult. i say no, absolutely not true, because conflicts between people remain. all the same characters remain. the same officials have remained the same, just as in soviet times people who did not have the ability to become artists and writers, but had only meager abilities to become officials, went to officials, and in our time , it is not artists, writers , pilots or doctors who become officials, that is, all this remains the same. i he must say that here in my mind life is amazingly paradoxical
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sometimes what happens in life is impossible to describe. well, even in a humorous story, in order not to be unfounded , i will just give you a few examples while working with a journalist. i had to move from one city to another by train. and i had a ticket for the second carriage. that's all i have, so to speak , the backstory. i tell you. i came. on the first . and 90 people accompanying children with things go looking for these three cars. these three wagons can't find him anywhere. and most importantly, they can’t find the foreman anywhere train. yes, i came to the head of the station and angrily thinking that i have the right to do so , i ask the head of the station where the foreman of the train does not answer in the first three cars. this is where it all started. i mean the story went on there. i will not tell it all, but i wrote about this story, felgeton, filiton, printed, and then uh, i meet a friend who read from filito. she tells me that this is all nonsense, compared to what happened to me and also in
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a similar situation, and he tells me how in one city to the composition of the passenger connected, two ninth cars by chance. well , of course, it's complete absurdity. imagine yourself in the place of those people who have tickets to the ninth year. well, firstly, all normal people can count to nine, so they know the ninth car for sure. this is the one immediately after the eighth, not the one before the tenth. therefore , naturally, everyone got into the first and the ninth car and the train went. a very surprised conductor of the second ninth car, which not a single person went to the foreman of the train in the first car. says my wagon empty, that one, he says, which ninth he got angry, he says, they messed up something again, at the box office as always and gave a radiogram to the next station to sell tickets in the ninth year to everyone who received tickets in the ninth year.
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at the next station, they were also normal people, they also knew how to count to nine and also understood that the ninth one was the one after the eighth right away, therefore, naturally , the conductor of the first ninth car ran together in the first and ninth years, where everyone drank tea a long time ago, went to bed in horror, she says, comrades. what do you mean, i don’t have any free space at all. it's some kind of mistake. run, hurry to the foreman of the train. and run quickly, because he is in the first car. and you still ran for only 3 minutes, those races run with things, seeing off the children. to the first carriages they meet a very surprised brigade in the train from the past. where in such quantity? they say, we are all doubles from the ninth car there. the foreman understands that he does not understand something, but what he does not understand. he doesn't understand yet, so he really quickly settles them in empty places in the first cars, because after 3 minutes he gives the train departure and the train goes. at this time the conductor of the second year of the ninth comes to him and says my car is empty.
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the brigadier begins to slowly go crazy and don’t believe her, she goes and sees that the ninth car is really empty, and then he starts counting the cars and calculates, they really find out that such a mistake happened, they connected two ninth years, and then he naturally decides to correct this mistake and returns to his compartment and gives a radiogram to the next station to unhook the ninth car. it was at night. those who unhooked were also normal people and also knew how to count up to 9, so they unhooked the ninth first ninth car peacefully sleeping people and took him to the siding. after that, the train foreman was reported by the train foreman, finally, he sighed with relief and gave the train the departure and the train drove off. at this time, the conductor of the second ninth year came to him and said my car was empty. i don't know
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if the foreman of this trains. after this flight, only this story was told to me by a man who was traveling in the first ninth carriage. late at night he went out to smoke smoked is called smoked, smoked, smoked, smoked, smoked, smoked, he thinks that we are standing for a long time again . not behind the wagons. no, the bare steppe luna and the siding when he told me this. i laughed so hard, especially when he told me how he woke everyone up figure out where they are. i laughed so hard that he got offended at me and said, you 're laughing in vain in this, by the way. no, nothing funny, by the way, we were all in this car on a tourist package to hungary after the story about the two
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ninth cars was told. the first popularity came, and before one of the concerts, a spectator came up and asked, please tell me, what is your real name. i say, well, i don't have a pseudonym. i have my real name zadornov, i can prove he gave her a business card, and it was written in english language mikhail zadornov and v. wright was written in skolkah, she says, listen, what do you have in brackets, it was necessary in odessa with such an odessa accent. i say in brackets is written reiter she says. yeah, that's your real last name. i say reiter - this is the writer talking. i know that you are a writer, but your last name is reiter, which means it's really 2 o'clock in the morning. you know what people are doing at this time of two in the morning. sleeping car. dnepropetrovsk is a train, the door opens. a ukrainian woman appears with such gold teeth. first the teeth appear. yes
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a person by the legs, tell this fool. from there, like from the grave, a man is like that, and it crunches in front of him. about the film, yes, the old woman with such energy collected and stole flowers in the cemetery that she did not notice the freshly dug grave and fell down there. can't get out? and she had food to go. talk further she sits poured milk. a glass sits at the bottom of the graves. she is kind, she hears voices, you would drink, you would drink, but you know, not from anything. she says, yes, for a nice glass of me often i
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think they call me a satirist writer like that. eh, stick-sticked me such a tag. i don't consider myself a satirical writer, first of all, i don't consider myself a writer, because i go on stage and talk about what i see about what i think, share my observations. i am the most ordinary journalist. just a journalist working on stage and who a man standing at a trolley bus stop prepares his observations in this form. waited for a girl with flowers in 7 minutes. he ended up in intensive care. that's not in galante, not in germany, not in finland , so the energy of the director. it won't put everything in its place. the girl with flowers on the decor of the bus, the bus started off at the last moment , one of those who were on the bus would like to spit on the closing doors. listen, why do you care about idlers, did the sniper hit right? the spit circled around
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the flowers, right here. all a couple of people trolls in the bus laughed, well, nice people spat. they leave the doors are closed somehow not very gray route is already obtained by the one who spat. not enough success seemed two people only from 0 more faces began to arrange spat upon. this is where it would have ended in another country, but we didn’t have a russian peasant. he threw away the flowers. picks up speed by the bus
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vomited without talking jumped up rolled into the mouth of the one who spat passengers, well satisfied happy route here one spit the second in rock rolled up, but the one who got it in rock was with his sidekick. they pushed the spit on the coccyx. imagine how events unfold. yes, here's the dramaturgy, and the directors of the russian energy industry are falling with a cop on the asphalt, the doors seem to close a little. it was also necessary to humiliate him, and the one from the bus made a more terrible face, a very offensive face, and finally put it in the closed ones in the world . now in your imagination , transport yourself to the place. he looks at the picture
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. the mug is fixed. he jumped up for the second time picking up speed with the bus and is pulled in the face in full. and did not notice how he flew into the stop. this is what foreigners today cannot understand energy in russian people. i started traveling abroad. in the late seventies, on may 1 , the trip was to poland, then to germany, then
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to west germany, then to america, and i was lucky to see how the attitude towards russians was changing in the world. at first, at first they felt sorry for us and were afraid, then they began to be surprised and continue to feel sorry for us during gorbachev's perestroika, and then they were simply surprised. apparently us and one person from the city of khanty-mansiysk helped buy ties in new york and led him to a very expensive versace store. versace is a fashion designer, like the word of hares we are known all over the world, but the tie cost $ 200 . this sidekick is such a khanty-mansi completely evdokimov hero, and i think now i will bring him in and ask me how much i will say 200 dollars. will you tell me? are you stupid, what else did you find? and i bring him and say, that's what he says. 200 is ok i
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say go buy the same korean ones around the corner for $5, definitely not him, he says what korean sidekicks do i buy. you know, in khanty-mansiysk there is such a life that if they wear galoshes, without versalchiki there will be fish , then there will be no fish. next yes, you must first explain. that's what, if two purchases in this store happen in a day, it will be a good day for the store. this is a very expensive store, and if an american buys three ties, he will still demand a discount and pay it out within three weeks. mm, then they pack him in a branded bag, and he pays with a cash credit card, as i told you, there no, everything in russia has long been ethical and will leave. why did i tell this, to make it clear, the next we go along the rack of ties from ties, 25 meters, how such sports hang galkin's hang behind us is a saleswoman of the same level.
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i work as an interpreter for shopping, and the saleswoman tells her, and the saleswoman remembered this day for the rest of her life, because she had no friends from the city of khanty-mansiysk before. these two ties, these ones, and the last four meters. 47 ties for 200 dollars count she does not respond to for a very specific reason, now it will be clear why, when i say what question she asked me. he tells me everything when he is 47 homies, he has 47 ties. he tells me everything. i say, she hung everything like that on the kolkhostika, which he got into his hand. she's so worth it. everything, he says, is a question that immediately shows the psychology of americans. she asks what the master will take from this.
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nothing like this can come to her american minds. they ask what you will take. he says, well, what a fool, i understand everything, they say, take everything there will be a feeling that you were present at this, which means that you have ever seen the eyes of a deep-sea temple, mesh eyes. with such a stereoscopic effect, they are slightly retracted, and he once said that he still seems to be about two centimeters in her. she says everything i say everything. she paused, then asks, and how will the master pay. well, she so, uh,
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survived this moment to buy everything, and in general, she asked a professional question how she would pay, because not every credit card can pay for such an amount. as an obedient interpreter , i tell him how you will pay. he doesn't understand questions at all. he says, in what sense, as you know, there are two ways for him to eat nature and everything, here he is. how will i how will he walk away from such a turn forgot. i say, well, like a card. he says, i don't have this card. he suddenly realized that he would not be above the levels. he says, yes, i will pay with money, and i transfer money in cash , which means, here the crab gives the maximum amplitude, and she asks me. where is this from mister? he didn't have a decision before. what happiness for me was to answer
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her this gentleman from the city of khanty-mansiysk city at that moment, her eyes pressed against his hands, because you'll get it from the city of khanty-mansiysk city, pulled it out of your pocket. here's a pack of 100 dollars bought. i beg you. feel the next part of the phrase. you will feel a sense of pride for our people. over the years of their existence, the americans did not think overtightened. so humiliating their money, they did not think that they could be worn in rubber bands from curlers. when she saw that he was slobbering
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his finger at the speed of a calculating machine, he began to slobber these dollars in front of him. she wanted to go to khanty-mansiysk. at that moment, this city became the city of her dreams. she managed to pack only two ties in this long gut of the brand. he says it's stupid . he has already calculated everything. i say, she packs a branded versatility bag, so she's gone crazy. let me throw it here in a bag. that's all she's never seen $200 versace ties like noodles plastic bag. she says yes, what lord he says, leave the negro who washes the floors said. no, he turned white, you know , he became white, his age-old dream came true at that moment, because an american would not allow you to do that. he has never, bending into three destruction, he was driving, this black negro lapsha versailles khanty-mansiysk. i have my
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own concept of our national character. or rather, uh, the concept of what it should be . the fact is that the russian coat of arms is two heads of an eagle, and there are three crowns over two heads. that is, there is no head of its own, one head of an eagle looks at europe, the second at asia, because we are the only country in which there is both asia and europe, the sky created us in such a way that the best from asia and the best from europe should be concentrated in us, and therefore our national trait is not to be westerners, but to take the best from both. that is, as i believe that we should get off the life of the body from the west and leave spirituality, which is in asia and i do not consider myself a western person. i consider myself more of an oriental person, by the way,
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the ability to laugh at yourself is asian. our two came to america to drink, but in america they don’t give you a bottle, because you can’t order a bottle of vodka there, for example, because it’s too much. they drink in small portions called one serving, two servings. he has been living for a long time, and the second one came from russia to mexican restaurants and they went in and said, so bring us. got one salad. says they say 103 in one salad. let's have a quick drink, and she went back, she says, you know, i don't understand english very well, i'm recently from mexico you could not repeat. she does say. 10 drinks one salad she thought,
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you know what phrase she says, here pride covers ours. she tells you to put more chairs. come on quickly i miss our hop-hop this thing is juggling. so that we don't chase you anymore. caring says, you immediately bring 20. and the salad. don't bother to tell you, yes brought 23 moved away and the whole staff of the restaurant came out to watch how our
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the entire staff of the restaurant came out to see off our last journey, ours is fine. we sat down and our story begins. just imagine, with what a sense of pride. you leave this hall and the police stop ours, they say, farah doesn’t work for you , you know, ours drive with one eye gouged out, even in america, ours only, in order not to breathe on the policeman, opens the window a little bit for the ear cleanly. and the ear sticks out and with his ear he says to the policeman, they say, everything is fine. pulled, so
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the policeman went to the smell to the ear and speaks within the normal range. he doesn't seem to be cheating. he same not says, that within its norms. no, not within. we'll have to pass a test strictly according to american law , our latest achievement of american science and technology has turned pale, because you can't refuse to take a bribe, you'll get a short time, but you'll get it. they are fools on the roads there, they don’t know that you can earn money in this way. you know that only our in the world they know how to breathe through their nose like this. i breathed on my mother, when the drunk returned from kindergarten.
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i will complain to the municipality already one insulted me. he also had a troll, i didn’t believe him, contacted the previous one, you hear the corpse stopped ours under escort and escorted us home. give him what he wants igor scalar. nikita panfilov, my coach was only now leave me alone when there was no sergei chirkov, i really want you to win, you hear me, oksana afinshina, you are doing this. alexey chadov, i am a duty fighter.
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get this chair at a discount of a whole thousand rubles for only 2.99 rubles. call by phone or order on our website leomax.ru. simorodok premiered from monday at 16:45 on ntv, i stopped going to speak abroad, even to our immigrants. because that i want them to laugh at my stories and my topics here, so that this process of purification, which i think goes along with laughter, so that it happens with us. what will i go? i'm here for money , and i can earn it here. and you know, i haven't been abroad for many years because they laugh at us there. and we here laugh at us and i like it when we laugh at us, and not they laugh at us. it seems to me that this is a more honest process, especially since we know how to do it like no one else. if i for
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border, let's say in german, in germany he spoke the same thing that i spoke in russia in russian. the germans would have expelled me from the country and would never let me in again, because they don’t know how to laugh at themselves like that . this is me once. i got a convenient situation, because the americans consider themselves the navel of the earth, everything they do, the rest of the storage does not recognize correctly. explain to them nothing is impossible, what, what exists, other customs are different traditions. culture. one day i got a call from a friend from new york, he says, please bring me a couple of brooms for the bath, someone here has saunas, and i can't get tired of saunas. i built mine. well, there is a russian bath next to the countryside. bring a couple of beaters and let's steam. i flew for 2 days, i think, well, i’ll put some documents in my diet. i put two more brooms and flew. so, not understanding what awaits me ahead on our
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border happened. our border guards turned out to be so unintelligent, he doesn't know me. i showed him his face no, no way. he says, do you have anything else to ask, i'm not a person flying with one diplomat from russia is suspicious. he says he has drugs. now i will tell you that i have drugs. why are you talking to me like that? i tell you , has anyone ever said what he has is not? oh he got mad. says open the diplomat. i opened two brooms there. he asked the most stupid question i ever heard in my life. he asked me what is it? to which he received a no less intelligent answer. i
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answered him, these are two brooms. he didn't believe called it can officers. the two of them discussed in front of me whether to tear off the leaves for them or not to tear them off, the officers turned out to be an intellectual recognized me, they say, i recognized you, it’s you who fly by for humor. the meaning is deep, which i understood only when he flew to america, he was so suspicious of me, he says. i wish you happiness on the american border. you know such a shooter with a smile of a rat . yes, i understood this meaning only when i flew to america and when i saw how the americans were shaking ours, the americans began to inspect ours very carefully, and not ours hate. well, firstly, ours fly 8 hours. can you imagine how drunk they
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arrive, they do not understand at all where they will arrive. they only have only our ties that have it like a dog fly. right here right here. and this half is narrow, it is here , between two buttons. for 8 hours, like a mountain climbing backpack. miking with one diplomat causes double suspicion in america from russia is there a drug? well, everything again. i say "no. no, i'm not joking
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here, it's dangerous to joke with them. uh, he says, uh. open. he watched longer than ours. again why because ours has at least seen it sometime? he asked the same question. what is it? well, sincerely childishly can what it is. he had never seen anything like it, and gold and drugs, he had seen everything, but never this. i realized that i did not know how to answer him. i don’t know english so well this time, and secondly, our figurative language to answer him this creation translate this word, and brooms are what they sweep. i'm something like chistyulya with mine. after all, everything is called an american very precisely, the function is large, which means that sweeping it will not work here. he won't let me through. he will take me old if i flew in with my brooms. i definitely need to answer in such a way that he
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agrees with what he hears with what he sees. i tell him, these are two bushes. it's not that he didn't fit. his files are all gone. two bushes, for what and i'm honest, i'm talking about a bath. her territories are mixed, two are empty for a bath and she starts looking for an answer in the computer, she did not find anything. there one answer learned ingenious. he says turn to me no longer take. i understand, that i got for a long time means two bushes for a young bath, michurinets undress you.
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they called my friend asking what your friend brought. he says two bushes for the bath, that's all. they agreed necessarily i sometimes. i am surprised how accurately the classics wrote about our time in the century before last, for example, chaadaev said that russia is an endless steppe, in the middle of which is a dashing person. i decided to build an extension to my house. he then wrote to me about this from bricks, well,
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a russian person, he says, will not come to mind to buy bricks. do you understand this? just on stealing is natural, but i found bricks all around, i came to the sixth floor of an unfinished house. and i decided to drive back and forth 170 times, i studied the situation, the workers lifted the bricks up with a barrel , too, not translated into other languages, the device of the barrel was tied to a cable, the cable was passed through the block and leaving after the end of the working day at the end of the working day, the worker tied the end of the cable. downstairs, the barrel was left upstairs so that they wouldn’t steal it for scrap, it couldn’t come, what would happen next. it plunged me into homeric laughter, the first word was getting dark. uh uh writer
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turgenev notes of a brick hunter imagined all this. yes, it was getting dark, yes, done, he climbed to the sixth floor and loaded the barrel. so don't mess around. here, so that it is not less than 170, but 110 accelerates back. in short, i didn’t think that i overloaded the laws of physics. i call it wrong planning went down the dusk. he tied a rope to his arm. and he untied the end of the cable, because the barrel was heavier than it was getting dark.
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and where is the poor fellow, he will get away from her, he does not know physics at all, they fly vertically. finally he writes that it has returned. from this barrel flies up to the block. i thought, all the end was crossed with his left hand free. i thought it would break all the bones. he, apparently, does not know the law of physics at all, but luckily for him, the laws of physics. there is a barrel, at that time it hit the ground, and there the bottom and the bricks flew out. and it was getting dark. remember with the same speed flew down. do you know who spends the evening like this, agree to this analysis of bricks at the philharmonic? finally
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, you can privatize everything on your own, but somehow there is nothing already. i don't know how long i was unconscious . stupidly, he writes the moon has risen, he still admires the moon, but you thought, only ours. maybe the moon has risen in this one on the bricks, and then you need to take air into your chest, because you will have to exhale something. then he writes the following, the first thing i thought about when i regained consciousness. and he untied him. and on him
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yandex travel application. tsev yandex-mu travel booking hotels i am sometimes accused of telling very funny stories, but without any sense. and i love it very much. just when the audience laughs. now, i don't know what drugs are, but for me the laughter of the audience is a real drug. and for two years i found an excuse, philosophical for such a state of mine. there are such ancient books. the vedas were written many thousands of years ago and it is said there. so if you want the problem to leave you. you have to laugh at her. and if you complain about the problem, it will double. our people have an amazing ability
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to laugh at themselves, and sometimes it seems to me that, well, laughs like that. not unconsciously, but somehow squeezing foolishness out of himself laughing, we often become in my opinion a degree. more reasonable, in general , our people are amazing in that even after resuscitation they write letters to me, another one wrote out of the house , a pebble got into his tube, he is shaking. that's how he leaned on the electric booth with the electrical panel, the electrician was behind drunk behind. think, oh, the man is ready to beat. you come and ask first. she is always ready for a feat, took a board and slammed it with a board and tore off our sensual people, two argued, brewers, who
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would put a light bulb for 100 dollars in their mouths. here for what? are you a source of energy? one says stagnation, i'll shove. give it here, i gave it back, but you can put the light bulb back in, you can’t put it out. she jams he stands. ah, the second one tells him, let's go to the doctor. you have money for a doctor. the doctor has never seen anything like this, so that a person can be returned to the cartridge and the doctor asks him with a light bulb in his mouth. are you a fool to take a light bulb in your mouth, he asks this doctor took out a light bulb and gave it to him, take home trophy, he is going in a taxi, the taxi driver asks. are you how danko with a heart in his hand with a light bulb , a fool, can you imagine, took a light bulb in his mouth for 100 dollars the taxi driver did not let me continue to say that he was a fool, and i would take it for 100
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dollars. give it to me. people at the crossroads watch the taxi driver ride. he illuminates his own path, the devil knows he has been and says, let's go. i know a doctor who knows how to take out light bulbs . the doctor has never seen such a thing, that several people with light bulbs in their mouths hit him from behind. why is this happening? pushkin did not publish a chapter in eugene onegin, and there is a line that did not pass the censorship at that time and today he would have problems with this line, and you know which line was spared from the mind pigs were taken to st. petersburg in a freight car there is the so-called transport police. she is responsible for everything that is done in the freight train, what she carries
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where she carries, she is completely responsible, naturally she got drunk at night. and of course, the pigs were stolen. as you understand, but the police realized that it was expensive for her to answer and figured it out, but she found a witness for a bottle to become a bottle. brilliant who signed the paper that he saw. quiet, quiet, quiet ready. but since the transport police are responsible. not only for the cargo on the freight train, but also because of the cloth itself and 1.5 meters from the road on both sides, then for the second bottle the second witness signed the paper that he saw.
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ready, like pigs jumped further than one and a half meters, that is, our pigs had not a weak pushing hoof, and the case was really handed over to the ground militia by the ground militia too. he thinks normally in nashinsky. she realized that they want her hang the so-called hangers. and she found her witness, who signed the paper. i can't say this without laughing. he signed a paper witness that he saw. how did the pigs jump right into the gulf of finland? that is, they also ran up the freight train. i don’t know what he wrote there, he said that they were rowing towards finland with a crawl, i don’t know what
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style they swam there, but paper is paper, and here two papers can’t do anything. we need to further investigate. have you seen russian pigs? finns don't give me you tell what thugs are in places. checked all the coasts. no traces of pigs were found and they wrote an answer, apparently, russian pigs drowned on the way to finland there is a very sharp difference between the new ones in russia and ukraine in russia bandits and businessmen look like businessmen, and in ukraine businessmen bandits look like bandits, well, you can immediately see all
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the signs from the kazan lads. he was he says, at first trouble can be after all. if someone heard, i say, what do you want for a friend. gogol, you envied such a phrase. how much we have talented people hanging out unsupervised. he tells me, behind me, how he is tomorrow. let's look at me today, where i am alone tomorrow i sat down with him for a drink,
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to be honest. we have decided so far, because it is really unknown whether he will live. he until tomorrow or not. i then thought the life of a businessman, of course, is beautiful, but somehow very short, it turns out. we drank, he told me so many interesting things. i just managed to write for him. uh, there, for example, the new year went. it was before the new year. i say take it began to say new year. this is not a new term understood? arkhangelsk, in my opinion, is not the kremlin in this. and uh, he says take it. misha here are our people, they are also very loving ; can say that with my girlfriend. here i tell him the answer. he says, well happy for me.
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at the end i received a gift. he handed it to me. eh, there play the harp peat girl so pretty. this is the hallmark of a first-class restaurant, and he went to her. and now you need to strain your imagination so he is from the kazan lads. i ordered murka to play the harp. i believe that there are smart people, and there are wise smart people. he knows how to laugh. he may have a good sense of humor, but the difference is that a smart person laughs at other people to be able to laugh at himself and i think
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a person who cannot laugh at himself. here his life seems to me like driving a car without shock absorbers on russian impassability. it can't be anywhere. i have two friends. went for mushrooms. naturally, they got drunk, but they went for mushrooms. you understand. you know how our people go hunting, they say, we'll take sandwiches. yes, let's take the girls hunting for a drink, we will take, of course, he says weapons. yes, weapons are not needed. why are we armed and these are sitting drinking on the hunt, suddenly an elk comes out of the forest from the forest. but ours, after all, to think, no, we immediately feel it and he lives in a bottle and sip, and in an elk. he thought that the elk would run away from you, but ran at him. so immediately once and into the forest, the second does not understand anything turns. i can't. i adore
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you for your laughter. quiet for a minute. here hold your breath. by the way, you are banging your head against the wall. you know, yes, put your hand in now. the second turns running power is ready. he runs away from the moose screaming, it's not me who launched a bottle at you. there are a lot of humorous television programs today. well, often the intelligentsia blames. uh, the authors transfer the actors, what a lot of vulgarity? that's why i love our russian viewers, not western ones. yes, many authors of today's programs have caught that viewers laugh with jokes on the topic below the waist, especially loudly. but why do i love our viewers for what they ear want over this topic will come home. and he says there was such a fee. and after that, they still go to
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concerts, and they still blame. still , most of our viewers got a soviet education, a cool education , one of the best educations in the world, our viewers with ironic thinking. yes, they try to laugh, so to speak, too at vulgar jokes, but there are other viewers , who laugh at the concert, and then come home. they say how sad it is and starts crying after that. such only we have. america has to fill out questionnaires in the questionnaires there is a bed of all this floor. this is the floor, so you know. what are you saying? i thought nothing. he wrote in the questionnaire once a week. man or woman, i find
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it wrong to say that hope dies last, a sense of humor dies last. and when people say that there will be the end of the world, i answer never, as long as our viewer knows how to laugh, there will be no end of the world. we just laugh at him. well, the end of the world is coming. this west can be alarmed as well with our sense of humor. we will start meeting him already on the kuril islands. we will have a message. the end of the world is coming to the planet. he is walking. he is already in vladivostok, he meets him, they pour us with our feeling. yura is the end of the world, my friends are absolutely not afraid. what is the end of the world? this is no electricity, no water. this is off-road. it is cold in houses, that is , in almost many russian cities, the arrival of the end of the world. russian
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people simply don’t notice, especially men end up in prisons in intensive care because of one reason, energy without vector man wrote me a letter. why did he go to jail. he is calm, they are drunk with their buddies on the dance floor, in some provincial town it was fun to write. this is a letter from prison, but he writes. here's to make it even more fun. here's our little still give. get ready to have even more fun ready to go home for a gun. those humor was not enough, the guys were further. he just said it so they would come back. i started shooting
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at them. and finishing the theme of the classics should be saltyk-shchedrin, the brilliant phrase is definitely about our days, when in the century before last it was said for our ruble and now they give nothing, and soon they will give in the face. he argued with the german to speak so tired. this german miserliness they are shaking over their mercedes. and i tell him. if you want, i ’ll pierce my mercedes with a screwdriver, here you want 300, he says i don’t believe it. can't be. he says right. you can check yours. this mercedes is the best company in the world. he says, yes, i can do mine let's bet for 1,000 dollars. climbed up on some chair and with a screwdriver boo boomer laid out a thousand dollars
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ours went to a car service and made a sunroof for 300 dollars. in belarus, ukraine and russia, the audience reacts exactly the same way from this, i conclude and i talk about this in belarus, ukraine and russia that we belarusians, ukrainians and russians are one people, and our government is a different people, a businessman from riga crashed into an elk in belarus and killed a elk, and there is no mercedes car service, lumberjacks came to help. they say we will fix the whole mercedes for you, from this the whole front of the mercedes is bent he says, how do you fix it, do not worry, we can do everything. he says that to give you how much money they say for this, nothing is needed. give me the moose. we haven't eaten in a long time. a freebie was practically returned to him
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a week later brand new mercedes, he looks , feels something is not right. what to understand? it can't, and that's exactly how it is. the director lord enters into it feint after 2 weeks in riga right in the same place, they both get out of their cars with fin and turn into wax figures from the museum, madam, tussauds it becomes especially scary for the finn to do business with such people now you will understand what i have in it looks like finn's hair is moving everywhere. yes, ready, all the new parts were made of wood. with
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people who drive mercedes from wood. incorrect expression beauty will save the world will save a sense of humor in my opinion, it should not be betrayed at all, with such a value, which is attached now, because there is an old very precise russian expression diabolical. and when a person does something from the heart, they say he acted like a god, and a person always laughs from the heart. a man with an educated face in kaliningrad came and said, i'll tell you one story, because i almost lost my way. mother-in-law went on vacation. here it is only with us, perhaps, she left. here is the meeting, but he hasn't had it yet. i decided to build a fence for my garden, i measured it with a tape measure, the garden is 12 m and ordered three sections of 4 m each.
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yes, arithmetic is not difficult three by four, it will be 12 he was made three sections of 4 m each. he brought him 1.5 m. he measured the garden 12 m longer. he measured each fence longer, each section 4 m. set four columns 12 longer got drunk with a russian one way to resolve unsolvable problems in the morning invited friends. everyone got drunk by the evening, everything, because faith in life just changes somehow, the multiplication table , the other understands that something is happening, it turned out to be amazing , it turns out, the mother-in-law, before leaving on
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another president was elected after yeltsin, then everyone who played tennis under yeltsin, of course, began to go in for alpine skiing. and you know. i, too, fell into this fever. uh, changing sports landmarks. i also began to travel to the alps in the mountains. and as life has shown, not in vain. i saw a lot of interesting things there. i was skiing in the alps last year, and at the same time the neftchikov team was resting in siberia , the guys were sour for about two months the day before departure , they suddenly found out that there are alps nearby
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we hired a bus to go far at 6:00 in the morning , we left at 7:00 in the morning and began to sour. woke up at 9. the alps around for the beauty of nature need a warm-up, they need to study right now . they say to the germans, uh, take us to the store to buy mutating. the german saleswoman closed the boutique after 10 minutes, but because our energy can not stand it. this is the first thing they asked, tell me, this is on the posters on the walls, who is drawn with us, she says, these are world champions in the weak. they say we are all the same as they quickly come here. she says, and you know how when not. well, we still have half a day to go. we began to produce an example, you know, run to each other. in shorts
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, socks, at the same time stinking sticks , the german woman's eyes are watering, but she is ready to endure. everything, if only the grandmothers paid, finally she gave them ski boots, she tells you, because the first time is better to bring in your hands. no, we'll go. no, have you ever seen a falling skittles, a german goes and picks them up. that's it. you go up a steep mountain. he says, well, we are cool, well, well , they were smart enough. the guide took them all the same to
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gentle descent. and the germans immediately stop the lift. the man fell down. and then the second one says, you fell ugly. you know, that's how it should be. and the lift stops. yes, of course, the germans for the germans are a state of emergency, they are not our state of emergency for ours, they know that they will catch up with their teeth and bring ours
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to the mountain. with cries, the lads did not even think to turn. okay, there all these are delivered as the kids work out. you saw how sturgeons are being pulled out when, after 15 minutes , an austrian is driving and stacking our stacks into a trailer for a snowmobile, and our satisfied ones say never had so much fun. you know, we practically learned how to ski take us to the sauna in front of me. i was in the sauna at the time. and the germans have sauna cascades in good hotels, for example, aromatic sauna, wet dry. i was in a romantic, because ours is a rarity in our sauna, what is coriander in a frying pan, cinnamon on top of a barrel like this on a computer through each. well, probably 10 minutes, the barrel turns and waters the pan with coriander, and coriander is in the air. was until
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ours came left. they only said hello, all carbon monoxide went to me. here i am not telling you anything funny. i am only telling what you have seen with your own eyes many times after 2 hours in a cold sauna. my energy sit ours and sweat and sweat they somehow explained that she broke down the sauna they are to my misfortune to the misfortune of the germans who were in the pool came to the pool. first of all, you need to tell what the germans are on the shore of the pool. the germans will tell the floor to the floor, i will show you, the germans are relaxing on the shore of the pool. not like ours, sun
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bomb, bomb bomb no, they have for the top chakras they occupy a couch, under their astrakhan individual such fashionable silence reads. there were splashes even on the glasses, on these narrow ones, and the squealing was as if the whole village was slaughtering a pig. you know, i'll tell you who laughed there. only ours can start playing hide and seek in the pool. he looks
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at ours. most fled, one german remained. he then ran away. after the russian child came, such a prosperous son, he was such a guitar-shaped form . he began to play the game, stood between the german and the pool, because i'll tell you now i'll show you, please, at night, don't remember. the sea is worried three first figure. the german had parkinson's on his glasses. he escaped and thank
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god because the boy so gurgled into the pool. it was such a vigorous gurgle. i almost knocked out the glass in the windows, but the main thing he did was what it was even inconvenient to tell. excuse me, but he will say everything in his own words, i will designate in his own words he exactly, that's how he did it and it was good. you rescued me. i didn't have to say he peed. i can't, that is, but without panties, please
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this is for god's sake. but there is a special liquid added to the pool. and if you do this, this is all this is manifested there, the boy became like a skunk that released a jet. but in general, he was somehow not surprised, because he actually came to the pool for this. he even became interested in him , he began to play with it, trying to break it, so that others would get hurt. the administrator on duty says that many people should not do even two words in more than one language, that how much does it cost
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do you know what concession is usually made on in the west i talk to foreigners, they speak, you know, they begin to speak russian with them slowly, but loudly. screaming words. here is our tourist because of the diasa and the german waitress, she speaks to me at breakfast. the eyes of a kangaroo that was hit by an asphalt roller on its hind legs and ours turns to me and says, are you right, they are stupid, you know the sausage? you don't understand the sausage, but when they can't even scream, they
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start showing the sausage, look, it's a fork. here is a sausage managed to show, dad did nothing should do. son, i'm proud of what we did. dad, this german administrator has never seen such a thing. you know dad took out $100 and gave the germans. only ours from wet swimming trunks wet dollars what did the german allow? he thought in his life that you can earn $ 100, you can earn in this way, and the next day he even persuaded the boy to do it again. and i gave phantom to drink for free, and in the evening i was proud of our germans to drink in the bar and the whole
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german hotel ran to drink for free , our guys are very generous, and they they told the germans in the language of semi-gestures of semi-main words that their frost was nothing compared to the frost in tobolsk, because in tobolsk they tried to depict further with gestures, when you spit, the lidyshka falls. can you picture it? no, they did it. together they did this pantomimo of a kindergarten, they did synchronized swimming together. i am often asked a question. are you a pessimist or an optimist? i even once so jokingly answered, they say. i'm still an optimist, because a pessimist, when he comes to the forest, he asks a question. how many left to live cuckoo woodpecker optimist, and
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lately i began to believe that i am a tired romantic. that is, a german satirist came, yes, to learn russian in the suburbs to finish teaching. he studied well, in russian. she was in shock the first day. you know how in a rural store they hang such signs on glass doors that say open on one side and closed on the other. here he came in. the market is white tomatoes. why are they yellow? that's how it can be understood, rather than not the hypothalamus. he saw how grandmother drove out the geese and shouted
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them. get out the dogs. he thought he learned the language wrong. you know. he took out a dictionary. like geese. he approached her to ask, grandmother. it's your geese. she says, and you're a pretty fucking idiot. why do you call them dogs? she says because they are pigs the whole garden. give him what he wants igor scalar. nikita panfilov, my coach was only here leave me alone when there was no sergey chirkov for you to win,
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you hear me, oksana akinshina, i'm not going to tell you. just why are you doing it? alexey chadov i am a duty fighter. tomorrow at 19:45 on ntv, the premiere from monday at 16:45 on ntv is our birthday and we have prepared a surprise for you in our application , a product to choose from for just one ruble delicious 1 year together. 699 rub. transparent conditions for
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please help us save the life of our son , roma's disease cannot stand any delay without treatment, the baby will die send an sms to 9112 or make a donation on alyosha's website font.ru save roma's life, good luck and the dacha to boot. it's complicated. switch to premiere movies series and shows online cinema premiere there is always something to watch in the world of hundreds of impossible. try maximum. first month for only 399 rubles. can iota open, for example?
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envy us one more sidekick to their former from the moscow aviation institute. i helped buy a fur coat for his wife, in general, he taught. he lived and worked in moscow traditional institute and his salary was 120 dollars, and he once told me about 10 years ago that he dreams of 160 by the end of his life . and uh, i also dreamed of increasing the living space by 16 m². so it's been 3 years . well, i don't know 10-8 years. eh, where does ours come from? i didn’t have a fur coat for my wife in chicago, well , i called the seller and, thinking that our prices were surprising, he asked the seller to bring a fur coat at a higher price, he brought a fur coat for 30,000 dollars, in general for a russian person. it should be but from the other side of the section, in general 30.000 dollars. no absolutely nothing. you know , i didn't even pay attention to the prices. he started biting something, licking, shaking, shaking, listening. a person worked on a wind tunnel, something like that. i say what are you doing? he
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says no. what to change? zdra is not shrill at all. you know, so tell the seller not to tell me bullshit. word but the seller, by my reaction, understood what he brought, damn it, in general, it’s interesting how it differs, laughter in different cities. i happened to be on tour in many regions of russia and i concluded for myself that they laugh best in novosibirsk in st. petersburg and in vladivostok well, in novosibirsk probably because there is a very high secondary education.
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even the inhabitants of novosibirsk are still there akadem gorodok, as if the brain of the soviet union was once there in st. petersburg, they laugh very well, because there are still a lot of viewers there, reading books in moscow is getting worse, because there are more people in moscow who watch tv, and in st. petersburg there are people who speak, of course, quarter bakery after the rain. and now you even walk around moscow. no more antique jewelry or jewelry stores. you walk around st. petersburg books glasses glasses books, there even appeared a huge shop called lenses. st. petersburg residents have already read up to the lenses. oh, and another somewhat scurrilous observation. but it, in my opinion, is very accurate when petersburgers have a problem. they say it's a headache . and when muscovites have a problem, they say that hemorrhoids are still wonderful, the story of how i helped one of ours buy house in san francisco, perfect
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evdokimov's heroes such a red face, he is so. uh, you know this with a backpack, he came to the house to buy a backpack, you understand, if at least one didn’t gnaw that this backpack came in lomonosov’s backpack next to two dirty children, he beats them on the heads, he says, he was silent , i buy a house, i’m married with a golden mouth, this one , you know, the whole periodic table in his mouth when he showed the house for 200,000 dollars. i've never seen people choose houses like this, you know, the kid francisco simulated an earthquake well, in its own way, the scientific approach is pure
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experiment, the experimenter is big and says a normal house. show silence. i have to san francisco buy. do you know what's in the backpack and, uh, ours, says it's normal? i'll take this. do you hear? he says, come here and any macher at this moment thinks that they will bargain, because the americans will say, let's 800,000 dollars and all my life. i will pay more, my grandchildren will pay. and now there's two dollars for you there, or yes, it's american and he tuned in to trade. our clock pumpkin, and ours only have the word pumpkin, among other things, pumpkin and ingenuity. it's somewhere nearby. here, apparently, is the savvy pumpkin of an ugly man. we noticed the scratching, the ingenuity worked. it's just our man. he honored pumpkins and said, and these are the ones who live here. they will live for a long time, maslin was not ready for such a uh-huh. for such a statement of the question. he says, i now find out, returned
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from the owners, says they asked for 4 months, ours again counted the pumpkin and said the phrase, after which maker left work unconditionally, because he realized that he had already developed everything in the world, because he told ours. here, too, some kind of pride, yours will now embrace, for ours he says to him, hear, i will give you a million and a half now and so that tomorrow they will not be. our favorite show the mask is impossible to breathe it is possible, only in the mask the favorite mask is with us again for the pegasus race sings good, love all the time we are waiting for how wonderful today's performance was, especially right. i'm happy
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goes backstage and asks his friends whom he invited. you liked this amateur performance. i still ask. still, i am the activity itself, if it is easy for me, and i can go out again, and repeat the same thing, and get it for free, not for money, so it worked out. so it's grown together, as they say today sidekicks with the boys, so we were under the same dome. and they exchanged energy drinks with zalomtsev, drove around russia a month later, they had a fight. two identical parts of the body of the pike of these two individuals fell in love with the girl.
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only our deliciously crazy, and most importantly, in the morning she opened the beer with a hand ring. this one is like this, but this thing didn’t crack her ear into our bruises to each other, but they generally came to us. they are at every turn. they came to do business and brought humanitarian aid. well, first of all, we were surprised that they brought less. what they ate for 5 days of banquets. uh, in honor of this humanitarian aid. by the way, and then there was surprise at every turn. all the time they had some kind of, uh, some kind of feelings with us in russia, for example, when we flew with them to tyumen. and they are all interested in tyumen as an oil region and on the plane they were really surprised, you know why? because some people were on the plane. there are
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people flying, tyumen is not far away. they say 3 hours is normal in our language. well they say, why do people cost to fly, how to explain why we have people fly tossed carrier. this can't be anywhere else in the world. hey, throw 100 dollars to tyumen. if you give me a toss, well, you’ll stand and drink beer, stand drinking beer, dripping on the german, because, and he is still holding on to the germans at this moment, because he’s already drunk, he’s pumping. that's all. he is on your ship represents everything in this dripping on the germans the german is trying to evade him, because the jacket is good german and here, and next to him is who the gentleman is from quite central asia, he well, how would i explain this piquant situation to you, he took off his shoes. i was not in
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the first world war, and well, i think that the germans have not experienced such a gas attack since the fourteenth year, you know, corroded. and ours normally sit something there. you know, ours, apparently, hardy and insane, it’s absolutely all the same , they are used to already know this main german. he took out the deodorant and sprayed it all around him like that. and an unpredictable turn happened. the gentleman from asia woke up for three days , pushed the germans and asked what air was coming from the assembly. are you saying that we flew to tyumen, we are met by 30-degree heat, we are met by hungry oil workers? all in ties, the ties of the hungry lie parallel to the ground on their stomachs. so they say today in the bathhouse we sign a contract, but explain to the germans. why in the sauna one signs a contract is also
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quite difficult, he must say, but before the sauna it was absolutely absolutely luxurious settlement of the germans in the hotel. so, well, first of all, they gave this main german a large three-room apartment, a huge living room, uh, four chandeliers, in four corners, they hang like a rocket nozzle, but there is no switch anywhere. well, no switches. he called me and asked michael where do you usually see switches in russia ? i travel a lot around the country. in general, i travel with a flashlight all the time, i tell him, look in the closet. i wasn't kidding. i know that they will bring a closet with someone put against the wall. there, the switches will block out a man. he will cut through. it is in almost all hotels. i tell him, look in the closet. he asks me. what are you, a comedian? he asks me, i say, i'm a humorist, but you look in the closet, then you need to show. i won't tell you, he opens the closet. there's
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a switch so he closed the closet and opened it again . the switch was there. but then, as he process, then he liked this open cabinet. turn on the light, the light is on, close the closet, the light is on. he says, i'll do it at home, just like that but they went wonderfully in ufa, they say, give kefir, and she tells him you know empty water. they say we are from germany she says we should have taken it with us, everything is fine. they, as it were, never saw such bottles in the form, a projectile, katyusha to be. and another german. it was wonderful that there was no sink; the faucet had no sink, but it flows directly from the water supply into the hole. right here. that's exactly what he took. someone took out the sink and left with the sink. but you know, he sits on the floor in the morning and is so cheerful all day. he will wash himself with this, and showers in many
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hotels, or save on hoses, but his shower was made. here at this level in the wall, well, the navel can be seen to be washed by businessmen. i really don't know why. well, here's the murrow. this is where he used to go, and then he comes up to him and says, how can i wash myself with everything. and the concierge says to him, turn the shower and let it drip on you from above. in this way, and make the jet stronger, you see, it developed. it started already, but then we went into the bathhouse with them. stand at indoor tables they they ask me, this is a bathhouse. i say it's a bath. they say why the tables are set, how can i explain to them why the germans set the tables, if you say, they are weaklings, they cannot eat and drink in the bathhouse, if a german goes to the sauna to tell him that you can go to the sauna with a bottle of vodka, he will have a nosebleed immediately he will die first. then he's a fact, that's enough.
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after that, they wash themselves in the bathroom. you know, these are so primitive. yes, they bathe. moreover, the degrees there are 90 at most, and they don’t sweat. uh 100° some kind of russian soul to a broom does not penetrate nettles, otherwise a bottle of cognac with beer inside. that's when you went under, you see, and the germans are weaklings. i will tell you that americans are weaklings, compared to ours, americans or germans drive on russian roads for six months in our car, they will never have children. and for our normal massage. you don’t need to go to the urologist only after that, then, for example, to me in chicago they say you won’t fly away tomorrow there will be a storm, a snow storm. i went outside at 6:00 in the morning it was snowing. i say a storm they say, here is a storm, i say, where is the storm we have children wear scarves in such weather,
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by the way. their movement is paralyzed if it snows 2 cm in germany. the movement has stopped snowing. they were waiting for the tractor of the tractor, which was supposed to pave the track. they brought sausages to the corner. where is it that all the cars have accumulated, the trade has gone talk here. i tell yeltsin to deal with them. it will fall out of love with snowballs. they will have paralyzed all countries in a completely different way. they are really 90-100 ° in the bath, they sweat enough. and there you know that in the german bath. i'm asking you to believe me now, because it's not invented. uh, it's even embarrassing to say, but in the city hospital, a man and a woman are together without anything. eh, you feel yes, the reaction of your yes , without everything, the city bath in this lethargy of the body is a russian peasant should not be allowed there. in general, he
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gives birth to quilted jackets in norilsk, but here he makes children. and this one, you know. i, when i went, when i saw this, i immediately sweated without any. i don't we expected to phone with whom we came. and no one warned us, you know, and such horror, but there is no sheikh, there is practically nothing to hide behind, only each other, and we clung to each other, the two of them are not bad and on the top shelf. we sit and miss him, and in front of us the german woman suddenly lay down. the german woman spread out, wide. here, you know, i went all right then. the main thing is that you don’t know what to do, it seems that you want to look uncomfortable. and we, unfortunately, will say this, like the eyes themselves were talking, finally could not stand it and
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said, i don’t like the woman excites. moreover, it is interesting that when we left the sauna with the german who took us to this bathhouse, you know what he told us, would you go to a striptease today and asked. i answered him in the same way, after which i asked, tell me, why would i go to a striptease, if a striptease is 45 marks, and a bathhouse is five? what did he answer me? i never thought about it. and this is us and they are still an example for us. here they say, how to live is not good. this is all for a russian person, not to mention how they are. they are in terms of. after all, they can't eat at all. they. well they how they die then at night, if they eat everything that i said. that's all because they drink, everything will be put on top. in the morning, their diaphragm will rise and the brain will pour out through the ears onto the pillow. it's our train you want in the morning. if you want in the evening, if you want, at 2:00 am from
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the refrigerator, you opened a pour, which was no sour cream, that's all the rules. yes, i understand why you laugh? because now you will return home. and you will do all this, which the germans cannot do. and finally, how the germans drink. i will give you one phrase about the chronicle of the day i read in a german newspaper. i had hysterics. i think that she and you will have two german soldiers took a bottle of brandy, went into their hotel room and made a drunken brawl for 2 days. now imagine them in our bath. after that, when they came in, the first thing they asked was, are there bathrobes, and most importantly, the oilman forgot about this matter. he says to his six, hear the bathrobes forgot from burning, run there, there is a polyclinic
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nearby. take a tent. you represent these two idiots. they eat medical caps. here in these they wrap salad olivier from a basin. wow. them. they say that you will drink, they say, cell whiskey, you can say, what kind of soda i don't have soda. if you want, i 'll just ask you to bring soda. you just don't have soda. no, no, no soda. he says, then have a drink as we do not pull him to speak. why say you will be an oilman? this alarmed me, i must tell you, and i asked one question, what do you want to offer them. he tells me. yes, we have a drink. polar explorers call shilo shilo i drank shila. i traveled a lot. i have been to the north sea route and walked on tomods for the first time. i vypershi-drank an awl on a motor vehicle. lenin sewed - this is alcohol with pepper. you are warm. it is very good when the beating of nettle and alcohol with pepper is very warm at this moment. and when
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i first took a glass of awl on a hunt there, i understood the correct name for me, as an awl , along with a stool, invited the fuck hours to the floor. can you imagine the difference between whiskey and soda? and alcohol, it was i who fell from the stool. i am an experienced person. my student youth in moscow passed, by the way, but imagine a glass of shea. scrap was a german infirmity. alive to become an oilman, i don't know whether it became oilmen or not. but he is at the same moment as in him. this portion went in, he turned into a wax figure of the museum, madam, tussauds like that, he was so frozen on such. on what he sat in this until morning, there were just as many thoughts in
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them, he was a closet, he slept with open buttons ; he woke up in the morning 7:00 am. he know, he feels like he's an oilman but he doesn't understand where he's not pulling. and he looks at himself. he can’t understand anything at all with a medical gown on him. with bruises furacilin a tie on his head, all in suits of 10 shilov, they are already sitting, there everyone with glasses says to fly sweetly. russian soul, what does it say? have a drink oilers and what if i ask them what it is? he says? yes , we have a live drink, gimlet, gimlet.
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i think that when the gimlet took german weakness. i think that he did not just feel that he had become an oilman. i think he felt oil come out of him. only a russian peasant could come up with a gimlet, it turns out that not all polar explorers have alcohol. eh, it's going smoothly. well, cabins. some more, therefore, when alcohol is alcohol. zam still decided to add. well, something goes wrong then it's very easy. it's cold fluid slipping through. so hop, he took everything later, but for heard a peasant he can take a glass of a gimlet when the german infirmity took a gimlet. he is another week to madame hours in the guests went. a week later, we woke up again in the morning, everyone ate the bitch in the morning, you know, ours at 7:00 in the morning already.
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