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tv   Absurd  NTV  November 15, 2023 12:55am-1:46am MSK

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even if vasechka, do you remember what we agreed on? yes, yes, i remember, don’t interfere with your personal life, you’re an adult girl, you can manage on your own without daddy’s interference. listen, do you know where valentin is, and here i decided to relax after a hard day with my drinking buddy, no, well, he’s not at home, or he doesn’t open it, his cell phone doesn’t answer, i’m actually looking for him too, he left to meet olga and how in i ran out of water, yeah, well... maybe you can keep me company, but that’s out of the question, i still have to sort out the materials business and apparently go with me to the witness, well , apparently so, well, i wish you good luck, where are you going? where, i’ll go look for a drinking companion , or better yet two, if i don’t find anyone, i’ll have to drink with the homeless in the gateway, well, since no one else supports me, dad, it’s not funny, but yeah.
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it’s not very funny, it’s kind of even sad, but where can i go, okay , i love you, i love you too, masha
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, everything’s fine, yes, well, the team is grumpy, that’s right, everyone is full, he satisfied, well, come on, let’s go to the cave, the boss will say, come on. well,
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shall we continue? go ahead, i'll support you. where did i stop? oh, yes, we already moved together after this demon, well, who climbed into germanovsko, but lost each other in the darkness. you suck at running, cops, so take the carcass. who let you out of the cell? sledak, he said that the fact of poaching is not confirmed, because there are no levers that stifled the fish, what? nonsense, where would it come from if it was blown up? the researcher was also very upset by this fact, he said, if only there were fish and dynamite, you are very helpful to us tired, and in this case it very much means that next time we will drown you in a distant lake, you have no right, i am disabled, answer quickly, where is herman, why did you go into his room? the devil knows where he is, he was probably killed, or drowned, or fell off a cliff and crashed, or was hit by a train, he was crushed beyond recognition, or i’ll kill you now , do you hear the banderlock, if you know where
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herman is and don’t tell me, i ’ll put you on notice, it’s not just the cops, people are asking you, look at my eyes, and shake the air over me, my ears are ready, yes, i really don’t know where he is, he climbed into the room because he wanted to cut the tv, they would have thrown it off in the morning, it would have been enough for 2 liters, but german is still not there, why does he need a tv, i don’t know. i believe you’ll get caught again, dynamite down your pants into the lake, fuck off, you assholes, and if he dies , no, he’s not lying, he’s telling the truth, i feel it, i agree with valet, me too.
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i feel, hear, jack, why didn’t you go to the cop with such a feeling, just as you didn’t go, i went, but on the other hand, not quite on my own, well, it’s night outside. yes, i think it’s useless to sit in ambush, clear the stump of half the district was raised, if anyone was going at night, herman definitely won’t go, let’s go home and sleep, but according to the new scheme , valette, you’re going with our little one, vanka, you ’re taking a computer pest, but the swindler is coming to me, on horseback . as i understand it, this is another dangerous criminal from your prison cell? well, yes, i told you, repairs, foster care, everything is there, a deserter, or what? no, rather, the victim
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of a love affair, let him live at home, i don’t want to risk the barn. okay, i'll go to bed now. you're not even with any of my girls don’t think, i’ll be very upset, but we’ve got taiga all around us, i’ll just say , alika the bear fucked up, misha, why are you all, but we ’re all in the same boat, misha, we’re all our own and i’m not mine. .. i’m upset, yeah, but vanka and igor took you out of nowhere, no, no, they just misunderstood me,
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okay. let's get this all over , over, misha, oh, misha, come in. your wife is already sleeping, don’t make any noise, honey, it’s us, i understand, this is your
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next colleague, hello, and judging by his age, he was an old man, yes, let’s go to the kitchen. hello, this is also a colleague for the exchange of experience, their boss, vera ivanovna, it’s very nice, you can just have faith, and i’m a jack, valentin, call me that, evening in the hut, mad comrade major often infiltrates various gangs, he’s accustomed to criminal jargon, it’s good here, what do you have, these are bandit bullets , how did you survive, it’s elementary, i just
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wasn’t wearing a jacket at that moment, you probably have a lot of interesting stories, what do you mean? without this, i’ll be happy to have some tea, just brew it, yeah, well, take it, the convoy is being built. colonel, the new composition of the guard, according to the order of the head of the ufsin, arrived at the new place of service, during the following there were no incidents , lieutenant colonel strogov, well, lieutenant colonel strogov, i am the head of the zone nikodimovich, colonel shutov,
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this is the head of the operational unit, mayor dubinin, as they say, you can begin your duties, that’s for sure. command the cars! well, take them down, dear ones, here they are all the dead people and have buried, please, the bones of the unfortunate, infected prisoners. somehow they are healthy, this is a fancy skeleton
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it looks like damn, it’s true, well, there is no infection, no one died in the zone, and no one was buried here secretly, we went to the editorial office, and yes, so that syagin would devour me there, she promised him a sensation, so if there is no sensation, that means we need to make it, bogdan, with these little hands, yes, you and i will film a story about zombies, but i’m completely nuts, about what kind of zombies, where will we get them, if they simply don’t exist, bogdanchik, be zombies, that’s the main thing to me ensure your video is of high quality, yes, that’s it, the entire internet is ours.
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that we’ll ride with you and leave you at home, how will it end again, let’s go towards the station and watch for herman there. what the hell is this? so, wow, is this a joke, people, or what? van, guess what, they put us on the internet, who? karina, journalist, three-nutted grya, health officials are increasingly recording cases of exposure of ensk residents to towers 5. for the third day, they continue to record more and more new cases of a mysterious disease in our city, but the editors managed to collect information about the symptoms of this
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diseases: confusion of mind, hallucinations, increased aggression, constant hunger, patient zero was a policeman, a sergeant who ate mammoth meat, this sergeant managed to bite five more police officers and now they are all dead, and it also seems to be the symptoms of a zombie virus. i’ve seen about 10 films on this topic, which means i’m savvy, i just see in you the future leader of the resistance, take you into the detachment, and what are we ready for, a volunteer, cinema, slow down, slow down, ballet, now i’ll push my story forward, well go ahead, well, in short, it was the case so what
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about tolik? did tolya want something sweet or something strong? what do you care? no, it’s okay, i just want to help society, even if it’s mine. but i don’t hold a grudge against you, life is a long thing, it will still show who is worth what, what you need, i want to help replenish your complete lack of money, cool, now i can send someone from the security, run into the city, replenish your supplies, only crunches are needed. sweet
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and strong, okay, look, hey, study, we’ll do it now, study while i’m alive. good morning, excuse me, could you please for our small company, buy more alcohol, more sweets, well, sweets, cookies. all sorts of things here, just 500 rubles on top is yours, which is not enough, well, i’ll add another 300 , maybe you don’t understand, i say, what the hell, you’ve really confused the shores, quickly, i’m the director of the theater, come in,
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hello. we carefully look around and check the direction of herman. and i understood. listen, only decent people, not a single cop around.
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shut up. residents of the nizhny novgorod high-rise building are afraid that they are about to take off. air, their electricity can flare up at any moment, i opened the door, everything is jammed, i immediately call the firefighters, we live like on the crater of a volcano, god, but the father and daughter, through whose fault there has already been one fire, do not understand the complaints from the neighbors, don’t deceive people, i’m not at all interested in whether it’s a neighbor or someone who was flooded, go write a claim, they’ll pay you, you’ll be free, i understand, we are adequate people, as you can see, there’s no need to lie about such things, i repeat once again, and they, in turn... intend to evict the pensioner and his lonely daughter from bad apartment, they are in a situation every day, they can burn, die or something else every day, everything will be decided simply for them, the court will decide, it will do it naturally, based on considerations of humanity, how i want to live, how i will live , it's beyond, tomorrow at 16:45 on ntv.
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so here we go again: free notification service forever. apply online or allocation and benefit every day. at 43 years old, a man lives without a passport. mom said, live on your own as you want, she didn’t go with me for a passport. he cannot create an official family. i agreed on the matter. and she and i started working on documents from the eleventh year, i couldn’t believe that people live like this, get a job, go somewhere to work, live like a human being, and even get to the clinic, we really want children, it’s not possible, there’s so much he hasn’t seen a doctor for years, he blames his mother for his plight, who did not issue a passport for him in a timely manner, vitalik came, his face covered in blood, in slippers, it was cold, but his mother did not let him in, he was 11 years old, and the man’s brother is wondering why his mother deprived him of the document... only the eldest son, until now i don’t understand why they gave me documents to my sister, and why they didn’t do it to vitali , i say, mom, you tell me, husband, i’m not your
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son, adopted or natural, i’m opening the envelope, dna, tomorrow at 17:50 on ntv, congratulations, gentlemen, in the city of krasno, do you think we came to capture only the good? she's with us will level the ground, i feel, we are acting strictly according to plan. we are professionals, poltergeists exist, they are hunting me. i'll get back to you after the commercial. what is kulygina’s challenge for? condition after fainting. thank god it's nothing serious? be patient, dear, we will get you out. discharge. ambulance, new season, all the best. tomorrow at 20:00 on ntv.
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it is necessary, dear, what do you mean, what is going on here? and why do you see so many people in tin foil hats zombies who are zombies you are not me yet there is no 5g radiation but in more detail, the cops ate the mammoth, now they bite, then all the prisoners in the zone died, or vice versa , in short, no one knows anything for sure, the authorities are hiding everything, but there is a zombie infection in the city, mom, mom, i was lucky, yeah .
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start digging in, machine guns on the right flank, guns on the left, cavalry in the center, naked nurse towards me, strategist, damn it, napoleon, if he was an asshole, left us to the mercy of fate, i agree, okay, let's get out of here. everyone should leave the cells and there is a black raven on top of them. why are you hanging over may?
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galava, don’t let yourself get away with it, i’m a black raven. you’re not yours , so that you don’t give in to the black thieves, i’m not yours, what do you always let loose,
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and you only sing or maybe something funny, well, are there funny skits or what? they ask, can we show something funny? funny? in russia, folk songs are no longer about laughter. wait, remember two years ago we had kvn, well, with a team from a different zone, we even then took first place in the region, well, well, what, you can remember, diversify, so to speak, the repertoire, only i need time to rehearse, again, and then
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with you. i’ll start talking about what’s right, but i’ll end up with you, the gavarit is right, everything is pockmarked. i see they have dismissed you completely, violation of the regime for violation, fasten the top, button up the syrup, take off the scarf, this is prohibited, dear, this is impossible, i need to take care of the ligaments, let’s not discuss orders, i warn you once and for all,
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violation of the regime... and i don’t it will be, even if you all have to try the punishment cell, so you say, you don’t know where herman went, so it’s in the forest, why, but didn’t say, so it’s covered right through? i’ll catch you, i’ll be the heart of the mountain, man, where did you see the guy, barzot, sorry, i didn’t see you right away, help, die, on the yag, now, now, the room and
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the corridor are bustling, there’s nothing, our herman just jumped out, that means we’re staying in the city , we decide according to the situation, who needs to be stabbed, whoever has the right is walking around, i think in the camp that one of us should go there, but bezetapa, yes, they know a lot about our topic, we need to look for a jack, what is it? i'm definitely saying it's a zombie virus can act through suna, no, but only at the dna level. yes, how does a bite transfer dna? through blood. is it also possible to become infected through meat? how's that? well, what if you eat a piece of zombie? why eat it? well, let’s say you didn’t know that the zombie took it, ate it and went off to bite everyone. why eat a person, well , it doesn’t matter, a zombie or a normal one. but
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they don’t tell you that it’s a zombie. they say it was a pig, and if the pig was also a zombie, by the way, but sometimes mammon is a zombie, well, they told you on the radio that it happens, are you serious? what are you guys discussing, second time i agree with the jack, good, fifth, answer first, carefully, petrovich, let's go to the department, urgently, we're close in 2 minutes, lights out.
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prisoners in the car, the crew behind me, sanya, sanya, what's going on, he's alive, alive, yes, what is it, stand, what's happening, his bullet, kill me, run away, weapons, petrovich, petrovich,
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misha, and who is it? zombie, fire! in your head, in your head, hello, petrovich, what's going on there? hello,
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where is petrovich on petrovich from above again , igor, wake up? petrovich has become a zombie, i know. alone around morons, quickly,
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petrovich, what did you call for, that means this is the course of the situation, you can’t figure it out without a glass. the railway bridge collapsed, now we are cut off from civilization, you can feel the sadness of the moment, yes there are victims, yes no, it seems no, i sent people there to find out what and how, they will arrive soon, they will report, we should go there too, no, you are working according to german , and faster, faster, he’s urgently needed , i completely forgot, there’s another special task for you, so, go ahead and talk about infection, zombies, the dead, or maybe throw them in the cell by the scruff of the neck, you’re crazy, that’s it the press, then you don’t mind the stink, why are you
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staring at me, i’m not your cabbage pie, but i’m just glad you didn’t become a zombie. oh, misha, work with a crew member, he’s not at all adequate for the campaign. i don’t understand what your complaints are about our employees, they are talking all sorts of nonsense on the radio, some kind of zombie virus, on what basis are you, as authorities, trying to interfere with the work of our information media holding, are you breaking the law? what to knock your head off or what?
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should i be responsible for the market? what? that moraga paper is a selcoper. consider him infected, he if he bites you now, nothing will happen to him. no need, let me understand, i understand everything, pray that we don’t come back. signed up, karina, add the next story, that the cops are trying to hide the true situation in vienna with threats , according to the routine, you have citizens working for the good of society, from you the finished product, according to the stools, go ahead to work, what ’s amazing or what? we didn’t sign up for this, the court signed you up when
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the verdict was issued, dear, we are artists, artists, not prisoners, the conversation is over, we’re all back to work, we got too drunk, or what, it’s strange, i i haven’t seen a single familiar face among our guards, listen, what’s wrong with this? what should we do with these pieces of wood and pieces of iron?
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stunned almost killed me, something tells me that carter is better? i’ve been serving for 15 years, this is the first time i’ve come across such strange zaks, and what’s wrong with them, no, well, i’ve seen everything, but so that the whole zone unanimously lies that they are artists, this is the first time, maybe they’re having massive hallucinations, so don’t be too harsh with them, of course they are idiots, but they’re not evil and not greyhounds, that’s how they work they don’t want to, well, they don’t want to, let them not work, don’t think about it, just do it.
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the editors learned that the police blew up the railway bridge, the only thread connecting us with the mainland, friends, we are left alone with the most dangerous epidemic, there is no help to come from , we have to eat, i’m about to throw up from this nonsense, please eat, just a picnic in the fresh air, beauty, well, for a picnic you still need a barbecue, a guitar, a fire, beautiful women in the company, what else is needed to meet nature one on one, and fishing rod, gun, what would you do without them?
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that’s not what we’re talking about, we need to look for herman, specifically, like for now, just wait at the house and think, let’s move away , the guards, the guards don’t act fiercely, as if they ’ve been replaced, but it’s just some kind of lawlessness, lawlessness, so you’re us dragged into this chaos. you are responsible for fornicating in front of people, lunch, getting ready to eat,
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konstantin, what are you doing, konstantin sergeevich, i ’m groin here. and you're a six, do you want to bet? okay, good for you, marish, husband, director, lover, the first handsome man in the theater, this is on the will was good, and here they are sitting in the same cell, sorting things out, and i’m here with you, just some kind of cutting and sewing circle, well, at least some kind of comfort, i can’t imagine how they live here... they live for years, so, what kind of news is this? why not in general location? listen, well , we can’t live in the same room with everyone else, how come you don’t understand this? omitted, or what?
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i won’t have this disgrace in my zone. well, get up, put your butts up, and march to the general location, please, well, we can’t. location, don't come near, pervert, even if you touch a finger, i’ll kill you, a running lieutenant colonel causes panic, what kind of fire is the one checking us with the head, of course not a master, but in hand-to-hand combat - that’s my strong point, we are the honor, intelligence and conscience of the gvd, so who besides us could provide leadership such high trust, to please the inspector, works for the victims, you and i. trafficker of stolen goods, can i go with you, you're in the convoy , someone needs to cook porridge and bring cartridges, zhor, stand, police, drop your weapon, drop it, they say, balabol, tomorrow at 22:15 on ntv, in saturday we watch superstar, on sunday
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avatar at 2:20 on ntv, for pensioners in sberbank a free sbercard is profitable. deposit rate, cashback bonuses in pharmacies, loan discount. transfer your pension to sberbank, online or in a branch. are you ready for big discounts? yes, then everything is on sale, take everything you can carry. friday on azon, november 20. 60% on falcon jewelry and watches. and millions of other products with discounts of up to 90%. and also a lubric cube, a needle attachment, etc. will santa claus handle all this? will it pull? with a new year's loan from post bank enough for everything. well, where is your list? come for the money. post bank. so tasty. somehow
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tasteless. sometimes they become entrepreneurs. find out the available loan amount for a business in the sberbank online application and you will always be ready for changes , receive an online loan at a 3% reduced rate and take your business to a new level. one of my friends has a difficult relationship with the internet. and that file, how to cancel? no way, artyom. this is a megaphone, everything flies with it. only for megaphone subscribers. she will appear now. come on, what's there? magic
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guaranteed cashback, choose a profitable qr from sberbank. contractor, you should know this. when you enlist in the military, you receive a number of benefits and guarantees, but there is also something that has no price. stand shoulder to shoulder with comrades, defend your family and homeland, fight for just cause, gain new knowledge and skills, become stronger, join your people, serve under a contract, hello, please tell me, do you have scientific literature in prose?
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grandfather, such literature does not exist by definition, there is, my dear, just as it is, and you should be ashamed, here you are sitting here with a higher education, but you don’t even know about such science, i repeat to you again, but there is no such scientific literature , only fiction, zombies, reverse, you name it, but this is not non-fiction, wait a minute. how about this? author em gremyatsky the 1926 edition is called death revival. chapter one, what sometimes makes the dead move. chapter three, how to make a dead man's cut-off hand move. but the most interesting thing is - you know what, we don’t have such a book and never had
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one, old man, don’t you understand, well, it’s all clear, the authorities ordered this book not to be given to the population, but they hide everything from us, what nonsense, only honey, the truth cannot be hidden, we are not idiots, we know everything, yes, that’s it. people have completely gone crazy, and don’t say they’re some kind of zombies, everything is much simpler, interesting, and how, our cops found a well-preserved corpse of a mammoth, cut it up and ate it, it turned out to contain some kind of ancient virus, they say it has a very high mortality rate, do you have books about viruses of ancient animals? i’m very sorry,
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igor, please forgive me for yesterday, i didn’t know that

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