chrome failure forcing desperate followers to see the state support us. and what's that take to be a good soldier also he meets american veterans he discovered the aldf there off the coming face to face of the brutality of war that's next on austin. there was one particular incident that there still disturbs me today i wish i could take that day back i'd give anything we went into an area near the baghdad stadium this came into our area and actually stopped about seventy five meters or front of my vehicle that tells you how far the vehicle came into our perimeter. and. which is we lit it up. we had three of the.

victims in the right key that there were expiring rapidly we pulled them out of the car and we started doing it for state i called a corpsman the corpsman came and got the three bodies and took him back to the patel you and surgeon corpsman came back dump the bodies on the side of the road and went over to the corpsman so what we're doing how can you bring him back you need to get him out of your you need to get him back to an area where they can see a surgeon the corpsman there's nothing we can do for him so we're going to leave you know you can leave the bodies on the side of the road and i said yeah well you want to do steps or so i want you to compatible up

so they don't i'm on the side of the road and. you know the guys brother you come running over to him and he's just so they're holding them while they roll around on the on the asphalt on a highway. and rolling around in pain they didn't even give many morphine. the guy's brother. he kept running around and he had his hands in his in his and his face. and he was crying and sobbing and he's saying why did you kill my brother. we didn't do anything to you we're not terrorists. now remember i remember i just want to i want to close my ears i didn't want to

hear just sat there and he's time that he said it. it was like it was permanently being. burned into my brain. and. i lost. the last five or gotten a good night's sleep. the night before that. i think and then on. the next morning lieutenant he walked up to me and he said sas. are you all right you seem a little distressed

a little agitated. and i was not all right and. said i'm i'm pretty pissed off what we're what we're doing over here. and he said it will give me your interpretation of what we're doing over here. and. for what we're trying to accomplish over here. and i just looked at him and i said the well said honestly feel that we're committing genocide. and he didn't like my answer and he stormed off towards the. ceo's vehicle. and i knew at that point that my career was done across the line and i knew i had to watch my back and grow eyes. so after that night i pretty much slept with my

nine millimeter underneath a poncho liner within easy reach. bay in the dark the dark days. when i first came back from vietnam in one thousand six to six i saw protesters out speaking. i don't want to hear it they believe it to get away from it i put in a ten forty nine to go back to vietnam because i was what atar and we'll wired up and i don't think it would have taken a much for me to take one of the protesters out failed had i stayed here i would have ended up killing some people and i could do it legally in vietnam so i put in a ten forty nine to go back and i think i was looking at justification of doing

what i was doing of killing it was all a do on my side going to war when i began to realize that something was wrong when i came back to the states i want to washington d.c. to the white house or i talk this nominee to next and just say that i would not go back to vietnam. when i arrived back stateside i was ordered to report into the middle health clinic in twentynine palms. the. psychologist looked at me and she said. why don't you a conscientious objectors. as in. just about last. for them to label me as a conscientious objector that's the ultimate slap in the face you call me your

conscience objector i just killed thirty plus individuals for you and you're calling me a conscience objector. stood up and. ma'am if you want to label me as a conscientious objector for not wanting to kill innocent civilians that i'll see you court. i went down and hired an attorney. a man by the name of mr gary myers. and. mr mars was represented during the may lie trials. and. mr meyers in the marine corps came to a. very discreet mutual understanding i was on her plea discharge december thirty first of two thousand and three and here i am.

came back i think that that sense of a long term planning was gone. i went through a divorce some things i did recklessly probably in the back of my mind i would not have minded. but. i went through a period when t.c.p. carrying on a. and about it and that inane. long period of severe drug abuse. i finally got to the point where i had no more money. i had no car. i had long since moved out of my house and could not connect home exactly where to go from here.

and it was when the national guard needed someone in my and i my experience in teaching people how to fly the armed helicopters the cobras and i was asked to come in and help train some of those folks and the money was. you know fifteen twenty thousand dollars a year for part time work and it carried a retirement with even though i had and a change of heart about wars i needed the money you first come home and you meet lee forget about everything and you go to mcdonald's you go to all your favorite restaurants and you do all your favorite things and you're having a great time and you know and then all of a sudden you wake up one day and you're like wait a minute i'm not having

a good time anymore. i'm starting to think about this i'm starting to think about that because all the newness has worn off your whole i'm alive i've got my arm i've got my legs i'm alive. but then the mind. the mind starts catching up with with everything else. if i myself going through my gear prepping like getting ready to go to combat. i mean i even look for suicide bombers. you know anything out of the anything out of the ordinary. once you reach that level of of your senses being that heightened it's hard to turn it off it's like being in a cage tiger.

and. i got back in december of forty floors there is nobody you can talk to you know there was nobody who had been in combat around. i can remember still seeing that chrome red glow on the tip of the christ. and my god i was home. one day you're killing somebody and they're trying to kill you and the next day you're sitting in a bar in new york city it's it's crazy. you see i took so normal nobody knows that your hand at work nobody you know if you got a you got a headache or you got a hole in your head you can't see when i wrote home that i was wounded i had been in france from the middle of august to i was a good dad said to the newspaper reporter who interviewed him he was only there for

a few days that was to me the only was a at that time not now was a real rejection of who i was as a man he didn't last he didn't make it he got hit. and i think i didn't even understand it then but that started a defining our relationship which spiraled downward downward downward. so you don't talk about it or do you sit on it. and see i was lucky why did one kit why didn't i both somebody you know guys do that or why did no poor me why didn't i do this. i want to try i don't know still

and. i remember i was living in the y. of new york city totally although i don't just to put my bathroom sascha rock hung it sort of share. and why i got down was because. my friends. i had made after the war who had been through the same thing i had and i felt if i did that to myself i would betray. the bond we had.

coochie vietnam federer for taint nineteen sixty six by a.p. they call it held high afaik or because of the american blood. that had been spilled there tano to all and the kong snipers have done most of the damage today was no exception. on this you know the twenty seventh and for true the framed wolfhounds moved out to attack the snipers opened up from such perfectly camouflaged positions the most of the a copy what the whole day without seeing one of the enemy a sergeant was hit in the shoulder and leg as he rolled over a third shot ripped to his by. a medic broke from cough and rushed to his side as he dropped to his knees to begin

given a bullet smashed into the stomach. both the sergeant and the medic. and artillery lodge was laid down to screen a squad gone after the wall and a specialist for what won't in the help cross the deadly fifty yards with all the fallen to us he was hit again and this was until you were there yes it's hard to bring back to minimum. i don't. know christmas certainly we're building up to go into iraq i thought think obama grandson. they were where. if they had to draft they would be drafted so i start thinking of what i could do to protect them to

keep them from a boy and. join the military but it same reasons that the young people join now because it is the poor people out of people on the lower end of the economic scale all that want to fight these wars. even though rob are mad no merit came out years later and say it vietnam was a mistake it did not take the brain from me. nor did it take the guilt that i carried for killing people when i went to vietnam i was a car courts rule and i believed what i was going there was the right thing and i was a good soldier but now i'm a soldier on the other side and i think i'm just as good.

i sold my soul a long time ago i'm just here trying to recover. and i have. been a hero for all and i do for. people ask me why aren't you afraid to go to prison i mean you're saying you're a war criminal brother i'm already in prison this is veterans for peace chapter zero nine nine western north carolina hoping that this moment registers in everyone's mind that this is one of the total cost of war.

should food soon who is a great war political war one wrote a line war was a scene who stopped our clocks though we met him grim and gay and i know people who got their clocks stopped so badly they never got beyond drugs booze women suicide whatever you want to call it and that happened to me and i think my clock was stopped for close to forty years before i got over that i was ashamed i was ashamed that i had been wounded i was ashamed that i hadn't been a hero. i never understood that my problems with my parents my problems with my wife my ex-wife were buried in the fact that i had gotten blown up i never i never understood it repressed it totally and then i began to go to

a coffee shop and i would hear the big bands of the night hundred forty five and i would weep like a baby in public i had no idea that what i was doing i could reply to was going back and trying to find that the little boy all night and what happened. the fall of eighty four i was driven to go back to fly to look some birds to spend the night there to rent a car and file and find the place where i was wounded on september seventh one thousand and forty four. and then suddenly. i found the bridge that we crossed it had been blown when i had been shot. i discovered to the hour at the moment where i had been wounded forty years before and i cannot explain it but that discovery began my healing.

my generation really repressed with the war was about we didn't want to talk about it we weren't allowed to talk about it and then slowly in the one nine hundred eighty s. and one nine hundred ninety s. this whole thing of the greatest generation occurred it was wonderful you know the greatest generation what a nice name to call us and we forgot what we had done we forgot that we had been animals for a while. war is about one thing it's about killing you either learn to kill somebody else or you get killed or wounded yourself and that's why i have become to solo the idea of war and i think that's all the purple. vietnam assault on us cost don't what may i think of it every day.

to memorise still go to counseling for. and. it's it's not worth it but what i did do was madness to find some good in that war . vietnam a me a better person and made me people more. made me understand that we are all one one people. there's a certain amount of guilt i think you learn to live with the compartmentalize it or unite you rationalize you see and i call that excuses i mean i really don't have to make excuses even. so there are things i wish i had not done. but there's no way to change. the.

last. laugh. when you come to the point that you're not sure you're actually much but there are more snow on the way to sad. and disagreement. and kind of like the place for you can have your own war and i. loathe luxury. i.

have.

just. look. i'm not. saying.

this thing that. we're going to. get. every month we give you the future we help you understand how will get there and

what tomorrow brings the best in science and technology from across russia and around the world to join us for debt knology update on our g.

conventional treatment has actually caused the death of a whole generation of young gay men in america. skeptics challenge statistical theories behind aids as that girls of scientists and politicians gather in vienna to discuss helps prevent the spread of the students. who run the security services and break up a suspected terrorists in the some of them republican dogs which includes a man that links to the deadly mosque a better time of year this year. on arabian nuclear scientists who claims he was kidnapped and held by the cia in the u.s. home movie it returns home but mystery still surrounds the story with american media reporting in the sprawling to washington. and as russia remains in the sweltering grip of a.