i'm back with more on those stories in this in the often enough now here not in the meantime what does it take to be a good soldier well if he meets american veterans he discovered the answer after coming face to face with the tendency of war coming up as the second part of our special report. there was one particular incident that still disturbs me today i wish i could take that day back i'd give anything we went into an area near the baghdad stadium this key came into our area and actually stopped about seventy five meters in front of my vehicle that tells you how far the vehicle came into our perimeter and. which is we lit it up. we had three of the.

victims in the right key that there were expiring rapidly we pulled them out of the car and we started doing it for a state i called a corpsman the corpsman came and got the three bodies and took them back to the patel i and surgeon corpsman came back dump the bodies on the side of the road and went over to the corpsman so what do you do and how can you bring him back you need to get him out of your you need to get him back to an area where they can see a surgeon corpsman there's nothing we can do for him so we're going to leave you know you can leave the bodies on the side of the road and i said yeah well you want to do stuff. so i want you to compatible up

so they don't i'm on the side of the road and. know the guys brother you come running over to him and he's just so they're holding them while they roll around on the on the asphalt. on a highway and rolling around in pain they didn't even give many morphine. the guy's brother. he kept running around and he had his hands and it was in his and his face. and he was crying and sobbing and he's saying why did you kill my brother. we didn't do anything to you we're not terrorists. now remember i remember i just want to i wanted to close my years i didn't want to

hear just sat there and he's time that he said it. it was like it was permanently being. burned into my brain. and. i lost that's the last i've ever gotten a good night's sleep the night before that. and i don't remember. the next morning lieutenant you walked up to me and he said sas are. you are you all right you seem a little distressed

a little agitated. no sir no sir not all right. said i'm i'm pretty pissed off what we're what we're doing over here. he said it will give me your interpretation of what we're doing over here. and. for what we're trying to accomplish over here. i just looked at him and i said it well said honestly feel that we're committing genocide. and he didn't like my answer and he stormed off towards the. ceo's vehicle. and i knew at that point that my career was done across the line and i knew i had to watch my back and grow our eyes. so after that night i pretty much slept with my

no i millimeter underneath my poncho liner within easy reach. bay in the dark the dark days. when i first came back from vietnam in one nine hundred sixty six i saw protesters out speaking. i don't want to hear it i did believe it to get away from it i put in a ten forty nine to go back to vietnam because i was what atar and we'll wired up and i don't think it would have taken a much for me to take one of the protesters out failed had i stayed here i would have ended up killing some people and i could do it legally in vietnam so i put in a ten forty nine to go back and i think i was looking at just the full cation of

doing what i'll be doing of killing. it was all a do on my second tour when i began to realize that something was wrong when i came back to the states i want to washington d.c. to the white house or i talk to someone a the next in the us say that i would not go back to vietnam. when i arrived back stateside i was ordered to report into the middle health clinic in twenty nine palms. the. psychologists looked at me and she said. why don't deal with conscientious objectors and. just about lost it for them to label me as a conscientious objector that's the ultimate slap in the face you're called be

a conscience objector i just killed thirty plus individuals for you and you calling me a conscience objector no. i stood up and i was a ma'am if you want to label me as a conscientious objector for not wanting to kill innocent civilians that i'll see you court. i went down and i hired an attorney. a man by the name of mr gary myers. and. mr mars was represented during the may lie trials. and. mr myers in the marine corps came to a. very discreet mutual understanding i was on or billy discharged december thirty first of two thousand and three and here i am.

thought came back i think that that sense of long term planning was gone. i went through a divorce some things i did recklessly probably in the back of my mind i would not have minded dying. but. i went through a period when i. could. or on. and about it and thought of mainz. on a long period of severe drug abuse. i finally got to the point where i had no warning. i had no more car i had long since moved out of my house and could not go back home exactly where to go here.

and it was when the national guard needed someone with. my experience and teaching people how to fly the armed helicopters the cobras and i was asked to come in and help train some of those folks and the money was. you know fifteen twenty thousand dollars a year for part time work and to retirement with even though i had and a change of heart about wars i needed the money the first come home then you meet only forget about everything. and you go to mcdonald's you go to all your favorite restaurants and you do all your favorite things and you're having a great time and you know. and then all of

a sudden you wake up one day and you're like wait a minute i'm not having a good time anymore. starting with think about this i'm starting to think about that because all the newness has worn off your home alive i got my arm i got my legs i'm alive. but then the mind. the mind starts catching up. with everything else. i fall myself going through my gear prepping like i'm getting ready to go to combat. i mean i even look for suicide bombers you know anything out of the anything out of the ordinary. once you reach that level of your senses being that heightened it's hard to turn it off it's like being in a cage tiger.

and soon after. i got back in december of forty four there is nobody you can talk to you know there was nobody who had been in combat around. i can remember still seeing that. red glow on the tip of a christ. and my god i was home. one day you're killing somebody they're trying to kill you and the next day you're sitting in a bar in new york city it's it's crazy. i took so normal nobody knows it your hand at work nobody you know if you've got a you've got a headache or you've got a hole in your head you can't see. when i wrote home that i was wounded i had been in france from middle of august to i was it dad said to the newspaper

reporter who interviewed him he was only there for a few days that was to me the only was a at that time not now was a real rejection of who i was as a man he didn't last he didn't make it he got hit. and i think i didn't even understand it then but that started a dip line in our relationship which spiraled downward downward downward. so you don't talk about it or do you sit on it. and say i was lucky why didn't kill why didn't i boast somebody you know guys do that or why did no

prometheus why didn't i do this. i once tried i don't know still and. i remember i was living in the why of new york city totally although i don't just to put my bathrobe sasheer rock on it sort of share. and why i got down was because. my friends. i had made after the war who had been through the same thing i had and i felt if i did that to myself i would betray. the bond we had.

coochie vietnam federer for taint nineteen sixty six by eighty they call it hell's half acre because of the american boy. that would bend steel there tom will do well and the cong snipers have done most of the damage today was no exception. on the. twenty seventh and for a tree the framed wolfhounds moved out to attack the snipers open up from such perfectly camouflaged positions the most of the a copy i want the whole day what i see in one of the enemy a sergeant was hit in the shoulder and leg as he rolled over a third shot ripped through his by. a medic broke from call of and rushed to his as he dropped to his knees to begin

given a bullet smashed into the stomach. both the sergeant and the medic. an artillery barrage was laid down to screen a squad gone after the wall and it especially was fourth wonted in the hip crossed the deadly fifty yards with all the fallen to us he was hit again this was no one you were there yes it's hard to bring back to minimum. no no no no no no no stress no certainly we're building up to go into iraq i thought think obama grandson. they were very aware. if they had to

draft they would be drafted so i start thinking of what i could do to protect them to keep them from will. join the military but the same reasons that the young people join now because it is the poor people out of people on the lower end of the economic scale all that want to fight these wars. even though the robber magnum erik came out years later and say it vietnam was a mistake it did not take the brain from me. nor did it take the guilt that i carried for killing people when i went to vietnam i was a car courts rule and i believed what i was going there was the right thing and i was a good soldier but now i'm a soldier on the other side and i think i'm just as good.

i sold my soul a long time ago i'm just here trying to recover. and have. been a hero for all and i do for. people as we want you are free to go to prison i mean so you're saying you're a war criminal brother i'm already in prison this is veterans for peace chapter zero nine nine western north carolina hoping that this moment registers in everyone's mind that this is one of the total cost of war.

sick food soon who is a great war political war one wrote a line war was a scene who stopped our clocks though we met him grim and gay and i know people who got their clock stopped so badly they never got beyond it drugs booze women suicide whatever you want to call it and that happened to me and i think my clock was stopped for close to forty years before i got over that. i was ashamed i was ashamed that i had been wounded i was ashamed that i hadn't been a hero. i never understood that my problems with my parents my problems with my wife my ex-wife were buried in the fact that i had gotten blown up i never i never understood it repressed it totally and

then i began to go to a coffee shop and i would hear the big bands of the night hundred forty five and i would weep like a baby in public i had no idea that what i was doing i could reply to was going back and trying to find that the little boy of my teeth and what happened. the fall of eighty four i was driven to go back to fly to look some birds to spend the night there to rent a car and file and find the place where i was wounded on september seventh one thousand and forty four. and then suddenly. i found the bridge with the reed cross that had been blown when i'd been shot. i discovered to the hour at the moment where i had been wounded forty years before

and i cannot explain it but that discovery began my healing. my generation really repressed with the war was about we didn't want to talk about it we weren't allowed to talk about it and then slowly in the one nine hundred eighty s. and one nine hundred ninety s. this whole thing of the greatest generation occurred it was wonderful you know the greatest generation what a nice thing to call us and we forgot what we had done we forgot that we had been animals for a while. war is about one thing it's about killing you either learn to kill somebody else or you get killed or wounded yourself and that's why i've become to solo the idea of war. that's all the purple. vietnam assault on us cos don't what may. think of it every day. to

fire back from it to memorise still go to counseling for. and. its is now worth it but what i did do was madness to find some good in that war. vietnam a me a better person and made me a lot of people more. made me understand that we are all one one people. there's a certain amount of guilt i think you learn to live with you compartmentalize it or unite you rationalize you see and i call that excuses i mean i really don't have to make excuses even. so there are things i wish i had not done. but there's no way to change. the.

last. and. when you come to the point that you're not sure you're actually much that the war is not the way to sad. and disagreement. and kind of like the poster you can have your own war and i. loathe luxury. i.

laugh. at.

so.

i'm not. saying. this in the. least but let's. get. every month we give you the future we help you understand how to get there and want

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conventional treatment has actually caused the death of a generation of young men in america skeptics traditional theories behind a. politicians in vienna to discuss how to prevent the spread of the dozens. and the week's top russian security services break up a suspected terrorist cell in the southern republicans which includes an. attempt to deceive. and. claims he was kidnapped and held by the cia the us for more than a year returns home that mystery still surrounds a story about american media reporting for. russia remains in the grip of a heat wave report from regions where drugs with alcohol use.