we had three of the. victims in the wreck kiya that there were expiring rapidly we pulled them out of the car and we started doing it for state i called a corpsman the corpsman came and got the three bodies and took them back to the patel i and surgeon corpsman came back. dump the bodies on the side of the road and went over to the corpsman. what do you do an album you're bringing a back you need to get him out of your you need to get him back to an area where they can see a surgeon korma said there's nothing we can do for him so we're going to leave you know you can leave the bodies on the side of the road and i said yeah we want to do stats or so i want you to compatible up

so they dumped him on the side of the road and. you know the guys brother you come running over to him and he just said they're holding them while they roll around on the on the asphalt on a highway and rolling around in pain they didn't even give many morphine. the guys brother a cab he kept running around and he had his hands in his in his and his face. and he's just crying and sobbing and he's saying why did you kill my brother. we didn't do anything to you we're not terrorists. remember i remember i just want to i want to close my years i didn't want to hear

just sat there and he's time that he said. it was like it was permanently being. burned into my brain. and. i lost. that's the last night of ever gotten a good night's sleep the night before that. i think they're on. the next morning lieutenant you want to maine he said sas. are you all right you seem a little distressed

a little agitated. and i was not all right and. so i'm pretty pissed off what we're what we're doing over here. and he said it will give me your interpretation of what we're doing over here. and. for what we're trying to accomplish over here. and i just looked at him and i said i well said honestly feel that we're committing genocide. and he didn't like my answer and he stormed off towards the. ceo's vehicle. and i knew at that point that my career was done across the line and i knew i had to watch my back and grow eyes. so after that night i pretty much slept with my

nine millimeter underneath my poncho liner within easy reach. me in the dark the dark days. when i first came back from vietnam in one nine hundred sixty six i saw protestors out speak in. i don't want to hear it i did believe it to get away from it i put in a ten forty nine to go back to vietnam because i was what a tar and we'll wired up and i don't think it would have taken a much for me to take one of the protesters out failed had i stayed here i would have ended up killing some people and i could do it legally in vietnam so i put in a ten forty nine to go back and i think i was looking at justification of doing

what i was doing of killing it was all a do on my side going to war when i began to realize that something was wrong when i came back to the states i want to washington d.c. to the white house or i talk to someone a the next and just say that i would not go back to vietnam. when i arrived back stateside i was ordered to report into the middle health clinic in twentynine palms. the. psychologist looked at me and she said. well i don't deal with kantian subjects. and. just about last. for them to label me as a conscientious objector that's the ultimate slap in the face you call me your

conscience objector i just killed thirty plus individuals for you and you're calling me a conscience. stood up and also the ma'am if you want to label me as a conscientious objector for not wanting to kill innocent civilians that i'll see you court. i went down in a hired an attorney. a man by the name of mr gary myers. and. mr mars was represented during the may lie trials. and. mr myers in the marine corps came to a. very discreet mutual understanding i was on or billy discharged december thirty first two thousand and three and here i am.

came back i think that that sense of a long term planning was gone. i went through a divorce some things i did reckless way probably in the back of my mind i would not have my done right. but. i went through a period when. t.c.t. cocaine are on. and about it and that inane. long period of severe drug abuse. i finally got to the point where i had no more money. i had no car. i had long since moved out of my house and could not go back home exactly where to go from

here. and it was when the national guard needed someone in my. experience and teaching people how to fly the armed helicopters the cobras and i was asked to come in and help train some of those folks and the money was. you know fifteen twenty thousand dollars a year for part time work and it carried a retirement with even though i had and a change of heart about wars i needed the money you first come home and you meet lee forget about everything and you go to mcdonald's you go to all your favorite restaurants and you do all your favorite things and you're having a great time and you know and then all

a sudden you wake up one day and you're like wait a minute i'm not having a good time anymore. i'm starting to think about this i'm starting to think about that because all the newness has worn off your whole i'm alive i've got my arm i've got my legs i'm alive. but then the mind and the mind starts catching up with with everything else. for myself going through my gear prepping like i'm getting ready to go to combat. i mean i even look for suicide bombers you know anything out of the anything out of the ordinary. once you reach that level of of your senses being that heightened it's hard to turn it off so i'm being caged tiger.

on the about. i got back in december of forty four there's nobody you can talk to you know there was nobody who had been in combat around. i can remember still seeing grown red glow on the tip of a crisis and my god i was home was a day. one day you're killing somebody they're trying to kill you and the next day you're sitting in a bar in new york city it's it's crazy. i don't so normal nobody knows that you're handed work nobody knows you've got to you've got a headache or you've got a hole in your head you can't see when i wrote home that i was wounded i had been in france from middle of august to i was it dad said to the newspaper

reporter who interviewed him he was only there for a few days that was to me the only was a at that time not now was a real rejection of who i was as a man he didn't last he didn't make it he got hit. and i think i didn't even understand it then but that started a decline in our relationship which spiraled downward downward downward. so you don't talk about it or. you sit on it. and say i was lucky why didn't get why didn't i both somebody you know guys do that or why did no prometheus why didn't i do this. i once tried i don't know still

and. i remember i was living in the wide new york city totally alone i don't just to put my bathrobe sash iraq hung it sort of share and why i got down was because. my friends. i had made after the war who had been through the same thing i had and i felt if i did that to myself i would betray. the bond we had.

coochie vietnam federer for taint nineteen sixty six by eighty they call it held high afaik or because of the american bull. that had been spilled their tunnel to all india cong snipers have done most of the damage today was no exception. on this day and on the twenty seventh and for true the framed wolfhounds moved out to attack the snipers open up from such perfectly camouflaged positions the most of the a copy i want the whole day with c. and one of the enemy a sergeant was hit in the shoulder and leg as he rolled over a third shot ripped to his by. a medic broke from cough and rushed to his it as he dropped to his knees to begin

given a bullet smashed into the stomach. both the sergeant and the medic. and artillery watch was laid down to screen a squad gone after the wall and it especially his fourth wonted in the hip crossed the deadly fifty yards with all the fallen to us he was hit again and this was an old you were there yes it's hard to bring back to minimum. no no. no no no no stress no certainly we're building up to go until i start think obama grandson. they were of age where. if they had to draft

they would be drafted so i start thinking of what i could do to protect them to keep them from will. join the military but the same reasons that the young people join now because it is the poor people out of people on the lower end of the economic scale all that want to fight these wars. even though more our modern america came out years later and say it vietnam was a mistake it did not take the price from me. nor did it take the guilt that i carried for killing people when i went to vietnam i was a car courts rule and i believed what i was dole and there was a right thing and i was a good soldier but now i'm a soldier on the other side and i think i'm just as good.

i sold my soul a long time ago i'm just here trying to recover. rather. than a hero for all i do for. people as we want to you're free to go to prison i mean you're saying you're a war criminal brother i'm already in prison this is veterans for peace chapter zero nine nine western north carolina hoping that this moment registers in everyone's mind that this is one of the total cost of war.

sick food to soon who is a great war political a one world aligned war was a scene who stopped their clocks though we met him grim and gay and i know people who got the clock stopped so badly they never got beyond it drugs booze women suicide whatever you want to call it and that happened to me and i think my clock was stopped for close to forty years before i got over the. i was ashamed i was ashamed that i had been wounded i was ashamed that i hadn't been a hero. i never understood that my problems with my parents my problems with my wife my ex-wife were buried in the fact that i had gotten blown up i never i never understood it repressed it totally and

then i began to go to a coffee shop and i would hear the big bands of the night hundred forty five and i would weep like a baby in public i had no idea that what i was doing i could reply to was going back and trying to find that the little boy of my teeth and what happened. the fall of eighty four i was driven to go back to fly to look some birds to spend the night there to rent a car and file and find the place where i was wounded on september seventh one thousand and forty four. and then suddenly. i found the bridge with the reed cross that had been blown when i'd been shot. i discovered to the hour at the moment where i had been wounded forty years before

and i cannot explain it but that discovery began my healing. my generation really repressed with the war was about we didn't want to talk about it we weren't allowed to talk about it and then slowly in the one nine hundred eighty s. and one nine hundred ninety s. this whole thing of the greatest generation occurred it was wonderful you know the greatest generation what a nice name to call us and we forgot what we had done we forgot that we had been animals for a while. war is about one thing it's about killing you either learn to kill somebody else or you get killed or wounded yourself and that's why i have become to solo the idea of war. for. vietnam as often as cost on what may i think of it every day. to

fire back from it to memorise still go to counseling for. and. it's it's now worth it but what i did do was madness to find some good in that war . vietnam a me a better person and made me people more. made me understand that we are all one one people. there's a certain amount of guilt i think you learn to live with you compartmentalize it or unite you rationalize you see and i call that excuses i mean i really don't have to make excuses even. so there are things i wish i had not done. but there's no way to change. the.

last. and. when you come to the point that you're not sure you're actually much but there are more snow on the way to saturday and disagreement. and kind of like the poster you can have your own war and i. loathe luxury. i.

loathe.

i'm not. saying. this thing that. i want to. get. in toyland. in hotels for.

granted on. hotel princess in bangkok radisson hotel bangkok dream hotel bangkok. banco close anthony.

it can hit doctor swines policeman swines minister's wife i just. if you didn't find me if i could slip through the night that i would get my kids out of here because i knew that what was going to happen was that he was going to kill me many victims don't understand that domestic violence includes verbal abuse psychological abuse physical abuse and sexual abuse at least four million women are affected by abuse every year those are only two options i saw at that moment either i'm going to kill him or me in jail or he's going to kill it.

russia and america's nuclear reduction treaty is due to be voted in by the senate and washington the democrats certainly they finally secured enough support for the deal also. russia's best known spy from the football i'm a chaplain to lend source of all to russia's young political aspirants will bring you all the details in just a few minutes. media reports suggest the u.s. is planning a military push from a gala status to pakistan despite intense opposition from islamabad. business desk ratings agency fitch has raised its two thousand and ten growth

forecast for the rapidly emerging markets of china brazil and india but revised down a loss for more of that eldest daughter and twenty. you're watching r t coming to you live from the russian capital welcome to the program the new we're tomic arms reduction treaty between moscow and washington is due to be approved by the u.s. senate on wednesday after securing enough votes to close the debate now it will be a major political victory for president obama who's been pushing hard against strong republican opposition parties going to chuck e. on is in washington d.c. keeping across developments for us according to the senate rules by the end of wednesday they just have to vote this is what they agreed on yesterday the path.