a call came into our perimeter. and. which is we lit it up. we had three of the. victims in the right key that there were expiring rapidly we pulled them out of the car and we started doing it for state i called a corpsman the corpsman came and got the three bodies and took them back to the patel i and surgeon corpsman came back dump the bodies on the side of the road and went over to the corpsman so what do you do and how can you bring him back you need to get him out of your you need to get him back to an area where they can see a surgeon and corpsman there's nothing we can do for him so we're going to leave you know you can leave the bodies on the side of the road

and i said yeah well you want to do staff. so i want to have compassion mup so they dump them on the side of the road and. move the guys brother he come running over to him and he just said they're holding them while they roll around on the on the asphalt on a highway. rolling around in pain they didn't even give many morphine. the guy's brother a chav he kept running around and he had his hands in his in this and his face. he was crying and sobbing and he's saying why did you kill my brother.

we didn't do anything to you we're not terrorists. now remember i remember i just want to i wanted to close my years i didn't want to hear just sat there and he's time that he said it. it was like it was permanently being. burned into my brain. and. i lost that's the last night or gotten a good night's sleep the night before that.

and i don't remember. the next morning lieutenant you walked up to me and he said. are you all right you seem a little distressed a little agitated. no sir i was not all right and. saddam i'm pretty pissed off what we're what we're doing over here. he said it will give me your interpretation of what we're doing over here. and. for what we're trying to accomplish over here. i just looked at him and i said it well said honestly feel that we're committing genocide and. he didn't like my answer and he stormed off towards the. ceo's vehicle.

and i knew at that point that my career was done across the line and i knew i had to watch my back and grow eyes. so after that night i pretty much slept with my nine millimeter underneath my poncho liner within easy reach. bay in the dark dark days. when i first came back from vietnam in one thousand six to six i saw protesters out speak in. i don't want to hear it i did believe it to get away from it i put in a ten forty nine to go back to vietnam because i was what atar and we'll wired up and i don't think it would have taken a much for me to take one of the protesters out failed had i stayed either i would

have ended up killing some people and i could do it legally in vietnam so i put in a ten forty nine to go back and i think i was looking at just the full cation of doing what i'll be doing of killing. it was all a do on my second tour when i began to realize that something was wrong when i came back to the states i want to washington d.c. to the white house or i talk to someone a the next and just say that i would not go back to vietnam. when i arrived back stateside i was ordered to report into the mental health clinic in twenty nine palms. the. psychologist looked at me and she said.

why don't deal with conscientious objectors. and. just about last. for them to label me as a conscientious objector that's the ultimate slap in the face you're called be a conscience objector i just killed thirty plus individuals for you and you calling me a conscience objector no. i stood up and i was a ma'am if you want to label me as a conscientious objector for not wanting to kill innocent civilians then i'll see you court. i went down and hired an attorney. a man by the name of mr gary myers. and. mr mars was represented during the may lie trials. and. mr myers in the marine corps came to

a. very discreet mutual understanding i was on or billy discharged december thirty first of two thousand and three and here i am. thought came back i think that that sense of long term planning was gone. i went through a divorce some things i did recklessly probably in the back of my mind i would not have minded. but. i went through a period when i. could. or on. and about it and thought of mainz. on a long period of severe drug abuse. i finally

got to the point where i had no warning. i had no more car i had long since moved out of my house and could not go back home exactly where to go here. and it was when the national guard needed someone with. my experience and teaching people how to fly the armed helicopters the cobras and i was asked to come in and help train some of those folks and the money was. you know fifteen twenty thousand dollars a year for part time work and to retirement with even though i had and a change of heart about wars i needed them on the first come home then you meet lee forget about everything. and you go to

mcdonald's you go to all your favorite restaurants and you do all your favorite things and you're having a great time and you know and then all of a sudden you wake up one day and you're like wait a minute i'm not having a good time anymore. starting with think about this i'm starting to think about that because all the newness has worn off your whole i'm alive i got my arm i got my legs i'm alive. but then the mind. the mind starts catching up. with everything else. i find myself going through my gear prepping like i'm getting ready to go to combat i mean i even look for suicide bombers you know anything out of the anything out of the ordinary. once you reach that level of your

senses being that heightened it's hard to turn it off it's like being in a cage tiger. and soon after. i got back in december of forty four there was nobody you can talk to you know there was nobody who had been in combat around. i can remember still seeing that glow red glow on the tip of a christ. and my god i was home. one day you're killing somebody they're trying to kill you and the next day you're sitting in a bar in new york city it's it's crazy. you see i took so normal nobody knows that your hand at work nobody you know if you got a you got a headache or you got

a hole in your head you can't see. when i wrote home that i was wounded i had been in france from middle of august to i was it dad said to the newspaper reporter who interviewed him he was only there for a few days that was to me the only was a at that time not now was a real rejection of who i was as a man he didn't last he didn't make it he got hit. and i think i didn't even understand it then but that started a dip line in our relationship which spiraled downward downward downward.

so you don't talk about it a little you sit on it. and say i was lucky why didn't kill why didn't i both somebody you know guys do that or why did no permit me why didn't i do this. i was trying i got on a stool and. i remember i was living in the y. in new york city totally alone i don't just to put my bathroom sasheer rock hung it sort of share. and why i got down was because. my friends. i had made after the war who had been through the same thing i had and i felt if i did that to myself i would betray. the bond we had.

coochie vietnam federer for taint nineteen sixty six by a.p. they call it hell's half acre because of the american boy. band still there tom will do well and be akong snipers have done most of the damage today was no exception. on the. twenty seventh and foot tree the framed wolfhounds moved out to attack the snipers opened up from such perfectly camouflaged positions the most of the a copy i want the whole day what i see in one of the enemy a sergeant was hit in the shoulder and leg as he rolled over

a third shot ripped to it by. a medic broke from cough and rushed to his side as he dropped to his knees to begin given a bullet smashed into the stomach. both the sergeant in the medic. and tiller the book watch was laid down to screen a squad gone after the wall and it especially his fourth wonted in the hip crossed the deadly fifty yards with all the fallen to us he was hit again this was an old you were there yes it's hard to bring back to minimum. i don't.

know christmas certainly we're building up to go until i start think obama grandson . they were. where. if they had to draft they would be drafted so i start thinking of what i could do to protect them to keep them from a boy and. join the military but a same reason that the young people join now because it is the poor people out of people on the lower end of the economic scale all that want to fight these wars. even though rob our modern america came out years later and say it vietnam was a mistake it did not take the brain from me. nor did it take the guilt that i carried for killing people when i went to vietnam i was a car courts rule and i believed what i was going there was the right thing and i

was a good soldier but now i'm a soldier on the other side and i think i'm just as good. i sold my soul a long time ago i'm just here trying to recover. and have. a navy uniform and i do for. people as we want you free to go to prison i mean you're saying you're a war criminal brother i'm already in prison this is veterans for peace chapter zero nine nine western north carolina hoping that this moment registers in everyone's mind that this is one of the total cost of war.

should food soon who is a great war political war one wrote a line war was a scene who stopped our clocks though we met him grim and gay and i know people who got their clocks stopped so badly they never got beyond drugs booze women suicide whatever you want to call it and that happened to me and i think my clock was stopped for close to forty years before i got over that i was ashamed i was ashamed that i had been wounded i was ashamed that i hadn't been a hero. i never understood that my problems with my

parents my problems with my wife my ex-wife were buried in the fact that i had gotten blown up i never i never understood it repressed it totally and then i began to go to a coffee shop and i would hear the big bands of the night hundred forty five and i would weep like a baby in public i had no idea that what i was doing i could weep right now was going back and try to find that the little boy of my teeth and what happened. the fall of eighty four i was driven to go back to fly to look some bird to spend the night there to rent a car and file and find the place where i was wounded on september seventh one hundred forty four. and then suddenly.

i found the bridge that we crossed it had been blown when i'd been shot. i discovered to the hour at the moment where i had been wounded forty years before and i cannot explain it but that discovery began my healing. my generation really were pressed with the war was about we didn't want to talk about it we weren't allowed to talk about it and then slowly in the one nine hundred eighty s. and one nine hundred ninety s. this whole thing of the greatest generation occurred it was wonderful you know the greatest generation what a nice thing to call us and we forgot what we had done we forgot that we had been animals for a while. war is about one thing it's about killing you either learn to kill somebody else or you get killed or wounded yourself and that's why i

have become to solo the idea of war. that's all the purple. vietnam assault on us cost on what may i think of it every day. to fire back from that to memorise still go to counseling for. and. it's is now worth it but what i did do was madness to find some good in that war. vietnam a me a better person and made me people more. made me understand that we are all one one people it's. there's a certain amount of guilt i think you learn to live with you compartmentalize it or unite you rationalize you see and i call that excuses i mean i really don't have to

make excuses even. so there are things i wish i had not done. but there's no way to change. the. last. when you come to the point it's real nice for you actually much but the war is not the way to sad. and disagreement. and kind of like the poster you can have your own war and i. loathe luxury.

i. laugh. at.

so. i'm not. saying. this in the. least i want to. get.

it's the secret incursion into the country. it's the invasion by means of. tradition the language is really. the best copied cookie. and culture. the thing is. the have the dozens are still unaware of what's going on in their land. much. like. i don't know anything about them alaska the great. observed nature and discoveries. communicate with the wild and. test yourself and become free.

see what nature can give you the.

russian lawmakers prepared to approve the start nuclear arms reduction treaty with washington after the us senate go ahead president obama yet have spoken by phone praising the development as cementing a year of in relation to. north korea says it will wage a nuclear war on the south if seoul makes the first move had earlier declared it would respond to latest round of military exercises near the disputed maritime border. and we hear from people living with leprosy in russia who feel their battle is no longer with the disease but with the stigma which society imposes on

them. time now for the banking big shots to take cover as artie's of financial guru next kaiser takes a the kaiser report next on r.t. . imax kaiser and this is the cause the report i'm here in london where the bankers are demanding their year end bonuses and.