came into our area and actually stopped about seventy five meters in front of my vehicle that tells you how far the vehicle came into our perimeter. and. which is we lit it up. we had three of the. victims in the right key that there were expiring rapidly we pulled them out of the car and we started doing it for a state i called a corpsman the corpsman came and got the three bodies and took them back to the patel i and surgeon. corpsman came back dump the bodies on the side of the road and went over to the corpsman. what do you do and how can you bring him back you need to get him out of your you need to get him back to an area where they can see a surgeon and. there's nothing we can do for him

so we're going to leave you know you can leave the bodies on the side of the road and i said yeah we want to do stuff for him so i want to have compassion mup so they dumped him on the side of the road and. move the guys brother he come running over to him and he just said they're holding them while they roll around on the on the asphalt on a highway. they're rolling around in pain they didn't even give many morphine. the guy's brother. he kept running around and he had his hands in his in this

and his face. he's just crying and sobbing and he's saying why did you kill my brother. we didn't do anything to you we're not terrorists. now remember i remember i just want to i want to close my years i didn't want to hear just sat there and he's time that he said it. it was like it was permanently being. burned into my brain. and. i lost that's the last i've. gotten a good night's sleep. the night before that.

that's not. the only thing i thought was there and then on the. next morning lieutenant he walked up to me and he said sas. are you all right you seem a little distressed a little agitated. and i was around not all right and. said i'm i'm pretty pissed off what we're what we're doing over here. and he said it will give me your interpretation of what we're doing over here. and. for what we're trying to accomplish over here. i just looked at him and i said i well said honestly feel that we're committing genocide.

and he didn't like my answer and he stormed off towards the. ceo's vehicle. and i knew at that point that my career was done across the line and i knew i had to watch my back and grow eyes. so after that night i pretty much slept with my nine millimeter underneath a poncho liner within easy reach. bay in the dark the dark days. when i first came back from vietnam in one nine hundred sixty six i saw protestors out speak in. i don't want to hear it i did believe it to get away from it i put in a ten forty nine to go back to vietnam because i was what

a charm we'll wired up and i don't think it would have taken a much for me to take one of the protesters out failed had i stayed here i would have ended up killing some people and i could do it legally in vietnam so i put in a ten forty nine to go back i think i was looking at justification of doing what i was doing of killing it was all a do on my second tour when i began to realize that something was wrong when i came back to the states i want to washington d.c. to the white house or i talk to so many the next and just say that i would not go back to vietnam. when i arrived back stateside i was ordered to report into the middle health clinic

in twenty nine palms the. psychologist looked at me and she said. well it'll do you a conscientious objectors. and i just about lost. for them to label me as a conscientious objector that's the ultimate slap in the face you call me your conscience objector i just killed thirty plus individuals for you and you're calling me a conscience. stood up and i said ma'am if you want to label me as a conscientious objector for not wanting to kill innocent civilians that i'll see you court. i went down and hired an attorney. a man by the name of mr gary myers. and. mr mars was represented during the may lie trials. and.

mr myers and the marine corps came to a. very discreet mutual understanding i was all honorably discharged december thirty first two thousand and three and here i am. came back i think that that sense of a long term planning was gone. i went through a divorce some things i did recklessly probably in the back of my mind i would not have not. done right. but. i went through a period when. t.c.p. carrying are on a. and about it and that inane. long period

of severe drug abuse. i finally got to the point where i had no more money. i had no car i had long since moved out of my house and could not go back home exactly where to go here. and it was when the national guard needed someone and my experience in teaching people how to fly the armed helicopters the cobras and i was asked to come in and help train some of those folks and the money was. you know fifteen twenty thousand dollars a year for part time work and it carried a retirement with even though i had and a change of heart about wars i needed the money

you first come home and you meet lee forget about everything and you go to mcdonald's you go to all your favorite restaurants and you do all your favorite things and you're having a great time and you know and then all a sudden you wake up one day and you're like wait a minute i'm not having a good time anymore. i'm starting to think about this i'm starting to think about that because all the newness has worn off your whole i'm alive i've got my arm i've got my legs i'm alive. but then the mind. the mind starts catching up with with everything else. if i myself going through my gear prepping like getting ready to go to combat. i mean i even look for suicide bombers. you know anything out of the anything out of

the ordinary. once you reach that level of of your senses being that heightened it's hard to turn it off it's like being in a cage tiger. and. i got back in december of forty floors there is nobody you can talk to you know there was nobody who had been in combat around. i can remember still seeing that grown red glow on the temples of christ. and my god i was home. one day you're telling somebody they're trying to kill you and the next day you're sitting in a bar in new york city it's it's crazy. you see

i took so normal nobody knows that your hand at work nobody you know if you got a you got a headache or you got a hole in your head you can't see when i wrote home that i was wounded i had been in france from the middle of august to i was a good dad said to the newspaper reporter who interviewed him he was only there for a few days that was to me the only was a at that time not now was a real rejection of who i was as a man he didn't last he didn't make it he got hit. and i think i didn't even understand it then but that started a decline in our relationship which spiraled downward downward downward.

so you don't talk about it or do you sit on it. and say i was lucky why didn't kill why didn't i both somebody you know guys do that or why did no prometheus why didn't i do this. i once tried i don't know still and. i remember i was living in the y. of new york city totally alone i don't just to put my bathroom sascha rock hung it sort of share. and why i got down was because. my friends. i had made after the war who had been through the same thing i had and i felt if i did that to myself i would betray. the bond we had.

coochie vietnam fed were for taint nineteen six to six by eighty they call it held high afaik or because of the american bull. that had been spilled there tano to all and the cong snipers have done most of the dynamite today was no exception. on this in the twenty seventh and foot tree the framed wolfhounds moved out to attack the snipers opened up from such perfectly camouflaged positions the most of the

a complicated want to hold day what i see in one of the enemy a sergeant was hit in the shoulder and leg as he rolled over a third shot ripped through it by. a medic broke from cough and rushed to his side as he dropped to his knees to begin given a bullet smashed into the stomach. both the sergeant and the medic to. an artillery barrage was laid down to screen a squad gone after the wall and it especially was fourth won't it in the help cross the deadly fifty yards with all the fallen to us he was hit again and this was an old you were there yes

it's hard to bring back to minimum. no no. no no no no stress no certainly we're building up to go on to start think obama grandson. they were. where if they had to draft they would be drafted so i start thinking of what i could do to protect them to keep them from will. join the military but it's the same reason that the young people join now because it is the poor people out of people on the lower end of the economic scale all that want to fight these wars. even though more of our modern america came out years later and say that vietnam was a mistake it did not take the brain from me. nor did it

take the guilt that i carry for killing people when i went to vietnam i was a car courts rule and i believe what i was going there once the right thing and i was a good soldier but now i'm a soldier on the other side and i think i'm just as good. thanks. i sold my soul a long time ago i'm just here trying to come. maybe europe or on the radio for. people as we want to you're free to go to prison i mean you're saying you're a war criminal brother i'm already in prison this is veterans for peace chapter zero nine nine western north carolina hoping that this moment registers in

everyone's mind that this is one of the total cost of war. true test who's a great war poet of world war one wrote of mine war was a fiend who stopped our clocks though we met him grim and k. and i know people who got their clocks stopped so badly they never got beyond that drugs booze when the suicide whatever you want to call it and that happened to me and i think my clock was stopped for close to forty years before i got over that i was ashamed i was ashamed that i had been wounded i was ashamed that i hadn't

been a hero. i never understood that my problems with my parents my problems with my wife my ex-wife were buried in the fact that i had gotten blown up i never i never understood it repressed it totally and then i began to go to a coffee shop and i would hear the big bands of the night hundred forty five and i would weep like a baby in public i had no idea that what i was doing i could weep right now was going back and try to find that the little boy of my teeth and what happened. the fall of eighty four i was driven to go back to fly to look some birds to spend the night there to rent a car and file and find the place where i was wounded on september seventh one

thousand and forty four. and then suddenly. i found the bridge that we crossed it had been blown when i'd been shot. i discovered to the hour at the moment where i had been wounded forty years before and i cannot explain it but that discovery began my healing. my generation really were pressed with the war was about we didn't want to talk about it we weren't allowed to talk about it and then slowly in the one nine hundred eighty s. and one nine hundred ninety s. this whole thing of the greatest generation occurred it was wonderful you know the greatest generation what a nice thing to call us and we forgot what we had done we forgot that we had been animals for a while. war is about one thing it's about killing you either

learn to kill somebody else or you get killed or wounded yourself and that's why i have become to solo the idea of war. for. vietnam assault on us costs don't what may. think of it every day. to fire back from to memorise still go to counseling for. and. its is now worth it but what i did do was madness to find some good in that war. vietnam a me a better person and made me people more. made me understand that we are all one one people it's. there's a certain amount of guilt i think you learn to live with you compartmentalize it or

unite you rationalize you see and i call that excuses i mean i really don't have to make excuses even. so there are things i wish i had not done. but there's no way to change. my lad. and. when you come to the point that you're not sure you're actually much that the war is not the way to sad. and disagreement. and kind of like the poster you can have your own war and i.

loathe luxury. i. am.

so. i'm not. just saying. this thing that. we're going to. get.

hungry for the full story we've got it first hand the biggest issues get a human voice face to face with the news makers on. the close l.t. has been to the. way industries are rapidly developing. now wattie goes to the homeland of those with strength of mind and body. to the land developed by cossacks in ancient times and which became a premier destination for nineteenth century political exiles. this is the on screen russia on oxy.

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the mode of being turned. on tree and the result to spawn sunday a beach hotel the wisdom result you should do something so if you tell someone you're. the result of the spawn of the ritz carlton hotel grounds many as you call to return to seasons hotel the sultan who turned. glad the democrats republicans came together to approve my top national security priority for this session of congress the new start treaty i think story arms reduction deal between russia and the u.s. goes ahead of both countries after washington's political games threatened to stall the agreement. and in other news this week tensions why high on the korean peninsula as pyongyang threatens a safeword nuclear war if seoul continues to provoke it was more war games near the disputed sea border. or suppressions russia's findings in

a plane crash which killed the former polish president but aspart say moscow has conducted a thorough investigation. and events which have shaped the year well the russian president dmitry medvedev shares his candid views with the country's leading t.v. channels. watching r t with me where even josh welcome to the program this week the new nuclear deal between moscow and washington was given the nod of both countries lower house of russia's parliament voted on friday to give initial approval to the agreement which will slash the sides nuclear arsenals by a third it was approved for ratification by the u.s. senate a few days earlier following months of political wrangling but russian lawmakers will continue their debate in the new year over the ratification documents produced by this.