nine thirty pm monday night here in moscow thanks for being with the r.t. international news channel these are our top stories serbian general manager appeals exhibitions the european war crimes court and with widespread public anger over his arrest crowds rallied in belgrade the government of giving up a national hero to secure the e.u. membership. british apache helicopters prepared across the libyan skies as the u.k. steps up pressure on colonel gadhafi and its feared nato personnel to be put in significant danger now to. the u.s.

government now is a system that can send a large and see text alerts to everyone but critics say it's just perpetuating a climate of fear in the country. the next thirty minutes we follow the journeys of four war veterans to find out what it means to be a good american soldier in the second part of our special report on r.t. . there was one particular incident still to stores today i wish i could take that day. given that. we went to an area near the baghdad stadium came into our area and actually start about seventy five meters from our vehicle that tells you how far the vehicle came into our perimeter. and. which is why

we lit it up. we had three of the. victims in the red key that there were expiring rapidly and we pulled them out of the car and we started doing it for a state i called a corpsman the corpsman came and got the three bodies and so come back to the battalion and surgeon. corpsman came back dump the bodies on the side of the road i went over to the corpsman and i asked him i said what would you do and how can you bring him back and me to get him out you need to get him back to an area where they can see the surgeon the corpsman there's nothing we can do for him so. you can leave you know you can leave the bodies on the side of the road and i said yeah well you

want to do steps or so i want to have compassion up so they built them on the side of the road and. and the guys brother you come running over to him and he's just sitting there holding them while they roll around on the. asphalt on a highway. and rolling around in pain they didn't even give many morphine. and the guys brother he kept he kept running around and he had his hands in his and his and his face. and he was crying and sobbing and he's saying why did you kill my brother. we didn't do anything to you we're not terrorists.

remember i remember i just want to i wanted to close my years i didn't want to hear and i just sat there and he's time that he said it. was like it was permanently being. burned into my brain. and. i lost that's the last night of ever gotten a good night's sleep a night for that. right there and then on. the next morning lieutenant you walked up to me and he said

sasser. are you all right you seem a little distressed a little agitated. now psoriasis not all right. and. so i'm i'm pretty pissed off of what we're what we're doing over here and he said well give me your interpretation of what we're doing. and. or what we're trying to accomplish or you're. i just looked at him and said the well so does he feel that we're committing genocide. and he didn't like my answer and he stormed off towards the. ceo's vehicle. i knew at that point that my career was done i crossed the line and i knew i had to

watch my back a girl eyes so after that night i pretty much slept with my not a millimeter underneath my poncho liner within easy reach. me in the door the door days. when i first came back from vietnam and writing six to six i saw protesters speaking. badly want to hear it i did believe it to get away from it i put in a ten forty nine to go back to vietnam because i was well let's arm we'll. and i don't think it would have taken much for me to take one of the protesters out i failed had i stayed here i would have ended up killing some people that i could do

illegally in vietnam so i put in a ten forty nine to go back and i think i was looking at just the four cation of doing what i'll be doing a killing it was all a do on my second tour when i began to realize that something was wrong. when i came back to the states i wanted to washington d.c. to the white house or a caucus on the eighth and next and just say that i would not go back if we had not . when i arrived back stateside i was ordered to report into the mental health clinic in twenty nine palms the. psychologist looked at me and she said. why don't you a conscientious objectors and. just about last. for

them away with me as a conscientious objector that's the ultimate slap in the face you call it be a conscience subject here i just killed thirty plus individuals for you and you called me a conscience factor not. stood up with us a man if you want to label me as a conscientious objector for not wanting to kill innocent civilians then i'll see you court. and went down a hard attorney. man by the name of mr gary myers. and. mr mars was represented during the may lie trials and. mr myers in the marine corps came to a very discreet mutual understanding i was all honorably discharged

december thirty first two thousand and three and here i am. but i came back i think that that sense of a long term planning was gone. i went through a divorce some things i did recklessly probably in the back of my mind i would not have minded dying. but. i went through a period when the p.c.p. could hang on. and about it and fed it means. a long period of severe drug abuse. i finally got to the point to write had no warning. i had no work or i had long

since moved out of my house and could not come back home exactly where do you go from here. and it was when the national guard needed some of them and i my experience in teaching people how to fly they aren't helicopters the cobras and i was asked to come in and help train some of those folks and the money was. you know fifteen twenty thousand dollars a year for part time work and it carried a retirement would even though i had and a change of heart about wars i needed them on the first come home and you meet lee forget about everything and you go to mcdonald's and you go to all your favorite restaurants and you do all your favorite

things and you're having a great time and you know and then all of sudden you wake up one day and you're like wait a minute i'm not having a good time anymore. i'm starting to think about this i'm starting to think about that because all the newness has worn off your whole a lot i got my arm i got my legs i'm alive. but then the mind. the mind starts catching up. with everything else. a farm myself i'm going through my career prepping like i'm getting ready to go to combat. i mean i even look for suicide bombers you know anything out of the anything out of the ordinary. once you reach that level of your senses being that heightened it's hard to turn it off it's like being in a cage tiger. and

. i got back in december of forty four there is nobody you can talk to you know there was nobody who had been in combat around. that can remember still seeing that glow red glow on the tip of the christ. and my god i was home. one day you're killing somebody they're trying to kill you and the next day you're sitting in a bar in new york city it's it's crazy. i don't so normal nobody knows it's your hand at work nobody you know we should go to you got a headache because you've got a hole in your head and can't see when i wrote home that i was wounded

i had been in france from the middle of august to rob's. dad said to the newspaper reporter who interviewed him he was only there for a few years that was true me the only was a at that time not now was a real rejection of who i was as a man he didn't last he didn't make it he got hit. and i think i didn't even understand it then but that started a defining our relationship which spiraled downward downward downward. if we don't talk about it. he said on. and see i was lucky

right and i can't write and i both somebody are you know guys do that or why did no prometheus why didn't i do this i was tracked i don't know still. i remember i was living in the y. new york city totally alone i don't. put my bathroom sasheer rock hung it. that or a chair and why i got down was because. my friends. i had made after the war who had been through the same thing i had and i felt good by good secular i said i would betray. the binary.

coochie vietnam fed were for attain it in six to six eighty they call it hell's half acre because of the american blood. that had been spilled their town of blue island via current snipers have done most of the damage today was no exception. on the. twenty seventh and for the framed war fonts moved out there with. the snipers opened up from such perfectly camouflaged positions the most of the carping about the whole day with a c. in one of the enemy a sergeant was hit in the shoulder as he rolled over a third. to his back.

a medic broke from cover and rushed stories as he dropped to his knees to be again given a bullet smashed into the stomach. was sergeant and the medic. and artillery barrage was laid down to screen us while going after the world it especially was full of world in the hip crossing the deadly fifty yards without a fallen to us he was hit again this was normal you were there yes it's hard going back to. well below. zero correct but certainly we're building up to go on to write i thought think about my grandson. they were of age where if they had to

draft they would be trapped there so i start thinking of what i could do to protect them to keep them from. join the military for the same reasons that the young people join now because it is the poor people out of people on the laurian of the economic scale not i want to fight these wars. even though the robber magna america came out years later and say it vietnam was a mistake it did not take a page from me. nor did it take the guilt that i ferry for killing people when i went to vietnam i was a car courts rule and i believe what i was going there was the right thing and i was a good soldier but now my soldier on the other side and i think i'm just as good.

i sold my soul a long time ago i'm just here trying to come. to europe or are you more. people as we want you free to go to prison i mean so you're saying you're a war criminal brother i'm already in prison this is veterans for peace captures zero nine nine western north carolina hoping at this moment registers in everyone's mind that this is one of the total cost of war.

six troops who was a great report of world war one wrote a line war was a fiend who stopped our clocks though we met him graham and kay and i know people who got their clocks stopped so badly they never got beyond drugs . women suicide whatever you want to call it and that happened to me and i think my clock was stopped for close to forty years before i got over that. i was ashamed i was ashamed that i had been wounded i was ashamed that i hadn't been a hero. i never understood that my problems with my parents my problems with my wife my ex-wife were buried in the fact

that i had gotten blown up i never i never understood it repressed and totally and then back again to go to a coffee shop and i would hear the big bands of my two hundred forty five and i would weep like a baby in public i have no idea that what i was doing i could weep right now was going back to try to find that little boy of my teeth and what happened. the fall of eighty four i was driven to go back to fly to look for birds to spend the night there to rent a car and file and find the place where i was wounded on september seventh one hundred forty four. and then suddenly. i found the bridge that we crossed it had been blown when i've been shot. i

discovered to the hour at the moment where i had been wounded forty years before and i cannot explain it but that discovery began my healing. my generation really repressed with the war was about we didn't want to talk about it we weren't allowed to talk about it and then slowly in the one nine hundred eighty s. and one nine hundred ninety s. this whole thing of the greatest generation occurred it was wonderful you know the greatest generation what a nice thing to call us and we forgot what we had done we forgot that we had been animals for a law. war is about one thing it's about killing you either learn to kill somebody else or you get killed or wounded yourself and that's why i've come to so low the idea of war i think that's all

a purple. vietnam is something that's cost not what may i think of it every day. out of fires back from to memorise still go to counseling for. and. it's is now worth it but what i did do was madness to find some good in that war i think vietnam made me a better person and made me a lot of people more. made me understand that we are all one people to us earth this is sort of not a guilt i think you learn to live with compartmentalize it or unite you rationalize you see my color scheme he says i mean i really don't have to make excuses even. there are things i wish i had not done. but there's no way to change.

lad. when you come to the point that you were going to show you actually much more is not the way just so. i disagree. kind of like a place for you to have your night. alone luxury.

good luck. a. laugh.

so.

this is. going to. get. caught.

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