it was a disease trip you resort to city to recruit build a magickal it's ok renaissance hotel ok grill suite room pacific resort and spa. in this room look she's available in some of the tell some of the reus saloon hotels or recent. four thirty am in moscow these are your arty headlines hero or villain a day after supporters of rag on wattage mast in belgrade his lawyers pilot appeal against his extradition to the hague claiming he's likely to die before the trial even get started former bosnian serb generals accused of ordering the deaths of about eight thousand bosnian muslim men and boys at srebrenica in one thousand nine hundred. eighty the u.k. are ratcheting up military pressure on the khadafi regime by deploying apache

attack helicopters amid concerns the move could lead to nato casualties international community is where it escalating the conflict with calls from the g. eight nations for gadhafi to stand down and diplomatic efforts for russia and south africa underway. but washington wants to send texts warning people of possible extreme weather and terror attacks a move some analysts say will make the population more fearful and not mourn for a chip is will be placed in every u.s. cell phone meaning users will receive alerts whether they want them or not. of next follow the journeys are for veterans exploring how being a good soldier became synonymous for them with being able to pull the trigger without hesitation a special report coming up. there was one particular incident that still disturbs me today i wish i could take that

day back if i give anything we went into an area near the baghdad stadium and came into our area and actually stopped about seventy five meters in front of my vehicle that tells you how far the vehicle came into our perimeter and. which is we ended up. we had three of the. victims in the right key that there were expiring rapidly we pulled them out of the car and we started doing for state i called the corpsman the corpsman came and got the three bodies and took them back to the patel and surgeon. corpsman came back dump the bodies on the side of the road i went over to the corpsman

i asked him i said what were you doing how can you bring him back and you to get him out you need to get him back to an area where they can see a surgeon and. there's nothing we can do for him so you know leave you know you can leave the bodies on the side of the road and i said yeah we want to do staff are in so i want to pass them up so they don't come on the side of the road and. the guys brother you come running over to him and he just said they're holding them while they roll around on the asphalt on

a highway. and rolling around in pain they didn't even give many morphine. the guy's brother he kept he kept running around and he had his hands and as soon as his face. he was crying and sobbing he's saying why did you kill my brother. we didn't do anything to you we're not terrorists. i remember i remember i just want to i want to close my years i didn't want to hear and i just sat there and he's time that he said. it was like it was permanently being. burned into my brain. and. i lost

and that's the last night i've ever gotten a good night's sleep the night before that happened. to me. and. the next morning lieutenant you walked up to me and he said sasser. you know you all right you seem a little distressed a little agitated. no sir not all right. so i'm i'm pretty pissed off what we're what we're doing over your. piece who will give me your interpretation of what we're doing over here. and. how what we're

trying to accomplish over here. i just looked at him most of the well said honestly feel that we're committing genocide. and he didn't like my answer and he stormed off towards the. ceo's vehicle. i knew it up point that my career was done i crossed the line and i knew i had to watch my back girl eyes so after that night i pretty much slept with my no i millimeter underneath my poncho liner within easy reach. bay in the dark the door to us. when i first came back from vietnam and back one thousand six to six i saw

protesters out speaking. about i want to hear it i did believe it to get away from it i put in a ten forty nine to go back to vietnam because i was white that's our and we you wired. and i don't think it would have taken much for me to take one of the protesters out i felt had i stayed here i would have ended up killing some people and i could do it legally in vietnam so i put in a ten forty nine to go back and i think i was looking at just the case of doing what i would do one of killing. it was only there on my second tour when i began to realize that something was wrong when i came back to the states i want to washington d.c. to the white house or a caucus on the way to mix and just say that i would not go back to vietnam.

when i arrived back stateside i was ordered to report into the middle health clinic and twenty nine kongs. the. psychologist looked at me and she said why don't you a conscientious objectors and. just about last. for then so they will be as a conscientious objector that's the ultimate slap in the face you call your conscience objector i just killed thirty plus individuals for you and you calling me a conscience is a factor no. stood up and i see the man if you want to label me as a conscientious objector for not wanting to kill innocent civilians that i'll see you court. i went down and i

hired an attorney. a man by the name of mr gary myers. and. mr mars was represented during the may lie trials. and. mr meyers in the marine corps came to a. very discreet mutual understanding i was on it with this charge december thirty first of two thousand and three and here i am. so i came back i think that that sense of a long term planning was gone i went through a divorce some things i did recklessly probably in the back of my mind i would not have minded. but.

i went through a period when to see if they could hang on. and about it and thought it means. a long period of severe drug abuse. i finally got to the point to write had no warning. i had no work or i had long since moved out of my house and could not come back home exactly where do you go from here. and it was when the national guard needed someone on my my experience and teaching people how to fly they armed helicopters the cobras and i was asked to come in and help train some of those folks and the money was. you know

fifteen twenty thousand dollars a year for part time work and i carried a retirement with even though i had and a change of heart about wars i needed the money you first come home and you immediately forget about everything. and you go to mcdonald's you go to all your favorite restaurants and you do all your favorite things and you're having a great time and you know and then all sudden you wake up one day and you're like wait a minute i'm not having a good time anymore. i'm starting to think about this i'm starting to think that because all the newness has worn off you're home alive i got my arm i got my legs i'm alive. but then the mind and the mind starts catching up. with everything else. i find myself going through my career prepping like i'm

getting ready to go to combat i mean i even look for suicide bombers you know anything out of the anything out of the ordinary. once you reach that level of your senses being that heightened it's hard to turn it off it's like being in a cage tiger. and soon after. i got back in december of forty four there was nobody you can talk to you know there was nobody who had been in combat around. i can remember still seeing. red glow on the tip of the christ and my god i was home doesn't get. one day you're killing

somebody they're trying to kill you and the next day you're sitting in a bar in new york city it's it's crazy. so i don't nobody you know it's your hand at work nobody you know if you've got a you got a headache or you got a hole in your head you can't see. when i wrote home that i was wounded i had been in france for a bit of the world just to live with it dad said to the newspaper reporter who interviewed him he was only there for a few years that was for me the only was a at that time not now was a real rejection of who i was as a man he didn't he didn't make it he got hit.

and i think i didn't even understand it but that started a decline in our relationship which spiraled downward downward downward. so you don't talk about it. you sit on it. and say i was lucky why didn't i kill right and i both somebody you know guys do that or why did no poor me why didn't i do this i was tried i got on a stool and. i remember i was given the wide new york city totally alone i don't just to put my bathroom sash around on it. and why i got. was because. my friends.

i had made after the war who had been through the same thing i had and i felt if i did that to myself i would trade. the bottom ear. coochie vietnam february fourteenth nine hundred sixty six my e.p. they call it hell's halfacre because of the american blood. that has been spent all their time going to ireland via car and snipers have done most of the damage today was no exception when they saw them but i am twenty seven and for

a tree that framed wolfhounds moved out to exact a sniper's over an hour from such perfectly camouflaged possessions but most of the a copy not the whole day without seeing one of the enemy a sergeant was hit in the shoulder in the leg as he voted over a third shop were up to his back. a medic broke for cover and rust or is it as he dropped to his knees to be gained given a bullet smashed into the stomach. of the sergeant and the medic guy and out till a lot was laid out to screen a squad going after the wall that especially his fourth wall in the hip crossed the deadly fifty yards with all the fallen ts he was hit again this was no.

you were there yes it's hard it to bring back to minimum. well there no first negative illness so. when they were building up to go into iraq so i think about my grandson. they were where if they had to draft they will be drafted so i start thinking of what i could do to protect them to keep them from or why. i joined the military for the same reasons that the young people joined not because it is that poor people a lot of people on the lower end of the economic scale of the ones that fight these wars. don't rock our mcnamara came out

years later and say if vietnam was a mistake it did not take the pain from me nor did it take the guilt that i carried for killing people when i went to vietnam i was a clark courtroom and i believed what i was going there was the right thing and i was a good soldier but now i'm a soldier on the other side and i think i'm just as good. i told my soul a long time ago i'm just here trying to reach out. and. they do you know of course what i do for. people ask me why aren't you free to go to

prison i mean so you're saying you're a war criminal. brother omar in prison this is the trick for peace chapter zero nine nine western north carolina hoping that this moment registered in everyone's mind that this is one of the total costs of war. sixty festooned who is a great war to it of world war one wrote a vine war was a scene who stopped their clocks though we met him grim and gay and i know people who got their clocks stopped so badly they never got beyond drugs booze women suicide whatever you want to call it and that happened to me and i

think my clock was stopped for close to forty years before i got over the past i was ashamed i was ashamed that i had been wounded i was ashamed that i hadn't been a hero i never understood that my problems with my parents my problems with my wife my ex-wife were buried in the fact that i got brought up i never i never understood it repressed a totally and then. i began to go to a coffee shop and i would hear the big bands of the night hundred forty five and i would weep like a baby in public i had no idea that what i was doing i could weep right now was going back and try to fly back the little boy all night and what happened.

the fall of eighty four i was driven to go back to fly to lots of birds to spend a night there to read a car and file and find the place where i was wounded on september seventh one thousand forty four. and then suddenly. i found the bridge with a real cross that had been blown when i'd been shot. i discovered to the hour at the moment where i had been moved forty years before and i cannot explain it but that discovery began my feeling. my generation really were oppressed with the war was about we didn't want to talk about it we weren't allowed to talk about it and then slowly in the one nine hundred eighty s. and one nine hundred ninety s. this whole thing of the greatest generation occurred it was wonderful you know the

greatest generation what a nice thing to call it and we forgot what we had done we forgot that we had been animals for a law war is about one thing it's about killing you even learn to kill somebody else or you get killed or wounded yourself and that's why i've come to so loaded the idea of war so i think that all of our fotos. na mazatlan is cost of what may i i think of an everyday. the flashbacks from to memorise still go to counseling for us and. it's is now worth it but what i did do just man is to find some good in that war. saying vietnam a me a better person and made meanwhile people more. made me understand that

we are all one one people throughout this earth this is sort of not a guilt i think you learn to live with you compartmentalize it or unite you rationalize you seem like all the excuses i mean i really don't have to make excuses even though. there are things i wish i had not done. but there's no way to change so some. last. laugh. when you come to the point that you're not sure you recognize that the war is not

the way to sound. and disagreement. from like a place from your night. alone luxury. with good law.

so. this. was.

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