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today violence is once again flared up. these are the images and seeing from the streets of canada. trying to look for a sense of. there was one particular incident that still disturbs me today i wish i could take that day back i'd give anything we went to an area near the baghdad stadium this came into our area and actually stopped about seventy five meters in front of my vehicle that tells you how far the vehicle came into our perimeter. and. we just we lit it up. we had three of the.

victims in the right key that there were expiring rapidly and we pulled them out of the car and we started doing it for a state i called a corpsman the corpsman came and got the three bodies and took him back to the patel and surgeon. corpsman came back dump the bodies on the side of the road i went over to the corpsman asked him i said what we are doing how can you bring about a need to get him out of your you need to get him back to an area where they can see the surgeon the corpsman there's nothing we can do for him so. you can leave you know you can leave the bodies on the side of the road and i said yeah we want to do stuff. so i want to impact him up

so they dumped him on the side of the road. and. you know and the guys brother he come running over to him and he just said they're holding them while they're rolling around on the. asphalt on a highway and rolling around in pain they didn't even give many morphine. and the guys brother he kept he kept running around and he had his hands and it was in his and his face. he was crying and sobbing and he's saying why did you kill my brother . we didn't do anything to you we're not terrorists.

remember i remember i just want to i wanted to close my years i didn't want to hear i just sat there and these time that he said. it was like it was permanently being. burned into my brain. and. i lost that's the last night of ever gotten a good night's sleep the night before that. and then on. the next morning lieutenant he walked up to me and he said

sasser. are you all right you seem a little distressed a little agitated. no sir not all right and. so i'm i'm pretty pissed off what we're what we're doing over here. and he said will you give me your interpretation of what we're doing over here. and. or what we're trying to accomplish over here. i just looked at him most of the well so i'll say feel that we're committing genocide. he didn't like my answer and he stormed off towards the. c.e.o.'s vehicle. and i knew at that point that my career was done i crossed the line and i knew i had to watch my back and grow i was so after that night i pretty much slept with my

not a millimeter underneath my poncho liner within easy reach. me in the dark the door to us. when i first came back from vietnam and i turned sixty six i saw protesters speaking. about i want to hear it i did believe it to get away from it i put in a ten forty nine to go back to vietnam because i was what let's arm we'll. and i don't think it would have taken much for me to take one of the protesters out i failed had i stayed here i would have ended up killing some people that i could do it legally in vietnam so i put in

a ten forty nine to go back i think i would look and i just for keisha doing what i would do out of killing. it was only there on my second tour when i began to realize that something was wrong. when i came back to the states i want to washington d.c. to the white house or a caucus i'm an aide to mexico just say that i would not go back if we had not. when i arrived back stateside i was ordered to report into the middle health clinic and twenty and i'm told. the. psychologists looked at me and she said waddle deal with conscientious objectors and. just about lost it. for then to label me as

a conscientious objector that's the ultimate slap in the face you call your conscience subject i just killed thirty plus individuals for you and you calling me a conscience no. stood up and i said. ma'am if you want to label me as a conscientious objector for not wanting to kill innocent civilians then i'll see you court. i went down a hard attorney. a man by the name of mr kerry meyers. and. mr mars was represented during the may lie trials. and. mr meyers in the marine corps came to a very discreet mutual understanding i was on it with this charge december thirty first of two thousand and three and here i am.

when i came back i think that that sense of long term planning was gone. i went through a divorce some things i did recklessly probably in the back of my mind i would not have minded. but. i went through a period of my own t.c.k. carrying her on. and about it and fed it means. a long period of severe drug abuse. i finally got to the point to ride no one. i had no more car i had long since moved out of my house and could not come back home exactly where do you

go from here. and it was when the national guard needed someone with my experience and teaching people how to fly the armed helicopters the cobras and i was asked to come in and help train some of those folks and the money was. you know fifteen twenty thousand dollars a year for part time work and it carried a retirement with even though i had and a change of heart about wars i needed the money the first come home and you immediately forget about everything. and you go to mcdonald's you go to all your favorite restaurants and you do all your favorite things and you're having a great time and you know and then all of

a sudden you wake up one day and you're like. i'm not having a good time anymore. i'm starting to think about this i'm starting to think about that because all the newness has worn off you're home alive i got my arm i got my legs i'm alive. then the mind of the mind starts catching up. with everything else. i found myself going through my career prepping like i'm getting ready to go to combat i mean i even look for suicide bombers you know anything out of the anything out of the ordinary. once you reach that level of your senses being that heightened it's hard to turn it off it's like being in a cage tired.

of not being able to remember where. i got back in december of forty four there is nobody you can talk to you know there was nobody who had been in combat around. i can remember still seeing that glow red glow on the tip of the christ and my god i was. as you get. one day you're killing somebody they're trying to kill you and the next day you're sitting in a bar in new york city it's it's crazy. i don't nobody you know it's your hand at work nobody you know you've got to you've got a headache or you've got a hole in your head you can't see. when i wrote home that i was wounded i had been in france from middle of august to live. dad said to the newspaper

reporter who interviewed him he was only there for a few years that was for me the only was a at that time not now was a real rejection of who i was as a man he didn't he didn't make it he got hit. and i think i didn't even understand it then but that started i decline in our relationship which spiraled downward and downward downward. and so you don't talk about it because you sit on it. and say i was lucky i didn't i can't write and i both somebody you know guys do that or why did no put

me why didn't i do this i once tried i don't a school and. i remember we live in the wired new york city totally alone i don't have to put my bathroom sash around on it. and why i got down was because. my friends. i had made after the war who had been through the same thing i had but i felt if i get back to my self i would betray. the bottom me.

cucina vietnam federer for tain't right in sixty six by eighty they call it hell's half acre because of the american people. that have been still there tunnel go out and be a crime snipers have done most of the damage today was no exception on this attack on the twenty seventh and fortunately the framed wall founds moved out to attack the snipers open up from such perfectly camouflaged positions the most of the a cockney like the whole day with c. and lot of the enemy a sergeant was hit in the shoulder and leg as he rolled over a third shop were up to his back. a medic broke for cough and rushed to his act as it dropped to his knees to begin

given a bullet smashed into the stomach. both a sergeant and a medic that i and a killer broke but he was laid out to screen us while going after the world at the specialist for what i wanted and the help cross the deadly fifty yards for the fall of two years he was hit again this was no. you were there yes it's hard. to bring back to minimum well done all right still. craft but certainly we're building up people until right now so i think about my grandson. they were probably where if they had to

draft they would be traffic tickets so i start thinking of what i could do to protect them to keep them from or. join the military but the same reasons that the young people join now because it is the poor people out of people on the lower end of the economic scale now that want to fight these wars. even though more of our magna merit came out years later and say if vietnam was a mistake it did not take the pain from me nor did it take the guilt that i carried for killing people when i went to vietnam i was a car courts rule and i believed what i was going to run the right thing and i was a good soldier but now i want soldier on the other side and i think i'm just as.

i sold my soul a long time and i'm just here trying to help. people as we want you free to go to prison i mean so you're saying your work will. brother i'm already in prison this is veterans for peace chapter zero nine nine western north carolina all seem at this moment registered in everyone's mind that this is one of the total costs of war.

succeeds festooned who is a great war political a one word line war was a scene stopped our clocks though we met him grim and gay i know people who got their clocks stopped so badly they never got beyond drugs booze women suicide with every want to court and that happened to me and i think my clock was stopped for close to forty years before i got over the past i was ashamed i was ashamed that i had been wounded i was ashamed that i hadn't been a hero i never understood that my problems with my parents my problems with my wife my ex-wife were buried in the fact that i got brought up i never i never understood repressed and totally and then.

again to go to a coffee shop and i would hear the great bands of the night hundred forty five and i would weep like a baby in public i had no idea that what i was doing i could reply to was going back and try to fly that little boy in my teeth and what happened. the fall of eighty four i was driven to go back to fly to look from for a spin a night or to rent a car and file and find the place where i was wounded on september seventh one thousand forty four. and then suddenly. i found the bridge that we crossed had been blown when i've been shot. i discovered to the hour at the moment where i had been wounded forty years before and i cannot

explain it but that discovery began my feeling. my generation really were oppressed with the war was about we didn't want to talk about it we weren't allowed to talk about it and then slowly in the one nine hundred eighty s. and one nine hundred ninety s. this whole thing of the greatest generation occurred it was wonderful you know the greatest generation what a nice thing to call it and we forgot what we had done we forgot that we had been animals for a while war is about one thing it's about killing you either learn to kill somebody else or you get killed or wounded yourself and that's why the country so loaded the idea of war southern that all of our foes.

nama sob and us cost and what may i think of it everyday. i still had a flashback from the to memorise still go to counseling for us and. it's is now worth it but what i did do as a man is to find some good in that war. thing vietnam a me a better person and made me while people more. made me understand that we are all one one people throughout this earth. this is sort of not a guilt i think you learn to live with compartmentalize it or unite us as you seem like all the excuses i mean i really don't have to make excuses even though. there are things i wish i had not done. but there's no way to change.

lad. when you come to the point that you were going to show you actually much more is not the way to settle. a disagreement. kind of like a place for you to your and i. loathe luxury. with obama.

so.

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