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with another update for you in less than fifteen minutes from now in fact not in thirty minutes from now in the meantime is our special report on the epidemic of domestic violence in the u.s. which digs into the psyche of both victims and that piece of this that's all special report next on. no one really wants to touch on the subject of abuse because everyone's like you know that's a family affair that's what we know has been and a wife we're going to stay out of it we want nothing to do with it at all about his cousins as brothers everyone around the house none of his friends came to a they just left everyone just left. they just let him beat me completely off me when is anathema you know and god forbid i hate i would hate to say if i would have stayed in a year longer cause i wouldn't be sitting here today tried to crack the day or sit in jail somewhere in ellen that's just honest to god true if those around the two

options that i saw at that moment either i'm going to kill here one way in jail or he's going to killing me it just spiraled just like one thing after another it was like you know like i was in a black hole everything just start caving in on me everything that i thought that was going to be you know when i met him and how their marriage was supposed to be when him and i know we discussed our dating and our hopes and dreams and things that we were going to do together everything just crumbled like a glass house no ideals just a one rock or should what a b.b. gun and then we'll just shafts if you don't care about yourself it doesn't matter it does not matter anymore it doesn't matter why are you here why are you living you don't want to live anymore you don't have self love you know you don't want to live you know that's why women commit suicide you know that's why women you know

people are going to drug abuse and alcohol abuse it's all about self love any type of use is about self-love not having self love that's important because that's all it and that's going to get the situation is going to love yourself again. people think she should have been able to get out of that why couldn't she get out of that i would never let that. happened to me i'd just leave those are sort of those famous last words kind of statements because this is an extraordinarily complex issue there is nothing simple about being a victim of domestic violence i will take your children away i'll make sure that no one ever speaks to you again oh ruin your reputation i will make sure you leave with no money i mean all of these things when you hear them time after time after time after time and he's beaten you time after time after time time when you work so hard to believe this you believe it with all your heart i made the decision that

night to formulate a plan and that i would be out of there by the time my youngest son was ready for kindergarten which i had two years so i and i knew i had two years left of abuse before i could leave twenty two beatings in that two years there were violent episodes which what happens the radically and of course every time i would try to convince myself i thought the time and he we can with me this is never going to happen again in the last time. but they continue to happen so i thought it was something i was doing wrong i thought it was something i should fix it sounds kind of crazy but i want to quit or i wanted to make things work i wanted to i wanted to have a sixty year marriage like my family had and i always thought through thick and thin mint through thick and thin and this is why they tell stories of prisoners of war they're actually kept captive with the doors open and no fences around for

a reason they don't leave is because the fear of what's going to happen if they try to is more overwhelming than staying there and taking the punishment it's a true story it's all part of being a prisoner and it's all part of living the worst on. what we've really seen as a huge shift in policy to the way that we respond to intimate partner violence through the criminal justice system this largely came about in the beginning of the sixty's and into the seventy's and we're still refining this policy but really prior to this we've had a very hands off approach to incidents of domestic violence where the police were rarely called if they were called they were really mandated to do nothing the police would show. they would mediate the couple or they would separate the couple

but then they would leave. and go to town. so he's. going to take i'm. sorry we did see if you would so we're going to load it into the burning bed as an interesting perspective because it brings about the idea that women will fight back or that when women are out had enough they're going to fight back. and today almost all of our states either have a mandatory or preferred rest policy this mandates that police officers when there is probable cause will make an arrest when they are called to the scene of an alleged domestic violence case and we now provide essentially under the law equal protection regardless of gender and regardless of the relationship between the offender and the victim and i went to court to go toward the. service

these classes and the miscellaneous ones for me personally. just my feelings and communication was the biggest challenge in my relationship which led to a lot of our arguments and learning how to share them i would have been in that same already we all come into that with the same kind of blogger this class. and you know you just start like i said it self assessment kind of makes you look at yourself in a different light but. this is this is the road you want to go to they really don't see the emotional damage that they have done in the relationship because you're teaching on the whole different thing as far as emotions and how to use you know the words about emotions not just angry or how to identify that underlying emotion such as her and frustrated and things like that our richard falls into that because when he first came. here he kind of minimized you know his actions then and spoke

as you know it was just this that was just that you know when you hear them say just or i only you know those are the key words that you know you know that they're trying to minimize or just of and into their maybe in their mind they think yeah it was just that in this that. however they don't realize the damage. we have to name the problem. and give it voice very loudly. and say stop and yell more until we have our health care system waking up to the fact that we're going we need to look at prevention and root cause i think it's incredibly important that we start opening our eyes and asking the questions.

the worst case abuse that i had was a lady who came in actually. at the fracture are one of the things that really raises my suspicion would be injuries inconsistent with how the patient reports they happened or maybe an enterprise response to an injury downplay. in the injury or over reacting to an injury what happened is that her significant other had basically broken her arm literally broke it and she was in a lot of pain. she didn't initially want to say that he did it you also kind of look at the relationship between the partners to see if it feels odd to you just kind of your human gut instinct just kind of trust your gut you always have in the back of your mind could this patient be a victim of abuse we know that frequently these women may

have several encounters with. health care agencies etc before they stepped help and you just hope that you're the one that makes the difference any time we have concerns we can call our social worker and they can work with our patients to help them access any services that they need we have a lot of patients and a lot of women who are in these relationships who do not want to tale that they're being abused because they're afraid that they have nowhere to go or no one that's going to help them and they'll be out there by themselves there are opportunities for a patient to be alone for an exam such as x. ray i do not even a company a patient a extra without a leg and there are times that we can ask the abuser to perform a task for us to get a medication list or to get an insurance card or to make a phone call for the victim or something of that nature we also have security if we

have great concerns that we are at risk that the patients at risk cetera we would enact to our security plan sometimes staff will just let me know that there is spite family violence and i just have to go in and meet with them and start to try to build a reporter with them and see how much they can is willing to open. samee the scariest time for a victim is when they are leaving the abusive relationship and that's when the abuser can feel most threatened and want to take ownership and show possession that can be the most dangerous time for them and that's why we do safety planning here at the hospital prior to then one and even if they're returning to an abusive relationship i think it would be a good thing to have manners toward screening for domestic violence obvious that we're inundated with forms and paperwork when we see a patient in this form is not going to slow down the process of treating a patient that large and it could be a good idea i think we can save lives and i think that if we try and to

make this more than issue and more of a for only open on the forefront to lead women know and educating our communities about domestic violence and i think it would really help to prevent it and help to decrease the prevalence of if patients don't know that help exists. how can they be saved absolutely i think if that was just for. you know any women shop around will tell you they're them they have special precautions about you know how women need to prepare in order to be able to leave your house they are a safe place. are you ok right now

a shelter advocate and answers the phone is first and foremost just there to listen and kind of hear was the person is asking about you try to assess the situation and offer her the shelter in the services that we have and even if shelter is not what she's seeking or desiring or she's now thinking you know that she needs that or wants to come to the shelter we make sure she's aware of all the services through our outreach center and counseling and really encourage her to get some some help for what she's going through no suspicion place when i was thinking where i go or where i can be i never imagined some of various shows there is like a mother arms like a boss can be a home huge bill for because he's not only a room a clean bear a plate of food so much for her we feel so good prayer is so guilty so.

somebody came to us and say. warry. if you're going to. try you for we can help you. get out. get out cause the cops no matter what he tells you you can find safety you can find safety you care and you will find safety a world say anything he wants to anything he can to keep you under his. to keep you out where he wants you. so he can keep of the year and it's only going to get worse so when you were given you were if got to make that step take that step of faith that faith in yourself you may not believe it's a mess but it's there and it's there you'll find it you'll find.

a safety plan is a mechanism that is used to help an individual stay safe in their home and their working environment to help them stay safe when they are traveling or with their children. it is pretty comprehensive and it involves evaluating where the high risk points are a lot of people don't consider. which rooms have ways that they could exit if they needed to which place have items and could be used as weapons now you would think all you might want to go there because there's a weapon you could use but typically that's not a good idea because the person who's trying to hurt you can also use that as weapons entry into a place like a bathroom a lot of people would want to go there because it's small confined it feels safe you can lock the door but in fact you can't really get her out of a bathroom easily and so it would be a dead end and that person could once they get through the door seriously and.

you're a person you would want to have coped words or something particular to communicate to your children when nine one one needs to be called inform neighbors and that there is something that they should keep their eyes peeled for because there might be an incident that you can't get to a phone but if they hear something they know it's a problem and also to identify a person where they could if they get out of the how where do they go is there someone that's typically home is there someone that could help them in an emergency so those are the kinds of things that would be evaluated additionally traveling alone or independently is usually not a good idea and if someone does have to travel alone to vary that route whether you're going to work or to the germ to vary your routine so that it's not predictable to someone who knows you very well.

but i think hospitals have a wonderful position to deal with this epidemic and i will be able with that. first of all my senses bend we've always been the catcher's mitt for society and what's going on at second were a safe haven for people and so the hospital itself is a place where people can feel safe and comfortable and the opportunity of hospitals to do assessment to do screening and then to offer opportunity for resources is something we have a great afternoon here the prosecutors can't do it alone the police officers the guard. and the service providers cannot do it alone but if we all work together and work together as a team to address every need an aspect of the victims situation then it

is a game that we can win because when we work together we make a really fair. medical opponent be smarter than i am just because you have to agree or you make a lot of money or you don't think you have a way out if you have no money there are support groups there are people that will help you find a way out and anything any place is better. away from that environment if we could paint a picture of a brighter future one thing that we definitely have to do is we have to detach the stigma of domestic violence i think that there's this persona that domestic violence is what happens to other people it doesn't happen to normal people it doesn't happen to you know middle class people who go to their jobs and get education and just live their lives but we know it does and it happens everywhere and people need to learn to speak out we need to empower women to ask for help to

seek help when they're in these situations that we will believe them that there are places they can turn whether this are victim shelters or calling the police calling nine one one going to a trusted friend a neighbor the local clinic the hospital but how can we stop it before it happens or when we start that cycle how can we intervene in the middle of it that's when we're going to have a brighter picture of tomorrow it's going to continue to be a journey and not only for me but for my children and perhaps for their children but we've got each other and god willing we are together to to work through it so. this is just going to destroy my life destroy me with my head turned around and do something positive and then some. working with the shelters and setting up scholarships. and move on. because life is too short you

can survive the past windows to my soul or to wait. it's a little bit of everything it's a mixture of you know my hopes my dreams. my aspirations my vision myself doing the separately you know i do believe in the concept of visualisation you know if you can see here in you. vision yourself doing something that's going to happen. i really really realize that you are a strong woman then you want someone who's going to encourage you and love you and make you want to pursue your dreams that's important it really is important so just get out and move on you know it's better things are going to happen but you have in order to start something new you have to do away with the old you have to do it with the past and in order for good things to happen in your life you have to get rid of the bad first you know it's scary at first because you don't know what

you're going to do it's ok it's ok it's ok to be confused it's ok to be a leader it's ok to be scared but most importantly you're still alive to feel that way so that's important you know at least you're still alive and you have another day see make a change but you have to start today. you have to i am now thirty five years old so it's been ten years since my experience everything is falling into place for me scary. scary member when we couldn't say with the word breast the shame attached to a woman going in and talking about breast cancer twenty years ago was terrible. so we've really got a lot of work to do to be able to be able to go in and talk openly and honestly about abuse so that women can hear that it's ok to talk about it so we can move ahead like we have on breast cancer. he wonderful i'm going to live to see that happen as i am.

this makes fifteen to twenty million years for the planet to recover from a major extinction event but the planet has time we don't. it's been going on for months twenty five years and since it's been eco terrorists before there was even islamic fundamentalist terrorist in this country when a nine eleven happened the bush administration could not find any terrorists because the feds couldn't find any real terrorists they decided to take these young people who were accused of property sabotage and label of ben as terrorists someone you destroy property. with absolutely zero intention of harming a single human being. in my mind it's not the parents real people who are green in

this country are the housewives who recycle. and the children who play trees on the weekend with their pup scout troops that's the. sad. time. of. i'm going to. get. to it. just sucks. ok i was caught up first but.

this is true still keeps its secrets a balance time from the feel that if the soviet files an oxy some cool. the a. lose lose. its pts. just so. super. lucky. wealthy british

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