for today especially the first segment i would i would like you tomorrow this is out of focus from washington district of criminals. h.l. marvin here broadcasting live from washington d.c. coming up today on the big picture. that. wealthy british.

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marvin here broadcasting live from washington d.c. coming up today on the big picture. mission. couldn't take three months for charges free to make amends three. three. three.

the old free broncho split video for your media project a free media john to our teton tom. more news today violence is once again fled. these are the images the world has been seeing from the streets of canada. sheinkopf orations the day. the m.

no one really wants to touch on the subject of abuse because everyone's like you know that's a family affair that's what we know husband and a wife we're going to stay out of it we want nothing to do with it at all his cousins as brothers everyone ran out the house none of his friends came to our way he just laughed everyone just laughed but. they just let him beat me complete left me when atlanta you know and god forbid i hate i would hate to say if

i would have stayed in a year longer i would be sitting here today trying to crappy day or sitting in jail somewhere in elam that's just honest to god truth if those around the two options that i saw at that moment either i'm going to kill him only in jail or he's going to killing me it just spiraled to psych one thing after another it was like you know like i was in a black hole everything just start caving in on me everything that i thought that was going to be you know when i met him and other marriage was supposed to be when him and i knew we discussed or were dating and our hopes and dreams and things that we want to do together everything just crumbled like a glass house you know ideas just grow one rock or it would have be the guide and then he'll just shafts if you don't care about yourself it doesn't matter it does not matter anymore it doesn't matter why are you here why are you living you don't

want to live anymore you don't have self-love you know you don't want to live you know that's why women commit suicide you know that's why women you know people go to drug abuse and alcohol abuse it's all about self-love any type of use is about self-love not having self-love it's important because that's all that's going to get the situation is going to love yourself again. people think she should have been able to get out of it why couldn't she get out of it i would never let that. happened to me i'd just leave those are sort of those famous last words kind of statements because this is an extraordinarily complex issue there is nothing simple about being a victim of domestic violence will take your children away oh make sure that no one ever speaks to you again oh ruin your reputation i'll make sure you leave with no money i mean all of these things when you hear them time after time after time

after time and he has a new time after time after time time and you work so hard you believe that if you believe it with all your heart i made the decision that night to formulate a plan and that i would be out of there by the time my youngest son was ready for kindergarten which i had two years so i and i knew i had two years left of abuse before i could leave twenty two beatings in that two years there were violent episodes which would happen sporadically and of course every time i would try to convince myself thought simon he was going with me this is never going to happen again in the flats time. but they continue to happen so i thought it was something i was doing wrong i thought it was something i should fix it sounds kind of crazy but i want to quit or i wanted to make things work i wanted to i wanted to have a sixty year marriage like my family had and i always thought through thick and

thin mint through thick and thin this is why they told stories of prisoners of war that are actually kept captive with the doors open and no fences around the reason they don't leave is because the fear of what's going to happen if they try to is more overwhelming than staying there and take the punishment it's a true story it's all part of being or isn't or it's all part of living in the worst on. well what we've really seen as a huge shift in policy to the way that we respond to intimate partner violence through the criminal justice system this largely came about in the beginning of the sixty's and into the seventy's and we're still refining this policy but really prior to this we've had a very hands off approach to incidents of domestic violence where the police

were rarely called if they were called they were really mandated to do nothing the police would show. they would need a couple or they would separate the couple but then they would leave. they don't come. in who can take them away. sorry we didn't do it. so we're going to load it with just the burning bed is an interesting perspective because it brings about the idea that women will fight back or that when women are out had enough they're going to fight back. and today almost all of our states either have a mandatory or preferred rest policy this mandates that police officers when there is probable cause will make an arrest when they are called to the scene of an alleged domestic violence case and we now provide essentially under the law an equal protection regardless of gender and regardless of the relationship between

the offender and the victim and i went to court to go toward the. service classes and muslims for and for me personally. just my feelings and communication was the biggest challenge in my relationship which led to a lot of our arguments and felt learning how to share them i would have been in that same old rut we all come into that with the same mindset couple august class. and you know you just start like i said it's self assessment kind of makes you look at yourself in a different light be educated. is this the road you want to go to they really don't see the emotional damage that they have done in the relationship because you're teaching them a whole different thing as far as emotions and how to use you know the words about emotions not just anger i do identify that underlying emotion such as her and

frustrated and things like that our richard falls into that because when he first came. here he kind of minimized you know his actions then and spoke as you know it was just this that was just that you know when you hear them say just or i only you know those are the key words that you know you know that they're trying to minimize or just of and into their maybe in their mind they think yeah it was just that in this that however they don't realize the damage. we have to maintain the problem. and give it voice very loudly. and say stop now more until we have our health care system and waking up to the fact that we're going to need to look at prevention and root cause i think it's incredibly important that we start opening our eyes and asking the

questions. the worst case abuse that i had was a lady who came in and actually. i fractured on one of the things that really raises my suspicion would be injuries inconsistent with how the patient reports they happened or maybe an enterprise response to an injury downplay. an injury or overreacting to an injury what happened is that her significant other had basically broken her arm literally broke it and she was in a lot of pain. she didn't initially want to say that he did it and also to look at the relationship between the partners to see if it feels

odd to you just kind of your human gut instinct just kind of trust regrets you always have in the back of your mind could this patient be a victim of abuse we know that frequently these women may have several encounters with. health care agencies etc before they say that help and you just hope that you're the one that makes the difference any time we have concerns we can call our social worker and they can work with our patients to help them access any services that they need we have a lot of patients and a lot of women who are in these relationships who do not want to tell that they're being abused because they're afraid that they have nowhere to go or no one that's going to help them and be out there by themselves there are opportunities for a patient to be alone for an exam such as x. ray i do not even accompany a patient to extra i without a lead gal there are times that we can ask the abuser to perform

a task for us to get a medication list or to get an insurance card or to make a phone call for the victim or something of that nature we also have security if we have great concerns that we are at risk that the patients at risk cetera we would enact our security plan sometime staff will just let me know that there is spike family violence and i just have to go in and meet with them and start to try to build a reporter with them and see how much of the victim's willing to open. to me the scariest time for a victim is when they're leaving the abusive relationship a mess when the abuser can feel most threatened and want to take ownership and show possession of it so that can be the most dangerous time for them and that's why we do safety planning here at the hospital prior to then leave and even after returning to and he said relationship i think it would be a good thing to have mandatory screening for domestic violence obvious that we're

inundated with forms and paperwork when we see a patient having this form is not going to slow down the process of treating a patient that much and if it could be a good idea i think we can save lives and i think that if we try and to make this more the nation and more of a for only open on the forefront to lead women know in educating our communities about domestic violence and i think it will really help to prevent it and help to decrease the prevalence of if patients don't know that help exists. how can they be saved absolutely i think you can save lives if you are. you know any women shopped around will tell you that them they have special

precautions about you know how women need to prepare in order to be able to leave your house they are a safe place. are you ok right near the shelter advocate that answers the phone is first and foremost is there to listen and to kind of hear word the person is asking about you try to assess the situation and offer her the shelter in the services that we have and even if shelter is not what she's seeking or desiring or she's not thinking you know that she needs that or wants to come to the shelter we make sure she's aware of all the services through our outreach center and counseling and really encourage her to get some some help for what she's going through. this special place when i was thinking where i go or where i can be i never imagined some of there is but they showed there is like a mother arms like a sweet voice be home till her because he's not only a room clean beer

a plate of food so much more her. prayer is so guilty so. somebody came to us and say. warry. it were not. your fault we can help you. get out get out call the cops no matter what he tells you you can find safety you can find safety you care and you will find safety he will say anything he wants to anything he can to keep you under his. to keep you right where he wants you. so he can keep abusing you and it's only going to get worse so when you are going to get or if got to make that step take

that step of faith that faith in yourself you may not believe it's a mess but it's there it's there you'll find it you'll find. a safety plan is a mechanism that is used to help an individual stay safe in their home and their working environment to help them stay safe when they're traveling or with their children. is pretty comprehensive and it involves evaluating where the high risk points are a lot of people don't consider. which rooms have ways that they could exit if they needed to which plays have items in there that could be used as weapons you know you would think well you might want to go there because there's a weapon you could use but typically that's not a good idea because the person who's trying to hurt you could also use that as weapons entry into a place like a bathroom

a lot of people would want to go there because it's small confined it feels safe you can lock the door but in fact she can't really get out of a bathroom easily and so it would be a dead end and that person could once they get through that door seriously and. person you would want to have code words or something particular to communicate to your children when nine one one needs to be called inform neighbors and that there is something that they should keep their eyes peeled for because there might be an incident that you can't get to a phone but if they hear something they know it's a problem and also to identify a person where they could if they get out of the house where do they come from is there someone that's typically home is there someone that could help them in an emergency so those are the kinds of things that would be evaluated additionally traveling alone or independently is usually not a good idea and if someone does have to travel alone to vary that route whether

you're going to work or to the germ to vary your routine so that it's not predictable to someone who knows you very well. but i think hospitals have a wonderful position to deal with this epidemic and i will label it that. first of all my senses ben we've always been a catcher's mitt for society and what's going on a second were a safe haven for people and so the hospital itself is a place where people can feel safe and comfortable and the opportunity of hospitals to do assessment to scream and then to offer opportunity for resources is something we have a great option. the prosecutors can't do it alone the police officers the doctors and the service providers cannot do it alone but if we all work together and work

together as a team to address every need an aspect of the victims situation then it is a game that we can win because when we work together we make a really form. medical opponent a smart and i mean it's just because you have degrees or you make a lot of money or you don't think you have a way out if you have no money there are support groups there are people that will help you find a way out. and anything any place is better. away from that environment if we could paint a picture of our brighter future one thing that we definitely have to do is we have to detach the stigma of domestic violence i think that there's this persona that domestic violence is what happens to other people it doesn't happen to normal people it doesn't happen to you know middle class people who go to their jobs and

get educations and just live their lives but we know it does and it happens everywhere and people need to learn to speak out we need to empower women to ask for help to seek help when they're in these situations that we will believe them that there are places they can turn whether this are victim shelters or calling the police calling nine one one going to a trusted friend a neighbor the local clinic the hospital but how can we stop it before houghton's or when we start that cycle how can we intervene in the middle of it dats when we're going to have a brighter picture of tomorrow it's going to continue to be a journey and not only for me good for my children and perhaps for their children but we've got each other and god willing we are here together to to work through it some of the. this was just going to destroy my life and i would destroy me and i

had this turned around to do something boston. and then some new stern. working with the shoulders and ships. and move on. because life is too short you can survive the past windows to my so. it's a little bit of everything it's a mixture of you know my hopes my dreams my desires and aspirations and my vision myself doing these separate beings you know i do believe in the concept of visualisation email if you can see here in thinking vision yourself it's going to happen i surely believe that you know i really really didn't realize that you are a strong woman and you want someone who's going to encourage you and love you and make you want to pursue your dreams that's important it really is important so just get out move on you know it's better things are going to happen but you have in

order to start something new you have to do away with the old you have to do with the past and in order for a bit things to happen in your life you have to get rid of the bad first it's scary at first because you don't know what you're going to do it's ok it's ok it's ok to be confused it's ok to be angry it's ok to be scared but most importantly you're still alive to feel that way so that's important at least you're still alive and you have another day to make a change but you have to start today. after i am now thirty five years old so it's been ten years since my experience everything is valued the place for me it's great. it's creating. a new member when we couldn't say a word breast the shame attached to a woman going in and talking about breast cancer in our twenty years ago was terrible. so we've really got a lot of work to do to be able to be able to go in and talk openly and honestly

about abuse so that women can hear that it's ok to talk about it so we can move ahead like we have on breast cancer. so the wonderful i'm going to have to see that happen i think i am.

i tell marvin here broadcasting live from washington d.c. coming up today on the big picture.

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