come a hot button issue in american society where more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends every day how the next the first part of our special report which digs into the core of this problem. courtship of abuse to me. i can sum it up in one word despair. and i just prayed that if you didn't find me if i could just live through the night that i would get my kids out of here because i knew that what was going to happen was that he was going to kill me. i love this guy any promise to be his wife into honor and respect and cherish

you know this is what he did to me. the look on my son's face. stoic saying i can stop this dad. it's really important to ask her are you being hurt are you afraid to go back home if we don't ask we won't find out. she had a bag packed that was in her bedroom shame on their bank pack that was in her car our assumption is she told him that he was that she was leaving. the portrait of abuse is and that is extremely frightening extremely dark even though it looks silly and now that as a community we can provide that ran from. just

one case of domestic violence by both involving parents reporters cover stories every day. of domestic violence in america they shine the spotlight on famous men arrested for murder or assault of a girlfriend or wife the daily headlines reveal secrets of private people victims and abusers hidden from view until police investigate. many stories fail to name the crowd as domestic violence or put the crisis in context. at least four million women are affected by abuse every year it is a public health at the demick and we must do more to save women's lives. if you think that of for women you know. and realize that one out of

every four women is being abused it's appalling domestic violence can affect people from any age range any social economic background any racial or cultural background we've seen women from asian countries who married american man and moved to this country and then were abused we've seen people from some of the middle eastern countries who are abused as part of their culture so it can hit anybody can just be any more it can hit doctors' wives policeman's wives ministers' wives many victims don't understand that domestic violence includes verbal abuse psychological abuse physical abuse and sexual abuse. it's real it's visible. to sticks or are not lying here they are telling

us what's going on all. i always knew that i wanted to be an artist my father i would go for sunday drives that he would ask who would want to do up us like you know i want to be an artist when i met this man i fell in love with him all psych ok you know i think i'll give love a try it was twenty five. dream it well we were the military. may for two years dated for one year that made the very first event was. well we got married i got pregnant amanda and i and i was pregnant i was excited we're both very excited. and. losing my baby and a tubal pregnancy so i came whole you know after recovery and you know for recovery

after breast surgery my husband picked me up and he threw me. and i don't even know what set him off wiring arkan but he picked me up and threw me across the road and ows all the hours that goes like oh my god my stitches are going to rip what am i going to do it's like his soul was just empty as start to get physical with the choking. this reliving that just thinking about it you know i would see clips of my life just just flashing in my head you know am i going to die mike and i am i don't know what's happening to me to the point i couldn't brave a gasp or air but just something with it myself just made me just want to fight you know continue to live. i just had to. buy remember the night that i made the decision to leave from that moment to the next morning i was in a war zone. first he beat me until i was unconscious held me down

on the floor put his knees on my shoulders. burn my marriage with a cigarette burn my arm with a cigarette. kicked me in the left ear until i was unconscious. and stripped me of my clothes and threw me in the back yard and it was twenty seven degrees below zero with the wind chill that night we were in wisconsin and it was january so i ran to the garage and i knew i had to hide so i found a tarp and i read myself in that and i hid in a corner behind some things and i heard him come in and he had a stick and i heard him poking around in the garage. and i just prayed that if you didn't find me if i could just live through the night that i would get my kids out of here because i knew that what was going to happen was that he was going to kill me because he told me so many times and that night he he promised me that he kill

me and that he those kids would never see their mother my youngest son was at home at the time and he was. upstairs but he heard his father yelling and. he came down and his father just continued to attack me and he threw me to the ground in the hallway and then while i was down and i was trying to calm myself he started kicking me. and my son the look on my son's face was the scariest thing ever similar because you know it can stop his dad it could mean i can remember pleading for my life as the mother of his children please don't hurt me i'm the mother pure children they need me when i pick myself off before i realized that not only was a queen for my children's life but i was playing for my own and i couldn't be a mother. if i wasn't existing and that was the lightbulb moment for me when i said

this has to change and only i can change. a lot of people are not aware that within domestic violence many women are right. sexual abuse is probably the least talked about for the first eighteen years of my life i was told or had the sense of i was i was nothing i meant nothing i was not loved so the first guy that walks by and says i love you that was it wow somebody loves me and it was all i needed and i was so blinded by that that i couldn't see all the other little signs that were there and then as we got into marriage and i had a child all of a sudden you know it happens things change when you get pregnant you have a child well i breast fed and the first thing you know i was like well those are my breasts not my son's and i'm like i'm breastfeeding him so he lives and he was

threatened and felt jealous. no one gives you necessarily the rules i mean of when you get married this is the rules of being a wife in a lot of times and even now the a mindset is when you say i do oh well you're supposed to perform sexual acts in bed and but as with consent and that's where the difference really lies is that. i wasn't consenting i mean i would say now and i would say no and i would say now and it didn't matter. they got to where we would call it a dead fish engine imagine being married to somebody. in your bedroom if you're telling him that ok i'm going to lay here like a dead smelly fish then you can just help yourself in it's what i did how every other night for years. and that was what my marriage was. i love

this guy and i promise to be his wife in to honor and respect and cherish you know in this is what he did to me. but you can't go talk to somebody about this because they'll turn around and say will you marry to huge chose him. so where do you go what do you do you. mean so i kept my mouth shut. because that's what i learned today growing up i think. young lady less than twenty years of age married came in the office pregnant and i followed her through her pregnancy and i noticed towards the inert probably in the last trimester of her pregnancy she frequently would come in with bruises and maybe bruises on her abdomen she came in one day with with a black eye and her husband was all ways right there and i would ask her if she

wanted to talk about anything what's going on and she always had a reason why she was had these bruises. and i guess i believed her that in pressure . about three to four weeks prior to her delivery date she came into the emergency room and she was in shock from blood loss. the baby was dead and she had huge injury to her adman probably from boots i think probably he had been kicking her. baby dead and she died and in that taught me a very significant lesson had i had the opportunity to have spoken to her privately . we had a very good relationship i think she would have told me if there was a problem. and after that i ask every person i saw everything was at home and are you happy and i learned how to screen for.

i think that there are still in american society the view that what it curbs behind closed doors remains behind closed doors and what happens between two intimates a husband and a wife or a boyfriend and a girlfriend really is their business the media generally reflects to some extent what is going on in society and it very much comes from this patriarchal idea of man as ruler and then in order to take control of his possessions which included house property cattle children and females spare the rod spoil the child that also translated to women as well so essentially what happens with the woman is she goes from being under the rule of her father that is then transferred to her husband and i think this is often why people find this somewhat humorous but it's really not humorous. women that talk back women that gossiped

a lot and women that just were not under very good control it was deemed necessary to use force not. ten years. so there is only one way to beating kicking those types of things that plays into the idea that women essentially that are being abused somehow are deserving of that abuse they have brought it on their head picking their husbands there's the possibility of adultery they don't know when to shut up they push them too far and so essentially they're asking for it in this plays into how in the criminal justice system we treat women who are abused which traditionally has not been very well and so there is a general kind of perception in the hierarchy of power structure of the females are still under males and that the man knows best and if the man is resorting to

violence somehow it's because either it's necessary and or she brought it on herself as we see this in that scene and titanic where he tells her you will not embarrass me you are going to be my wife and you will abide by my rules feel free. to. practice if not yet by law so you will. time he learned what comes first marriage or job it up with leftovers and i think he can't even find time to so want to but for me. to work or eating is to make something out of himself his wife doesn't look up doing.

she competes with. my own out of me and i like a fool i was getting a wife oh sure who is boss his home is his cash so he is the boss there and he rules. and the rules badly. boil. and you have somebody that is not very empowered to do much except to try to survive try to make nice try to walk on eggshells try not to make him mad again and he always tells her it's your fault you made me angry because you did this or you didn't do that if you get that kind of information just thrown at you especially if this is not the first time you've been battered but before you got into this relationship you may have had another and another relationship and certainly may have gotten back to what it looked like in your family of origin if mom did not leave her battery husband your father the chances of you getting away. our less the battered

wife. that doesn't leave. is expressing one of the sad symptoms of being battered is become a noun and you really have as sense of hopelessness except to try to knock. trigger their rage of the batter who has often out of his insecurity made real threats that are quite believable. if. most batterers tend to minimize things they tend to think well it was a one time thing or she made me angry i didn't hit her that hard i you know i

didn't mean to do that i also provide counseling to the women i've heard on several occasions when i hear that door closed i shiver and that's sad to imagine in your own home means scared by hearing the door close and it's not a stranger coming in the door it's their partners or spells. my name is richard i'm thirty five have been married for almost three years now. and we have three children gather and i also have two stepchildren so tall of five we grew up pretty similar you know not a lot of fighting what a drugs or alcohol so we definitely share common bond that we've tried to help each other see what avenues we don't need to go down i have tried to avoid the conflict saying oh that made unhappy times when growing up as a kid my parents divorced when i was five when on that relationship my dad got

a relationship. the violence there physical and verbal it's not a choice i want my life i want my wife to be in my life to the day we leave this earth remember him and amber being handcuffed. to the most embarrassing moments of my life. balance not is not only physical you know it's verbal emotional and i got arrested spent fourteen hours in jail never been in trouble with the law. and you know it's just a new experienced sin that i didn't know. what my relationship status was today at least my family and i was the biggest thing to me. what happens to my family it's what my life is about now is my family and i did not feel. this violence is a way of obtaining power and control this violence is usually

accompanied by jealousy also a fear of losing power and control it is accompanied by verbal abuse and put downs again as a way to obtain power and control as you can see it's a perfectly ordinary house and he really does wreck their house about twenty minutes and we're in this this is there are the master bedroom and he went right above the bed i mean you can see whore baby killer and everything else where they divorced at the time they were really separated the time she just asked him to move out he got really jealous he came in the room said you're not sleeping with me you're sleeping with somebody else put the hand down sort of move into the ground put a gun into the mouth the tin a seven year old were in the room screaming don't kill mommy don't kill mommy and the only reason he stopped or five minutes of that was because the kids were getting hysterical and he made the mother leave the house bill has been moved out for a while and she has injuries even up out down on her knees when he had her on the

ground she was done i mean he had the gun execution style right in front of children in the mouth close up of the strangulation trail ational you see exactly where the thumb mark went in yet again and come out in her mouth in front of the women as. if she leaves that is not necessarily going to make the violence go away many times leaving will cause an increase in the violence because again why do we have the violence it's power and control if hit the victim leaves now that is a slap in the face to power and control. we have three children are mental i was an attorney she was a very brilliant girl tremendous sense of humor very dander. arthur and a very kind caring person he was of the placement they were married close to three

years her friends tell me that he dragged around by her hair so any bruises on her head you know would not be visible and the body bruise would not be visible one morning at five thirty six thirty in the morning got a phone call and we were in said bonnie is no longer with us. and we thought. what there's been a car accident he said there's there's some sort of problem here bonnie shot herself as far as we now she had a bag packed that was in her bedroom she had another bag packed that was in her car our assumption is she told him that she was leaving him he shot her and then wiped the fingerprints off the gun obviously money did much. to and did in camera call nine one one said that his wife a child herself voices in the back or. she was not. and she

was calling for one to help and as far as losing a child that's devastating but to even more so was to say my parents. lose a grand on. that. i watched the most. every day that he had been arrested he was subsequently released. and was not charged with murder da said they didn't have enough evidence to indict him the judge said it's in my court. so we didn't get him and. when we first found out about the fact that she was abused and had been abused for three years we were stand up because domestic

violence doesn't happen to people like us people or college educations and this happens to poor people. this doesn't happen to two attorneys to doctors wives this type of thing kirk her comment on on domestic violence would be that it's a free. fall . closer. approach. off. flights. to the max air show.

the be. able to order. this is true still keeps it secret but now it's time to reveal the hidden in the soviet files and auntie. as you know song was sixteen years old when he committed these murders that's not to say that song so or should not be punished for his crimes so on is being asked no rational person can deny that sean has been punished is being punished and will

be punished. the saudis must be executed for the brutal crime committed this is a punishment this is not. to mention. that it's. because we've been immersed in army whatsoever. and i didn't come here just fists. and heard the first. star or this man. while martin. and my that is now. the.

all.

twenty years ago largest country in. this case it. might have been trying. to teach began the journey. where did it take to. reach brighton. from phones to. start on t.v. dot com. but

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