welcome back you're watching r t here is a look at the top stories eleven in cesar's weapons aboard a ship within its waters the cargo was said to be destined for syria's opposition fighters as explosions in damascus due another blow to the u.n. sponsored peace plan. sarkozy reaffirms he's pledged to drastically cut immigration after losing the first round of the french presidential ballot to socialist candidate francois along it's a national front's far right votes that are now up for grabs during the may sixth. over twenty people remain in hospital after a series of blasts rocked the eastern ukrainian city of newburgh on friday leaving twenty nine injured the suspect the terror attacks also stoked fear abroad as the country prepares to host the euro two thousand and twelve football tournament. and

online anger ready to boil over as a new cyber security bill could allow the u.s. government to obtain people's private information from internet companies the pact just passed the u.s. house of representatives but is now threatening to be vetoed by president obama. up next the second part of our special reports on how soldiers feel when they have to kill on the battlefield. there was one particular incident there still the story today i wish i could take the. given. we went to an area near the stadium came into our area and actually stopped about seventy five meters from our vehicle that tells you well for the vehicle came into our program and. which is

we lit it up. we had three of the. victims in the right key that there were expiring rapidly we pulled them out of the car and we started doing it for a state i called a corpsman the corpsman came and got the three bodies and took them back to the patel and surgeon. corpsman came back dump the bodies on the side of the road i went over to the corpsman. what do you do and how can you bring in a back you need to get him out of your you need to get him back to an area where they can see a surgeon corpsman there's nothing we can do for him so . you can leave you know you can leave the bodies on the side of the road

and i said yeah we want to do stats or so i want to have a compatible up so they dumped him on the side of the road and you know the guys brother he come running over to him and he just said they're holding them while they roll around on the on the asphalt on a highway they're rolling around in pain they didn't even give many morphine. and the guys brother. he kept running around and he had his hands in his in his and his face. and he's just crying and sobbing and he's saying why did you kill my brother. we didn't do anything to you we're not terrorists.

now remember i remember i just want to i wanted to close my years i didn't want to hear just sat there and he's time that he said. it was like it was permanently being. burned into my brain. and. i lost that's the last night or gotten a good night's sleep the night before that. i think and then. the next morning lieutenant he walked up to me and he

said sasser. are you all right you seem a little distressed a little agitated. and i was around all right and. so i'm pretty pissed off what we're what we're doing over here. and he will give me your interpretation of what we're doing over here. and. or what we're trying to accomplish over here. and i just looked at him and i said it well said honestly feel that we're committing genocide. and he didn't like my answer and he stormed off towards the. ceo's vehicle. i knew at that point that my career was done across the line and i knew i had to

watch my back and grow our eyes so after that night i pretty much slept with my nine millimeter underneath my poncho liner within easy reach. in the dark the dark days. when i first came back from vietnam and one nine hundred sixty six i saw protesters how to speak in. a. body want to hear it i did believe it to get away from it i put in a ten forty nine to go back to vietnam because i was what a charm we'll wired up and i don't think it would have taken a much for me to take one of the protesters out have failed had i stayed here i would have ended up killing some people and i could do it legally in vietnam so i

put in a ten forty nine to go back that i was looking at justification of doing what i was doing of killing it was all a do on my second tour one began to realize that something was wrong when i came back to the states i want to washington d.c. to the white house or i talk to us on aids and next and just say that i would not go back to vietnam. when i arrived back stateside i was ordered to report into the middle health clinic in twentynine palms the. psychologist looked at me and she said why don't you a conscientious objectors. and. just about last. for

them to label me as a conscientious objector that's the ultimate slap in the face you're calling me your conscience objector i just killed thirty plus individuals for you and you calling me a conscience objector. i stood up and i said ma'am if you want to label me as a conscientious objector for not wanting to kill innocent civilians then i'll see you in court. i went down and hired an attorney. a man by the name of mr gary myers. and. mr mars was represented during the may lie trials and. mr meyers in the marine corps came to a. very discreet mutual understanding i was on or billy discharged

december thirty first of two thousand and three and here i am. so i came back i think that that sense of a long term planning was gone. i went through a divorce some things i did recklessly probably in the back of my mind i would not have minded down right. but. i went through a period when t.c.p. . are on. and about it and thought of mainz. on a long period of severe drug abuse. i finally got to the point where i had no more money. i had no more car. i had long

since moved out of my house and could not go back home exactly where do you go from here. and it was when the national guard needed someone with and i my experience in teaching people how to fly the armed helicopters the cobras and i was asked to come in and help train some of those folks and the money was. you know fifteen twenty thousand dollars a year for part time work and it carried a retirement with even though i had and a change of heart about wars i needed the money you first come home and you meet lee forget about everything and you go to mcdonald's you go to all your favorite restaurants and you do all your favorite

things and you're having a great time and you know. and then all of a sudden you wake up one day and you're like wait a minute i'm not having a good time anymore. starting with think about this i'm starting to think about that because all the newness has worn off your whole i'm alive i got my arm i got my legs i'm alive. but then the mind. and the mind starts catching up with with everything else. a farm myself going through my gear prepping like i'm getting ready to go to combat i mean i even look for suicide bombers. you know anything out of the anything out of the ordinary. once you reach that level of your senses being that heightened it's hard to turn it off it's like being in a cage tiger.

let me have a fairly soon after. i got back in december of forty four there's nobody you can talk to you know that was nobody who had been in combat around. i can remember still seeing that grown red glow on the tip of a chrysler and my god i was home listen to. one day you're telling somebody they're trying to kill you and the next day you're sitting in a bar in new york city it's it's crazy. i took so normal nobody knows that your hand at work nobody you know if you got a you got a headache or you got a hole in your head you can't see when i wrote home that i was wounded

i had been in france from the middle of august till i was get dad said to the newspaper reporter who interviewed him he was only there for a few days that was to me the only was a at that time not now was a real rejection of who i was as a man he didn't last he didn't make it he got hit. and i think i didn't even understand it then but that started a decline in our relationship which spiraled downward and downward downward. so you don't talk about it because you sit on it. and say i was lucky

why didn't i kill why didn't i bow somebody you know guys do that or why did no poor me why didn't i do this i want to try i got on a stool and. i would member he live in the wide new york city totally alone i don't have to put my bathroom sash around on it. and why i got. was because. my friends. i had made after the war who had been through the same thing i had and i felt if i did that to myself i would betray. the bond we had.

cool civi were fourteen thousand nine hundred sixty six by a.p. they call it hell's halfacre because of the american bull. that had been spilled their tongue to all and the kong snipers have done most of the damage today was no exception. on this you know the twenty seventh and for the tree the framed wolfhounds moved out to attack the snipers opened up from such perfectly camouflaged positions the most of the a company want the whole day with a c. and one of the enemy a sergeant was hit in the shoulder and leg as he rolled over a third shot ripped to it by.

a medic broke from call of and rushed to his side as he dropped to his knees to begin given a bullet smashed into the stomach. both the sergeant and the medic. and tiller book but it was laid down to screen a squad go on after the wall and especially his fourth wonted in the hip crossed the deadly fifty yards with all the fallen to us he was hit again this was an old one you were there yes it's hard to bring back to minimum browndown zero. zero christmas certainly we're building up to go and i thought think obama grandson

. they were. where if they had to draft they would be drafted so i start thinking of what i could do to protect them to keep them from war. i join the military for the same reasons that the young people join now because it is the poor people out of people on the laurian of the economic scale all that want to fight these wars. even though rob a magnet america came out years later and say it vietnam was a mistake it did not take the brain from me. did it take the guilt that i carry for killing people when i went to vietnam i was a car courts rule and i believed what i was going there was the right thing and i

was a good soldier but now i'm a soldier on the other side and i think i'm just as good. i sold my soul a long time ago i'm just here trying to come. to europe or on the radio for. people as we want you free to go to prison i mean you're saying you're a war criminal brother i'm already in prison this is veterans for peace chapter zero nine nine western north carolina hoping that this moment registers in everyone's mind that this is one of the total cost of war.

true test who's a great war poet of world war one wrote of mine war was a fiend who stopped our clocks though we met him grim and gay and i know people who got their clocks stopped so badly they never got beyond it drugs booze women suicide whatever you want to call it and that happened to me and i think my clock was stopped for close to forty years before i got over that i was ashamed i was ashamed that i had been wounded i was ashamed that i hadn't been a hero. i never understood that my problems with my parents my problems with my wife my ex-wife were buried in the fact

that i had gotten blown up i never i never understood it repressed it totally and then i began to go to a coffee shop and i would hear the big bands of the night hundred forty five and i would weep like a baby in public i had no idea that what i was doing i could reply to was going back and trying to find that the little boy of my teeth and what happened. the fall of eighty four i was driven to go back to fly to look for birds to spend the night there to rent a car and file and find the place where i was wounded on september seventh one thousand and forty four. and then suddenly. i found the bridge with a recross that had been blown when i'd been shot. i discovered to the hour at the

moment where i had been wounded forty years before and i cannot explain it but that discovery began my healing. my generation really repressed with the war was about we didn't want to talk about it we weren't allowed to talk about it and then slowly in the one nine hundred eighty s. and one nine hundred ninety s. this whole thing of the greatest generation occurred it was wonderful you know the greatest generation what a nice name to call us and we forgot what we had done we forgot that we had been animals for a while. war is about one thing only it's about killing you either learn to kill somebody else or you get killed or wounded yourself and that's why i've become to solo the idea of war. that's all the purple.

vietnam assault on us cost on what may i think of it every day. to fire back from it to memorise still go to counseling for. and. it's is now worth it but what i did do was managed to find some good in that war. vietnam a me a better person and made me a lot of people more. made me understand that we are all one one people throughout this earth there's a certain amount of guilt i think you learn to live with you compartmentalize it or unite you rationalize you you make all the excuses i mean i really don't have to make excuses even. if there are things i wish i had not done.

but there's no way to change. the. last. laugh. when you come to the point that you're not sure you're actually much but the more snot the way the sadder. and disagreement. kind of like the poster you can have your and i. loathe luxury.

with obama.

this is.

so. i'm not. saying. this thing that. i want to. get. caught. up in the.

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if.