this is why you should care only. black from the russian capital this is the latest news on the week in review rush or accuses syrian rebels of fighting on to bring down the un brokered peace plan this as a shipment of smuggled bombs for the opposition is intercepted by lebanon it all comes as the u.n. is expanding its observer mission to syria in an attempt to oversee a cease fire. stands by his pledge to cut immigration after losing the first round of the french presidential election to socialist candidates from. the national front so far right now up for grabs during the may the sixth run

. over twenty people are still being treated in hospitals in the ukrainian city. after a series of bombs exploded there on friday injuring thirty suspected terror attacks also stoked fear abroad as the country prepares to host the euro twenty twelve football. plus a not guilty british a lie detector experts say the u.k.'s main suspect a russian m.p. i was not involved in the murder of former security officer alexander litvinenko in london six years ago the polonium otoh caused tension between the kremlin and downing street. my colleague bill dog is here in half an hour's time but up next the second part of our special report the delve deep into the emotional trauma of the troops. on the battlefield.

there was one particular incident that still disturbs me today i wish i could take that day back i give anything we went into an area near the baghdad stadium this key came into our area and actually stopped about seventy five meters in front of my vehicle that tells you how far the vehicle came into our perimeter and. which is we lit it up. we had three of the. victims in the right key that there were expiring rapidly we pulled them out of the car and we started doing it for a state i called a corpsman the corpsman came and got the three bodies and took them back to the patel you and surgeon. corpsman came back dump the bodies

on the side of the road i went over to the corpsman. what do you all do and how can you bring him back you need to get him out of your you need to get him back to an area where they can see a surgeon. there's nothing we can do for him so we're going to leave you know you can leave the bodies on the side of the road and i said yeah we want to do stuff. so i want to have a compatible up so they dumped him on the side of the road and. the guys brother he come running over to him and he just said they're holding them

while they roll around on the on the asphalt on a highway they're rolling around in pain they didn't even give many morphine. the guy's brother. he kept running around and he had his hands in his in his and his face. he was crying and sobbing and he's saying why did you kill my brother . we didn't do anything to you we're not terrorists. remember i remember i just want to i wanted to close my years i didn't want to hear just sat there and he's time that he said it. was like it was permanently being. burned into my brain. and.

i lost that's the last night or gotten a good night's sleep the night before that. i mean. i think you know i mean you know. the next morning lieutenant you walked up to me and he said sas are. you are you all right you seem a little distressed a little agitated. and i was around not all right and. so i'm pretty pissed off what we're what we're doing over here. and he said it will give me your interpretation of what we're doing over here. and. for what we're

trying to accomplish over here. and i just looked at him and i said well said honestly feel that we're committing genocide. and he didn't like my answer and he stormed off towards the. ceo's vehicle. i knew at that point that my career was done across the line and i knew i had to watch my back and grow our eyes so after that night i pretty much slept with my no i millimeter underneath my poncho liner within easy reach. made in the door the door.

when i first came back from vietnam in one nine hundred sixty six i saw protesters out speaking. about i want to hear it i did believe it to get away from it i put in a ten forty nine to go back to vietnam because i was what atar and we'll wired up and i don't think it would have taken a much for me to take one of the protesters out failed had i stayed here i would have ended up killing some people and i could do it legally in vietnam so i put in a ten forty nine to go back i think i was looking at justification of doing what i was doing of killing it was all a do on my second tour when i began to realize that something was wrong when i came back to the states i want to washington d.c. to the white house or i talk to us on aids and next and just say that i would not

go back to vietnam. when i arrived back stateside i was ordered to report into the middle health clinic in twenty nine palms. the. psychologist looked at me and she said why don't you a conscientious objectors. and. just about last. for them to label me as a conscientious objector that's the ultimate slap in the face you're calling me a conscience objector i just killed thirty plus individuals for you and you calling me a conscience objector no. i stood up and i said ma'am if you want to label me as a conscientious objector for not wanting to kill innocent civilians then i'll see

you in court. i went down and i hired an attorney. a man by the name of mr gary myers. and. mr mars was represented during the may lie trials and. mr myers in the marine corps came to a. very discreet mutual understanding i was all honorably discharged december thirty first two thousand and three and here i am. so i came back i think that that sense of a long term planning was gone. i went through a divorce some things i did recklessly probably in the back of my mind i would not

have minded down right. but. i went through a period when t.c.p. . are on. and about it and thought it means. our long period of severe drug abuse. i finally got to the point where i had no more money. i had no more car. i had long since moved out of my house and could not go back home exactly where to go here. and it was when the national guard needed someone with that my experience in teaching people how to fly the armed helicopters the cobras and i was asked to come

in and help train some of those folks and the money was. you know fifteen twenty thousand dollars a year for part time work and it carried a retirement with even though i had and a change of heart about wars i needed the money you first come home and you meet lee forget about everything and you go to mcdonald's you go to all your favorite restaurants and you do all your favorite things and you're having a great time and you know. and then all of a sudden you wake up one day and you're like wait a minute i'm not having a good time anymore. starting with think about this i'm starting to think about that because all the newness has worn off your home i'm alive i got my arm i got my legs i'm alive. but then the mind. and the mind starts

catching up with with everything else. a farm myself going through my gear prepping like i'm getting ready to go to combat i mean i even look for suicide bombers. you know anything out of the anything out of the ordinary. once you reach that level of your senses being that heightened it's hard to turn it off it's like being in a cage tiger. mummy amanda vanstone after. i got back in december of forty floor there's nobody you can talk to you know there was nobody who had been in combat around. that can remember still seeing that grown red glow on the tip of

a christ. and my god i was home. one day you're telling somebody they're trying to kill you and the next day you're sitting in a bar in new york city it's it's crazy. i took so normal nobody knows it your hand at work nobody you know if you got a you got a headache or you got a hole in your head you can't see when i wrote home that i was wounded i had been in france from the middle of august to i was it dad said to the newspaper reporter who interviewed him he was only there for a few days that was to me the only was a at that time not now was a real rejection of who i was as a man he didn't last he didn't make it he got hit.

and i think i didn't even understand it then but that started a decline in our relationship which spiraled downward downward downward. so you don't talk about it because you sit on it. and say i was lucky why did not kill why did i both somebody you know guys do that or why did no poor me why didn't i do this i want to try i got on a stool and. i remember living in the wide new york city totally alone i don't have to put my bathroom sasheer around on it.

and why i got. was because. my friends. i had made after the war who had been through the same thing i had and i felt if i did that to myself i would betray. the bond we had. cool civi were fourteen thousand nine hundred sixty six by a.p. they call it hell's halfacre because of the american bull. that had been spilled their tongue will do well and be a kong snipers have done most of the damage today was no exception. on the.

twenty seventh and for a tree the framed wolfhounds moved out to attack the snipers open up from such perfectly camouflaged positions the most of the a company want the whole day with a c. and one of the enemy a sergeant was hit in the shoulder and leg as he rolled over a third. were up to it by. a medic because of and rushed to his as he dropped to his knees to begin given a bullet smashed into the stomach. both the sergeant and the medic. and artillery but it was laid down to screen a squad go on after the wall and it especially was fourth wonted in the hip cross

the deadly fifty yards with all the fallen to us he was hit again and this was no more you were there yes it's hard to bring back to minimum brown i don't. know christmas certainly we're building up to go on to start think obama grandson. they were very aware if they had to draft they would be drafted so i start thinking of what i could do to protect them to keep them from a boy. join the military but the same reasons that the young people join now because it is the poor people out of people on a lorry and of the economic scale all that want to fight these wars. even

though the robber magnum error came out years later and say it vietnam was a mistake it did not take the brain from me. nor did it take the guilt that i carry for killing people when i went to vietnam i was a car courts rule and i believe what i was going there was the right thing and i was a good soldier but now i'm a soldier on the other side and i think i'm just as good. i sold my soul a long time ago i'm just here trying to recode. the navy uniform on and i do more. people as we want you are free to go to prison i

mean you're saying you're a war criminal brother i'm already in prison this is veterans for peace chapter zero nine nine western north carolina hoping that this moment registers in everyone's mind that this is one of the total cost of war. six true test who's a great war poet of world war one wrote of mine war was a fiend who stopped our clocks though we met him graham and kay and i know people who got their clocks stopped so badly they never got beyond it

drugs booze women suicide whatever you want to call it and that happened to me and i think my clock was stopped for close to forty years before i got over that i was ashamed i was ashamed that i had been wounded i was ashamed that i hadn't been a hero. i never understood that my problems with my parents my problems with my wife my ex-wife were buried in the fact that i had gotten blown up i never i never understood it repressed it totally and then i began to go to a coffee shop and i would hear the big bands of the night hundred forty five and i would weep like a baby in public i had no idea that what i was doing i could reply to was going back and trying to find that the little boy of my teeth and what happened.

the fall of eighty four i was driven to go back to fly to look some birds to spend the night there to rent a car and file and find the place where i was wounded on september seventh one thousand and forty four. and then suddenly. i found the bridge with a recross that had been blown when i'd been shot. i discovered to the hour at the moment where i had been wounded forty years before and i cannot explain it but that discovery began my healing. my generation really were pressed with the war was about we didn't want to talk about it we weren't allowed to talk about it and then slowly in the one nine

hundred eighty s. and one nine hundred ninety s. this whole thing of the greatest generation occurred it was wonderful you know the greatest generation what a nice thing to call us and we forgot what we had done we forgot that we had been animals for a while. war is about one thing only it's about killing you either learn to kill somebody else or you get killed or wounded yourself and that's why i've become to solo the idea of war. that's all the purple. vietnam assault on us cost on what may i think of it every day. to fire back from it to memorise still go to counseling for. and. it's is now worth it but what i did do was managed to find some good in that war.

vietnam a me a better person and made me love people more. made me understand that we are all one one people throughout this earth there's a certain amount of guilt i think you learn to live with you compartmentalize it or unite you rationalize you you make all the excuses i mean i really don't have to make excuses even. if there are things i wish i had not done. but there's no way to change. the. last. laugh.

when you come to the point that you're not sure you're actually much that the war is not the way to settle. a disagreement. and kind of like the poster you can have your own war and i. loathe luxury. with obama. last.

just. so. i'm not. saying. this in the. least i want to. get. caught.

i'm. a mum. it is.