which i'll just keep on working and working and working more or less. like seventy two hours just so exhausted and. i can take and build. a show out or. something i very much. like the fridge that you gave me i could have made a lot more money out of it i want to i just it depends on what we're doing and to. make him say on the news that there were rebuilding iraq you're working to rebuild iraq. i was kind of sick of hearing c.n.n. and fox news like barky each other about one say oh it's. you know the horrible things they are iraq and i kind of want to see it for myself you know. i joined the military when i was a teenager nineteen in basic training. like

halfway through my tour i told my unit that i was willing to kill any human beings . i certainly interested. asking this one question are you willing to do your job if i was a say no it would have been like oh this guy's be insubordinate throw in jail you know i mean so like i came to conclusion like they're basically in slavery we hear i have to say yes you know i'm actually walking the town with a rifle but instead of using the camera. this is one of the girls and it's her town. one boy they don't know where one of the other bullets hit a little girl on the shoulder and she ended up dying from that shoulder injury. it was the last leg bit a happiness i had i was who a breaking point i was i was you know near suicidal yeah.

and during that period they saw me to a chaplain i sat and talked to a chaplain for about two hours and he tried to basically convince me. if you're in that situation where you're having that struggle you're going on that shuttle yeah and one of my going to well i'm going to call my mom in tow i don't struggle with that stuff i would be bawling her eyes out you know i mean like who am i going to talk to about it you know i mean.

i just had my first signs last december and she went. in panic she was frightful but i was completely. crying when he was born i was completely like. war mode kind of like i had to get a mission. maybe i should have cried my dad told me i would but my dad hasn't seen the things i have. assuming a lot. from all the

combat i've seen and soldiers that i've lost over time it gets easier. to where if i killed the enemy. i don't even feel it anymore. it's harder but i am happy that i get to be an army wife because not a lot of people get to do it it's definitely a privilege and an honor being married to someone he serves the country so. it's not an easy lifestyle. and i have family members who were in the military so i knew he was going to be gone i knew i was going to be home alone a lot you know it wasn't from a dog talk to my. but here i was nigh just

turned nineteen in the picture so i was here just graduated college. went off to get married. this was the day he came home i do these on my phone so they're kind of blurry but this was when he came home it was just he kind of just wanted to sit for a minute and just like i think soak in the fact that he's not there anymore he's back in the mainland he's able to just breathe and not worry about any thing exploding behind him. give me a. year. here. this is a wreath that i made when my husband came home from deployment the material that you see here is what they call a c u from their uniforms. he wore these were actually his pants and he wore them

in iraq so when he came home i just thought it was kind of symbolic just to make this wreaths you know to show he made it home so next time he comes home from another deployment i want to make another one. first time when he came back it was it was scary. there was a lot of rage there's a lot of anger a lot of hurt and. he drank a lot. my husband used to be one of those people a suicidal thoughts you know. he talks a lot when he's drunk and he'll talk about the words kind of ramble on and i let him ramble.

it was and. you know. yes. is she safe and america. and. he leaves again this summer and then i'll be a second deployment and he's gone for anywhere from twelve to fifteen months at a time. did you ever talk to fucking levels and record and i still think that. you needed you out before you leave. we know for sure he's going to iraq. that can change at any minute he can go to afghanistan and kind of hoping he stays

in iraq it's safer somewhat saver. from. here goes. the. gear your breath. there's air in for breakfast i was about and i usually make him breakfast in the morning but he got home kind of late today so he's probably going to go to the de fact which is the cafeteria. is hard some. morning.

i'm sorry. it's. morning and usually. or it may. or in the middle of the day. just he's so busy or you know where the training schedule. and give you ready to leave so he's got a lot of stress on him. you. she . i want a baby before he deployed speakers if something were to happen god forbid i would have that part of him here with me.

being the. little boys. girls. cohesion. with direction normal teenage thing. i see people trying to find their way and a very wicked world. it's like leading the lambs to slaughter you know they don't know. do i admire them and respect them and have great pride in knowing them and intact and yes now i want to cry sorry.

because. they have extremely good intentions in defending freedom. on our respect generations that america was founded on but i think that maybe they're slightly this. so how it's hard for me it's hard as a mother you know because i think my kids. it's.

twenty two years old. and i must kill thirty people. the same thing that you were given badges for in iraq you know you would have you considered a serial killer over here and that's you know that's a very weird thought to have running around in your head. in the morning you know it's very easy to sort of think bright happy thoughts and sort of put a correct kind of. spin on it but when it's dark. going to sleep or late at night or tired it's not as easy. a mission free accreditation free as for charges free arrangement

three. three stooges free. old free broadcast a lot of videos for your media projects a free media oh god r.t. dot com. what a wonderful moment a life n.b.c. news hall of fame.

a pleasure to have you with us here on t.v. today. you know how sometimes you see a story and it seems so for you think you understand it and then you glimpse something else you hear or see some other part of it and realize everything you thought you know. i'm charged welcome to the big picture. more news today violence is once again flared up. these are the images cold world

has been seeing from the streets of canada. giant corporations are today. i won't go more than three minutes without saying about our rights. it's always. here the roadside bombs i've had twelve of them. arsenal in my vehicle twelve times . when an id goes off you react in ways you think are right at the moment. and when it went to hit our vehicle.

activists for i heard my gunner start firing which to me means he had a target my gunner was very good he wouldn't make that mistake. and i jumped out of the vehicle and i shot a shot three people before any of them realized what was going on and they started running from us and i shot i think two more before. before my driver grabbed me and he said what he doing. and. that's not me out of it now realize that i was shooting at people because they were there. this one is my grandfather in vietnam he was a pilot bosnia was six months. my first

trip to iraq was only six months so that's a year my second trip to iraq was a year the trip to afghanistan was a year my last trip was fifteen months this was a stream. is to. me i'm oldest boy whose mom. and. mom are somebody. i'm very proud that i have been in the military i'm proud that i've been to war but however good people do get hurt and i've hurt good people. and. there's a reason i'm getting out of the army or part up that's the reason. i have a. chronic p.t.s.d. post-traumatic stress disorder. to be honest with you i just got out of a mental institution took weeks ago. i was there

for thirty days. to help me with my p.t.s.d. . and it's from the stuff i've gone through the stuff i've done and i are. how serious is the beef we go to live in the institution the producers. all the people in that place with me they were all military. everybody else there except me had tried to kill themselves i was getting ready to go kill other people when you get ready. to get in my car and drive up and start killing people. instead i grabbed my wife and we drove up to the hospital. you know how do you know are you getting ready to kill people. because the thoughts just kept going through

my mind and i was making my plan. at the time it was i had a problem with people being happy because i. am not happy most of the time. so are we going to drive down the road here and find the first person i saw that looked happy in us as. far as going to start with i'm. going to shoot him but i doubt that i probably would have just beaten to death.

or. yes. i don't go places. where you really turn a stick to those house or our family that's a. cave that i'm familiar building. the church is one place i don't feel i have any symptoms. lately from both the church. down the us to have my gun on me yeah i do the. church. because a radical person where they're likely to strike. while the most

vulnerable target which would be the church because who would have an entire profession in charge nobody but me. the worst one for me was cleaning up other people's brains. and i can deal with shattered human remains like pick up someone's heart. the brains are different because it's. you don't know if you're hauling in pieces someone's memory from their kid or. you don't know if you're holding a piece their members being married remember that you're holding a piece that. and that that was them being soldiers don't know and

that's that's the worst for me because all i want to own you boil it down all this arrest of this is nothing but meat and bone and. but people don't want to have conversations about that they want to buy you a beer and give you a clapper and shake in the airport and be on their merry way you know. it puts a strain on my marriage for sure. a lot of marriages have been run because the watch just don't understand and don't have the capability of understanding and you know their husband gets home and they think well the husband going to help me discipline the kids and take care of kids but he end up with three kids and a grown ass man we've been in the corner drunk off as cradling a gun. no one teaches anybody how to deal with it you know and it also gets back to the in the military it's the john wayne mentality of if you don't

show emotion you know allowed to admit that you're sad or upset or anything ever it's not manly. i don't let myself to become upset because when i do i don't get a little upset i get stage five def-con want to upset like at the world and i just don't trust people at all. i get really. starts telling people to . do it when i do that no. and i tend to yeah. the temptation is there.

way and you know.

a. gold zero zero zero zero i'm honored to be here today today in the presence of so many heroes to our nation and those who do good work i'm sure they are not forgotten. about remembrance for those who have sacrificed so much shore freedom and want to fight. for foreigners to our nation has made a world of i'll have a son the son of this great nation the opportunity to enjoy the fruits of my sacrifice. i can think of nothing more honorable confirming your nation. our military and their families have provided a point you'll recall that no one least well. this is the heart of this nation and our military service. i'm only known as normal.

in your town. but friends is a walk in the morning. for vietnam afghanistan and iraq and because of the bravery and sacrifices of the heroes we honor. freedom. it is. no worry about me. but i'm over there are going to be things in what might have been asked is. unfair it was that after masses soft skin after after will come after us was called after. me.

well. technology innovation all the latest developments from around russia. to the future are covered. they were ready to do anything for their country to me is to love the country more than yourself if you join the military for any other reason that you're probably not to have a good day they were tools in the hands of the state now they live remembering the past which is impossible to get rid of. the war. but however good people get hurt. and i have heard good people. silent. a lot. but would prefer not to be sometimes i feel like.

i should have died over there. before those. i saw some people who died. there is cheaper than tariffs. on our. prime.

suspect. over by the if you go to jail the price is the only industry specifically mentioning the customers. that's because a free and open press is critical to our democracy shrek. well i'm. going to go i'm sorry and on this show we would feel the picture of what's actually going on we go beyond identify the truck rational debate real discussion critical issues facing up to buy the book go ready and join the movement then welcome to. the auto market in washington d.c. and here's what's coming up tonight on the big picture tonight.