this is for headaches this is for sleep this is a tranquilizer too if i have any episodes xanax would cause a blackout substance. the kind of which is pretty nightmare because. you can't get off of it. and vilified it is kind of you to try coauthors from a because sometimes i have episodes where i won't be able to. i think something will trigger me and which i'll just keep on working and working and working. like seventy two hours just so exhausted. and i can take and build. a show out or. often thank you very much. like the fridge you gave me i could have made a lot more money out of it i wanted to i just it depends on what we're doing but.

they kept saying on the news that there were rebuilding iraq you're working to rebuild iraq. i was kind of sick of hearing c.n.n. and fox news like bark each other about once a. know the horrible things they are i kind of way to see it for myself you know. i joined the military when i was a teenager nineteen in basic training. like halfway through my tour i told my unit that i was willing to kill any human beings. i certainly. asking this one question are you willing to do your job. if i was a say no it would have been like oh this guy's be insubordinate throw in jail you know i mean so like i came to conclusion like they're basically enslaving we here i

have to say yes you know i'm actually walking the town with a rifle but instead of using the camera. this is one of the girls and it's her town one boy it they don't know where one of the other bullet hit a little girl on the shoulder and she ended up dying from that shoulder injury it was the last leg bit a happiness i had i was who a breaking point i was i was you know near suicidal yeah. and during that period they saw me to a chaplain i talked to a chaplain for about two hours and he tried to basically convince me that killing so thank. you for your in that situation where you're having that struggle you're going on that show i will yeah and one of my going to

well i'm going to call my mom in tow i don't struggle with that stuff i would be bawling her eyes out you know i mean like who am i going to talk to about it you know i mean.

i just had my first signs last december and she went. panic she was frightful but i was completely. i think crying when he was born i was just completely like. war mode kind of like i had to get a mission. maybe i should've cried to my dad told me i would but my dad hasn't seen the things i have. assuming a lot. from all the combat i've seen and soldiers that i've lost over time it gets easier as the thing that frighten me the most. to where if i killed the enemy. i don't feel it anymore.

it's harder but i am happy that i get to be an army wife because not a lot of people get to do it it's definitely a privilege and an honor being married to someone he serves the country so. it's not an easy lifestyle. and i have family members who were in the military so i knew he was going to be gone i knew i was going to be home alone a lot you know if it wasn't for my dog i was going to talk to my. but here i was nigh just turned nineteen in the picture so i was. just graduated college. went off to get married. this is the day he came home i say these on my phone so they're kind of blurry but this was when he came home it was just he kind of just wanted to sit for a minute and just like i think soak in the fact that he's not there anymore he's

back in the mainland he's able to just breathe and not worry about any thing exploding behind him. you know. you're. here. this is a wreath that i made when my husband came home from deployment the material that you see here is what they call a see you from their uniforms. he wore these were actually his pants and he wore them in iraq so when he came home i just thought it was kind of symbolic just to make this wreaths you know to show he made it home so next time he comes home from another deployment i want to make another one.

first time when he came back it was it was scary. there was a lot of rage there's a lot of anger a lot of hurt and. he drank a lot. my husband used to be one of those people a suicidal thoughts you know. he talks a lot when he's drunk and he'll talk about the worst kind of ramble on and i let him ramble. in a listening. you know. this.

is. one of them. and. he leaves again this summer that will be a second deployment and he's gone for anywhere from twelve to fifteen months at a time. did you ever talk to falcon levels and record a mistake again. if you have before you leave. we know for sure he's going to iraq. that can change it any minute you can go to afghanistan and kind of hoping he stays in iraq it's safer somewhat savor. your clothes. your gloves.

gear your breath. you. know for breakfast i was about and i usually make him breakfast in the morning but he got home kind of late today so he's probably going to go to the d. fact which is the cafeteria. is hard some. mornings like this. i'm sorry. it's. not easy morning and usually. or it may. or in the middle of the day. just he's so busy right now where the training schedule.

and give you ready to leave so he's got a lot of stress on him. i want a baby before he deployed speakers if something were to happen god forbid i would have got part of him here with me.

little boys. girls. confusion. some with direction normal teenage thing. i see young people trying to find their way and a very wicked world. it's like leading the lambs to slaughter you know they don't know. do i admire them and respect them and have great pride in knowing them and intact and yes now i want to cry sorry. because. they have extremely good intentions in defending freedom. on our respect generations that america was founded on but i think that maybe they're slightly this. so how it's hard for me it's hard as

a mother you know because i think for all my kids so it's. it's. twenty two years old. and i must kill thirty people. the same thing that you were given badges for over in iraq you know you would have you considered a serial killer over here and that's you know that's a very weird thought to have running around in your head. in the morning you

know it's very easy to sort of think bright happy thoughts and sort of put a correct kind of. spin on it but when it's dark. going to sleep or late at night or tired it's not as easy.

yes that was a new alert animation scripts scare me a little bit. there is breaking news tonight and we are continuing to follow the breaking news. alexander's family cry tears of. that. in a court of law. this is a story. playing out in real life. a

long three minutes without saying about our. soldiers. here the roadside bombs i've had twelve of them. partially not beautiful times. the night he goes off you react and ways you think are right at the moment. and when it when it hit our vehicle. our triggers for i heard my gunner start firing which to me means he had a target my gunner was very good it wouldn't make that mistake. and i jumped out of the vehicle and i shot

a shot three people before any of my last what was going on. and they started running from us and i shot frank two more before. before my driver grabbed me and he said would be doing. and. that's not me out of it now realize that i was shooting at people because they were there. this one is my grandfather in vietnam he was a pilot bosnia was six months. my first trip to iraq was only six months so that's a year my second trip to iraq was a year my trip to afghanistan was a year my last trip was fifteen months this was a stream and from there through history. and me i'm oldest boy who is now.

and. the mom or somebody. i'm very proud that i have been in the military i'm proud that i've been to war but however good people do get hurt and i've hurt good people. and. there's a reason i'm getting out of the army retired cop that's the reason. i have a. chronic p.t.s.d. post-traumatic stress disorder. to be honest with you i just got out of a mental institution top weeks ago. i was there for thirty days. to help me with my p.t.s.d. . and it's from the stuff i've gone through the stuff i've done and i are. how serious is the beef we go to mental institution pretty serious.

all the people in that place with me they were all military. everybody else there except me had tried to kill themselves. i was getting ready to go kill other people when you get ready. to get in my car and drive up and start killing people. instead i grabbed my wife and we drove up to the hospital. how do you know are you getting ready to kill people. because the thoughts just kept going through my mind and i was making my plan. at the time it was i had a problem with people being happy because i. am not happy most of the time.

so going to drive down the road here i'm the first person i saw that looked at me in as. i was going to start with them. i was either going to shoot them but i doubt that i probably would have just beat them to death. or. yes.

i don't go places. where you return or stick to those house or our family that's a. cave that i'm familiar building. the church is one place i don't feel i have any symptoms. from both the church. down to us to have my gun on me but i do. church. because a radical person where they're likely to strike. while the most vulnerable target which would be a church because i would have an h.r. professional in charge nobody but me.

the worst one for me was cleaning out other people's brains. i can deal with shattered human remains like pick up someone's heart. the brains are different because it's. you don't know if you're holding a piece of someone's memory from their kid or. you don't know if you're holding a piece of their members being married remember that you're holding the peace that . that that was them being soldiers and that's that's the worst for me because all i want to you boil it down all this for us to this is nothing but meat and bone and. but people don't want to have conversations about that they want to buy you a beer and give you a clap or a handshake in the airport and be on their merry way you know. it puts

a strain on my marriage for sure. a lot of marriages have been run because the watch just don't understand and don't have the capability of understanding and you know their husband gets home and they think well the husband going to help me discipline the kids and take care of kids but he end up with three kids and a grown ass man and we've been in the corner drunk off as cradling a gun. and no one teaches anybody how to deal with it you know and it also gets back to the in the military it's the john wayne mentality of if you don't show emotion you know allowed to admit that you're sad or upset or anything ever it's not manly. i don't let myself to become upset because when i do i don't get

a little upset i get stage five def-con want to upset like at the world and i just don't trust people at all. i get really. starts telling people to . do it when i do that no. and i tend to. the temptations there are half.

way and you know. they. love. a. mole zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero. p. . i'm honored to be here today today in the presence of so many heroes to our

nation and those of you go book i'm sure they are not forgotten. about remembrance for those who have sacrificed so much freedom and want to fight. for me to our nation has made a world of pain i'll have a son the son of this great nation the opportunity to enjoy the fruits of my sacrifice. i can think of nothing more honorable confirming your nation. our military and their families have provided a point you will recall that no other nation. the heart of this nation and our military service members. places. i'm only known as normal. in your town. but friends as i am walking out. of. vietnam afghanistan and iraq and because of the bravery

and sacrifices of the heroes we are going to freedom. it is. no worry about me. but i'm over there are going to be from him what might have been asked is. unfair it was the after masses soft skin after after will come after us was called after.

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more news today violence is once again fled upland. these are the images cold world has been seeing from the streets of canada. trying to corporations or the day. well see british. time to. market. find out what's really happening to the global economy with. no holds barred look at the global financial headlines kaiser reports.

obama's top officials bang the drums of war as they're bombarded with questions on syria in the senate as the leaks drop motion shows how far u.s. forces could go. and that washington plans where to fire its missiles syrian activists around possible american targets saying they're ready to die if the obama administration doesn't back down. also a media watchdog condemns the u.k. government sustained use of strong arm tactics against the press thanks security measures are putting hard earned freedoms at risk. there watching our team.