things are going good as i would say you know the horrible things they are i mean i kind of wanted to see it for myself you know. i joined the military when i was a teenager nineteen in basic training. like halfway through my tour i told my unit that i was willing to kill any any human beings. i start. asking this one question are you willing to do your job if i was a say no it would have been like oh this guy's be insubordinate throw in jail you know i mean so like i came to conclusion like they're basically enslaving we here i have to say yes you know i'm actually walking the town with a rifle but instead of using the camera. this is one of the

girls and it's her town. one boy they don't know where one of the other bullet hit a little girl on the shoulder and she ended up dying from that shoulder injury it was the last leg bit a happiness i had i was who a breaking point i was i was you know you're suicidal yeah. and during that period they saw me to a chaplain i talked to a chaplain for about two hours and he tried to basically convince me that killing so thank. you for your in that situation where you're having that struggle you're going on that show i will yeah and one of my going to well i'm going to call my mom in tow i don't struggle with that stuff i would be bawling her eyes out you know i mean like who am i going to talk to about it you know i mean.

i just had my first last december and she went to see section and

panic she was frightful but i was completely. crying when he was born i was just completely like. kind of like i had to get a mission done. maybe i should've cried to my dad told me i would but my dad hasn't seen the things i have seen a lot of. and from all the combat i've seen soldiers that i've lost over time it gets easier that's the thing that frighten me the most. if i killed the enemy. i don't feel it anymore. it's harder but i am happy that i get to be an army wife because not a lot of people get to do it it's definitely a privilege and an honor being made to someone he serves the.

it's not an easy lifestyle. and i had family members who were in the military so i knew he was going to be gone i knew i was going to be home alone a lot you know if it wasn't for my dog. but here i was. no i just turned nineteen in the picture and i was here just graduated college. went off to get married. this was the day he came home i did these on my phone so they're kind of blurry but this was when he came home it was just he kind of just wanted to sit for a minute and just like i think soak in the fact that he's not there anymore he's back in the mainland he's able to just breathe and not worry about any day exploding behind him. you mean. you're.

here. this is a reef that i made when my husband came home from deployment the material that you see here is what they call a c u from their uniforms. he wore these were actually his pants and he wore them in iraq so when he came home i just thought it was kind of symbolic just to make this wreaths you know to show he made it home so next time he comes home from another deployment i want to make another one. first time when he came back it was it was scary. there was a lot of rage there's a lot of anger a lot of hurt and. he drank

a lot. my husband used to be one of those people a suicidal thoughts you know. he talks a lot when he's drunk and he'll talk about the words kind of ramble on and i let him ramble. i was and. you know. yes. it is she's. living. he lives again this summer that will be a second deployment and he's gone for anywhere from twelve to fifteen months at

a time. did you know yourself if i can well listen richard and i still think that. you need to do that before you leave. we know for sure he's going to iraq. that can change at any minute he can go to afghanistan and kind of hoping he stays in iraq it's safer somewhat saver. for. your clothes. your gloves. gear your breath. you. get.

in for breakfast i was about and i usually make him breakfast in the morning but he got home kind of late today so he's probably going to go to the fact which is the cafeteria. is hard some. mornings like this. i'm sorry. it's. not easy morning and usually. or it may. or in the middle of the day. just he's so busy right now where the train schedule. and give you ready to leave so he's got a lot of stress on him.

she. i want a baby before he deployed speakers if something were to happen god forbid i would have got part of him here with me. being a. little boys. girls. some with direction normal teenage thing. i see young people trying to find their way and

a very wicked world. it's like leading the lambs to slaughter you know they don't know. do i admire them and respect them and have great pride in knowing them and intact and yes now i want to cry sorry because. they have extremely good intentions in defending freedom. on our respect generations that america was founded on but i think that maybe they're slightly this. so how it's hard for me it's hard as a mother you know because i think for all my kids. it's.

twenty two years old. and i must kill thirty people. the same thing that you were given badges for in iraq you know you would have you considered a serial killer over here and that's you know that's a very weird thought to have running around in your head. in the morning you know it's very easy to sort of think bright happy thoughts and sort of put a correct kind of. spin on it but when it's dark. going to

sleep or late at night or tired it's not as easy. as if. i could make up down the find out. to be all sang and the rest of life to be a female be it briefly a. ok . i dave a croc a welcome to ten year oliver jane it's

a little while in the middle of the chesapeake bay on the virginia side. county. to chesapeake bay probably one of the best there is in effect fred. this is. your island before the channel was cut through oh here. they are. as go. right here are some of the headstones graves it for you this is a fruits that's what we don't want happen to taint your all and we want to get some protection and make sure that we don't go into the chesapeake bay like i did in other communities. is he.

a long three minutes without saying about r s. bombs. twelve. times.

when an id goes off you react in ways you think are right at the moment. and when it hit our vehicle. heard my gunner start firing which to me means he had a target was very good it wouldn't make that mistake. and i jumped out of the vehicle and i shot. i shot three people before idiom realized what was going on and they started running from us and i shot thank two more before. before my driver grabbed me and he said would be doing. and. that's not me out of it now realize that i was shooting at people because they were there.

this one as my grandfather in vietnam he was a pilot bosnia was six months. and my first trip to iraq was only six months so that's a year my second trip to iraq was a year a trip to afghanistan was a year my last trip was fifteen months this was a stream and from under three years to. me i'm oldest boy who is now. and. the mom or somebody. i'm very proud that i have been in the military i'm proud that i've been to war but however good people do get hurt and i've hurt good people and. there's a reason i'm getting out of the army retired up that's the reason. i have a. chronic p.t.s.d.

post-traumatic stress disorder. to be honest with you i just got out of a mental institution took weeks ago. i was there for thirty days. to help me with my p.t.s.d. and it's from the stuff i've gone through the stuff i've done and iraq. how serious just because we go to mental institution britishers. all the people in that place with me they were all military. everybody else there except me a tried to kill themselves i was getting ready to go kill other people when you get ready. to get in my car and drive up and start killing people.

instead i grabbed my wife and we drove up to the hospital. you know how do you know are you getting ready to kill people. because the thoughts just kept going through my mind and i was making my plan. at the time it was i had a problem with people being happy because i. i'm not happy most of the time. so going to drive down the road here i'm a first person i saw that looked at me in as. i was going to start with them. i was either going to shoot them but i doubt that i probably would have just beat them to death.

yes. i don't go places. where you return or stick to those house or our family that's a. cave that i'm familiar building. the church is one place i don't feel i have any symptoms. from both the church. down to us to have my gun on me but yeah i did it. in church.

because i'm a radical person where their lives i destroyed all the most vulnerable target which would be a church because i would have an entire profession in charge nobody but me. the worst one for me was cleaning up other people's brains. eric i can deal with shattered human remains like pick up someone's heart. the brains are different because it's. you don't know if you're holding a piece of someone's memory from their kid or. you don't know if

you're holding a piece of their members being married remember that you're holding the peace that . that that was them being soldiers and that's that's the worst for me. because all i want to you boil it down all this arrest of this is nothing but meat and bone and. but people don't want to have conversations about that they want to buy you a beer and give you a clap or a handshake in the airport and be on their merry way you know. it puts a strain on my marriage for sure. a lot of marriages have been around because the watch just don't understand and don't have the capability of understanding and you know their husband gets home and they think well the husband going to help me discipline the kids and take care of kids but he end up with three kids and a grown ass man we've been in the corner drunk off as cradling a gun. no one teaches anybody how to deal with it you know and it

also gets back to the in the military it's the john wayne mentality of if you don't show emotion you know allowed to admit that you're sad or upset or anything ever it's not manly. i don't let myself to become upset because when i do i don't get a little upset i get stage five def-con want to upset like at the world and i just don't trust people at all. i get really. people. do it when i do that no. and i tend to.

the temptations there are half. way and you know. they. love.

a. mole. oh and. i'm honored to be here today today in the presence of so many world for our nation and those of you go look i'm sure they are not forgotten. about remembrance for those who have sacrificed so much. and we will fight. for this through our nation has made a world of pain and i'll have a son the son of this great nation the opportunity to enjoy the fruits of my sacrifice. i can think of nothing more honorable confirming your nation. our military and their families have provided

a point you will recall that no one least well. the particle just nation and our military service members. places. only known as normal war. monger who don't need your town. but friends as i am walking out and morning. for vietnam afghanistan and iraq and because of the bravery and sacrifices of the heroes we honor. three don't. get it. no worries about me. but i'm over there not going to be thinking what might have been asked is. unfair it was that after masses some of. it after after will come after it was called after.

live. live live. live

. good speech. good.

the bible says many times the gold is the father of all forms. i'm sure he told me to set up these children. in the old finish that you know in times he just close i fell nobody needed me. my fellow pilgrims'. my dad is probably the kindest soul in the world. one can't abandon the child that they wouldn't survive so he injurious to the end. dream can be summed up in just a few what's russia and the world with no wolf and we don't want any children to wake up in orphanages firmly believe that the parents out there every child speed

up my ego's. oh. you know sometimes you see a story and it seems so you think you understand it and then you glimpse something else you hear or see some other part of it and realize that everything you thought you knew you don't know i'm sorry welcome to the big picture. the mission of. the critic a should be free. for charges free. range mentions free. free. to try free. download free blogs just plug in video for your media project

a free media oh god r t dot com. the russian president warns against bypassing the you want to strike at syria and said ignoring the security council and finding that time the beginning and the toc would be an act of aggression or go to the forty's house of patients a wide ranging interview the. french lawmakers gather to debase taking action on syria as the country's president claims he is the only one to give orders and is the time this a strike but only if washington decides to. and also this hour the u.k.'s press freedom washed all can confront state government over its a strong toxics against whistle blowers saying it's abuse down to have a new list of god amounts.