mission free cretaceous free in-store judges free arrangement three. three stooges free. old free broadcast quality video for your media projects a free media oh don the hard t. don tom. brings id this is for headaches this is for sleep this is a tranquilizer too if i have any episodes xanax could cause blackouts cautions it sounds. kind of which is present nightmare because. i can't get off of it. and vilified it is kind of fish used to go out there for me because sometimes i

have episodes where i won't be able to. i think something will trigger me and which i'll just keep on working and working and working more or less. for like seventy two hours just so exhausted and. i can take and build. a show out for. my off and thank you very much i don't like the phrase that you gave me i could have made a lot more money out of it if i wanted to i just it depends on what we're doing and to. be kept saying on the news that there were rebuilding iraq you're working to rebuild iraq. i was kind of sick of hearing c.n.n. and fox news like barky each other about one say oh it's things are going to. know the horrible things they are iraq and i kind of way to see it for myself you know. i joined the military when i was a teenager nineteen in basic training. like

halfway through my tour i told my unit that i was willing to kill any any human beings. i certainly interested. asking this one question are you willing to do your job if i was a say no it would have been like oh this guy's be insubordinate throw in jail you know to be so like i came to conclusion like they're basically in slavery we hear i have to say yes you know i'm actually walking the town with a rifle but instead of using the camera. this is one of the girls and it's her town. one boy they don't know where one of the bullets hit a little girl on the shoulder and she ended up dying from that shoulder injury it

was the last. well i bid a happiness i had i was who a breaking point i was i was you know near suicidal yeah. and during that period they saw me to a chaplain i sat and talked to a chaplain for about two hours and he tried to basically convince the big killing so. if you're in that situation where you're having that struggle you're going on that struggle yeah and one of my going to well i'm going to call my mom in tow i don't struggle with that stuff i would be bawling her eyes out you know i mean like who am i going to talk to about it you know i mean.

well. i just had my first last december and she went to the c. section and panic she was frightful but i was completely calm. i didn't cry when he was born i was just completely like. war mode kind of like i had to get a mission. maybe i should've cried to my dad told me i would but my dad hasn't seen

the things i have seen a lot of. and from all the combat i've seen soldiers that i've lost over time it gets easier that's the thing that frighten me the most. if i killed the enemy. i don't feel it anymore. it's harder but i am happy that i had to be an army wife because not a lot of people get to do it it's definitely a privilege and an honor being married to someone he serves the country so. it's not an easy lifestyle. and i had family members who were in the military so i knew he was going to be gone i knew i was going to be home alone

a lot you know if i wasn't from a dog. but here i was. no i just turned nineteen in the picture and i was here just graduated college. went off to get married. this was the day he came home i did these on my phone so they're kind of blurry but this was when he came home it was just he kind of just wanted to sit for a minute and just like i think soak in the fact that he's not there anymore he's back in the mainland he's able to just breathe and not worry about any day exploding behind him. you know every. year on here.

this is a wreath that i made when my husband came home from deployment the material that you see here is what they call a c u from their uniforms. he wore these were actually his pants and he wore them in iraq so when he came home i just thought it was kind of symbolic just to make this wreaths you know to show he made it home so next time he comes home from another deployment i want to make another one. first time when he came back it was it was scary. there was a lot of rage there's a lot of anger a lot of hurt and. he drank a lot. has been used to be one of those people a suicidal thoughts you know. he talks

a lot when he's drunk and he'll talk about the worst kind of ramble on and i lot of ramble. it was and. a. you know. and. yes. it is to try and do whatever. he leaves again this summer and that will be a second deployment and he's gone for anywhere from twelve to fifteen months at a time. did you ever think if i can was in regard to mr pena.

you need if you have before you leave. we know for sure he's going to iraq. that can change it any minute you can go to afghanistan and kind of hoping he stays in iraq it's safer somewhat seaver. and. you're close. you're one of us. hear your breath. you. and i are in for breakfast i was about and i usually make him breakfast in the morning but he got home kind of late today so he's probably going to go to the fact which is the cafeteria. is

hard some. mornings like this. i'm sorry. it's. not easy morning the usually. or it may. or in the middle of the day. just he's so busy right now where the training schedule. and give you ready to leave so he's got a lot of stress on him. she . i want a baby before he deployed speakers if something were to happen god forbid i would have got part of him here with me.

little boys. girls. cohesion. some with direction normal teenage thing. i see people trying to find their way and a very wicked world. it's like leading the lambs to slaughter you know they don't know. do i admire them and respect them and have great

pride in knowing them and intention yes now i want to cry sorry. because. they have extremely good intentions in defending freedom. on our respect generations that america was founded on but i think that maybe they're slightly this. so how it's hard for me it's hard as a mother you know because i think my kids. if. i.

twenty two years old. and i must kill thirty people. just the same thing that you were given badges for over in iraq you know you would have you considered a serial killer over here and that's you know that's a very weird thought to have running around in your head. in the morning you know it's very easy to sort of think bright happy thoughts and sort of put a correct kind of. spin on it but when it's dark. going to sleep or late at night or tired it's not as easy.

so it's technology innovation all the latest developments around russia we've got the future. you know how sometimes you see a story and it seems so you think you understand it and then you glimpse something else you hear or see some other part of it and realize that everything you thought you knew. i'm tom harpur welcome to the big picture. on. morning news today violence is once again flared up. these are the images the world has been seeing from the streets of canada. the

giant corporations are all today. yes that was a new alert animation scripts scare me a little bit and. there is breaking news tonight and we are continuing to follow the breaking news. alexander's family. hears of. that. found alive there's a story. playing out in real life. i

won't go thirty minutes without saying about our. dollars. here the roadside bombs i've had twelve of them. arsenal in my vehicle all times. the night he goes off you react in ways you think are right at the moment. and when it when it hit our vehicle. are triggers for i heard my gunner start firing which to me means he had a target my gunner was very good he wouldn't make that mistake. and i jumped

out of the vehicle and i shot a shot three people before any of them realized what was going on and they started running from us and i shot. frank two more before. before my driver grabbed me and he said would be doing. and. that's not me out of it now realize that i was just shooting at people because they were there. this one as my grandfather in vietnam he was a pilot bosnia was six months. my first trip to iraq was only six months so that's a year my second trip to iraq was a year trip to afghanistan was a year my last trip was fifteen months this was

a stream and from that from this to. me i'm oldest boy who is a man. and. a mom or somebody. i'm very proud that i have been in the military i'm proud that i've been to war but however good people do get hurt and i've hurt good people. and. there's a reason i'm getting out of the army or part up that's the reason. i have a. chronic p.t.s.d. post-traumatic stress disorder. to be honest with you i just got out of a mental institution a couple weeks ago. i was there for thirty days. to help me with my p.t.s.d. and it's from the stuff i've gone through for the stuff i've done and iraq. how

serious is the beef we go to live in the institution producers. all the people in that place with me they were all military. everybody else there except me had tried to kill themselves i was getting ready to go kill other people when you get ready. miles about to get in my car and drive up and start telling people. instead i grabbed my wife and we drove up to the hospital. you know how do you know are you getting ready to kill people. because the thoughts just kept going through my mind and i was making my plan. at the time it was i had

a problem with people being happy because i. am not happy most of the time. so i was going to drive down the road here and find the first person i saw that looked at me in this. i was going to start with them. oh she was going to shoot them but i doubt that i probably would have just beat them to death. yes.

i don't go places. where you return or stick to those house or our family that's a. cave that i'm familiar building. the church is one place i don't feel i have any symptoms. from both the church. down to us to have my gun on me yeah i do the. church. because i'm a radical person where they're likely to strike while the most vulnerable target which would be a church because i would have an entire profession in charge nobody but me.

the worst one for me was cleaning up other people's brains. where i can deal with shattered human remains like pick up someone's heart. the brains are different because it's. you don't know if you're holding a piece of someone's memory from their kid or. you don't know if you're holding a piece of their members being married remember that you're holding the peace that . that that was them being soldiers and that's that's the worst for me. because all i want to you boil it down all this arrest of this is nothing but meat and bone and. but people don't want to have conversations

about that they want to buy you a beer and give you a clap or a handshake in the airport and be on their merry way you know. it puts a strain on my marriage for sure. a lot of marriages have been around because the watch just don't understand and don't have the capability of understanding and you know their husband gets home and they think well the husband's going to help me discipline the kids and take care of kids but he end up with teary three kids and a grown ass man we've been in the corner drunk off as cradling a gun. no one teaches anybody how to deal with it you know and it also gets back to the in the military it's the john wayne mentality of if you don't show emotion you know allowed to admit that you're sad or sad or anything ever it's not manly.

i don't let myself to become upset because when i do i don't get a little upset i get stage five def-con i want to upset like at the world and i just don't trust people at all. i get really. people. do i would i do that. yeah. the temptations there are half.

way and you know. a. mole zero zero zero zero zero. i'm honored to be here today

today in the presence of so many heroes to our nation and those of you go look i'm sure they are not forgotten. about remembrance for those who have sacrificed so much. and we'll fight. for foreigners through our nation has made a world of pain i'll have a son the son of this great nation the opportunity to enjoy the fruits of my sacrifice. i can think of nothing more honorable confirming your nation. our military and their families have provided a point you will recall that no other nation. the particle just nation and our military service members. home only known as normal. bunker hill in your town. but friends is all i am walking out. of the four vietnam afghanistan and iraq and because of the bravery

and sacrifices of the heroes we honor that freedom. it is. no worry about me. but i'm over there are going to be thinking what might happen after. the scared it was the after masses so. that after after will come after us was called after.

her. more news today violence is once again flared up. again these are the images called world has been seeing from the streets of canada. trying to corporations are all

today. if you. don't tell me how much you are my. prime.

suspect. did you know the price is the only industry specifically mentioned because as you say that's because a free and open press is critical to our democracy which. will. never go on i'm sorry and on this show we would be a live picture of what's actually going out when we go beyond identifying the problem to try rational debate and a real discussion critical issues facing our family members ready to join the movement then welcome aboard. well i'm tom are going to washington d.c. and here's what's coming up tonight on the big picture.