just my opinion. rings id this is for headaches this is for sleep this is a tranquilizer too if i have any episodes xanax would cause blackouts and it's not just. because of him which is pretty nightmare because. i can't get off of it. and bill for it is kind of you to go out there for me because sometimes i have episodes where i won't be able to. i think something will trigger me and which i'll just keep on working and working and working more or less. like seventy two hours just so exhausted. and i can take and build. a show out or. often thank you very much i don't like the phrase that you gave me i could have made a lot more money out of it i wanted to i just it depends on what we're doing and.

they kept saying on the news that there were rebuilding iraq you're working to rebuild iraq. i was sick of hearing c.n.n. and fox news like bark each other about once a. know the horrible things they are iraq and i kind of way to see it for myself you know. i joined the military when i was a teenager nineteen in basic training. like halfway through my tour i told my unit that i was willing to kill any human beings. i certainly interested. asking this one question are you willing to do your job if i was a c no it would have been like oh this guy's be insubordinate throw in jail. you

know i mean so like i came to conclusion like they're basically enslaving me here i have to say yes you know i'm actually walking the town with a rifle but instead of using the camera. this is one of the girls and it's her town. one boy they don't know where one of the other bullet hit a little girl on the shoulder and she ended up dying from that shoulder injury it was the last leg bit a happiness i had i was who a breaking point i was i was you know near suicidal yeah. and during that period they saw me to a chaplain i sat and talked to a chaplain for about two hours and he tried to basically convince me becoming so thank. you for your in that situation where you're having that

struggle you're going on that struggle yeah and one of my going to when i got to call my mom in tow i don't struggle with that stuff i would be bawling her eyes out you know i mean like who am i going to talk to about it you know i mean. well.

i just had my first last december and she went to the section and panic she was frightful but i was completely. crying when he was born i was just completely like. kind of like i had to get a mission done. maybe i should've cried to my dad told me i would but my dad hasn't seen the things i have seen a lot of. and from all the combat i've seen soldiers that i've lost over time it gets easier that's the thing that frightened me the most. if i killed the enemy. i don't feel it anymore.

it's harder but i am happy even though i had to be an army wife because not a lot of people get to do it it's definitely a privilege and an honor being married to someone he serves the country so. it's not an easy lifestyle. and i had family members who were in the military so i knew he was going to be gone i knew i was going to be home alone a lot you know if i wasn't from a dog. but here i was. no i just turned nineteen in the picture and i was you know just graduated college. went off to get married. this was the day he came home i did these on my phone so they're kind of blurry but this was when he came home it was just he kind of just wanted to sit for

a minute and just like i think soak in the fact that he's not there anymore he's back in the mainland he's able to just breathe and not worry about any thing exploding behind him. give me a. year. here. this is a reef that i made when my husband came home from deployment the material that you see here is what they call a c u from their uniforms. he wore these were actually his pants and he wore them in iraq so when he came home i just thought it was kind of symbolic just to make this wreaths you know to show he made it home so next time he comes home from another deployment i want to make another one.

first time when he came back it was it was scary. there was a lot of rage there's a lot of anger a lot of hurt and. he drank a lot. my husband used to be one of those people a suicidal thoughts you know. he talks a lot when he's drunk and he'll talk about the words kind of ramble on and i let him ramble. i was and. you know. yes.

there is. one of them. and. he leaves again this summer that will be a second glance and he's gone for anywhere from twelve to fifteen months at a time. did you ever feel kicked up in levels and record and i still think that. you need to do that before you leave. we know for sure he's going to iraq. that can change any minute you can go to afghanistan and kind of hoping he stays in iraq it's safer somewhat seaver. your clothes. your gloves.

gear your breath. they're in for breakfast i was about and i usually make him breakfast in the morning but he got home kind of late today so he's probably going to go to the fact which is the cafeteria. is hard some. mornings like this. i'm sorry. it's. not. really. or in my. order in the middle of it. just he's so busy right now where the train schedule.

if you really believe so he's got a lot of stress on him. i want a baby before he deployed speakers if something were to happen god forbid i would have that part of him here with me. being.

little boys. girls. cohesion. some with direction normal teenage thing. i see people trying to find their way and a very wicked world. it's like leading the lambs to slaughter you know they don't know. do i admire them and respect them and have great pride in knowing their intention yes now i want to cry sorry because. they have extremely good intentions in defending freedom. on our respect generations that america was founded on but i think that

maybe they're slightly this. so how it's hard for me it's hard as a mother you know because i think for all my kids. it's. twenty two years old. and i must kill thirty people. the same thing that you were given badges for in iraq you know you would have you considered a serial killer over here and that's you know that's a very weird thought to have running around in your head. in the morning you

know it's very easy to sort of think bright happy thoughts and sort of put a correct kind of. spin on it but when it's dark. going to sleep or late at night or tired it's not as easy. with economic up and downs and the find out. to be old saying i and the rest of life it's going to be a female be it briefly

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when an idea goes off you react in ways you think are right at the moment. and when it when i hit our vehicle. back to this war i heard my gunner start firing which to me means he had a target my gunner was very good he wouldn't make that mistake. and i jumped out of the vehicle and i shot a shot three people before any of them realized what was going on and they started running from us and i shot frank two more before. before my driver grabbed me and he said would be doing. and. that's not me out of it now i realize that i was shooting at people because they

were there. this one is my grandfather in vietnam he was a pilot bosnia was six months. and my first trip to iraq was only six months so that's a year my second trip to iraq was a year a trip to afghanistan was a year my last trip was fifteen months and this was an interesting one from the from mr. and me i'm oldest boy who is now. and talk a mom or somebody. i'm very proud that i have been in the military i'm proud that i've been to war but however good people do get hurt and i've hurt good people. and. there's a reason i'm getting out of the army retired cop that's the reason. i

have a. chronic p.t.s.d. post-traumatic stress disorder. to be honest with you i just got out of a mental institution took weeks ago. i was there for thirty days. to help me with my p.t.s.d. . and it's from the stuff i've gone through with the stuff i've done and iraq. how serious just before you go to live in the institution producers. all the people in that place with me they were all military. everybody else there except me had tried to kill themselves i was getting ready to go kill other people

when you get ready. to get in my car and drive up and start telling people. instead i grabbed my wife and we drove up to the hospital. you know how do you know are you getting ready to kill people. because the thoughts just kept going through my mind and i was making my plan. at the time it was i had a problem with people being happy because i. am not happy most of the time. so i was going to drive down the road here and find the first person i saw that looked happy in this. i was going to start with them. i was either going to shoot them but i doubt that i probably would have just beat them to death.

yes. i don't go places. where you return or stick to those house or our family that's a. case that i'm familiar building. the church is one place i don't feel i have any symptoms. from both the church.

down to us to have my gun on me yeah i did it. in church. because a radical person where they're likely to strike while the most vulnerable target which would be a church because i would have an entire profession in charge nobody but me. the worst one for me was cleaning out other people's brains. i can deal with shattered human remains like pick up someone's heart. the brains are different because it's. you don't know if you're holding

a piece of someone's memory from their kid or. you don't know if you're holding a piece of their members being married remember that you're holding the peace that . that that was them being soldiers and that's that's the worst for me. because all i want to you boil it down all this arrest of this is nothing but meat and bone and. but people don't want to have conversations about that they want to buy you a beer and give you a clap or a handshake in the airport and be on their merry way you know. it puts a strain on my marriage for sure. a lot of marriages have been run because the watch just don't understand and don't have the capability of understanding and you know their husband gets home and they think well the husband going to help me discipline the kids and take care of kids but he end up with three kids and

a grown ass man and we've been in the corner drunk off as cradling a gun. no one teaches anybody how to deal with it you know and it also gets back to the in the military it's the john wayne mentality of if you don't show emotion you know allowed to admit that you're sad or upset or anything ever it's not manly. i don't let myself to become upset because when i do i don't get a little upset i get stage five def-con want to upset like at the world and i just don't trust people at all. i get really. discharged like people.

do it when i do that no. yeah the temptations there are. one.

all. of. a. lowly zero zero zero zero zero. zero zero zero and. i'm honored to be here today today in the presence of so many heroes for our nation and those of you good work i'm sure that they are not forgotten. the days about remembrance for those who have sacrificed so much human sure our freedoms and will fight. for service to our nation has made a world of pain for poise and i'll have a citizen of this great nation the opportunity to enjoy the fruits of selfless sacrifices. i can think of nothing more honorable than serving your nation. our

military and their families have provided a point you don't read on that no other nation in parallel. this is the heart of this nation and our military service members have the freedom at least as many i'm only known as the war. monger who don't need your hero get used. to them but princes of miami walk on now and the rule of law vietnam afghanistan and iraq and because of the bravery and sacrifice is of the heroes we honor you're getting three don't want the river to. worry about me. but i'm. all of them are going to be thinking what might happen after. care and when the after masses so.

after after will come after it was called after.

her new york london. the whole world is on the whole. country to yoke of the original one a father one down the end of their fun a to hang up the corner that building at the end of the street another one the more transparent society gets the money or the pup the tears become we see military and state and felice falses mobilized against people who blend into the city who inhabit the city the more people trust electronic devices the more defenseless they are the fear that has a thousand on eyes on our t.v. . place was terrible they claim they're hard to take up

lives again let along here there's a clubhouse that sex lives up perfect their lives let's play. sports. live . the.

players . play. play live live. live .

latest news on the week's top stories now washington the fails to get the world on side from the attack on syria discount support from the g. twenty in the e.u. meanwhile russia takes a firm stand saying the rebels are provoking foreign intervention. not so he sees the brutality of that civil war firsthand the syrian army tries to hide a big fighters from an ancient christian village. afghanistan's president condemns the latest nato airstrike that killed up to nine civilians including children something beyond self denies. and moscow votes for a new man and the results point to a victory for the acting chief even opposition figure at the mixing of only training well behind the capital's.