if the warming up to it was one small but very great secret that i have to live with. for long i am a transsexual woman. now i'm going through a transition period the so-called hormonal stage when i need to adjust to society as a woman that's why i need to change my sex and my passport in the past but. there's been no surgery as you know no not yet it's very expensive and i don't have enough money with your money to the right amount first and with the name you already overdose of in my passport people treat me as though i'm a non-person and i can't find a job lawyers don't even believe it's really my past. here's substantiate your claim with a number of medical reports could you present them to me so far you have only

presented a medical report from professor going to check us clinic door so i thought that report would be enough i didn't think i'd need anything else if you refer to it as a medical statement than you need to have a document proving this clinic really is a magic oregon has ation authorized to issue such reports. i don't have such a document will you be able to present it yes i think so when will you be able to present it like can't say an exact date i'll have to submit a request in five days ten how many. about ten probably it's hard to say exactly the cases are joined to the ninth of september if the clinic refuses to provide you with the necessary documents required to all sign an enquiry. didn't it surprise you that they clean you could north a request from the yes it did i don't know why they didn't reply it's so strange i

can't comment i don't know what happened if i had the opportunity i would have done it myself what are you going to do next week when i'm going to call the clinic and the local registry office try to explain the situation because it's delaying the surgery. itself i told you it to think twice because there was an opportunity that she wouldn't be allowed on

a plane with or that the police would detain her i told her to wear no make up during check in and on the plane she could have put it on later and not before customs a lot of women wear trousers now julip put on a travis high heeled shoes and make up anyway. she was looking for trouble because . of course they didn't want to load jewelry or through the customs because what they saw didn't conform to what her passport sat the ground they call for doctors to check because they saw a woman who according to the documents was a man. why . i am not recognized in russian law jazz nothing there about me or people tell me

that anything which is not expressly forbidden must be allowed so i figured that nothing was forbidden to me because there's no law saying jew the seller of your can go through customs in a dress and high heels so i could do it and i did. hear . you in law didn't start a fight stamp my feet or throw shoes at them i just looked at them smiled and waited till i saw your face little bars. and you were so serious so concentrated. on convince the top thoughts materialize your fifth your fright of something sooner or later you'll have to face it but there's no point hiding the why do that anyway i want to live openly and freely just live being transaction as

a temporary state on a woman and very happy about that since i have all my documents but possibly nothing more than three. ladies and gentlemen please give up your seats to elderly passengers mothers with children full pregnant ladies. but when you were ten when you were thirty you mom i didn't know anything then understand you had a family you were a normal person. i'm still a normal person i think it's living on your own that has brought it all about. and it's nothing that living alone could do i was born with it the doctors have already told you it's innate it's you why would he believe the experts there's no other way

you can't catch it all about genes it's a combination of chromosomes he replied it doesn't affect it in any way mum white. mom white quickly. go through ok let's take a blood test. from a vein yes give me arms. most of the most of the crux of the issue is the removal of a penis causes your anation problems to be honest i can't even look at it yuck. seems so strange just a kind of really the studio organ. those are just a it will be quite a long operation because we will have to remove part of some blood vessels and

adjust your rethrow within the growing oh maybe we could start with removing the testicles and then decide yes then you'll have to decide look at you now you're so cheerful yes because your testicles still produce a little to yes once the saucer has gone there will be no such happiness anymore. then we might need to insert physiologically female doses of the hormone to maintain this good mood. you need hormones not for general masculine ization or to make your beard grow you needed as an effective anti stress agent to have a good mood this is the. root of it as early as the age of five i started to think it was wrong that they called me and treated me as a boy uppermost i was aware that they were boys and girls could move and they put me with the former one that i knew i really belonged with the latter. but it came as a shock to me and i tried to analyze myself and came to the conclusion that i couldn't

change anything so i just withdrew into myself for the many years with the woman with one small but very great secret that i had to live with morning and was right that. there's a crucial difference between you and me as a child at school i didn't conceal who i was a lot of the children gave me a hard time to me didn't talk to me and insulted me. i was an outcast at the start of my life is based on what was a great tragedy for my mother to shawn she believed that she had to give birth to daughter so that there would be someone to look after her when she's old you know if you call that was her life plan so when after labor the doctor told her it was a boy she got hysterical and she said take him away it's not my baby she was convinced the babies had been switched and i saw mom was suffering because of me

because i wasn't born a girl i feel guilty for something that wasn't in fact my fault matias you are it's this feeling to kreutz i was delighted to be a woman willing to i took interest in all aspects of my mother's life i tried to prove i was worthy of her love and if she could only feel love for a daughter i was determined to become that daughter for her. both of the goals. and you were arguing when we were choosing this t.

shirt i was afraid it would be too big for me. to be in fact to size up would have been better if i told you that you needed a bigger and that i look to the song mommy knows best at least today after i do jewish hair she looks beautiful and usually an ugly one i don't do your hair that well you mean you're not as beautiful or can't help crying just looking at it. come off it do something normal. i'm here at the top and you have a cool hairstyle that folliot my hair looks like a bush how would she have to look the volume is so nice you sure from your lips to god's is. ungrateful pig though. i think i've spent too much time with to where i want to live a comb a life of my own and enjoy the high level i've managed to achieve.

and i have one more thing to ask of you don't undergo any surgery mom i am asking you. are dry to understand one simple thing my whole body has changed i'm a woman now and i can't have male organs i'm a woman as you try to understand it once and for all. you can thirteen doesn't matter you have to admit a woman can't have male organs even if you come to the doctor to do this operation it's called to me term a. lot of people call it it's cold castration but the organ remains anyway. removing that is the second stay after

a year i can remove absolutely everything is just much more expensive. when you know you are aware that you're not that young and i know you do you realize that i could have died three years ago i tried to kill myself do you understand that that i have gained another three years of life would be good you must for the suicide rate is almost ninety percent. are they all like that they are weak people they are not very strong people my name is julia. i'm speechless because i almost completely forgot what i wanted to ask. after the break you'll meet the person who was always the closest man in julie is life that's a father. wanted to be easy if three years she came it is serious said she yes absolutely he hasn't seen him for ages will he even recognise him you can see for yourself after the break.

this is the place that has been consecrated to god for almost a thousand of years people came here twenty some years ago to reestablish mastic life on the silent. and people feel the love of christ working. people say you can catch. something happens on this island that makes them return to it again and again they say the below saves them. join me james brown on a journey for the soul. only see. if you're thinking about an alcoholic drink associated with russia it's probably

not going to be one that springs into your head but they've been making it here on the black sea coast for more than two thousand kids and there's an industry which really can compete with the best the rest of the world has to offer i've come to meet some of the people going the greats and to see if i can find out the secret to the perfect. person i. guess. the media leave us so we lead that maybe. i will see motion security follow your party visible. shoes that no one is asking with the guests that you deserve answers from it's all on politicking only on our t.v.

. of us want to love and respect myself by promise that i shall never cease working on myself and from this day on be true to myself for better or for us for richer for poorer in sickness and in health. i will love and accept myself until the day that i die i challenge myself to live in complete harmony with myself and to lead a happy life. and good relations again on the day when you've accepted yourself. why did you do boys there was no other way couldn't live as a man. i could be neither father nor hospital i know that i'm a woman. which i'm not ok it was your first marriage what about the second that was

immediately after the first war i don't know it's still a mystery to me well you said to her my re i love you will you marry me i was trying. to fit in so yes i mean i tried to kill that in myself but i think it's actually easier to be a man i know with you it's physiological but if we're talking about living in a society a woman has so many responsibilities as. you have to wear makeup shave your legs polish a nail so you can just walk around in worn out box or you can do that it's creepy of course not but i wanted you that way to send a man can wear socks with holes in it too short and sweat pants and play paula kids . and who will complain clue in about why. he's in there good and bad well i'll tell you

a secret i hope no one will hear me even with a dent like that he is a god with a huge belly with no reaction he believes he's a cool guy because he can drive a woman and find another one there always be someone who will be happy to have him always. everything i had a number of sham marriages well one was official right another marriage another baby and still nothing nothing changed about lee i was still the same person i had always been with quickly but not on the divorced i supported my child my nan shelley and helped as best as i could when we divorced she was eight or nine months maybe a year old. now she's twenty six. i guess i wouldn't recognize her if i met her on the street.

who i spoke to on the phone and we had great to meet over. there the more i thought i could give myself a little treat and meet the person who has my own blood flowing through them they were to me a clue. to the scene of your i was there anything rena texted to say she couldn't make it and she had a lot of things to do she couldn't come which was a pity much and i feel so stupid and upset with. i doubt a reader knew it was my birthday she couldn't mean it to be such an empty present

the worst time for me was when i was forty five it was a tough this year of my life that year and made the best impressions i've ever had in my whole life i realized that it was too late i was way past the critical stage and i was depressed it's a most dangerous suicidal state for a hit boiling point. after my second attempt to commit suicide failed which i decided there was not much point in trying again for a third time it was much better to see what would happen if i started taking hormones going so that's what i did.

where back exactly where we stopped last time i asked you for a document for any relevance so typical as that could prove that the clinic has a license can you present such documents are not i can't present such documents you've come to the hearing unprepared again what next what do you expect us to do take my word for it. of news but i believe in anything. that i want to do. just an operation the case wouldn't matter anymore. if i meet him i will have nothing to say to him i can imagine. what i will do if we me what can i tell him i certainly want to say hello and i don't want to say hello

julia either you or i could but i don't want to. bring i don't want to encourage him i'll never pat him on the shoulder in an operating room and say go on man if he feels that male member prevents him from having a happy life he's free to remove it and i won't come to the hospital with a banner saying no to julia soul of you over i won't do that when he's never done me any wrong after he became a woman although he did me a lot of bad things before but it really puts me off that i have such a father anyway no matter how you look at it i feel ashamed. oh oh i'm going to do when i have children of my own i won't be able to tell them that this is their grandfather but i can't go for a walk with him or come to his place on saturday to drink beer and watch football to do all the simple things i would like to do.

i did not fall in love with him but i felt it was speedy you when i saw him for the first time he had the eyes of the beaten dog thrown out on the street he's had this desolate look in his eyes all his life and had always felt he wanted to be me no woman i mean for example he would ask me to stand in front of the mirror and point out that our foreheads look alike and some other things. people were bought and paid when i was pregnant with terrible texaco's it's the first thing i wanted to know was whether it was a congenital disorder union and when i found out it wasn't i come down with you at least i will have a baby i thought you through and then if after this operation you behave here you've got all these ten twenty thirty years that remain with whom would you let him do it if it'll make life easier for him because in fact it seems self that he's

struggling with on working don't disturb me why i don't just mean you should have thanked everyone he hold no grudge and forgive everyone you thought it's not too late for that even know you meant everything will work out for him or her. doing your job you're doing now is humiliating which is difficult but not you minutes and how is it demeaning i do my job properly but psychologically you're still a tease mom i need the money i'm just earning money i know i know humiliating but you can do it all your life i'm not going to i've already told you i'm leaving for

moscow i've been offered a job that. smothered your positions for having examined the documents presented to the court the courts rule to dismiss the claim by hearsay over there from a can imagine and it's in the birth certificate. that it's present project may be in accordance with the law numbers up on it but at. what do we do now mum would even name me i know how difficult it is feverish and

it's very important for me don't be offended if you know i'm not my child can't you see that i'm definitely not going to answer to the name during trying to understand that and tell dad well use another name when you have one already have another name in all the medical statements you don't have it yet don't be offended mom you have to understand one very simple thing i love you and i want you to love me too i'm a clever woman i know what to do i've been loving you all my life i've lived my life for you. is the course there when i die i don't want to have the name your ear over doll for my tombstone they were there really sets my teeth on edge and for good i know i won't be able to make many decisions by then you know you're there you couldn't move you'll never even get to see it from arthur met them if thought of it frustrates me here when i really don't want that to be

a man's name on my tombstone throw which would be better not to have a drive at school. but he's your son can anyone be closer to him than you knew costs i think most people will show sorry for her. you heard his father saying that it would be easier for him if his son killed himself he moved on what i think his life is difficult for the reason i'm happy man any suffering over with but with all of that. my name is julia.

war is probably the most complex of human activity is. still locked up. in the phenomenon of friendly fire probably extends back to the invention of gunpowder. kill a bunch of people who don't know what their premises are really us people. reading. this something shoots my brother in the leg not intentionally

because of it because it was ny times four in the morning even the best given the mesh soldiers. are going to make mistakes this is this whole idea of brotherhood and author and then it come broader in this sense it was in this context that has absolutely no place. when the crisis leaves us traces everywhere. empty closed rooms become the norm. children pay for the mistakes of adults. by working in a tobacco field or in the café. they are the ones who come back home blasts. so the. because gamers are just in their memories. choose your language. they kill it oh if they sell some of.

the concerns get a. chance to opinions that invigorating good. choose the stories that impact the life choose to access to often.

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no deal european leaders failed to rebuild the ruins of an agreement with the ukrainian president refused to talk. and you can see it right there on rests. as one student is killed and police crackdown on protesters. on a group of women who held a peaceful demonstration. with the black friday shopping thought about to kick off in the u.s. we look at the wild buying spree of the federal reserve and where it's taking the american economy.