it was a way to inform he tried to restrain himself and find his place in society in spite of this disease. but look here first out anyway is that. your sort of not really puts me off that i have such a father. if the warming up to it was one small but very great secret that i have to live with. for long i am a transsexual woman is where news and now i'm going through a transition period the so-called hormonal stage when i need to adjust to society as a woman that's why i need to change my sex in my possibles in the property. there's been no surgery because you know no not yet it's very expensive and i don't have

enough money with your money to the right amount first and with a name you already over dove in my passport people treat me as though i'm a non-person and i can't find a job lawyer as you don't even believe it's really my passport. you substantiate your claim with a number of medical reports could you present them to me so far you have only presented a medical report from professor going to check us clinic you should or so i thought that report would be enough if i didn't think i'd need anything else if you refer to it as a medical statement than you need to have a document proving this clinic really is a magic oregon his ation authorized to issue such reports. i don't have such documents will you be able to present it yes i think so when will you be able to present it like can't say exactly date i'll have to submit a request in five days ten how many. about ten probably it's hard to say

exactly the cases are joined to the ninth of september if the clinic refuses to provide you with the necessary documents the corridor will sign an inquiry. didn't it surprise you that they claim you could north a request from the room yes it did i don't know why they didn't reply it's so strange i can't comment i don't know what happened if i had the opportunity i would have done it myself what are you going to do next week when i'm going to call the clinic and the local registry office i'll try to explain the situation because it's delaying the surgery.

i told you it to think twice because there was an opportunity that she wouldn't be allowed on a plane with more than the police would detain her i told her to wear no make up tearing check in and on the plane she could have put it on later and not before customs a lot of women wear trousers now julip put on a travis high heeled shoes and make up anyway. she was looking for trouble because . of course they didn't want to load jewelry through the customs because what they saw didn't conform to what her passport sat the ground they call for doctors to check because they saw a woman who according to the documents was a man. why

. i am not recognized in russian law jazz nothing there about me or people tell me that anything which is not expressly forbidden must be allowed so i figured that nothing was forbidden to me because there's no law saying to the seller of your can go through customs in a dress and high heels so i could do it and i did. here . to get one i didn't just start a fight stand my feet or throw shoes at them i just looked at them smiled and waited till i saw your face. and you were so serious so concentrated.

i'm convinced the top thoughts materialize the fifth your friend of something sooner or later you'll have to face it but there's no point hiding from why do that anyway i want to live openly and freely just live transsexual is a temporary state on a woman and very happy about that hope it is i have all my documents but possibly nothing more than three. ladies and gentlemen please give up your seats to elderly passengers mothers with children full pregnant ladies. but when you were ten when you were thirty you mom i didn't know anything then understand you had a family you were a normal person. i'm still

a normal person i think it's living on your own that has brought it all about. and it's nothing that living alone could do i was born with it the doctors have already told you it's innate it's. why when you believe the experts there's no other way you can't catch it all about genes it's a combination of chromosomes and group life doesn't affect it in any way mum white . mom white quickly. ok let's take a blood test. from a vein yes give me arms. most of the most of the crux of the issue is the removal of a penis causes your anation problems to be honest i can't even look at it yuck.

it seems so strange just to kind of read the studio organ. the which is a it will be quite a long operation because we will have to remove part of some blood vessels and adjust your rethrow within the growing oh maybe we could start with removing the testicles and then decide yes then you'll have to decide look you know you're so cheerful huge because your testicles still produce a little to her yes one start to sawston is gone there will be no such happiness anymore. then we might need to insert physiologically female doses of the hormone to maintain this good mood. you need hormones not for general masculine as asian or to make your beard grow you needed as an effective anti stress agent to have a good mood this is the. root of it in as early as the age of

five i started to think it was wrong they called me and treated me as a boy uppermost i was aware that there were boys and girls could move and they put me with the former all that i knew i really belonged with the latter. but it came as a shock to me i tried to analyze myself and came to the conclusion that i couldn't change anything so i just withdrew into myself for many years with the woman with one small but very great secret that i had to live with morning and was right there . as a crucial difference between you and me as a child at school i didn't consider why i was one of the children gave me a hard time they bowed to me didn't talk to me and inside. to me. i was an outcast but the story of my life is based on what was a great tragedy for my mother to shawn she believed that she had to give birth to

daughter so that there would be someone to look after her when she's old but you know if you call that was her life plan so when after labor the doctor told her it was a boy she got hysterical and she said take him away it's not my baby she was convinced the babies had been switched and i saw mom was suffering because of me because i wasn't born a girl i feel guilty for something that wasn't in fact my fault matias you up. this feeling to kreutz i was delighted to be a woman willing to i took interest in all aspects of my mother's life i tried to prove i was worthy of her love and if she could only feel love for a daughter i was determined to become that daughter for her.

both of the goals. and you were arguing when we were choosing this t. shirt i was afraid it would be too big for me. to be in fact to size up would have been better if i told you that you needed a bigger and with a look to the song mommy knows best at least today after i do jewish hair she looks beautiful and usually an ugly one i don't do your hair that well you mean you're not as beautiful or can't help crying just looking at it. don't you didn't come off that do something normal. so how come here at the top and you have a cool hairstyle that folliot my hair looks like a bush how would she have to look the volume is so nice you sure from your

lips to god's is. ungrateful pig no way. i think i've spent too much time get to where i want to ever come life of my own and enjoy the high level i've managed to achieve. and i have one more thing to ask of you you don't undergo any surgery mom i am asking you. are dry to understand one simple thing either my whole body has changed i'm a woman now and i can't have male organs i'm a woman as you try to understand it once and for all. you can thirteen or it doesn't matter you have to admit

a woman can't have male organs even if you come to the doctor to do this operation it's called to me term name and what people call it it's cold castration but the organ remains anyway. that removing that is the second day after a year i can remove absolutely everything is just much more expensive. when you buy you aware that you're not that young when i know do you realize that i could have died three years ago i tried to kill myself do you understand that that i have gained another three years of life would be good you must for the suicide rate is almost ninety percent. are they all like that they are weak people they are not very strong people my name is julia. because i almost completely forgot what i wanted to ask. after the break you'll

meet the person who was always the closest man in june is life that's. what it is if the if he can meet is serious said yes absolutely he hasn't seen him for ages will he even recognize him you can see for yourself after the break. in the iraq and afghanistan war it was much easier to do so well and you always work with a ground crew. be following a convoy came under attack i would work directly with the ground controller he would tell us where he needs help he would say you look up that arroyo we're taking fire from that arroyo and i would tell him what i'd see and then he would clear me hot and the decision was on me for when to fire as the face of war changed those

restrictions became greater and greater and greater we we could not loose weapons and towards the end of our occupation in iraq we were weapons tight it took. the president to say yes that somebody would you destroy. the. economic down in the final. deal and the rest. will be. deliberate torch is on its journey to such. one hundred and twenty three days. through two thousand nine hundred ton two cities of russia. relayed by

fourteen thousand people or sixty five thousand killings. in a record setting trip by land air sea and others face. a limp a torch relay. on r t r c dot com. this is the place that has been consecrated to god for almost a thousand of years people came here twenty some years ago to reestablish and last a life on the silence. and people feel the love of christ all working. people say you can. come and something happens on this island that makes them return to it again and again they say the below saves them. join me james brown on a journey for the soul. only on a t.

. julius i view of us want to love and respect myself by promise that i shall never cease working on myself and from this day on be true to myself for better or for us for richer for poorer in sickness and in health. i will love and accept myself until the day that i die i challenge myself to live in complete harmony with myself and to lead a happy life. and good relations again on the day when you've accepted yourself. why did you do boys there was no other way as a man. i could be neither father nor hosp and i know that i'm a woman. ok it was your first marriage what about the second that was immediately

after the first war i don't know if it's still a mystery to me well you said to her my re i love you will you marry me i was trying. to fit in so yes i mean i tried to kill myself but i think it's actually easier to be a man i know with you it's physiological but if we're talking about living in a society a woman has so many responsibilities as. you have to live where make shave your legs polish a nail so you can just walk around in worn out. you can do that it's creepy of course not but i want to do that weights and a man can wear socks with holes in it too short and sweat pants and play pockets. and who will complain clue in about why. he's in there good and bad well i'll tell you a secret i hope no one will hear me even with

a dent like that he is a god with a huge belly with no reaction he believes he's a cool guy because he can dive a woman and find another one there always be someone who will be happy to have him always. there when you can feel i had a number of sham marriages well one was official right another marriage another baby and still nothing more nothing changed about only that i was still the same person i had always been with the burden of all the divorced i supported my child my name shelly and helped as best as i could when we divorced she was eight or nine months maybe a year old. now she's twenty six. i guess i wouldn't recognise her if i met her on the street.

who i spoke to on the phone and we had great to meet over. there the more i thought i could give myself the little treat and meet the person who has my own blood flowing through her day. to reoccur. to the scene of your i was there anything rena texted to say she couldn't make it and she had a lot of things to do she couldn't come which was a pity which and i feel so stupid upset. i doubt a reader knew it was my birthday she couldn't mean it to be such an empty present

the worst time for me was when i was forty five it was a tough this year of my life that year in may the best impressions i've ever had in my whole life i realized that it was too late i was way past the critical stage and i was depressed it's a most dangerous suicidal state for a hit boiling point. after my second attempt to commit suicide failed which i decided there was not much point in trying again for a third time it was much better to see what would happen if i started taking hormones for going so that's what i did.

where back exactly where we stopped last time i asked you for a document for any relevance so typical as that could prove that the clinic has a license can you present such documents are not i can't present such documents you've come to the hearing unprepared again what next what do you expect us to do take my word for it. of news that i believe in anything. that i want to do know. the case wouldn't matter anymore. if i meet him i will have nothing to say to him i can imagine. what i will do if we can i tell him i certainly want to say hello and i don't want to say hello julia either you or i could but i

don't want to. bring i don't want to encourage him i'll never pat him on the shoulder in an operating room and say go on man if he feels that male member prevents him from having a happy life he's free to remove it and i won't come to the hospital with a banner saying no to julia soul of the over i won't do that and he's never done me any wrong after he became a woman although he did me a lot of bad things before but it really puts me off that i have such a father anyway no matter how you look at it if i feel ashamed. of going. when i have children of my own i won't be able to tell them that this is their grandfather but i can't go for a walk with him or come to his place on saturday to drink beer and watch football to do all the simple things i would like to do.

i did not fall in love with him what i felt was pity you when i saw him for the first time he had our eyes of the beaten dog thrown out on the street he's had this desolate look in his eyes all his life and had always felt he wanted to be me no woman i mean for example he would ask me to stand in front of the mirror and point out that our foreheads look alike and some other things. will appear we were both in it when i was pregnant with terrible texaco's it's the first thing i wanted to know was whether it was a congenital disorder union and when i found out it wasn't i come down with it at least i will have a baby i thought you have to understand if after this operation you behave here you've got all these ten twenty thirty years that remain the with whom would you let him do it if it'll make life easier for him because in fact it seems self that he's struggling with i'm working don't disturb me why don't disturb me he should

have thanked everyone that he hold no grudge and forgive everyone just that it's not too late for that even know you meant everything will work out for him or her. doing your job you're doing now is humiliating is difficult but no humidity how is it demeaning i do my job properly but psychologically you're still a tease i need the money i'm just earning money i know i know. what you can do it all your life i'm not going to i've already told you i'm leaving for moscow i've

been offered a job that. this mother of positions for having examined the documents presented to the court records rule to dismiss the claim by hearing over there from a can imagine it's in the birth certificate. that it's present project may be in accordance with the law is up on the butt out. what do we do now mum would even name me i know how difficult it is federman it's very important for me don't be offended if you know i'm not my child can't you see

that i'm definitely not going to answer to the name during try to understand that and tell dad well use another name when you have one already have another name in all the medical statements you don't have it yet don't be offended mom you have to understand one very simple thing i love you and i want you to love me too i'm a clever woman i know what to do i've been loving you all my life i've lived my life for you. gives the course there when i die i don't want to have the name yuri overdog on my tombstone they were there it really sets my teeth on edge and for good i know i won't be able to make any decisions by them you know you're there you couldn't move you'll never even get to see it from arthur met them if thought of it frustrates me if you're watching i really don't want that to be a man's name

a much tombstone throw in which would be better not to have a drive it's. all a joke but he's your son can anyone be closer to him the new i think most people both feel sorry for her. you heard his father saying that it would be easier for him if his son killed himself he moved on what i think is a life is difficult for the reason i'm happy man any suffering over with but because of that. my name is julia. wealthy british style it's time to let.

the markets find scandal find out what's really happening to the global economy for a no holds barred look at the global financial headlines joining in to cause a report on r.t. . if you're thinking about an alcoholic drink associated with russia it's probably not going to be one that springs into your head but they've been making it here on the black sea coast for more than two thousand kids and there's an industry which really can compete with the best the rest of the world has to offer i've come to meet some of the people going the greats and to see if i can find out the secret to the perfect. person i.

told you my language as well but i will only react to situations i have read the reports so i'm like the players i know i will leave them to the state department to comment on your latter point of the month to say please take a call is on the docket well done. thank you no more weasel words. when you need a direct question me prepared for a change when you run should be ready for a battle freedom of speech and a little bit on the freedom to question. war is probably the most complex and difficult to.

hold. on. to the phenomenon of friendly fire probably extends back to the invention of gunpowder. kill a bunch of people who don't know what their families they're really us people. reading. this something shoots my brother in the leg not intentionally because of it because it was night times four in the morning even the best even the mesh shoulders. are going to make mistakes this is this whole idea of brotherhood an author. and camaraderie in this sense it was in this context that has absolutely no place.

no deal up as the e.u. summit in vilnius that draws to a close to a close ukrainian president viktor yanukovych doesn't sign the association agreement for the new insist the deal remains on the table. tens of thousands are still in the streets of ukrainian cities to both support and oppose the president's decision it's been peaceful so far but it may well be a call before the storm. i began to have some serious philosophical reservations about what the fed was doing and i decided to apologize to america. as the black friday shoppers soon kicks off in the us we'll look at whether wild buying spree of the federal reserve has landed the american economy find yes' safe stuff.