release day but you're not also i'm vegetarian yes. like we all came together so let's go through this list all right let's go through who's going to be on this team let's start off with immigrants right obama to ported more than ever before and now trump is on pace to beat obama's record if you're an immigrant your life sucks like you got ice agents in your home every weekend now and who are the ones that big stare royal rednecks with tattoos of bubba the love sponge or tracking. racism across your new car. carry and gone to where the caliber a higher than their i.q. . i mean maybe not all ice agents but a lot of them are big joe maddon moles you know grilling you on whether your good enough to be in this country you told the language no good. you mean i don't speak

the language any good you're used up all our tax dollars you know the military is using up all your taxes. low and slow going up other countries thereby forcing people to wait for it move here creating more of our grads stop bombing the home and all of a sudden staying where they are becomes an attractive option. so will that immigrants are to the list next up the l g b t community if you're gay sure you now have marriage you know you can do that but you're still being discriminated against and of all the country is willing to give you a certain group of people is a governmental religious contract they're allowed to tie each other down with that's a pretty rewarding i mean it should just be about equality that the government shouldn't be involved in love in any way. a watch still well.

like having the government sign off on law love makes as much sense as having your landlord sign off on your porn selections. do your og in management i am looking for permission to view some foot fetish videos tonight. i know appreciate a speedy response as i'm already looped up and ready to go. next up if your black you live in a police state that discriminates and criminalizes you from the cradle to the grave black adults are more than to want to have times as likely as white adults to be arrested for drug possession even though white people are actually more likely to use illicit drugs if you just have a black sounding name your life is harder studies have found white names receive fifty percent more callbacks for interviews of course that one has an easy

answer why just lie about your name on the birth on the first ever before you meet him in person right just flood the job market with thousands of applications for tanner bradley chad and just him. whoever is that once you get your foot in the door you can be alive oh i thought you meant the name my friends call me and i swear to god they call me maxwell whitey white pants ass choir. let's move on to women you're over half the population but only make up twenty percent of congress and studies of silence to women legislators both republican and democrat introduced a lot more bills than men and areas of civil rights and liberties education health labor and more. to depend. my gender

a little bit men are the only legislators to introduce subsidising lawnmower mud wrestling right. that's pretty important i read rambling moving on if you're into personal freedom and privacy like most libertarians and liberals alike then you should have the way this country is going isn't that part of the freedom right of freedom from on reasonable search and seizure what happen to the whole you need a warrant thing right when that a thing like because if they want to know about that then they probably shouldn't have had these show me a war and seen it every cot movie and t.v. show for forty years i've got no i don't hundred episodes of law and order i ask you to hold congress down and force them to watch get out the popcorn all right i still have bells are going to school you. all right if you're an environmentalist

and you care about trees and crap like that you should you should definitely be on this t.v. de forest desean of the rain forest is a growing at a rate of eighty thousand acres a day and if you ever want to do other green thing on a sandwich that isn't laminated monsanto's chemical piss then when you do do not like where things are headed alright personally i don't i don't need green things unless you count some form of festive st paddy's day liquor so that pretty much my green intake for the year. if you care about animals you should be with our group of angry people we have the most disgusting factory farming horrors in this contrie calf's and piglets kept in cages for their entire lives that aren't big enough to turn around in with them is employed do that just to make sure that when it's their turn to be bacon they well. commit is that the poem like a like

a doctor assisted suicide is like crazy to me. and as if that wasn't bad enough now every hipster is making sub sort of orders with bacon sprinkled on it is bacon chocolate pay can i take in flavored condoms put. yes. let's put the anal back in our tisn't all. on behalf of pigs everywhere. i hipsters i hope your suspenders could cause a rounder like the way you do try. you already did chocolate isn't that hedonistic adolfo you really have to sprinkle some pig on top. and wait where by the way where are the christians on all the factory farming ha it's cause creation it's the lord's work they tell us and then we slaughter the

lords word chop it up and stuff it down or basis even when we're not hungry. i couldn't possibly swallow any more of the lord's work i've been too much too logical oh it's honey good floors work ok i wonder what. if you're anti-war you're on this team too maybe you're anti-war because you don't think we should kill so many innocent people or maybe you don't want to see so many of our troops put in harm's way maybe that's your thing so that you don't have to be talking to people at a bar going yeah my cousin was killed in battle where. it's like somalia or the philippines is something i really know but he died there because the freedom of the democracy of the song things don't thing. if you're anti-war then you're opposed to the right wing corporate shift of this country and when i say right wing shift i mean clue to the warmongering fold piece fold. the liberal stack of democrats who

yeah who recently. i mean. they recently voted to give president trump limited war powers that was like two weeks ago and they call themselves the resistance when the resistance to maybe it's because you've built up a resistance to logic and compassion is that is that it. is this is the resistance then it's emblem should be of battleaxe are made of silly putty. there's too many more groups to get through all of them those who support legitimate elections or work or rights or science how about science if you like science will put you on the team and children i'm telling children up to they're more likely that any generation yet to end up unhappy poor and on healthy the corporate decimation of our society environment and environment means there won't

be much of a world for them to inherit no more national parks so they have to take their kids on a vacation to see a landfill fire well get out it lights up the night sky. breathe through the mouth not the nose oh no more swimming with dolphins just swimming with plastic garbage flows. no more taken your kids to see the animatronic wonderland it is the world instead the animatronic workforce will bring their families to see what humans look like in their natural habitat to a cow to a virtual reality goggles a feeding trough filled with peanut butter. bacon flavored painted but. my point is if you add up all the groups of people who should hate with all the high passion this corporate state these two party cluster of piles of stock if you out. the all up that's like eighty five percent of the country what are we waiting

for let's put our did we. think shall come this was you think it was. i go. i'm late candelas take the news from behind this past weekend was the sixteenth anniversary of the beginning of the war in afghanistan very exciting very exciting we're going to win this any minute now we really are we just who we just need to score a few more points and then we get ahead of the after party. to tell you a little little secret here but i don't tell the corporate media all right. it's

not a war in afghanistan it's an occupation of afghanistan ok. thank you very. cold calling this a war when we're just they are all the time it be like walking up to two guys sitting on a couch half asleep with mustard staved down their storage and going it's all right let's see who wins. there's no winning anytime soon. but the corporate media just keeps that a secret like they did for at least a decade with the harvey weinstein rape allegations right or the bill cosby rape allegations or the jimmy savile rape allegations or the roger ailes you get the point all right yes the point we don't have all day occupations such as afghanistan maybe why the u.s.

consistently tops polls of greatest threat to world peace including a gallup poll from just a few years ago so i guess we are winning something. i don't know there's a trophy for that out of hope there's a trophy like a bowling trophy where there's just a fuse coming out of the bowling ball but. was it a nine hundred military bases around the world that put us over the top do you think that's what did it i don't we said we should stop it ninety five you know. all over that seems a bit aggressive it's not very neighborly. and right now you might be thinking a little you mention the u.s. military bases like every episode i think we all get it well i would agree with you but you're forgetting that a lot of people out there are idiots then we got a lot is we know not to mention the glut of numbskulls in it when it's we're were overflowing with dunces and for brains i mean don't get me started on this for

brains and. it's gotten so bad that a home depot has started worrying that no one knows how to use the tools they're selling and. so they've started putting out videos telling us take better works and which end of a hammer to hold. i had to write a tape measure can be used for more than measuring you're going to. combat. through . speed of three of a home depot if you dig a little deeper you'll find they are a member of the american legislative exchange council or alec which has announced it will be a holding its forty fifth anniversary gala at the trump international hotel alec is responsible for. like every time you see a state bill and you look at it and you go. that's them that talent.

lisa nelson she's executive alex said the trump administration is full of the people and ideas we've advanced since one thousand nine hundred seventy three. all of the ideas you mean ego maniacal narcissistic sociopathy that i was you guys. how could i how could i describe says that there's an early eighty's terrible horror movie called basket case in which a flashy tumour about this big where the face and the hands it goes around murdering people goes around killing people alec is the legislative a quick glimpse of that all right and they're bragging that the trump white house shares their fleshy murderous tumor belief system. and now they're having a gallop to celebrate. although all the whole actually that doesn't quite represent

the situation. graphics department can you guys when you go can you do that there we go there we go thank you thank you. so you know we have to go to a quick break but redacted tonight is coming to berwyn germany to build a new state of come take you told us. you got there advice for your kid rock your city as well we'll be right back. would you have for breakfast yesterday quietly to put her through the faces your wife or. dogs may like to name and that was your biggest fear in a bit on a hay ride when so last time medical board you say if you ever met the things the best quarterback. exploring the topic that doesn't belong on the piece now i've had to do due to the question more.

well. you. know if you were like me you were probably mad when zero bankers went to jail for crashing the global economy in two thousand and eight it's one of my pet peeves. well i hope you set aside some of that rage for hearing the j.p. morgan chase pay their five point three billion dollar fine for fraud with the more

florida when you've got a good thing going you know here to discuss is our senior chill economist naomi go about it. over what's going on here john paragon morgan did pay some of it one point one billion dollars was paid in cash and the other four point two billion dollars they paid through for giving mortgages for financial relief credit and now obtaining financial relief credit is a very complex process at j.p. morgan it's where you grab your internal records roll your eyes and move your hand up and down. for looking at the process price. and how do you commit fraud with forgiveness how does that leave calm down i think you could use a cup of this soothing than ninety nine bedtime to. j.p. morgan forgave thousands of mortgages to repay the. but one small problem they

didn't technically own those mortgages. many of them toxic mortgages were sold off to investors despite nice letters j.p. morgan sent to the homeowners which said you will know nothing more on the loan and your debt will be cancelled now the debt was not actually cancelled but doesn't that letter just lift your spirits. like an inspirational quote and yogi teabags who let me see that mindset is. we are spiritual beings having a human experience. weight and my human or spirit which one is it that actually stressed me you know that's how they get you to drink more of this crap. so homeowners got screwed again in this process oh no they didn't just screw homeowners they screwed investors they screwed taxpayers

they screw the f.c.c. they screw the d.o.j. well actually no not the d.o.j. they were complicit the d.o.j. knew i'm not done listing the people they screwed every week screwed homeowners whose homes were already foreclosed upon and abandoned because once forgiven they were required to pay for back taxes and repairs so the screwed the neighborhood in the end they screwed entire cities because abandoned buildings lead to urban blight which leads to urban flight which leads to a crackhead squatting in your garden. which i wouldn't mind if you just tended to my herbs a little more you know how did this under such a scale those robo signing mortgage releases were automatically signed by bank robots without looking at the contents and this this is where i get mad oh. this is really this means the robots are taking our fraud. thank you for

everything really. or it was it robo signing the scam to god j.p. morgan find in the first place that there's absolutely zero integrity in this inquiry there is a tiny bit of integrity they donated one hundred fifty million dollars to invest in detroit see they were worried that they were screwing detroit so hard through the phony mortgage forgiveness program that it posed a risk to the bank's reputation. or reputation. its already worse than the neighborhood palm reading hooker who infected an entire town with syphilis and said your future is in real estate along wisconsin avenue and we're. ok and i have to scrub that hand j.p. morgan keeps committing the same crimes against americans all organizations should

lose their business license or be sold for parts five point three billion dollars fine means nothing to you they didn't really play it's full of so we don't know the psychological turmoil that number had on the employees that we were. sure those white collar criminals didn't actually get sent to prison they went internally. luckily there's a team for that they only care about every. three weeks they also told the school there are more problems with privatizing education than simply the fact that soon it will get so expensive you'll have to put algebra and chemistry on layaway correspondent natalie mcgill dug a little deeper she filed this report. that. attention teams of america i totally get why you don't want to finish high school

there's bullying there's. violence even against teachers and worse. their painfully awkward prom. i. think that was sweet too if i was a dad inside dropping out is a plague and that's why states are pouring millions of your tax dollars for profit out recovery schools run by companies like the learning and acceleration academies to capture the kids who are jumping ship. except there's one problem the dropouts are dropping out of the drop out school the public schools the students once called home aren't exactly helping the situation in order to keep their graduation rates and standardized test scores high they're pleased as punch to cast off the students who turned in scams ron's not so coded messages on how they feel about class for once these kids arrive drop out recovery schools it's more of

a glorified roll call even if kids do show up they walk out an hour later and the kids who do stay spend five hours a day doing coursework on a computer with little instruction one student at ohio's capital high school which received one point four million dollars in state funding said classmates didn't bother reading questions on multiple choice tests and instead they would keep clicking til they got it right. that's literally how i won every game of street fighter two against my older brother. such schools aggressively recruit as many as possible and sometimes even after they stop showing up a practice that can generate hundreds of thousands of dollars in taxpayer paid revenue for empty desks states determine how much money to give schools based on how many butts are in seats and in florida's case it was the exact moment the state

began to count those. one school run by acceleration academies used facebook to lure kids with promotions such as pizza monday and pizza thursday taco tuesday and wednesday what there was no money in the budget for falafel friday plus pizza on monday and thursday who runs the social media of the bourse alcoholic single father while the thought of eating pizza twice a week makes your stomach turn here's something else that will make it worse our education secretary is totally fine with this that's because betsy the boss a woman who's never experienced the perks of a public education like school lunches resembling toaster strudels with skin cancer has a lady boner charter schools the boss house the schools as a solution to lowering dropout rates even though

a pro publica investigation found in ohio alone last year for profit companies where nearly one third of the state's ninety four charter schools were dropouts but three fourths of the twenty highest absenteeism rates the reasons behind a high school dropout are complex they range from the need to financially support your family to the need to avoid the gym teacher who insists on watching you change after class but not only are we screwing taxpayers by funding these schools we're screwing kids out of the type of education and counseling needed at a major crossroads in their life as cheesy as it sounds these kids are our future we can't give up on them anywhere not here not florida or ohio. even though i guess everyone gives up on ohio's future at least once reporting from washington now let me go back to tonight.

there are your headlines from the future tomorrow you'll read. new head of homeland security fired during swearing in ceremony. and on wednesday. u.s. invades sweden pillages their health care system. and the corporate media continues to lose its mind you'll read this next week. russia used poky mungo to interfere in twenty six to work should oh wait that was printed yesterday for real. every reporter involved in that story should be beaten in the head with their laptop that's our show but check out the redacted a weekly podcast called moment of clarity available for free on i tunes and stitcher also you can now watch dr night on direct t.v. channel three two one until next time.

all the world's a stage and all the news companies merely players but what kind of partners are into the american play r.t. america offers more artsy american personal. many ways the music landscape is just like if you real news make me good actors that act and in the end you could never you're. so much parking all world all the world all the world's a stage and we are definitely a player. i've got to tell. you're watching.

larry king is a broad city. and. the law you recently suggested should wear diapers on my part you. i have to tell you that this season is telling him it's good this season is so good and so funny and i think we sort of like got this comedy rhythm of ours going and just in case anybody has any leakage or looseness i just wondered because you know enough to get up with if you want me i'll do ok that's ok i'm jewish yeah i just said it would be it makes me a great family member and he would you be a great family member of god that i could quote was you know that's right who has some secret to new york city well the reality of it is not funny that's right. or it's you know the reality of day by day thing after thing now is not funny at all

interests and i lent larry king at this stage yeah this is a big eagle doing about a woman putting on a what strap on. o.j. we have superman so all the strong larry king now. well good job larry king now and today i am well pleased happiest two of the biggest names in american comedy abbi jacobson and their long had laser. together abby and a lot right executive produce and star in the hit comedy central series broad city is also known for her work as an illustrator having created the new york times bestseller carry this book as well as her hosting duties on the podcast a piece of work along that has made her way into the film world starring in this summer's blockbuster comedy rough night and is currently preparing for a stand up comedy tour.