it was the wrong thing to do it was the wrong thing to do to cut off my male anatomy. command. this is now one of my bones from the flash of my flesh she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man that is why a man leaves his father and mother earth news from nineteen to his wife and they become one flash. the fact of the matter is that forty percent of people who are attempting suicide are people who regret ever changing genders. and. right there around four o'clock. but usually i wake up

beforehand it's just so to me. i read the bible and i pray and then i try to be still and and listen for his voice his guidance. my name is billy burley. living here and poke in this house and i used to work for nasa. and let me show you all around the house a little bit. of the weather over here. so i'm sure we don't have air conditioning over here and so we keep the doors and windows open for good bit throughout the year. i was. skinny little introvert. i had

a speech impediment and tried to talk but a lot of people didn't understand me and my body told me i belong with the boy but my thoughts not mine with me and that i belong with the girls. and i didn't know which way to go i wanted to be like my sisters i thought i should be like my fifth to earth and my older sisters started wearing makeup. and it was some of her makeup in the bathroom. and then in the sixth grade when i was. on the formerly teen and we had a new diving. he would do when he had a chance he would play with me he would fond o. me and. trying to

get me to have interaction and just continue to play with me. a map he should cheer into a room. for just a moment. come on criminal and get you into a room back here you're going to keep moving around come on a quiet bad dog bad hold one moment i will. silence the da. da da da da da they do lay down. go lay down first off my name is. i'm an author i've written eight books so far three of them to do with transsexuality i was born male grew up in a very conservative republican family my father was pretty much absent most of my childhood he was an alcoholic. my mother was mentally ill childhood was

so troubled and so traumatic that in retrospect i was able to look at it and realize that there was no way i was getting out of childhood normal you go and you take a shower and you're there to get clean but every time i had to take off my clothes every time i went to bed you know there is no getting around the fact that i wasn't a girl that i was a boy and out really is the one memory that sticks out is just how much i hate. my penis hated. by the time i left high school when i was eighteen i was cross-dressing most of the time once i was away from school and a couple of years afterwards i ended up in san francisco which had a very small gay community and i started i had made the decision by the time i was

about twenty to start living full time as a girl. when you start dating people and if you pass well enough. purposes are you a transsexual or are you a woman and my in my mind i was always a woman i'm wanting to date and i'm not telling the men that i'm dating that i have a penis and so when they find out they become violent. there were a couple instances where i was beaten very badly. sort of june. and i'm a leader of go to center for journey political start our center is very well known especially for transgender surgery and me perform all types of drugs for them surgery male to female female to male reduce surgery possible complications and one . very very. very volatile sort of regretful.

one a little on the way in terms of other things from. the retry all those two to make a detail as to be the first very functional and then to be. more acceptable in a static code heal if you discuss them both male to female results and much better because it was sort of create a completely normal female and this person is usually can have a sexual intercourse and enjoy in sexual activity according to our experience more than ninety percent transgender surgery starts to be a very popular. person's doctors and you can you can find up to many drug. i'm going to make major interest would be different right now and i would be very nice lady or i would be a very strong man or something ladies enough to that. event like alcohol or drug abuse or something ladies. get away from

a seizure be the new beginning to this the main milestone was finding a doctor who would give me the hormones if i get the hormones and female cross sets or modes my life will be perfect and then you think well if i can only get my voice get my male voice up here then that battle make me you know just happy and then you think the next thing is well if i can get breast implants. that's all i need it's never enough and finally if you. gone through the therapy and you can convince the doctor to start cutting on you you go and you have a sex change i had my sex change in one thousand nine hundred ninety and in the back of my mind i didn't think i thought it might be like all the other stuff i had done but i was hoping just hoping it would make me feel complete.

i don't want to get it. so why would you tell your neighbor that you did something that was so stupid it's absolutely ridiculous to tell a neighbor hey i was. transition pretty embarrassing you go through a gender change to be that stupid to believe that you can actually change genders you get to be pretty. quick to handle the truth. i was born in los angeles good family good people i was taken to my grandmother's house quite frequently as my parents like to go away on a weekend they like to camp and fish. became interested in my grandma's house. and

i mentioned something to her about that so she decided to make me a purple dress to put it on and wear the dress i finally got so interested and excited about wearing a dress that i get tired of waiting till i was going to go to grandma's house to secretly press trips so i snatched the dress home my mom found the dress. i was never allowed to go to grandma's house again. to change my name secretly when i was about thirteen years old to crystal probably in my late twenties. i started to talk to doctors about hormone therapy and i began to take hormone therapy thirty five years ago there wasn't much information and we concluded that based on everything that was available at that time. undergoing hormone therapy. would be the answer to resolve

this quote. when i. eighty three. in trinidad colorado it was amazing i felt like the world lifted from my shoulders and it was really wonderful the only thing i don't know is was that all the medication from five hours of surgery that made me feel this way was it because through the surgery because you're pretty heavily medicated my. female at the time was laura. twenty forty you know bloody revolution. the demonstrations were peaceful protests

to be increasingly violent revolution is. just. at the time i wanted in my life somebody i knew had some cocaine so i attempted to use it to kill myself and it obviously didn't work but. my heart was pounding so hard. i thought it was going to come out of my chest. i feel safer. staying in one place where people might find out what i do and who i am i don't want people. i don't want to be. by the people around me. i was leading church one day. three four years ago now and i got to email it said i'm ready to commit suicide.

and it was a transgender. for two or three years. i was actually exchanging information and talking with them on some level up to five times a day to keep from committing suicide he eventually. this is my. computer. my slippers and this is where. i don't need any more than this. everything to do is here on the computer or on the phone talking to people. for twenty five years. it was when id transition. everything began to make sense to me. when i realized how important it was to

d. transition to become psychologically emotionally and socially a healthy person that i wanted others who wanted to de transition to have a way to come back to that same experience that i have and if they have regret and want to transition i have built a website for sex change. you know we're doing we're doing good billy contacted me by e-mail like most people do and we began to exchange information and i talked to remind the phone his story was just like mine and he was sexually abused i was sexually abused and that was kind of the trigger point of changing genders. among kids one computes clothes on.

seven years after transition into woman and woman. started thinking ok i've been doing this for seven years now my problem should've gone away from by now but they had me and i actually had more problems at that point another problem is just trying to pass. trying to do my hair just try trying to do my makeup just for i trying to look just right to where people would not be uncomfortable because you can see when people identify you as being transgendered. this isn't why. nothing has really changed i'm still struggling i was better off as i was

before the surgery before the hormone treatment and it was at that point five years after the surgery there about that i started to have about changing back that's my student id. and for now a swim in the last year i had a really big adam's apple heavy brown ridge. pretty big. the idea after i had surgery. when i was transitioning back to mail. in louisiana and the driver's license i had a lot of other pictures from that period but one day. when i was. looking at the pictures for me back during this period it seven eight years of being female it was so discouraging that i wasted so much of my life in this

particular period doing all of this. just in this state that i was. i raised all of the pictures that i had with the computer and destroyed the pictures of me from that period to try to write that period of my life with god's help i went through the change and i went back to being male so i went through surgery and on the bad side of it was in so much pain and so much discomfort and read a grad it turned dream or it and then me for. surgery that i had been in and then when he took the bandages of my stomach to show me the skin. i was almost horrified at it to me it was gross but it was surgery and the paperwork that the surgeon gave me. when i had the surgery done the nation and

the game in the paperwork and said ok i'm changed to mayo i'm sixty years old there's no reason for me after a lifetime of being in transition to go and start living dressing as a man a name. there's there's there's no. there's no. there's no benefit but there is a benefit and standing before an audience of young kids and college who are considering this. and saying to them ok i'm the real deal i started living when i as a woman when i was twenty i've lived forty years of my life i have breast augmentation i've had genital surgery i've had forty years of hormones all of it has not made my life any better it's never solved the problem you break your your left leg you go

into a doctor's office and under the transsexual rule of medical treatment they say this is your new normal and we're going to break your right leg too i think it's safe to say. when somebody has been cross stressed and affirmed physically abused and sexually abused that psychotherapy is the most needed therapy hormones and surgery. was already. a good. day. her daughter came over to my fourth christian athlete meeting and it was first met her.

and i was. invited to her for coffee and i didn't know it. so i asked one of my classmates what does that mean. a lot of my younger classmates so so she said at the safeway for asking for her trying to meet up with somebody i shared with her my. what happened. how i was. and at that time she said ok let's be friends we had shared the same cycle that i was saying we both like doing stuff especially. but. i don't know i can't i know he was he remembers one time we were high and we sat down for. i just sat close to him when i had on the shoulder and it was that point. with changing. that it was ok for me to start. in

a romantic and i did. or. be into the mainstream to tween rachel and me. with me being surgically altered i. come to want to. enjoy intimacy and that wonderful fresh air. it is beautiful. for a little bit more right. if you know. the green is starting to turn back brown he asked me pretty soon after a few bonds. i think i thought about it for not too long maybe a week or two and responded to my older daughter said. she want they

want me to be happy. and i knew i was going to change for the big moment came when. i was praying and the lord jesus. to me as a vision in the air is so i could touch him just like i could touch anybody here and he came and reached down to me with his hands and picked me up and said you're now safe with me forever and it was at that moment that my life changed in a split second. leg of this i'm healthy. many of the people who've gone through this before me are dead. their alcohol like they're still struggling. with their

identity and i'm alive and well and healthy and married for twenty one years to my wife. restoration and i'm helping other people what other thing that's better in life when you're reaching out and helping other people with their life. a. little too pretty. to pretty tasty. i am so happy i am the way i am now. even though i have problems i have a choice to let my problems. me. more to look to see each day as a beautiful day and just to enjoy the life. in.

you and me baby in his hands he's viewing me baby in his hands he's got the whole world.

so what we've got to do is identify the threats that we have it's crazy to confront let it be an arms race in this on off and spearing dramatic development only mostly i'm going to resist i don't see how that strategy will be successful very. time to sit down and talk. prosecution will need to. be called where you. just read you'll find. somebody to i mean yeah i mean i mean political pressure on the. security industry knows what kind of business models he was my american corporations.

were solutions. in association. with it is just simply his ability to maintain an investigative documentary. ghost more on oxy. you know world of big partisan movie lot and conspiracy it's time.