the weather over here and. we don't have air conditioning over here and so we keep the doors and windows open for good bit throughout the year. as can any little introvert it. had a speech impediment and tried to talk but a lot of people didn't understand me and my body tomie i belong to the boy but i thought with. that i belong with the girl. and i didn't know which way to go i wanted to be like my sister's. i should be like my fifth to earth and where my older sister started wearing makeup . and it was some of her makeup in the bathroom.

and then in the sixth grade when i was. on the formerly teen and we had a new. well he would do when he had a chance he wouldn't play with me he would fondo me and. trying to get me to have an erection and just continue to play with me. a map he should sure into a room. for just a moment. come on come in and get you into a room back here you are going to keep moving around come on a quiet bad job. i will. silence the dog. dotty dotty though they did lay down.

go lay down first off my name is. i'm an author i've written eight books so far three of them to do with transsexuality i was born male grew up in a very conservative republican family my father was pretty much absent most of my childhood he was an alcoholic. my mother was mentally ill childhood was so troubled interest so traumatic that in retrospect i was able to look at it and realize that there was no way i was getting out of childhood normal you go and you take a shower and you're there to get clean but every time i had to take off my clothes every time i went to they you know there's no getting around the fact that i wasn't a girl that i was a boy and out really is the one memory that sticks out is just how much i hate.

my penis hated my p.s. by the time i left high school when i was eighteen i was cross-dressing most of the time once i was away from school and a couple of years afterwards i ended up in san francisco which had a very small gay community and i started i had made the decision by the time i was about twenty to start living full time as a girl. when you start dating people and if you pass well enough the whole purpose is are you a transsexual or are you a woman and my in my mind i was always a woman i'm wanting to date and i'm not telling the men that i'm dating that i have a penis and so when they find out they become violent there were a couple instances where i was beaten very badly.

and i'm a leader of go to center for journey political start our center is very well known especially for transgender surgery and me perform all types of through another surgery male to female female to male reduce surgery possible complications and one of the. very very. very volatile sort of regretful after one of the way in terms of transformation we try oldest to to make a detail is to be the first very functional and then to be. more acceptable in a static code heel if you discuss them both male to female results and much better because it was sort of create a completely normal female and this person is usually can have a sexual intercourse and enjoy in sexual activity according to our experience more than ninety percent transgender surgery starts to be

a very popular. person's doctor ups and you can you can find up to many drug induced feel i'm going to make my journey to least would be different like now and i would be very nice lady or i would be a very strong man or something ladies enough to that. event like alcohol or drug abuse or something ladies. get away from a seizure of a new beginning to have this the main milestone that was finding a doctor who would give me the hormones if i get the hormones and female cross that's hormones my life will be perfect and then you think well if i can only get my voice get my male voice up here then that battle make me you know just happy and then you think the next thing is well if i can get breast implants. that's all i need it's never enough and finally if you. gone through the therapy

and you can convince a doctor to start cutting on you you go and you have a sex change i had my sex change in one thousand nine hundred ninety and in the back of my mind i didn't think i thought it might be like all the other stuff i had done but i was hoping just hoping it would make me feel complete. and i want to get it. so why would you tell your neighbor that you did something that was so stupid it's absolutely ridiculous to tell a neighbor hey i was a transgender transition pretty embarrassing you go through a gender change to be that stupid to believe that you can actually change genders

you get to be pretty. quick to handle the truth. i was born in los angeles family good people i was taken to my grandmother's house quite frequently as my parents like to go away on the weekend they like to camp and fish. became interested in my grandma's house. and i mentioned something to her about that so she decided to make me a purple dress to put it on and wear the dress i finally got so interested and excited about wearing a dress that i get tired of waiting till i was going to go to grandma's house to secretly credit strips so i snatched the dress home my mom found the dress. i was never allowed to go to grandma's house again. to change my name secretly when i was about thirteen years old to crystal probably in my late

twenties. started to talk to doctors about hormone therapy and i began to take hormone therapy thirty five years ago there wasn't much information and we concluded that it is a big big thing maybe. you're still yesterday. the first time was right before the surgery in one thousand nine hundred and the only thing that kept me from doing a quiet honest is a coward at heart. just . at the time i wanted in my life somebody i knew had some cocaine so i attempted to use it to kill myself and it obviously didn't work but. my heart was pounding so hard after i thought it was going to come out of my chest

. i feel safer having done that and that staying in one place where people might find out what i do and who i am i don't want people. i don't want to be. by the people around me. i was leading church one day on sunday three four years ago now and i get to email it said i'm ready to commit suicide. and it was a transgenders would live their life transgender live for two or three years it was totally discouraged i was actually exchanging information and talking with them on some level up to five times a day to keep from committing suicide he eventually restored is why he did transition back. here. computer made.

my chair my slippers and this is where i sit and work i don't need anymore than this. everything that i do is here on the computer or on the phone talking to people transition now for twenty five years. and so it was when i d. transition. everything began to make sense to me and when i realized how important it was to d. transition to become psychologically emotionally and socially a healthy person that i wanted others who wanted to d. transition to have a way to come back to that same experience that i have and if they have regret and want to transition i have built a website for them sex change regret. yeah

we're doing we're doing good billie contacted me by email like most people do and we began to exchange information and i talked to a mom the phone his story was just like mine and he was sexually abused i was sexually abused and that was kind of the trigger point of changing genders. among kids who want to come gets clothes on. seven years after transitioning to woman and woman. started thinking ok i've been doing this for seven years now my problem should've gone away from by now but they had me and i actually had more problems at that point another problem

is just trying to pass. trying to do my hair just try trying to do my makeup just for i trying to look just right to where people would not be on confortable because you can see when people identify you as being transgender. this isn't why. nothing has really changed i'm still struggling i was better off if i was before the surgery before the hormone treatment it was at that point five years after the surgery there about i started to have about changing back that's my student id. and for now a swim in the last year i had a really big adam's apple heavy brown ridge.

pretty big. the idea after i had surgery. when i was transitioning to mail. in louisiana and the driver's license i had a lot of other pictures from that period but one day. when i was. looking at the pictures of me back during this period seven eight years as being female it was so discouraging that i wasted so much of my life in this particular period doing all of this. and just in this state that i was. i raised all of the pictures that i had with the computer and destroyed the pictures of me from that period to try to write that period of my life with god's help i went through the change and i went back to being in may. so i went through surgery

and on the bad side of it was so much pain and so much discomfort and read a gratitude and surgery more and then me for. surgery that i had and then when he took the. lifetime make to show me the skin. i was almost horrified at it to me it was gross but it was. in the paperwork that the surgeon gave me. when i had the surgery done initially to gaming the paperwork and said ok i'm in surge changed to mayo i'm sixty years old there's no reason for me after a life time of being in transition to go and start living dressing as a man a name. there's there's there's no. there's no. there's no

benefit but there is a benefit and standing before an audience of young kids and college who are considering this. and saying to them ok i'm the real deal i started living when i as a woman when i was twenty i've lived forty years of my life i have breast augmentation i've had genital surgery i've had forty years of hormones all of it has not made my life any better it's never solved the problem you break your your left leg you go into a doctor's office and under the transsexual rule of medical treatment they say this is your new normal and we're going to break your right leg too i think it's safe to say. when somebody has been crossed and affirmed physically abused and sexually abused that psychotherapy is the most needed

therapy hormones and surgery. was already. a good. day. her daughter came over to my four christian athlete meeting and it was a first met her. and that was. for. her for coffee and i didn't know it. so i asked one of my classmates what does that mean. a lot of my younger classmates so so she said at the safeway for asking for her trying to meet up with somebody i shared with her my. whatever happened.

and at that time she said ok let's be friends we had shared the same cycle but i was saying we both like doing stuff especially. but. i don't know i can't i know he will say he remembers one time we were high and we sat down for. i just sat close to him when. he was that point. with changing. that it was ok for me to start. in a romantic wife and i did. be intimate theme to tween rachel and me. with me being surgically altered i.

come to want to. enjoy intimacy in that wonderful fresh air. it is beautiful. for a little bit more right. if you notice. the green is starting to turn back to brown vs me pretty soon after a few bonds. i think i thought about it for not too long maybe a week or two and responded to my older daughter said. she want they want me to be happy. and i knew i was going to change. big moment came when. i was praying and the lord jesus. to me as

a vision in the air is so i could touch him just like i could touch anybody here and he came and reached down to me with his hands and picked me up and said you're now safe with me forever and it was at that moment that my life changed in a split second. leg of this i'm healthy. many of the people who've gone through this before me are dead. they're out there still struggling. with their identity and i'm alive and well and healthy and married for twenty one years to my wife. restoration and i'm helping other people what other thing that's better in life when you're reaching out and helping other people with their life.

a. little too pretty. to pretty tasty. i am so happy i am the way i am now. even though i have problems i have a choice to let my problems. burden me. more to look to see each day as a beautiful day and just to enjoy the wife. in. you and me baby in his hands he viewing me baby in his hand the whole world.

you know world of big partisan movies lot and conspiracy it's time to wake up to dig deeper to hit the stories that mainstream media refuses to tell more than ever we need to be smarter we need to stop slamming the door on the path and

shouting past each other it's hard for critical thinking it's time to fight for the middle for the truth the time is now for watching closely watching the hawks. seem wrong why don't we all just don't all. get to say proud disdain comes to cancer. and in games from it equals betrayal. when so many find themselves worlds apart we choose to look for common ground. u.s. president donald trump is on a complete reversal on syria a full one eighty what accounts for this why and what's next.

prosecution only to become almost. a full. cold where you. just read the fines come also by the number one place you do i mean yeah i mean i mean political pressure on that god you. know through security jennifer knows where to put your bundled up business models used by american corporations. he's sold on could be mental disease has a new album use the controls on the scene and the solution. in association with. newton he saw it is just somebody deleted. an investigative documentary. ghost war

on oxy. everybody is going to look at all over. you know. what it. means really social democrats suffer the worst election result in a century while the. democrats make major gains with. new wave on to micro demonstrations the country's domestic intelligence comes under fire saying videos of mob violence in cabinets could be fake. and despite the rush

to clearing it is free from islamic state terrorists almost a year ago we got a report coming up on how the terror group remains active nonetheless across large swathes of the country. damn straight away and my son has.