right there around four. but usually i wake up beforehand it's a god just wakes me. i read the bible and i have and then i try to be feeling and listen for his voice his guidance. my name is billy burley. living here and poke. and i used to work for now. and let me show you all around the house a little bit. of the weather over here and if we don't

have air conditioning over here and so we keep the doors and windows open for good bit throughout the year. i. can any little introverted kid had a speech impediment and tried to talk but a lot of people didn't understand me and my body tomie i belong to the boy but my thoughts not mine with me and that i belong with the girl. and i didn't know which way to go wanted to be like my sisters i thought. i should be like my sisters and where my older sister started wearing makeup. and with some of her make. in the bathroom. in the

in this. was. a really. well he would do when. he wouldn't play with me he would mean. trying to get me to have interaction and just continue to play with me. a map he should sure into a room. just. come on let's get you into a room back here you're going to keep moving around come on a quiet bad dog bad hold one moment i will. silence the dog. dotty dotty go away just lay down.

go lay down first of my name is. i'm an author i've written eight books so far three of them to do with transsexuality i was born male grew up in a very conservative republican family my father was pretty much absent most of my childhood he was an alcoholic. my mother was mentally ill the childhood was so troubled and trips so traumatic that in retrospect i was able to look at it and realize that there was no way i was getting out of childhood normal you go and you take a shower and you're there to get clean but every time i had to take off my clothes every time i went to bed you know there's no getting around the fact that i wasn't a girl that i was a boy and that really is the one memory that sticks out is just how. i hate.

my penis hated my p.s. by the time i left high school when i was eighteen i was cross-dressing most of the time once i was away from school and a couple of years afterwards i ended up in san francisco which had a very small gay community and i started i had made the decision by the time i was about twenty to start living full time as a girl. when you start dating people and if you pass well enough the whole purpose is are you a transsexual or are you a woman and my in my mind i was always a woman i'm wanting to date and i'm not telling the men that i'm dating that i have i'm a painter and so when they find out they become violent there were a couple instances where i was beaten very badly. by meter georgevitch surgeon. and i'm

a leader of the for journey political start our center is very well known especially for transgender surgery and we perform all types of through another surgery male to female female to male reduce surgery possible complications and won the. very very. little sort of regretful. won the one model on the way in crime gender transformation we would try all this to to make you do need to be first very functional and then to be. more acceptable in a static code. if you discuss them both male to female results and much better because he was sort of dreamy create a completely normal female and this person is usually can have a sexual intercourse and enjoy in sexual activity according to our experience more than ninety percent. transgender surgeries to be

a very popular. persons doctors and you can you can find out too many drew. i'm going to. be different like now and i would be very nice lady or i could be a very strong man or something ladies enough of that. drug abuse or some to. get away from a seizure of a new beginning to this the main milestone was finding a doctor who would give me the hormones if i get the hormones female crossed. my life will be perfect and then you think well if i can only get my voice get my male voice up here then that battle make me you know just happy and then you think the next thing is well if i can get breast implants. that's all i need it's never enough and finally if you've gone through the therapy and you can

convince a doctor to start cutting you know you go and you have a sex change i had my sex change in one thousand nine hundred ninety and in the back of my mind i didn't think i thought it might be like all the other stuff i had done but i was hoping just hoping that that would make me feel complete. and i want to get it. so why would you tell your neighbor that you did something that was so stupid it's absolutely ridiculous to tell a neighbor hey i was a transgender and i did transition pretty embarrassing you go through a gender change to be that stupid to believe that you can actually. change genders

you get to be pretty. quick to handle the truth. i was born in los angeles a good family good people i was taken to my grandmother's house quite frequently as my parents like to go away on the weekend they like to camp and fish somehow became interested in my grandma's house in cross-dressing and i mentioned something to her about that so she decided to make me a purple dress and allow me to put it on and wear the dress i finally got so interested and excited about wearing a dress that i get tired of waiting till i was going to go to grandma's house to secretly crush strips so i snatch the dress home with my mom found the dress and so then dad got upset i was never allowed to go to grandma's house again. the first step was i changed my name secretly when i was about thirteen years old to crystal probably in my late twenties i started to talk to doctors about hormone

therapy and i began to take hormone therapy thirty five years ago there wasn't much information and we concluded that based on everything that was available at the time. undergoing hormone therapy for their hormone therapy and gender reassignment surgery would be the answer to resolve this quote gender identity disorder that's when i in april of one thousand nine hundred eighty three i underwent the gender reassignment surgery by dr fiber in trinidad colorado it was amazing i felt like the world had been lifted from my shoulders and it was really wonderful the only thing i don't know is was it all the medication from five hours of surgery that made me feel this way or was it because i had gone through the surgery because you're pretty heavily medicated my. female name at the time. was laura

jensen. with this manufactured sentenced to public will. when the ruling closest to protect themselves. in the final merry go round. we can all middle of the room signals. from the real news. is pushing through the peons to understand that. we have to be together because the only way to be to get there means reacting to these threats i think to create threats of triumphalism or go straight for your.

face for the next actual threat like china becoming a superpower and get its act together and like we did during the cold war oh after russia put up sputnik the us planted on the and that's why i mention the list and look if we have an existential crisis coming down the path guys like trump and other entrepreneurial. leaders will mobilize the country and i walk on this challenge because right now america doesn't have anybody else out there to play with or. poke you in a knife tell why it any small. little bit apprehensive going into surgery but i. a little it fired its. point.

after going into. surgery. coming out of surgery. and mean that it was gone. i was very relieved. i was losing a lot of the through the surgical. and what they did was put. into my new. housing. and finally. i never had the full ability to have intercourse because the vagina that they make

is so small so any time i tried to have intercourse it was extremely painful and it wouldn't happen so these surgeries are nothing more than plastic surgery they they don't create. the phalluses that they create for a female to males are really hideous looking i've had several female to male friends and you look at it and you just go oh god you paid for that it's horrible the sex change didn't solve my discomfort the doctors who are honest will say that the gender dysphoria is always there and it's because the confusion is it's not so much it starts out being about your anatomy but really what it's you don't like yourself. being a free society. being i call it in my book

a social pariah is not the way you want to live the isolation drives you to despair and so yeah suicide is a big big thing maybe. yesterday . the first time was right before the surgery in one thousand nine hundred and the only thing that kept me from doing a quiet honest is i'm a coward at heart. just . at the time i wanted in my life and somebody i knew had some cocaine so i tempted to use it to kill myself and it obviously didn't work but. my heart was pounding so hard after i thought it was going to come out of my chest .

i feel safer having done that and not staying in one place where people might find out what i do and who i am i don't want people. i don't want to be. by the people around me. i was leading church one day. three four years ago now and i get to email it said i'm ready to commit suicide. and it was a transgenders would live the life transgender life for two or three years it was totally discouraged i was actually exchanging information and talking with them on some level up to five times a day to keep from committing suicide he eventually restored his wife transitioned . from. my dead. my

chair my slippers and this is where i sit and work i don't need anymore than this everything that i do is right here on the computer or on the phone talking to people i did transition now for twenty five years longer and so it was when i did transition. everything began to make sense to me and when i realized that how important it was to d. transition to become psychologically emotionally and socially a healthy person that i wanted others who wanted to do transition to have a way to come back to that same experience that i have and if they have regret and want to transition i have built a website for them sex change regret com. in our area.

yeah we're doing we're doing good billy contacted me by email like most people do and we began to exchange information and i talked to a moment phone his story was just like mine he was sexually abused i was sexually abused and that was kind of the trigger point of changing genders. the kid. gets clothes on. seven years after transitioning to woman a woman. started thinking ok i've been doing this for seven years. my problem should've gone away from by now but they had me and i actually had more problems at that point another problem. it's just trying to pass. trying

to do my hair just try trying to do my makeup just. trying to. where people would not be uncomfortable because you can see when people identify you as being transgendered. this isn't why. nothing has really changed i'm still struggling i was better off if i was before the surgery before the hormone treatment it was at that point five years after the surgery there about i started to have about changing back that's my student id. and so now it's women that i have a really big adam's apple heavy brown. pretty big. is the idea after i had third

jury. and then when i was transitioning back to mail. in louisiana that's the driver's license i had a lot of other pictures from that period but one day. when i was. looking at the pictures for me back during the seven year period it seven eight years as being female it was so discouraging that i wasted so much my life in this particular period doing all of. that just in this state that i was in and i raised all of the pictures that i had with the computer and destroyed the pictures of me from that period to try to write that period of my life with god's help i went through the change and i went back to being in email. so i went through

the surgery. on the bag. with much pain. so much discomfort read to grab a dream or in the earth. to show me that. to me it was growth but it was. in the paperwork to me. when i had the surgery done initially he gave me the paperwork ok. i'm sixty years old there's no reason for me after a lifetime of being in transition to go and start living dressing as a man a name. there's there's there's no there's no. there's no benefit but there is

a benefit and standing before an audience of young kids and college who are considering this. and saying to them ok i'm the real deal i started living when i as a woman when i was twenty i've lived forty years of my life i had breast augmentation i've had genital surgery i've had forty years of hormones all of it has not made my life any better it's never solved the problem you break your your left leg you go into a doctor's office and under the transsexual rule of medical treatment they say this is your new normal and we're going to break your right leg too i think it's safe to say that when somebody has been cross stressed and affirmed physically abused and sexually abused that psychotherapy is the most needed therapy hormones and surgery.

i was already. a baby girl. her daughter came over to my fourth all the shipper christian athletes meeting and it was bigger than i first met her. and that was in two thousand. and why did her for coffee and i didn't know what that meant. so i asked one of my classmates what does that mean. a lot of my younger classmates so so she said what's the safeway for asking for her trying to meet up with somebody i shared with her my past and what had happened and

how i was. and at that time she said ok let's be friends we had shared the same cycle but i was saying we both like doing stuff especially. but. now i can't i know he will say he remembers one time we were high and we sat down for. i was close to him when i had. and it was that point. with changing. that it was ok for me to start. in a romantic wife and i did. exhort. the into mainstream to tween rachel and me. with me being surgically altered i. come to to want. we enjoy intimacy

that wonderful fresh air. fresh air. it is beautiful praying for a little bit all right. if you notice. the green is starting to turn back to brown vs me pretty soon after a few monts. i think i thought about it for not too long maybe a week or two and responded yes my older daughter said. she wanted they wanted me to be happy. was going to change back but the big moment came when i was praying and the lord jesus appeared to me as a vision in the area so i could touch him just like i could touch anybody here and

he came and reached down to me with his hands and picked me up and said you're now safe with me for ever and it was at that moment. my life changed in a split second. leg of this i'm healthy. many of the people who've gone through this before me are dead. their alcohol they're still struggling. with their identity and i'm alive and well and healthy and married for twenty one years to my wife. restoration and i'm helping other people what other thing that's better in life when you're reaching out and helping other people with their life.

no. it is. too pretty. to pretty tasty. i am so happy i am the way i am now. even though i have problems i have a choice to let my problems. burden me. or to look to see each day as a beautiful day and just to enjoy the life. in his hand it's got you in me baby in his hands he's got me baby in his hands he's got the whole world and it is.

u.s. president donald trump is on a complete reversal on syria a full one hundred twenty accounts for this why and what's next. i've been saying the numbers mean something they matter the u.s. has over one trillion dollars in debt more than ten white collar crimes happen each day. eighty five percent of the global wealth you longs to the ultra rich eight

point six percent market saw thirty percent rise last year some with four hundred to five hundred trade per second per second and bitcoin rose to twenty thousand dollars. china is building a two point one billion dollar a i industrial park but don't let the numbers overwhelm.