that is why a man leaves his father and mother earth news from nineteen to his wife and they become one flash. the fact of the matter is two forty percent of people who are attempting suicide are people who regret ever changing genders. and. right there around for. a wake up beforehand if you just wait for me. i read the bible and i pray and then i try to be feel and and listen for his voice his guidance. my name

is billy burley. living here and poke in this house and i used to work for nasa. and let me show you all around the house a little bit. of the weather over here and. we don't have air conditioning over here and so we keep the doors and windows open for good bit throughout the year. i was. skinny little introverted kid had a speech impediment and tried to talk a lot of people didn't understand me and my body told me i belong to the boy but my thoughts my mind with me and that i belong with the girls.

and i didn't know which way to go and wanted to be like my sister's ott. i should be like my fifty years and where my older sister started wearing makeup. and with some of her makeup in the bathroom. and then in the sixth grade when i was. on the farm early teen and we had a new diet which. he would do when he had it he wouldn't play with me he would fondo me and. trying to get me to have an erection and just continue to play with me. a map he should sure into a room. for just a moment. come on come in and get you into

a room back here you are going to keep moving around come on a quiet bad job. i will. silence the dog. dotty dotty though they did lay down. go lay down first off my name is. i'm an author i've written eight books so far three of them to do with transsexuality i was born male grew up in a very conservative republican family my father was pretty much absent most of my childhood he was an alcoholic. my mother was mentally ill childhood was so troubled and trips so traumatic that in retrospect i was able to look at it and realize that there was no way i was getting out of childhood normal you go and you take a shower and you're there to get clean but every time i had to take off my clothes

every time i went to bathe you know there's no getting around the fact that i wasn't a girl that i was a boy and that really is the one memory that sticks out is just how much i hate. my penis hated my penis by the time i left high school when i was eighteen i was cross-dressing most of the time once i was away from school and a couple of years afterwards i ended up in san francisco which had a very small gay community and i started i had made the decision by the time i was about twenty to start living full time as a girl. when you start dating people and if you pass well enough the whole purpose is are you a transsexual or are you a woman and my in my mind i was always a woman i'm wanting to date and i'm not telling the men that i'm dating that i have

a painter and so when they find out they become violent there were a couple instances where i was beaten very badly. and i'm a leader of go to center for journey political start our center is very well known especially for transgender surgery and we perform all types of through another surgery of male to female female to male or to do surgery possible complications and one of the. very very. volatile sort of regretful after one of one hundred along the way in terms of other things from. the retry oldest to to make a detailed list to be of first very functional and then to be. more acceptable in a stud to coat the heel if you discuss them both male to female results and much better because in was surgery we create

a completely normal female and this person is usually can have sexual intercourse and enjoy in sexual activity according to our experience more than ninety percent transgender surgery starts to be a very popular. person's doctors and you can you can find up to many drug. i'm going to make my journey to least would be different right now and i would be very nice lady or i would be a very strong man or something ladies and up to that. some event like alcohol or drug abuse or something ladies. get away from a seizure of a new beginning to this the main milestone was finding a doctor who would give me the hormones if i get the hormones and female crosstabs hormones my life will be perfect and then you think well if i can only get my voice

get my male voice up here then that that'll make me you know just happy and then you think the next thing is well if i can get breast implants. that's all i need it's never enough and finally if you. gone through the therapy and you can convince a doctor to start. you go and you have a sex change i had my sex change in one thousand nine hundred ninety and in the back of my mind i didn't think i thought it might be like all the other stuff i had done but i was hoping just hoping it would make me feel complete. and i want to get it. so why would you tell your neighbor that you did something

that was so stupid it's absolutely ridiculous to tell a neighbor hey i was a transgender transition pretty embarrassing you go through a gender change to be that stupid to believe that you can actually change genders you get to be pretty. quick to handle the truth. i was born in los angeles family good people i was taken to my grandmother's house quite frequently as my parents like to go away on the weekend they like to camp and fish. became interested in my grandma's house. and i mentioned something to her about that so she decided to make me a purple dress to put it on and wear the dress i finally got so interested and excited about wearing a dress that i get tired of waiting till i was going to go to grandma's house to secretly. snatch the dress home my mom found the dress.

i was never allowed to go to grandma's house again. the first step was i changed my name secretly when i was about thirteen years old to crystal probably in my late twenties. i started to talk to doctors about hormone therapy and i began to take hormone therapy thirty five years ago there wasn't much information and we concluded that based on everything that was available at the time. undergoing hormone therapy further hormone therapy and gender reassignment surgery would be the answer to resolve this quote gender identity disorder that's when i in april of one thousand nine hundred eighty three i underwent the gender reassignment surgery by doctors of fiber in trinidad colorado it was amazing i felt like the world had been lifted from my shoulders and it was really wonderful the only thing

i don't know is was it all the medication from five hours of surgery that made me feel this way or was it because i had gone through the surgery because you're pretty heavily medicated my. female name at the time was laura jensen. what politicians do. they put themselves on the line they did accept the reject. so when you want to be president. or someone wanted. to go right to the press this is what before three in the morning can't be good. i'm interested always in the waters in the. first sip suicide is a big big thing maybe. it's a day where you thought it was going to. go you're still yesterday i don't

now the first time was right before the surgery in one thousand nine hundred and the only thing that kept me from doing a quiet honest is a coward at heart. just . at the time. somebody i knew had. attempted to use it. and it obviously didn't work but. my heart was pounding so. i feel safer. staying in one place where people might find what i do and i don't want people. i don't want to be.

by the people around me. leading church one day. three four years ago. i'm ready to commit suicide. and it was a transition. for two or three years. i was actually exchanging information in talking with them on some level up to five times a day to keep from committing suicide he eventually. computer made. my slippers and this is. everything. on the computer. to people.

for twenty five years. it was when i did. everything began to make sense to me. when i realised how important it was. to become psychologically emotionally. and socially a healthy person that i wanted others who wanted to deed transition to have a way to come back to that same experience that i have and if they have regret and wanted to transition i have built a website for them sex change regret come. in our area. you know we're doing we're doing good billy contacted me by email like most people do and we began to exchange information and i talked to a moment phone his story was just like mine he was sexually abused i was

sexually abused and that was kind of the trigger point of changing genders. among kids. clothes on. t.v. seven years after transition into woman and woman. started thinking ok i've been doing this for seven years now my problem should have gone away from by now but they had me and i actually had more problems at that point another problem is just trying to pass. trying to do my hair just right trying to do my makeup just for i trying to look just right to where people would not be on confortable because you can see when people identify you as being

transgender. this isn't why. nothing has really changed i'm still struggling i was better off as i was before the surgery before the hormone treatment and it was at that point five years after the surgery there about that i started to have about changing back that's my student id. and from now a swim in the last year i have a really big adam's apple heavy brown ridge. pretty big. the idea after i had surgery. when i was transitioning back to mail. in louisiana that's the driver's license and i had

a lot of other pictures from that period but one day. when i was. looking at the pictures of me back during this period seven eight years of being female it was so discouraging that i wasted so much of my life in this particular period doing all of this. just in this state that i was. i raised all of the pictures that i had with the computer and destroyed the pictures of me from that period to try to write that period of my life with god's help i went through the change and i went back to being in may. so i went through the surgery and the bad side of it was so much pain and so much discomfort and read a gratitude and surgery more and then me for. third period that i had

and then when he took the band in. my stomach to show me the skin. i was almost horrified at it to me it was gross but it was. in the paperwork that the surgeon gave me. when i had the surgery done a nation only game in the paperwork and said ok i'm in surge changed to may i'm sixty years old there's no reason for me after a lifetime of being in transition to go and start living dressing as a man a name. there's there's there's no. there's no. there's no benefit to it but there is a benefit and standing before an audience of young kids in college who are considering this. and saying to them ok i'm the real deal i started living when i as a woman when i was twenty i've lived forty years of my life i have breast augmentation

i've had genital surgery i've had forty years of hormones all of it has not made my life any better it's never solved the problem you break your your left leg you go into a doctor's office and under the transsexual rule of medical treatment they say this is your new normal and we're going to break your right leg too i think it's safe to say. when somebody has been crossed and affirmed physically abused and sexually abused that psychotherapy is the most needed therapy hormones and surgery. was already. a good.

day. her daughter came over to my four christian athletes meeting and it was bigger than i first met her. and that was in two thousand. and. three and i didn't know it. so i asked one of my classmates what does that mean. a lot of my younger classmates so so she said at the safeway for asking for her trying to meet up with somebody i shared with her my path. whatever happened. and she said ok let's be friends we have shared the same cycle but i was saying we both like doing stuff especially. like. i don't know i can't i know he will say he remembers one time we went and we sat down for.

i sat close to him when i had on the shoulder and it was that point. with changing. that it was ok for me to start. in a romantic wife and i did. be intimate seem to tween rachel and me. with me being surgically altered i. come to want to. enjoy intimacy and that wonderful fresh air. it is beautiful. for a little bit more right. if you know. the green is starting to turn back to

brown vs me pretty soon after a few bonds. i think i thought about it for not too long maybe a week or two and responded to my older daughter said. she want they want me to be happy. and i knew i was going to change but the big moment came when. i was praying and the lord jesus. to me as a vision in the air is so i could touch him just like i could touch anybody here and he came and reached down to me with his hands and picked me up and said you're now safe with me forever and it was at that moment that my life changed

in a split second. leg of this i'm healthy. many of the people who've gone through this before me are dead. they're out there still struggling. with their identity and i'm alive and well and healthy and married for twenty one years to my wife. it's. restoration and i'm helping other people what other thing that's better in life when you're reaching out and helping other people with their life. a. little too pretty. to pretty tasty. i am so happy i am the way i am now. even though i have problems i have

a choice to let my problems. burden me. or to look to see each day as a beautiful day and just to enjoy the life. in him. you and me baby in his hands he viewing me baby in his hands he's got the whole world.

join me every thursday on the alex salmond show and i'll be speaking to guest on the world of politics sports business i'm show business i'll see you then. i've been saying the numbers mean something they matter the u.s. has over one trillion dollars in debt more than ten white collar crimes happen each day. eighty five percent of global wealth he longs to be ultra rich eight point six percent market saw thirty percent rise last year some with four hundred to five hundred three per second per second and bitcoin rose to twenty thousand dollars. china is building a two point one billion dollar

a i industrial park but don't let the numbers overwhelm. the only number you need to remember is one one business shows you can't afford to miss the one and only boom bust. in twenty forty you know bloody revolution to crack the demonstrations going from being relatively peaceful political protests to be increasingly violent revolution is always spontaneous or is it just go ahead i mean your list put video and put him in the neighborly is that i mean you explain you know to the former ukrainian president recalls the events of twenty fourteen. those who took part in this today over five billion dollars to assist ukraine in these and other goals that will ensure a secure and prosperous and democratic.

i. i i i i i i beat three. troops mass in syria is it in a province against eisold militants strike in neighboring hama killing nine including three children we hear from their families. exactly seventeen years on from terra atrocity committed on u.s. soil we report on how washington is shifting its. extremist organizations. and insight into europe's immigration issues outspoken interior minister talks

exclusively to our say. good morning from moscow it's tuesday night in the russian capital money news from all.