right there around for. i wake up beforehand it's as though god just wakes me. i read the bible and i pray and then i try to be feeling and listen for his voice his guidance. my name is billy burley. living here and poke in the. and i used to work for nasa. and let me show you all around the house a little bit. of the weather over here and. i'm sure we don't have air conditioning over here and so we keep the doors and windows open for good bit throughout the year.

as can any little introverted kid who had a speech impediment and tried to put a lot of people didn't understand me and my body tomi i belong with the boy but now i thought it's my mind with me and that i belong with the girl. and i didn't know which way to go and wanted to be like my sister's. i should be like my fifth to earth and where my older sister started wearing makeup . and it was some of her makeup in the bathroom. and then in the sixth grade when i was. on the formerly teen and we had a new guy. he would do when he had

a chance he wouldn't play with me he would fondo me and. trying to get me to have interaction and just continue to play with me. a map he should she were into a room. for just a moment. come on come in and get you into a room back here you were going to keep moving around come on a quiet bad dog bad hold. i will. silence the dog. dotty dotty go away just lay down. go lay down first off my name is. i'm an author i've written eight books so far three of them to do with transsexuality i was born male grew up in

a very conservative republican family my father was pretty much absent most of my childhood he was an alcoholic. my mother was mentally ill childhood was so troubled and trips so traumatic that in retrospect i was able to look at it and realize that there was no way i was getting out of childhood normal you go and you take a shower and you're there to get clean but every time i had to take off my clothes every time i went to bed you know there's no getting around the fact that i wasn't a girl that i was a boy and that really is the one memory that sticks out is just how much i hate. my penis hate it my p.s. by the time i left high school when i was eighteen i was cross-dressing most of the time once i was away from school and

a couple of years afterwards i ended up in san francisco which had a very small gay community and i started i had made the decision by the time i was about twenty to start living full time as a girl. when you started dating people and if you pass well enough the whole purpose is are you a transsexual or are you a woman and my in my mind i was always a woman i'm wanting to date and i'm not telling the men that i'm dating that i have a pain and so when they find out they become violent there were a couple instances where i was beaten very badly. and i'm a leader of go to center for journey political start our center is very well known especially for transgender surgery and we perform all types of drugs other surgeries male to female female to male reduce surgery possible complications and

one of the. very very. volatile sort of regretful after one of the on the way in terms of transformation we really try oldest to to make you do need to be first very functional and then to be. more acceptable in a stud to coat the heel if you discuss them both male to female results and much better because he was sort of dreamy create a completely normal female and this person is usually can have a sexual intercourse and enjoy in sexual activity according to our experience more than ninety percent transgender surgery starts to be a very popular. person's doctors and you can you can find out to many drew. i'm going to make my journey to least would be different right now and i would be very nice lady or i would be

a very strong man or something ladies and up to that. some event like alcohol or drug abuse or something ladies. get away from a seizure of a new beginning to this the main milestone was finding a doctor who would give me the hormones if i get the hormones and female crosstabs hormones my life will be perfect and then you think well if i can only get my voice get my male voice up here then that that'll make me you know just happy and then you think the next thing is well if i can get breast implants. that's all i need it's never enough and finally if you. gone through the therapy and you can convince the doctor to start cutting on you you go and you have a sex change i had my sex change in one thousand nine hundred ninety and in the

back of my mind i didn't think i thought it might be like all the other stuff i had done but i was hoping just hoping it would make me feel complete. and i want to get it. so why would you tell your neighbor that you did something that was so stupid it's absolutely ridiculous to tell a neighbor hey i was a transgender transition pretty embarrassing you go through a gender change to be that stupid to believe that you can actually change genders you get to be pretty. quick to handle the truth. i was born in los angeles family good people i was taken to my grandmother's house

quite frequently as my parents like to go away on the weekend they like to camp and fish. became interested in my grandma's house. and i mentioned something to her about that so she decided to make me a purple dress to put it on and wear the dress i finally got so interested and excited about wearing a dress that i get tired of waiting till i was going to go to grandma's house to secretly press trips so i snatched the dress home with my mom found the dress. i was never allowed to go to grandma's house again. to change my name secretly when i was about thirteen years old to crystal probably in my late twenties. i started to talk to doctors about hormone therapy and i began to take hormone therapy thirty five years ago there wasn't much information and we concluded that based on everything that was available at the time. undergoing

hormone therapy further hormone therapy and gender reassignment surgery would be the answer to resolve this quote gender identity disorder that's when i. won nine hundred eighty three i underwent the gender reassignment surgery by dr fiber in trinidad colorado it was amazing i felt like the world had been lifted from my shoulders and it was really wonderful the only thing i don't know is was it all the medication from five hours of surgery that made me feel this way or was it because i had gone through the surgery because you're pretty heavily medicated my. female name at the time was laura.

in twenty forty you know bloody revolution here to correct the demonstrations going from being relatively peaceful political protests to be creasing the violent revolution is always spontaneous or is it still oil here. book video a clue in the new bill is that i do split needle the former ukrainian president recalls the events of twenty fourteen. of those who took part in this to do over five billion dollars to assist ukraine in these and other goals that will ensure a secure and prosperous and democratic. you know world big part of the new lot and conspiracy it's time to wake up to dig deeper to hit the stories that mainstream media refuses to tell more than ever we need to be smarter we need to stop slamming the door on the bats and shouting past each other it's time for critical thinking it's time to fight for the

middle for the truth the time is now for watching closely watching the hawks. peering into the abyss the syrian arab army is determined to liberate did live and to eliminate the terrorists they are essentially ending this international proxy war the us and its regional allies are dead set against this why is the trumping ministration siding with the chair it's. a nice tel and quiet and a small. a little bit apprehensive going into surgery but. a little and fighting him finally we're at this. after going into.

surgery. coming out of surgery. and mean that it was gone. i was very relieved. i was losing a lot of the through the surgical. put. into my new. to finally. start my new. i never had the full ability to have intercourse because the vagina that they make is so small so any time i tried to

have intercourse it was extremely painful and it wouldn't happen so these surgeries are nothing more than plastic surgery they they don't create. the phalluses that they create for a female to males are really hideous looking i've had several female to male friends and you look at it and you just go oh god you paid for that it's horrible the sex change didn't solve my discomfort the doctors who are honest will say that the gender dysphoria is always there and it's because the confusion is it's not so much it starts out being about your anatomy but really what it's you don't like yourself. being. in society being i call it in my book a social. is not the way you want to live the isolation drives you

to despair and so yeah suicide is a big big thing maybe. yesterday . the first time was right before the surgery in one thousand nine hundred and the only thing that kept me from doing a quite honest is i'm a coward at heart. just . at the time i wanted in my life somebody i knew had some cocaine so i tempted to use it to kill myself and it obviously didn't work but. my heart was pounding so hard after i thought it was going to come out of my chest .

i feel safer having done that and that staying in one place where people might find out what i do and who i am i don't want people. i don't want to be. by the people around me. i was leading church one day on sunday three four years ago now and i get to email it said i'm ready to commit suicide. and it was a transgender live their life transgender life for two or three years it was totally discouraged i was actually exchanging information and talking with them on some level up to five times a day to keep from committing suicide and he eventually we stored his wife transition. computer made. my chair. my slippers and this is where i sit and work i don't need anymore than

this. everything that i do is right here on the computer or on the phone talking to people transition now for twenty five years. and so it was when i did transition that everything began to make sense to me. when i realized how important it was to d. transition to become psychologically emotionally and socially a healthy person that i wanted others who wanted to d. transition to have a way to come back to that same experience that i have and if they have regret and want to transition i have built a website for them sex change regret. yeah we're doing we're doing good billy contacted me by email like most people do and we

began to exchange information and i talked to a moment phone his story was just like mine he was sexually abused i was sexually abused and that was kind of the trigger point of changing genders. among kids. come kids clothes on. t.v. seven years after transitioning to woman and woman. started thinking ok i've been doing this for seven years now my problem should've gone away from by now but they had me and i actually had more problems at that point another problem is just trying to pass. trying to do my hair just try trying to do my

makeup just for i trying to look just right to where people would not be and confortable because you can see when people identify you as being transgendered. this isn't why. nothing has really changed i'm still struggling i was better off if i was before the surgery before the hormone treatment and it was a bad point five years after the surgery they are about that i started to have about changing back and that's my student id for. months from now a swim in the last year i had a really big adam's apple heavy brown ridge. pretty big. the idea after i had surgery.

when i was transitioning back to mail. in louisiana and the driver's license i had a lot of other pictures from that period but one day. when i was in my office looking at the pictures of me back during this period at seven eight years as being female it was so discouraging that i wasted so much my life in this particular period doing all of this. just in this state that i was. i raised all of the pictures that i had with the computer and destroyed the pictures of me from that period to try to write that period of my life with god's help i went through the change and i went back to being male so i went through the surgery and on the bad side of it was so much pain and

so much discomfort and read a grad it turned dream or it and then me for. surgery that i had and then when he took the bandages of my stomach to show me the skin. i was almost horrified at it to me it was gross but it was surgery and the paperwork that the surgeon gave me. when i had the surgery done the nation only gaming the paperwork and said ok i'm in surge changed to mayo i'm sixty years old there's no reason for me after a lifetime of being in transition to go and start living dressing as a man and. there's there's there's no. there's no. there's no benefit but there is a benefit and standing before an audience of young kids and college who are

considering this. and saying to them ok i'm the real deal i started living when i as a woman when i was twenty i've lived forty years of my life i have breast augmentation i've had genital surgery i've had forty years of hormones all of it has not made my life any better it's never solved the problem you break your your left leg you go into a doctor's office and under the transsexual rule of medical treatment they say this is your new normal and we're going to break your right leg too i think it's safe to say. when somebody has been cross stressed and affirmed physically abused and sexually abused that psychotherapy is the most needed therapy hormones and surgery.

was already. a good. day. her daughter came over to my for the shipper christian athlete meeting and it was bigger than i first met her. and that was. her for coffee and i didn't know it. so i asked one of my classmates what does that mean. a lot of my younger classmates so so she said at the safeway for asking for her trying to meet up with somebody i shared with her my path. whatever happened. and at that time she said ok let's be friends we had shared the same. thing we both

like doing especially. now i can't i know he will say he remembers one time we were high and. i sat close to him when i had a shoulder and it was that point. with changing. that it was ok for me to start. in a romantic wife and i did. for. the into mainstream to tween me. with me being surgically altered i. come to want to. enjoy intimacy

and that wonderful fresh air. it is beautiful. for a little bit more right. if you notice. the green is starting to turn back to brown vs me pretty soon after a few months. i think i thought about it for not too long maybe a week or two and responded to my older daughter said. she want they want me to be happy. and i knew i was going to change for the big moment came when. i was praying and the lord jesus appeared. to me as a vision in the air is so i could touch him just like i could touch anybody here

and he came and reached down to me with his hands and picked me up and said you're now safe with me forever and it was at that moment that my life changed in a split second. leg of this i'm healthy. many of the people who've gone through this before me are dead. they're out there still struggling. with their identity and i'm alive and well and healthy and married for twenty one years to my wife. restoration and i'm helping other people what other thing that's better in life when you're reaching out and helping other people with their life. a.

little too pretty. to pretty tasty. i am so happy i am the way i am now. even though i have problems i have a choice to let my problems. me. more to look to see each day as a beautiful day and just to enjoy the wife. in. you and me baby in his hands he's viewing me baby in his hands he got the whole world.

the. prosecution will need to be criminals in this chilling. cold where you. just read to find somebody not known to seem to i mean yeah i mean i mean political pressure on that god you've. no clue securely jenison knows what kind of business models he was by american corporations. he's sold them couldn't matilda's it as an m.p. use. on the scene and who are solutions. allies

up in association. i noted when he saw it is just simply his ability to maintain an investigative documentary. ghost war on oxy. i've been saying the numbers mean some matter the u.s. has over one trillion dollars in debt more than ten white collar crimes happen each day. eighty five percent of global wealth you want to be ultra rich fifth point six percent market saw thirty percent i slashed your thumb with four hundred to five hundred three first check it first check it and bitcoin rose to twenty thousand dollars. china is building a two point one billion dollar a i industrial park but don't let the numbers overwhelm. the only numbers you need

remember one one doesn't show you can't afford to miss the one and only boombox. ministry's police forces and city administrations of many countries depend on one corporation that does my mike was hoping to avoid the us from from the eyes of god i'm stunned just adama's on the guns going to. woods as that he that he got into the sea at the last also bribing them proprietary software you don't know the source code isn't that a such a security risk when you have a black box operating in the public eye to microsoft's dependency puts governments under a cyber threat and not only that. mall. selling this is also a warm welcome hoping. the world was.