and i'll be speaking to guests of the world of politics school this list i'm showbusiness i'll see that. you are going to. thank you guys for being here. this is the comedy show where americans in america covering american news are called foreign agents yes indeed i have new evidence new evidence this week the both monsanto herbicides and cell phones cause cancer and that executives at the top of those industries knew this long before we in the public did yet provably worked to cover up the truth and

since meet telling you that your food and your cell phones give you cancer isn't enough capital off with proof that your favorite flavor of ice cream is made from the ground up babies of an endangered species oh you don't want luck all right which is a cross between a unicorn and a koala bear. and the baby does no no. yeah i mean the last adorable after the grinding process but. let's start with the cell phones as you know only crazy people in certain types of infinity and think that cell phone radiation can be dangerous for you shores scientific american put out this vague wishy washy article new studies link cell phone radiation with cancer. who knows what that means i mean. yes that article is about the. any five million

dollar federal study the just completed this year and found that cell phone radiation had a significant effect on rats and the effect was not high scores on pokémon go. the effect was cancer which is like worse than pokémon go. from the nation magazine how big wireless made us think that cell phones are safe the nation reveal details of how a scientist named george carlo was selected to lead a group of studies into whether our cell phones can be harmful the scientists he led found the risk of rare neuro apathy only all tumors on the outside of the brain were more than double in cell phone users oh my god you know it says pretty serious ok well i'm sure the wireless industry will address this issue will will change our phone will will warn people not to use them that much i'm sure they'll get it right they just they haven't had much time since that that set of studies that just came

out when when did that set of studies come out. nineteen are you. alright for why you. don't want to pay was so long ago that now when you say why do k. a teenager popped up out of nowhere and goes is that the name of a band. and yet still to this day no one really knows about those cell phone studies now that's not quite true the findings were raploch aided by numerous other scientists in the united states and around the world leading to the w.h.o. in two thousand and eleven classifying cell phone radiation as a possible human carcinogen and the governments of great britain france and israel to issue strong warnings on cell phone use by children i personally and i'm not really worried because most of my cell phone use involves adding it to vibrate and

then rubbing it against my junk i. was surprised that the researchers haven't tried that on a mouse. and yet the telecoms are testing the move to a five g. network which no one is worried about at stake saft a public health professor at the university of california as described by g.e. as a massive experiment on the health of all species. others have said. is a weapons grade frequency there is no knowing the future implications for us we are the guinea pigs weapons grade could you imagine why planes grade phone calls from your mother. sounds truly unpleasant i'm kidding i love you mom speaking of weapons grade let's move on to monsanto there are newly released court documents revealing that monsanto colluded with the e.p.a. to cover up cancer research in their hugely popular we've killer roundup the new

documents first of all show me. santa exacts throwing around the idea of ghost writing their own studies internal e-mails research a less expensive more palatable might be to involve experts only for the areas of contention and we goes to right the exposure tox and gene talk sections but we would be keeping the cost down by us doing the writing and they would just add it and sign their name so to speak but that's not enough monsanto as head of regulatory affairs dan jenkins details in private internal e-mails a phone call he got from jess rowland the e.p.a.'s deputy division director for chemical safety and during the call apparently a dude told monsanto dude if i can kill this i should get a medal. meaning if i can kill the damaging research about roundup causing

cancer i deserve a medal and considering what we know about these supervillains i assume a medal means a high end call girl of five thousand bottle of scotch and a new liver to go with it. by now you might be seeing a bit of a trend it seems like monsanto it seems likely monsanto has known for years that roundup causes cancer and yet they did everything they could to cover up the studies that the big telecoms knew since at least the late ninety's that cell phones can cause cancer under certain circumstances and yet rather than maybe saying. keep those away from your children safe says dravot my first smartphone. so the baby can suck on it like a mother's teach and documents have proven the big oil companies knew about climate change by at least the nineteen eighties and yet they actively spent millions to create doubt in the public's mind big tobacco knew cigarettes were harmful in the one nine hundred sixty s.

and one nine hundred seventy one in a private internal presentation the head of public relations said the doubts. is our product since it is the best means of competing with a body of fact that exists in the mind of the general public big tobacco big oil big ag big telecom they will perpetrate any level of horror of death and destruction on america on the world if it just means more profit right we seriously we thank you because i'm expecting the worst this behavior and a criminal justice system that turns a blind eye the more sociopathic you are the more money you make and if you the viewer if you out there if you are going to get angry about this for yourself for your kids for your future then do it for you want to wallow alright ok. you're trying to do was repeated thank you.

thank. god i only can now let's take the news from behind the ladies the way it is i know you ladies out there are wondering when will this world start treating you right for example when will men stop beginning conversations with a condescending lady later. that is the question and before i get to the first story let me let me just say up top that i know it's pretty hacky of may to do so men and women are different jokes but there's a next aereo type happens to be true have you ever noticed women are always whining about how we men are always murdering them and the men are always complaining

what's the big here. it's just a little merger between friends with benefits. and yes a new u.n. report has found that the murderers are indeed friends family members or partners the report found is that eighty seven thousand recorded female homicide cases last year fifty thousand and fifty eight percent were committed by the victims intimate partners or family members now you might think the u.n. would run with press release tied all the hey man stop killing women you ask. no instead the un went home the most dangerous place for women. yes it is not the fault of man who commit eighty eight percent of all murders it is the fault of those goddamn homes always well now and women to be killed let this be a lesson to you ladies go live somewhere else or write whatever you do boy home try

a nice dark alley or perhaps inside an abandoned vending machine. and that's doubly true if you're in the marshall islands where new reports show the homes are increasingly being swallowed up by the sea due to climate change but the fact of the homes of hundreds of thousands of people will soon be partially underwater is firstly not that bad all right it just means we'll have more cities like venice italy that is so low that they still romantic. and the original venice will soon be fully underwater which romantic nothing says will you like a snorkel. least that's what i learned from my pillow that has been passed on in my family for generations. with secular the marshall islands are not going underwater due to climate change as brilliant people on the internet

pointed out this month climate change is never a cause is any of the recent and. president in california fires part of a california fire season that is a bit longer and harsher and more intense than ever before were caused by climate change they were caused by orbital directed energy weapons. this was pointed out by numerous blogs drawn in crayon. so no fires were caused by directed energy weapons and the marshall islands flooding is caused by an orbital directed water weapon. in the antarctic ice shelf is collapsing because of the way too many penguins. which is caused by an orbital directed play were to happen. they just fired penguins down on the. pre-booked or a very quiet. where the plane was camped from. there also happens to be

a new major report coming from thirteen federal agencies and three hundred leading scientists saying that climate change will shrink the u.s. economy greatly and kill thousands. you'll notice that that article actually comes from c.n.n. which means even c.n.n. is now getting beyond their usual when it's hosted a bank but when one person who believes in science and another person who eats pine chips. and coming up after that we're going to talk about the latest mass shooting and one arm of the bank between someone who says it was bad to kill all those people and someone who says how many people do we really. need to remind you to make sounds right through. the debates and after that should the u.s. fire tear gas at infant refugees at the border well have

a debate. yes that's right the u.s. border patrol this week fired tear gas at families including toddlers at the southern border and some of you may know tear gas is not allowed in war it's considered a war crime but it is allowed on our civilian population so when people act. that we're firing tear gas on children remind them that we saved it just for that ok. we actually all boy using it in war so that we have enough to fight your own children here at home besides it could be worse it could be like venezuela where president dora we've been doing horrible things in fact he has been homeless his people with free a public university. how dare you do that to your own people. of course i know some you know they're my.

free public university pretty good i mean i'm drowning in thirty thousand dollars of debt for a degree in creative writing all right which means i'm just a very adept at poetic ways of describing that slavery. i see. point i see your point but the public universities in venezuela are not free don't believe the hype here's a quote is a real quote from someone who was in a post-graduate program last year he says i was at venezuela central university u.c.b. and the tuition for the program was like eighteen hundred vs per year about point three us dollars. very sad. but as i got it done you know what i j z. ok. ok joe it's almost free but. this is so on american of them it really is

you know just insult your citizens by giving them nearly free education as disgusting now you get them to sign up for debt peonage at the age of eighteen in order to study for a career they'll have no interest in five years later even though they are old enough to legally be trusted with a beer they're clearly old enough to sign away the first ten to twenty years of their dalai. cause i got a great deal that was right. they also also have the option of joining the military to pay for college in which case they'll be sent to watch their friends and their enemies die in exchange for a degree in the history of basketball or whatever. it was and not a great deal. after the military will have the option of getting paid much more as a mercenary soldier such as the ones the united arab emirates hired to kill yemeni

leaders how was that done. yeah if you didn't catch that last bit recent investigation revealed us killers for hire were being used to assassinate leaders in yemen a country we the us are supposedly not at war. but just as wic the senate actually voted wednesday and the u.s. involvement in the yemen genocide if. you will. and i believe co-sponsored by senators michael e. bernie sanders and chris murphy this is good news and i'm sure losing the support of our senate is going to really hurt the feelings of our rogue trained killers overseas i think is really going to hit them right there because being an american mercenary is kind of the opposite of an orgy you want senator mike lee behind you. we've got a pretty bright guy you. think you've got to take the road to get to the border and

i know it's going to do with force and i know i know it and you'll find out how to join our lovely audience right here on. i've been saying the numbers mean something they matter to us is over one trillion dollars in debt more than ten white collar crimes happen. eighty five percent of global wealth you long for the old for rich eight point six percent market saw a thirty percent raise last year some with four hundred to five hundred three per second per second and one rose to twenty thousand dollars. china's building two point one billion dollars industrial park but don't let the numbers overwhelm. the only numbers you need to remember it was one of those you know four to miss the one

and only. way to the united states is dangerous for most of the illegal immigrant. that's a little simple so they want to because most of the internet was the last i'm just about but many of them look for refuge in the so-called sentry sites the draft used to share information about undocumented migrants with federal authorities the best person to ask than. listen to what you know i've heard that next time i get a middle class and i want that. to happen i think what are the options to stay in the country with donald trump in the white house before the cobbles. both of you what if he had to be about to do. a sit sit struggles of many couples. do with the put simply the bills. for a few of those of up to the old the fuck. out

of my back welcome back we all know that corporations do everything they can to avoid paying taxes right not paying taxes like their favorite thing to do for them and it's right up there with eating funnel kangaroo watching football or german. looking up and they are going to urban dictionary no i actually don't look that up in the urban dictionary anyway big box retailers like wal-mart and target have figured out a new tax loophole in which to stick their job all with us now to explain his or senior tax to you john of o'donnell all better. for the record i have never cheated on my taxes in fact for most of my adult life i didn't

even make enough money to have to pay taxes. going to brag about john come on new tax loophole ok well tell us about big retailers are using a legal argument called dark store theory to drag. stickley lower their stores valuation so they can pay me a supposed considerably less in property taxes which is revenue these towns heavily rely on to pay for basic services but it's not as bad as it sounds how is it not bad that's taxing property is one of the only ways towns raise money for schools firefighters police i didn't say it wasn't bad i said it's not as bad as it's. dark store theory sounds ominous as. it sounds like a story that turns the lights down really. so customers will constantly be tripping over stuff and breaking bread breaking pricey items and then they'll be forced to

buy the things they broke more haha ha. thanks for that but what is the target store theory what's the legal argument actually consist of ok fair question according to city lab with one property tax appeal after another retail outlets are compelling small town tax assessors and high court judges to accept the novel argument that their bustling big boxes should be valued like baking dark stores i.e. they near worthless properties now peppering america's shopping plazas that's crazy this is blatantly ridiculous comparison ok i agree i mean it would be like comparing the sexual prowess of a twenty one year old john f. o'donnell with the sexual prowess of a thirty seven year old john f. o. don let's just say one of those valuations is sometimes more in the mood to watch ted talks. wonderful. how are corporations getting

away with this ruthless backwards logic honestly they they just see what sticks in court say wal-mart is seeking a fifty percent reduction in valuation if they end up with a fifteen percent reduction that's still a win plus they hire no win no fee tax attorneys. you only get paid if there is a reduction meanwhile the already financially strapped towns get stuck paying millions in legal fees and collectively losing billions in tax revenue so they get double which twenty one year old john of o'donnell would be really in. no details no details. senator mike lee so this. this sounds like yet another corporate america race to the bottom as i was going on to talk about hitting bottom how about the time i walked into that abandoned staples thinking they were practicing dark store theory and i got a cost to buy that squatter. oh wow it's really dark in here ok you some

printing paper oh maybe a noose. you played it you buy it and say. that was a bad day. thank you to the big retailers because the students of big health insurance is it worse than you think i think it is you probably think it is true you just don't know it yet for this story we go to our true redactor correspondent natalie mcgill. what a stressful as the world is today i don't need a fancy fitness app to know that my heart rate has been every number on the price is right showcase showdown we'll. get for millions of americans medical devices

like heart monitors or doctor order except staying on top of your health is rapidly coming at the expense of your privacy because according to a pro publica and n.p.r. investigation your medical devices are not keeping your health data to themselves. this is especially true for people who have sleep apnea that medical condition where you stop breathing in between snoring because your body is trying to kill you . and that's assuming a spouse hasn't tried to kill you first. sleep apnea facts about twenty two million americans and millions of them rely on a continuous positive airway pressure or c. pap machine to expand both their airways and the emotional distance between them and their children. one of those millions of people is appropriate to look at or who while waiting for a new c pat mask was told his insurance may not pay for it why his insurance

rep told him on tuesday night you only use the mask for three and a half hours and on monday night you only use that for three hours well that's creepy is. the only entity i expect to know what i'm doing for hours at a time is that clicks. yes that clicks i'm still watching. but at least that clicks wanted to make sure i was still breathing which can't be said for insurance companies because a spokesman for blue cross blue shield told pro publica it's standard practice for insurers to monitor sleep apnea patients. payment if they aren't using the machine and privacy experts said that sharing that data with insurance companies is allowed

under federal privacy laws you may not even know that your health data is being accessed by people who could give a flying about your privacy like advertisers corporations t m z or that lex character from jurassic. mark. and not only can insurance companies use your data to deny payment but they can also use it to raid individuals health care costs and potentially raise their premiums so this means you have to risk your private data in order to have life saving equipment and with privacy risks tied to see pap machines implanted heart monitors and blood glucose monitors we are on a slippery slope to any family being able to live stream your colon ascii without your consent and this will be sponsored by fiber line. but if there is a slippery slope then we have suddenly welded up by willingly giving up tons of our

own health data to fitness trackers like fit bit and job own apps so ubiquitous that the use of one called strabo revealed the boundaries of a united states military base earlier this year. and concerned we have u.s. military deployed to seventy percent of the world i'm surprised the entire earth doesn't look like a golden disco ball floating in outer space so what can we do about this well in the case of something life saving like a c pad machine you can ask if there is a way to give your health data to your doctor only. but if you use a fitbit the only real way to keep your health data safe is to stop using these apps entirely. or if you're going to insist on using an app that tracks your every move then at least have some fun with your running route. the store the server room i think it's the fear that will get it today.

here are your headlines from the future in three weeks you'll learn wal-mart superstore found to be avoiding taxes with sign on for an interest reading ye old mom and pop shop. that easy coming up in february. local man unaware his cia back seat pat machine is scheming to destroy is and as a back smart coffee pot i've ever heard that is our show but i have a new stadium comedy special. i believe are you going to die because i didn't lie down to get out how are you going we can tell you got stuck up right until that time.

when a loved one is murder it's natural to seek the death penalty for the murderer i would prefer it be in the death penalty just because i think that's the fair thing the right thing research shows that for every nine executions one convict is found innocent the idea that we were executing innocent people is terrifying is just no way to present and that we're even many a victim's families want the death penalty to be abolished the reason we have to keep the death penalty here is because that's what murder victims' families what that's going to give them peace that's going to give them justice and we come in and say. not quite enough we've been through this this isn't the way.

to. be the. one that lets you know what obama will ultimately out of my. league. of you know. french police detain over one hundred people a central park is gripped by yet more angry protests over fuel prices it's the third consecutive.