because it will need one to zombie it's crazy. you know we don't have to do anything it's not our fault she's crazy and all that. here's a traumatic time to get rid of. i don't. know welcome to the rejected this is a comedy show where americans in america covering american news are called foreign agents and now you are as well well you're thirty seven people you see only thirty nine your last and i love you guys yet again our corporate media has been caught frothing with hysteria over a false story like they did with w m d in iraq like they did a few weeks ago with julian assange and met with amanda for it and like they did

when they said nora was tracking santa don't worry norad is still tracking santa is journey across the globe you might think that's not so bad but that was russian seana. pretty but so they cover these idiotic stories and yet when the truth finally comes out which for one big story it did last week they suddenly get very quiet about it don't really want to talk about how they got it completely wrong do you remember this story from august twenty seventh seen some u.s. government personnel who were working at our embassy and have an acute on official duty said they were there are working on on par on behalf of the u.s. embassy there and they've reported some incidents which have caused a variety of physical symptoms ok so incidents have been the cause something but we don't know what or how or who got it. if i heard that brief. and i wrote

a story about it the story would be titled something happened to someone somewhere you better believe much. but times had life actually was u.s. diplomats incurable were injured by a sonic whopper in. the mainstream media was off to the races with their motto of never use facts when wild conjecture is readily available and free to use sources tell the b.b.c. news that starting in the fall of two thousand and sixteen it appears some officials were exposed to a sonic device that caused hearing problems and other physical symptoms and his are pointing their fingers a cold war era microwave weapons for the illnesses of more than three dozen american diplomats and family members want to play you a bit of a sample of what they heard listen. yeah. i could just see the dastardly cubans coming up with this plan let's see we have

thawing relations with the u.s. just like we want we have a decrease in the embargo that is strangled our economy for a generation i think it's high time we attack all the american and canadian diplomat with a rising no. i won't be so i'd like to get him. yet we will head with what friends of my old annoyance. but the media weren't done one month later many outlets including business insider reported the u.s. is slashing of staff in cuba after damp diplomats reported brain injuries and hearing loss perhaps from mysterious sonic weapons some can no longer remember words others have hearing loss speech problems balance issues nervous system damage had a ringing in the. years and he says mary had just enough i had the same effect from

the last transformers movie. did anyone stop and think it's interesting that this supposedly noise kind of sounds like a dentist drill yet no matter how long a dentist drilled in two years skull with actual metal objects you can still remember all your words. like when was the last of red was a. terrible dentist and now i don't know the word for rhinoceros but carol it's un-american. and sure enough later in that same article they talk with a neuroscientist who says there isn't an acoustic phenomenon in the world that would cause these types of symptoms. so. that's within the art of gold titled diplomats reporting brain injuries from sonic weapons. that

should have been tired old full of us government officials claim some stupid bullshit. like you. do you would think any really outlet worth a goddamn nickel would say hey the us government is claiming something that is scientifically impossible you cannot cause greater injuries where they practically you know want to pull noise let's see if that's what the well respected guardian said this is from september twenty seventh teen at least some of the incidents were confined to certain rooms with laser like specificity and some victims now have problems recalling specific words but then new theory in a row could be eavesdropping device that was trying to use ultrasound to cofer spirit away some information maybe some sound recordings and then malfunctioned in producing these are all sensations that lead to. the headaches and the dizziness

and the other harm to the diplomats yes maybe it was it eavesdropping device that got it signals mixed with every diplomat on multiple days in multiple rooms would cause a high pitched noise that wasn't noticeable enough for people to go hey let's leave this room because it's noisy. and then at that crazy accidental noise caused traumatic brain injury that can actually be caused by sound devices maybe that's more feasible sources tell c.b.s. news two more americans have been targeted in a mysterious sonic attack overseas one of the victims worked in the u.s. embassy in new spec a stand according to a source similar attacks have been reported by american diplomats in cuba our sources say the latest incident suggests russia might be in. russia was using cuba to give my old the headaches to diplomats.

with something that sounds like an industrial slide whistle rube who. i hope that they verify these claims with at least all one person who isn't a member of the ruling elite diplomatic corps in american tourist staying at the hotel capri in two thousand and fourteen suspects he too suffered a sonic attack and describe the sensation from the right through my toes down through the. arch of my foot. up to my ankles and i could fool breathe a little bit in my fingertips. true years before the diplomats were hit in american tourists felt his toes to go. doesn't this auger barda conspiracy that the diplomats were targeted was thrown cannons if it happened two years earlier to a dude. we're barmy more he. for

a bachelor weekend or are we supposed to believe the ingenious cuban military would wear the cars that day to the nineteen fifties but sound weaponry the dates to the year twenty one forty five. got smashed on wrong and ran around making american tourists realize take good there prostates. towards a bridge over a year since all of this happened thawing relations with the cuba where with cuba it was was put on ice diplomats were expelled people had a new reason to fear russia and push us all closer to nuclear war and that american tourist still can't say the word spork without getting a little twitchy and then last week we finally found out what the evil sonic weapons actually worked. sounds that haunted u.s. diplomats in cuba love lorn cricket.

yes scientists studied a recording made by the diplomats and published by the associated press and they said there's plenty of debate in the medical community over what if any physical damage there is to these individuals all i can say fairly definitively is that the a.p. released recording is of a crickets and we think we know what species it is i mean this entire story was scientifically impossible from the beginning but because it fit the american state propaganda narrative of cuba is evil all our corporate media went along with a totally crackpot conspiracy theory imagine if i said yeah i was i was hit by an odor of cannon that smelled faintly of a ham sandwich. and of course my tolls to go numb and my elbows kinda vibrate if i said that would every goddamn mainstream media outlet cover it know it last i added the signs and it happened while i was in venezuela. probably by the

venezuelan government then it's front page news please remember this our corporate media hacks are conspiracy theorists they are state propaganda conspiracy theorists by listening to them we put our entire future in peril how many of them wash d.c. very. very. well from welcome. no let's take the news from behind. our government shutdown an eight hundred thousand federal workers don't know when they'll next get paid but i'm sure most of those workers are proud to go without pay in order to

satiate the narcissistic impulses of a man child who really really wants to build a giant phallic symbol that can be seen from space. oh it. does look a bit placid though i mean without that phallic symbol how will allianz know we're excited they're approaching right. luckily the pay of our average worker in this country is so low that those four furloughed workers aren't really going to be missing much and i'm happy to announce that the gut wrenching inequality we see here in this country isn't all that much worse than our friend or me is in canada a new study has revealed that shortly before eleven am each day the average top earning c.e.o. in canada will have already earned in less than one workday what the average worker makes an entire year that's incredible i mean it's canada what the ceo's of like

tim burton's molson beer and how handy but. anyway the point is we here in the u.s. think of canadians as a better you know more forgiving more considerate people who greet each other each day with a solid lovely morning. and it's good to see that even up there the country is run by ridiculous lee rich. just makes me feel kind of good so what do we do what do is there is there no way to steal him this is this incredibly awful inequality. i think the french have some i. just want the. those school crossing guards were not happy. they were not seriously though the

yellow vast movement in france continues to grow president mccrone wants to have a national debate that will focus on four themes taxes green energy institutional reform and citizenship mccrone wants to gather the people's thoughts on those topics so we can take them home and not think about them anymore. it's like this is yet a suggestion box they had for us when i was working at a t.g.i. friday's in college management totally ignored those suggestions in less you took a dump in the box then you got a reaction i can graduate to french people first and i buy. a. car for you good for you we can't do it has been on of crossing guards but. now sure you may be thinking lay's so far in this segment you compared the yellow vest movement to. the border wall to a giant penis because you feel like this is

a bit low brow how dare you all right i will stoop as low as i heave i am no latest when it comes to describing how just have you looked outside of that i guess when you're worried about a poop joke insensate it's a did not make any sense one damn agreeing with alexandria ocasio cortez and the next i'm agreeing with rudy giuliani and banana all right ocasio gore does said the other day that there should be a seventy percent tax rate on people earning over ten million dollars a year a. point that they support that because if you're getting three million dollars a year you're doing fine all right but then i found myself agreeing with donald trump lawyer and walking. edward munch painting rudy giuliani. he says it's the way the wiki leaks publisher julian assange had not done anything wrong

and should not go to jail for disseminating stolen information just as major media does enjoy jani is right all right but. i have to say julie the times did get in the way of our analysts war or infinity war if you will and infinity wars are very entertaining all right i mean the only thing that should get in the way of infinity war is when you accidentally drop the george foreman grill you snuck into the imax theater into your lap. thereby creating a screaming a hot leg salad sandwich. but this past month after drug said he was pulling troops out of syria the mainstream media was none too pleased as fairness and accuracy in reporting said this week it's the media is worried we won't occupy syria forever. but but since i'm a peacenik at heart i still say we should and our infinity war in fact after this show i'm to go tell the white house how i feel i don't know of the suggestion box

is open with a government shutdown but i've got my contribution right here right. now. there's also the new mascot of redacted tonight. we're going to grade brag but if your e-mail list you are missing many of our videos an article says so if you're in the u.s. just text the word redacted to poor poor four nine nine nine it's free and quick just the word redacted four four four nine and i wonder. if you want to make sure that the quote is he's not just a slogan please of he but the. he's associated with the lies is this the. how can you have a rise in this the. by having people whoa re chill saving investing . broadening increasing the size of the national. so that you

can distill the whole every. officer of the total to get up off the ground in the office or begin to pay him down to. hurt them freaks on the sounds of an mit grown man like wrestling essentially the officer who . drew his baton. rouge will wish to do away from the officer. of his group. the obvious or did they kind of lunge for the web in one's midst and then when it happened on trace one as i didn't hit him i never saw any contact with . any kind of went back to where they were so the officers back here there try again fifteen feet apart at this point and that's when the officer pulled out his gun and he bit on tree.

thank you thank you welcome back for the past couple weeks the major news networks have been celebrating that the military industrial complex is now run by women as females take leadership roles at top weapons manufacturing companies who knew that this whole time all you needed to break the glass ceiling was a hypersonic surface to air cruise missile to discuss this is resident woman naomi . woman. i don't understand why the media is celebrating women getting ahead in the murder machine sector other when women are so under-represented in other industries like armed robbery here i mean schemes genocide the executions and sexual harassment that's a. very good way to tell mansplaining the struggle to me how can women be considered

equal if we hardly have any career ending lawsuit against us. but i understand social progress is incremental and having female c.e.o.'s in the arms industry is a big driver goodness you calling this progress we've made our own most as evil as men now so it was time for m.s.m. d.c. to profile these sales women of death with a beyond say song lyric take a look at the c.e.o.'s of four of the five biggest defense contractors are in fact women northrop grumman lockheed martin general dynamics and boeing's defense which is also america's least weapons negotiator the undersecretary of state for arms control and the undersecretary of state for energy for nuclear security also a woman she runs the world's largest nuclear stockpile who runs the world guns and girls with guns but mainly guns. look at boeing defense executive leeana. he's not even looking into the camera but gazing like a proud mother at a b.

fifty two that's dropping bombs on its very first village. ok this is horrifying. you find gender equality or a fine oh. no i don't see this as political sense is a watershed moment in history what you don't think that women can have it all meaning having a career they love a happy marriage two kids a home and several thousand graves abroad are you saying we can't have it and are all real enemy is ourselves ok lockheed martin c.e.o. marilyn houston told politico that she couldn't achieve all this without quieting that little voice in your head that doubts whether you can do that next job or take on that special assignment and instead you listen to the other voice in your head that says kid. yeah mary's. i've been trying to focus that now

a little bit more every day. this is. this is a p.r. campaign that is using they're using feminism to rebrand the art of butchering brimful around the world as if of progressive it are just so much more than p.r. raytheon the maker of the school bus bomb has now partner with the girl scouts we desperately need and then to cater to the workforce that can create innovate design and to tap into that large untapped resource of the girls in america vision about making the world a safer place and the girl scouts vision of making the world a better place couldn't be more well suited just partners raising the scouts says you know i can't wait till we have girl scout badges made out of the scalps of actual girl scouts you killed it. you know we did teach these girls to love the war

machine early on that's why i've developed the ready for combat killer barbie. isn't just for the boys anymore this girl is ready to invade and indiscriminately kill she's going to break international law but with style. they be telling me this is feminist feminism it's about equality that doesn't involve getting ahead by being complicit in it in a system of imperial domination that kills innocent people this is not only i have to disagree with you there because that is just too long of a definition of feminism. now mainstream feminism is just so the leg could be in the. right. it was doing so well with gender equality maybe america is finally doing better in the democracy index as well for more on this let's turn to correspondent jonathan donald help break it down.

so the new global democracy and x. came out and united states of america is number one. plus twenty four we're number twenty five. not too shabby for their greatest grossi and the history of the world right beneath chile and estonia but hey at least you're more democratic then how go very day you know that country whose existence i wasn't aware of kabul of their day you're telling me a cabbage based green salsa is more democratic than the good ole us of a who are least this democracy index lefty make left wing make left the left left left left left alone. well the economist intelligence unit democracy index twenty eight

seen me two political participation protests then democracy ok a couple of things about that first the economist is establishment as. so it's interesting that they put us at twenty five and second are they not aware that the phrase meet to you is already being used for something. i. don't know what you mean. the democracy index is based on five categories electoral process and poor alyssum civil liberties the functioning of government political participation and political culture based on their scores of sixty indicators within these categories each country has then itself classifies as one of four types of regime full democracy flawed democracy hybrid regime and authoritarian regime and drumroll please. according to the economist the

us is of democracy a i'm going to submit an official response of no sherlock that one i mean what were the five categories electoral process implore alyssum why didn't somebody out and why why you really don't need one feels feeling the primary election superdelegates i'd say we've covered that one extensively on radack dead civil liberties we have to remember that technically my government right or wrong considers me to be a fugitive in exile right there is still technically a manhunt that's following me around wherever i go the n.s.a. want to. do the functioning of government well we're doing fine there. next to the other major story out of washington the government shutdown now

officially the longest in american history with no end in sight or now it's political participation. don't tell me that i was in poland a goal and five political culture we need border security i think we all agree that we need force yes i mean could we do say we get along they do not get along. so guess which countries read the top of the list yet the nordic countries with norway being number one just look at the norwegians rubbing it in our faces with their traditional dance of the door it's too bad have their children grow up to be this guy. also remember that infamous princeton story from twenty fourteen that the term

in the u.s. was an oligarch compared to that flawed democracy sounds pretty damn good yeah. course it was john aboard that. there are your headlines from the future monday you'll read. cricket community insists attack on american diplomats was false flag perpetrated by grass. i believe i believe and next wednesday you'll see. man asked is everything ok in there after tell you more than five minutes of the white house suggested. that. you can get more by grabbing my brand new standup comedy special only at leat camp comedy special dot com for a limited time use the promo code uncle sam to get it even cheaper that's uncle sam

one word until next on good. one else seems wrong. why don't we all just don't. let me. get to shape out just to come back to. and in detroit because the trailer. when so many find themselves worlds apart we choose to look for common ground. oh.

so you're not. you're not just i mean. i mean. my family. already. in the. in twenty four to you know bloody revolution to. the demonstrations going to be relatively peaceful political protests to be violent revolution is always

spontaneous or is it still with. the former ukrainian president recalls the events of twenty forty. eight invested over five billion dollars to assist ukraine in these an article that will ensure a secure and prosperous and democratic. this hour's headlines stories both the u.s. president on special counsel robert mueller forcefully rejected in century new reports of wrongdoing by donald trump. the airport it's hard to speak from a friend former colleague of an american born or any.