right there around four. but usually i wake up beforehand if you know god just wakes me. i read the bible and i pray and then i try to be feeling and listen for his voice his guidance. my name is billy burley. living here and poke in the. and i used to work for nasa. and let me show you all around the house a little bit. of the weather over here and. we don't have air conditioning over here and so we keep the doors and windows open for good bit throughout the year.

i was. skinny little introverted kid had a speech impediment and tried to talk a lot of people didn't understand me and my body tomie i belong to the boy but my thoughts my mind with me and that i belong with the girl. and i didn't know which way to go i wanted to be like my sister's ott. i should be like my fifth to earth and my older sister started wearing makeup. and it was some of her makeup in the bathroom. and then in the sixth grade when i was. on the formerly teen and we had a new diving. he would do when he had

a chance he wouldn't play with me he would fondo me and. trying to get me to have an erection and just continue to play with me. a map he should share into a room. for just a moment. come on come in and get you into a room back here you were going to keep moving around come on a quiet bad dog bad hold. i will. silence the dog. dotty dotty don't need to lay down. go lay down first off my name is. i'm an author i've written eight books so far three of them to do with transsexuality i was born male grew up in

a very conservative republican family my father was pretty much absent most of my childhood he was an alcoholic. my mother was mentally ill childhood was so troubled and so traumatic. in retrospect i was able to look at it and realize that there was no way i was getting out of childhood normal you go and you take a shower and you're there to get claim but every time i had to take off my clothes every time i went to bed you know there's no getting around the fact that i wasn't a girl that i was a boy and really is the one memory that sticks out is just how much i hate. my penis hated my p.s. by the time i left high school when i was eighteen i was cross-dressing most of the time once i was away from school and

a couple of years afterwards i ended up in san francisco which had a very small gay community and i started i had made the decision by the time i was about twenty to start living full time as a girl. when you start dating people and if you pass well enough the whole purpose is are you a transsexual or are you a woman and my in my mind i was always a woman i'm wanting to date and i'm not telling the men that i'm dating that i have a painter and so when they find out they become violent there were a couple instances where i was beaten very badly. and i'm a leader of go to center for journey political start our center is very well known especially for transgender surgery and we perform all types of through another surgery male to female female to male reduce surgery possible complications and one

of the. very very. very volatile sort of regretful after one of the on the way in trying to enter the us from. we would try all those two to make a detailed list to be of first very functional and then to be. more acceptable in a study code. if you discuss them both male to female results and much better because in was surgery we create a completely normal female and this person is usually can have sexual intercourse and enjoy in sexual activity according to our experience more than ninety percent transgender surgery starts to be a very popular. person's doctor and you can you can find out too many drug. i'm going to make my journey to least would be different right now and i would be very nice lady or i would be

a very strong man or something ladies enough to that. event like alcohol or drug abuse or something ladies. get away from a seizure of a new beginning to this the main milestone was finding a doctor who would give me the hormones if i get the hormones and female crosstabs hormones my life will be perfect and then you think well if i can only get my voice get my male voice up here then that that'll make me you know just happy and then you think the next thing is well if i can get breast implants. that's all i need it's never enough and finally if you. gone through the therapy and you can convince a doctor to start cutting on you you go and you have a sex change i had my sex change in one thousand nine hundred ninety and in the

back of my mind i didn't think i thought it might be like all the other stuff i had done but i was hoping just hoping it would make me feel complete. and i want to get it. so why would you tell your neighbor that you did something that was so stupid it's absolutely ridiculous to tell a neighbor hey i was a transgender transition pretty embarrassing you go through a gender change to be that stupid to believe that you can actually change genders you get to be pretty. quick to handle the truth. i was born in los angeles good family good people i was taken to my grandmother's

house quite frequently as my parents like to go away on the weekend they like to camp and fish. became interested in my grandma's house. and i mentioned something to her about that so she decided to make me a purple dress to put it on and wear the dress i finally got so interested and excited about wearing a dress that i get tired of waiting till i was going to go to grandma's house to secretly press trips so i snuck the dress home with my mom found the dress. i was never allowed to go to grandma's house again. the first step was i changed my name secretly when i was about thirteen years old to crystal probably in my late twenties. i started to talk to doctors about hormone therapy and i began to take hormone therapy thirty five years ago there wasn't much information and we concluded that based on everything that was available at the time. undergoing

hormone therapy further hormone therapy and gender reassignment surgery would be the answer to resolve this quote gender identity disorder that's when i in april of one thousand nine hundred eighty three i underwent the gender reassignment surgery by dr fiber in trinidad colorado it was amazing i felt like the world had been lifted from my shoulders and it was all really wonderful the only thing i don't know is was it all the medication from five hours of surgery that made me feel this way or was it because i had gone through the surgery because you're pretty heavily medicated my. female name at the time was laura jensen. the international memorial awards twenty nine now open for entries the media

professionals are eligible whether you are free. of media or part of a global news conference participants published works and video. of the number means they've mattered us over one trillion dollars in debt more than ten white collar crime to. eighty five percent of global wealth he longs to be rich. six percent. world markets. are sitting somewhat four hundred to five hundred three first second per second and if we rose to twenty thousand dollars. china is building two point one billion dollars

a high industrial park but don't let the numbers over. the only number you need to remember one one business you know fourth to miss one and only. bests drugs right her cocaine is where four bucks for dia and just fifty to everybody use cocaine crack cocaine you can smoke it this is worth like fifteen thirty. twenty. score came to this is about a fifteen dollar bet and people smoke this one bigger second sweetie you go on these drugs in any city in the united states that you want a long as you want to get it about the. make money. and that's what

i did every day. and night tell and quiet and small. i'm a little bit apprehensive going into surgery but all alone and fight it seemed finally were at this point and after going into. surgery and then coming out of surgery and being in the. elevator i asked somebody. and that it was because. i was very relieved. i was losing

a lot of the through the surgery i. put. into my new. housing. and finally this is. now. i never had the full ability to have intercourse because the vagina that they make is so small so any time i tried to have intercourse it was extremely painful and it wouldn't happen so these surgeries are nothing more than plastic surgery they they don't create. the phalluses that they create for a female to males are really hideous looking i've had several female to male friends and you look at it and you just go oh god you paid for that it's horrible the sex change didn't solve my discomfort the doctors who are honest will say that

the gender dysphoria is always there and it's because the confusion is it's not so much it starts out being about your anatomy but really what it's you don't like yourself. being free and society being i call it in my book a social pariah is not the way you want to live the isolation drives you to despair and so yeah suicide is a big big thing maybe. where you thought. yesterday. the first time was right before the surgery in one thousand nine hundred and the only thing that kept me from doing honest is

a coward at heart. just . at the time i wanted in my life so many. tempted to use it. and it obviously didn't work but. my heart was pounding so hard. i feel safer. staying in one place where people might find out what i do and who i am people. i don't want to be. by the people around me. i was a leading church one day. three four years ago now and email it said

i'm ready to commit suicide. and it was. for two or three years. that i was actually exchanging information and talking with them on some level up to five times a day to keep from committing suicide he eventually restored. computer made. my slippers and this is. i don't need any more than this. everything is. on the computer. to people. five years longer and so it was when i d. transition that everything began to make sense to me and when i realized that how important it was to de transition to become psychologically emotionally and

socially a healthy person that i wanted others who wanted to do transition to have a way to come back to that same experience that i have and if they have regret and want to transition i have built a website for them sex change regret com. in our area. yeah we're doing we're doing good billy contacted me by email like most people do and we began to exchange information and i talked to remind the phone his story was just like mine he was sexually abused i was sexually abused and that was kind of the trigger point of changing genders. the kid. gets clothes on.

seven years after transitioning to woman and woman. started thinking ok i've been doing this for seven years now my problem should've gone away from by now but they had me and i actually had more problems at that point another problem is just trying to pass. trying to do my hair just try trying to do my makeup just for i trying to. write to where people would not be on confortable because you can see when people identify. that's being transgendered. this isn't why. nothing has really changed i'm still struggling i was better off as i was

before the surgery and before the hormone treatment it was at that point five years after the surgery there about i started to have about changing back that's my student id. and so now it's women that unless you have a really big adam's apple. pretty big. is the idea after i had third. and then when i was transitioning back to mail. in louisiana that's the driver's license and i had a lot of other pictures from that period but one day. when i was in my office looking at the pictures of me back during the seven year period it seven eight years as being female it was so discouraging that i wasted so much my life in

this particular period doing all of this. just in this state that i was in and i raised all of the pictures that i had with the computer and destroyed the pictures of me from that period to try to write that period of my life with god's help i went through the change and i went back to being male. so i went through bad surgery and on the bad side of it was in so much pain and so much discomfort and read to grab it and turn dream or it and then me first and third period i had and then when he took the band. life. to me it was growth but it was. in the paperwork for. me.

when i had the surgery done initially he gave me the paperwork ok. i'm sixty years old there's no reason for me after a lifetime of being in transition to go and start living dressing as a man a name. there's there's there's no there's no. there's no benefit but there is a benefit and i standing before an audience of young kids in college who are considering this. and saying to them ok i'm the real deal i started living when i as a woman when i was twenty i've lived forty years of my life i have breast augmentation i've had genital surgery i've had forty years of hormones all of it has not made my life any better it's never solved the problem you break your your left leg you go

into a doctor's office and under the transsexual rule of medical treatment they say this is your new normal and we're going to break your right leg too i think it's safe to say that when somebody has been cross stressed and affirmed physically abused and sexually abused that psychotherapy is the most needed therapy hormones and surgery. was already. again. today. her daughter came over to my fourth all the ship a christian athlete meeting and it was bigger than i first met her.

and that was in two thousand. and. her for coffee and i didn't know what that meant. so i asked one of my classmates what does that mean. a lot of my younger classmates so so she said it was a safe way for asking for her trying to meet up with somebody i shared with her my past and what had happened and how i was. and at that time she said ok let's be friends we had shared the same cycle but i was saying we both like doing stuff especially. but. i can't i know he was he remembers from the time we were high and we sat down for. i just kind of sat close to him when. i mean what's the point. with changing. that it was ok for me to start. in

a romantic was me and i did. be into mainstream to tween me. with me being surgically altered i. come to want to work. we enjoy intimacy and that wonderful fresh air. it is beautiful. for a little bit more right. the green is starting to turn back brown he asked me pretty soon after a few monts. i think i thought about it for not too long maybe a week or two and responded yes my older daughter said. she want they

want me to be happy. new i was going to change back but the big moment came when i was praying and the lord jesus appeared to me as a vision in the area so i could touch him just like i could touch anybody here and he came and reached down to me with his hands and picked me up and said you're now safe with me forever and it was at that moment. my life changed in a split second. leg of this i'm healthy. many of the people who've gone through this before me are dead. their alcohol like they're still struggling. with

their identity and i'm alive and well and healthy and married for twenty one years to my wife. and three dimension restoration and i'm helping other people what other thing that's better in life when you're reaching out and helping other people with their life. a. little too pretty. to pretty tasty. i am so happy i am the way i am now. even though i have problems i have a choice to let my problems. burden me. more to look to see each day as

a beautiful day and just to enjoy the life. in his hand for me it's got you in me baby in his hands he's got you in me baby in his hands he's got the whole world and it is.

what politicians do you should. put themselves on the line to get accepted or rejected. so when you want to be president and should. somehow want to. have to go to beatrice dislikable for three of them or can't be good. i'm interested always in the waters of my house. there should be. after the previous stage of my career was over everyone wondered what i was going to do next the ball different clubs on one hand it is logical to go from fields where everything is familiar on the other i wanted a new challenge and the fresh perspective i'm used to suppressing. or not if you think. i'm going to talk about football not for you or else you can think i was going to go.

by the way what is that that's like here. even. this a conditional is to keep it as i live eat here is yourself in. front. leave no. need. i d. . be done. will be done. and we have many things in this world sounds this isn't enough for everyone and why some peoples wants to take our things all the power just for themselves and to see whether the.

clearly. u.s. presidential hopefuls are. driving away through. the door on the right. decision. to make a difference and i completely agree with kids. about keeping.