but usually i wake up beforehand it's as though god just wakes me. i read the bible and i pray and then i try to be feeling and listen for his voice his guidance. my name is billy burley. living here and poke. and i used to work for nasa. and let me show you all around the house a little bit. of the weather over here and. we don't have air conditioning over here and so we keep the doors and windows open for good bit throughout the year. as can any little introverted kid had

a speech impediment and tried to talk a lot of people didn't understand me and my body tomie i belong with the boy but my thoughts not mine with me and that i belong with the girl. and i didn't know which way to go i wanted to be like my sister's. i should be like my fifty years and my older sister started wearing makeup. and it was from her makeup in the bathroom. and then in the sixth grade when i was. on the summer league. and we had a new diving. he would do when he had a chance he wouldn't play with me he would fondo me and.

trying to get me to have interaction and just continue to play with me. a map he should cheer into a room. for just a moment. come on come you know and get you into a room back here you're going to keep moving around come on a quiet bad dog bad hold. i will. silence the da. da da da da they just lay down. go lay down first off my name is. i'm an author i've written eight books so far three of them to do with transsexuality i was born male grew up in a very conservative republican family my father was pretty much absent most of my childhood he was an alcoholic. my mother was mentally ill the childhood

was so troubled and trips so traumatic that in retrospect i was able to look at it and realize that there was no way i was getting out of childhood normal you go and you take a shower and you're there to get clean but every time i had to take off my clothes every time i went to they you know there's no getting around the fact that i wasn't a girl that i was a boy and that really is the one memory that sticks out is just how much i hate. my penis hated my penis by the time i left high school when i was eighteen i was cross-dressing most of the time once i was away from school and a couple of years afterwards i ended up in san francisco which had a very small gay community and i started i had made the decision by the time i was

about twenty to start living full time as a girl. when you start dating people and if you pass well enough the whole purpose is are you a transsexual or are you a woman and my in my mind i was always a woman i'm wanting to date and i'm not telling the men that i'm dating that i have a penis and so when they find out they become violent there were a couple instances where i was beaten very badly. and i'm a leader of the go to center for journey political start our center is very well known especially for transgender surgery and me perform all types of drugs other surgeries male to female female to male reduce surgery possible complications and one of the. very very. very volatile sort of regretful.

one on one model on the way in transgender transformation we would try all this to to make a detail as to be a first very functional and then to be. more acceptable in a start the code heal if you discuss of both male to female results and much better because it was surgery we create a completely normal female and this person is usually can have a sexual intercourse and enjoy in sexual activity according to our experience more than ninety percent transgender surgery starts to be a very popular. person's doctors and you can you can find out too many drug. i'm going to make my journey to least would be different like now and i would be very nice lady or i could be a very strong man or something ladies enough to that. some event like alcohol or drug abuse or something ladies. get away from a seizure of

a new beginning to this the main milestone was finding a doctor who would give me the hormones if i get the hormones and female crosstabs hormones my life will be perfect and then you think well if i can only get my voice get my male voice up here then that battle make me you know just happy and then you think the next thing is well if i can get breast implants. that's all i need it's never enough and finally if you. gone through the therapy and you can convince a doctor to start cutting on you you go and you have a sex change i had my sex change in one thousand nine hundred ninety and in the back of my mind i didn't think i thought it might be like all the other stuff i had done but i was hoping just hoping it would make me feel complete.

and i want to get it. so why would you tell your neighbor that you did something that was so stupid it's absolutely ridiculous to tell a neighbor hey i was. the transition pretty embarrassing you go through a gender change to be that stupid to believe that you can actually change you get to be pretty. quick to handle the truth. i was born in los angeles family people i was taken to my grandmother's house quite frequently as my parents like to go away on the weekend they like to camp and fish . became interested in my grandma's house. and i mentioned something to her about

that so she decided to make me a purple dress to put it on and wear the dress i finally got so interested and excited about wearing a dress that i get tired of waiting till i was going to go to grandma's house to secretly strip so i snatched the dress home my mom found the dress. i was never allowed to go to grandma's house again. to change my name secretly when i was about thirteen years old to crystal probably in my late twenties. i started to talk to doctors about hormone therapy and i began to take hormone therapy thirty five years ago there wasn't much information and we concluded that based on everything that was available at the time. undergoing hormone therapy for their hormone therapy and gender reassignment surgery would be

the answer to resolve this quote gender identity disorder that's when i in april of one thousand nine hundred eighty three i underwent the gender reassignment surgery by dr biber in trinidad colorado it was amazing i felt like the world had been lifted from my shoulders and it was really wonderful the only thing i don't know is was it all the medication from five hours of surgery that made me feel this way or was it because i'd gone through the surgery because you're pretty heavily medicated my. female name at the time was laura jensen. you know world of big partisan movies a lot and conspiracy it's time to wake up to dig deeper to hit the stories that mainstream media refuses to tell more than ever we need to be smarter we need to

stop slamming the door on the shouting past each other it's time for critical thinking it's time to fight for the middle for the truth the time is now for watching closely watching the hawks. best's joy write her cocaine or four bucks for dia under fifty it's a good everybody use cocaine crack cocaine you just smoke it this is worth. fifteen thirteen twenty. two this is a a fifteen people smoke this one go figure so sweet you go for these drugs in any city in the united states walking along as you want to

get about the. make money. and that's what i do every day. and night tell friends quiet and small. i'm a little bit apprehensive going into surgery but. a little and fight it seemed finally were at this point and after going into. surgery in the coming out of surgery and being in the. elevator i asked somebody. and they assured me that it was because.

i was very relieved. i was losing a lot of the law through the surgical fight on which they did was put. into my news for china. i was inside to find it and finally. this is now behind. now and start my new life. i never had the full ability to have been. course because the vagina that they make is so small so any time i tried to have intercourse it was extremely painful in it wouldn't happen so these surgeries are nothing more than plastic surgery they they don't create the phalluses that they create for a female to males are really hideous looking i've had several female to male

friends and you look at it and you just go oh god you paid for that it's horrible the sex change didn't solve my discomfort the doctors who are honest will say that the gender dysphoria is always there and it's because the confusion is it's not so much it starts out being about your anatomy but really what it's you don't like yourself. being free and society being i call it in my book a social pariah is not the way you want to live the isolation drives you to despair and so yeah suicide is a big big thing maybe. yesterday

i don't know the first time was right before the surgery in one thousand nine hundred and the only thing that kept me from doing a quiet honest is i'm a coward at heart. at the time i wanted in my life and so many i knew had some cocaine so i attempted to use it to kill myself and it obviously didn't work but. my heart was pounding so hard after i did. i feel safer. staying in one place where people might find what i do. people. want to be.

by the people around me. leading church one day. four years ago. email it said i'm ready to commit suicide. and it was a transgender. for two or three years. i was actually exchanging information with them on some level times a day to keep from committing suicide he eventually. computer made. everything. on the computer. to people.

for twenty five years. it was when i did. everything began to make sense to me. when i realized how important it was. to become psychologically emotionally and socially a healthy person that i wanted others who wanted to de transition to have a way to come back to that same experience that i have and if they have regret and want to. change. yeah we're doing we're doing good billy contacted me by email like most people do and we began to exchange information and i talked to remind the phone his story was just like mine he was sexually abused i was sexually abused and that was kind of

the trigger point of changing genders. of all the kids want to come kids clothes on. seven years have to transition into woman and woman. started thinking ok i've been doing this for seven years now my problem should've gone away from by now but they had me and i actually had more problems at that point another problem is just trying to pass. trying to do my hair just try trying to do my makeup just for i trying to look just right to where people would not be and confortable because you can see when people identify you as being

transgendered. this isn't why. nothing has really changed i'm still struggling i was better off as i was before the surgery before the hormone treatment and it was at that point five years after the surgery there about that i started to have about changing back that's my student id for. months from now a swim in the last year i have a really big adam's apple heavy brown ridge. pretty big. the idea after i had third. when i was transitioning back to mail. in louisiana that's the driver's license and i had a lot of other pictures from that period but one day. when i was.

looking at the pictures for me back during this period seven eight years as being female it was so discouraging that i wasted so much my life in this particular period doing all of this. just in this state that i was. i raised all of the pictures that i had with the computer and destroyed the pictures of me from that period to try to write that period of my life with god's help i went through the change and i went back to being in may. so i went through a bad surgery and the bad side of it was in so much pain and so much to the right to grab it and turn dream or it and then me for. third period i had been in then when he took the bandages of my stomach to show me

the skin. i was almost horrified at it to me it was gross but it was surgery and the paperwork that the surgeon gave me. when i had the surgery done the nation he gave me the paperwork and said ok i'm changed to mayo i'm sixty years old there's no reason for me after a lifetime of being in transition to go and start living dressing as a man a name. there's there's there's no. there's no. there's no benefit but there is a benefit and standing before an audience of young kids and college who are considering this. and saying to them ok i'm the real deal i started living when i as a woman when i was twenty i've lived forty years of my life i have breast augmentation

i've had genital surgery i've had forty years of hormones all of it has not made my life any better it's never solved the problem you break your your left leg you go into a doctor's office and under the transsexual rule of medical treatment they say this is your new normal and we're going to break your right leg too i think it's safe to say. when somebody has been crossed and affirmed physically abused and sexually abused that psychotherapy is the most needed therapy hormones and surgery. was already. a good.

day. her daughter came over to my fourth christian athlete meeting and it was first met her. and that was in two thousand. and. three and i didn't know it. so i asked one of my classmates what does that mean. a lot of my younger classmates so so she said at the safeway for asking for her trying to meet up with somebody i shared with her my. whatever happened. and at that time she said ok let's be friends we had shared the same interests like what i was saying we both like doing stuff especially. now i can't i know he will say he remembers one time we were high and we sat down

for. i just sat close to him when i had on the shoulder and it was that point. when strangely. that it was ok for me to start. in a romantic wife and i did. for. being to mainstream to tween rachel and me. with me being surgically altered i. come to want to. enjoy intimacy and that wonderful fresh air. it is beautiful. for a little bit more right. if you notice. the green is starting to turn back to

brown vs me pretty soon after a few bonds. i think i thought about it for not too long maybe a week or two and responded to my older daughter said. she want they want me to be happy. and i knew i was going to change the big moment came when. i was praying and the lord jesus. weird to me as a vision in the air is so i could touch him just like i could touch anybody here and he came and reached down to me with his hands and picked me up and said you're now safe with me forever and it was at that moment that my life changed

in a split second. leg of this i'm healthy. many of the people who've gone through this before me are dead. their alcohol like they're still struggling. with their identity and i'm alive and well and healthy and married for twenty one years to my wife. restoration and i'm helping other people what other thing that's better in life when you're reaching out and helping other people with their life. a. little too pretty. to pretty tasty. i am so happy i am the way i am now. even though i have problems i have

a choice to let my problems. me. more to look to see each day as a beautiful day and just to enjoy the life. in. you and me baby in his hands he's viewing me baby in his hands he's got the whole world.

i live the good feel confident. we have. this is. why some people's minds so take our things all the power just for themselves and to see that.

trump said many times that you know we got. you know with moving the embassy to jerusalem there with the mission that is our capital. he said that there would be some things that israel will not like either so this is why i think the palestinians should come with opening the minds. to the negotiations. facebook and google started with a great idea and great ideals unfortunately it was also a very dark so. they are constructing a profile of you and that profile is real it's detailed and it never goes away turns out that google is manipulating your opinions from the very first character

that you type into the. it will always favor one dog food over another one comparative shopping service over another and one candidate over another they can suppress certain types of results diced on what they think you should be see if they have this kind of power then democracy is an illusion the free and fair election besan exist for the more growth we give them the sooner we are all paying . a little. bit. of the company. russia learned today i learned a lot of growing up about

a lot of not all of the little things. that. french yellow various protesters are backyard for a week twenty three in a row this time widening their anger to the country's wealthy donors for swiftly pledging vaso amounts of money to rebuild. like nor in the plight of struggling citizens. also russia reacts to the sensational headlines for not of the muller report detailing why many of the twenty six thousand american election i.q. zation it's a are unfounded we scrutinize some of the other bombshell things from the investigation i believe to be faults.