and they become one flash. the fact of the matter is that forty percent of people who are attempting suicide are people who regret ever changing genders. right there around four o'clock. but usually i wake up beforehand if you know god just wakes me. i read the bible and i have and then i try to be feeling and listen for his voice his guidance. my name is billy burley. living here and poke in there. and i used to work for

nasa. and let me show you all around the house a little bit. of the weather over here and. we don't have air conditioning over here and so we keep the doors and windows open for good bit throughout the year. i. can any little introverted kid had a speech impediment and tried to talk but a lot of people didn't understand me and my body told me i belong with the boy but it's not mine with me and that i belong with the girls. and i didn't know which way to go i wanted to be like my sister's ott.

i should be like my fifty earth and my older sister started wearing makeup. and with some of her makeup in the bathroom. and then in the sixth grade when i was. on the formerly teen and we had a new diving. he would do when he had a chance he wouldn't play with me he would fondo me and. trying to get me to have interaction and just continue to play with me. a map he should share into a room. for just a moment. come on come in and get you into a room back here you were going to keep moving around come on

a quiet bad dog bad hold one moment i will. silence the da. da da don't need to lay down. go lay down first off my name is. i'm an author i've written eight books so far three of them to do with transsexuality i was born male grew up in a very conservative republican family my father was pretty much absent most of my childhood he was an alcoholic. my mother was mentally ill childhood was so troubled and trips so traumatic that in retrospect i was able to look at it and realize that there was no way i was getting out of childhood normal you go and you take a shower and you're there to get clean but every time i had to take off my clothes

every time i went to bed you know there's no getting around the fact that i wasn't a girl that i was a boy and that really is the one memory that sticks out is just how much i hate. my penis hated my p.s. by the time i left high school when i was eighteen i was cross-dressing most of the time once i was away from school and a couple of years afterwards i ended up in san francisco which had a very small gay community and i started i had made the decision by the time i was about twenty to start living full time as a girl. when you start dating people and if you pass well enough the whole purpose is are you a transsexual or are you a woman and my in my mind i was always a woman i'm wanting to date and i'm not telling the men though that i am dating that i have a penis and so when they find out they become violent. there were

a couple instances where i was beaten very badly. and i'm a leader of center for journey political start our center is very well known especially for transgender surgery and we perform all types of through another surgery of male to female female to male or to do surgery possible complications and one of the. very very. very volatile sort of regretful. one on one model on the way in transgender transformation we really try always to to make a detail is to be the first very functional and then to be. more acceptable in a stud to coat the heel if you discuss them both male to female results and much better because it was sort of create a completely normal female and this person is usually can have

a sexual intercourse and enjoy in sexual activity according to our experience more than ninety percent transgender surgery starts to be a very popular. person's doctors and you can you can find out too many drug. i'm going to make my journey to least would be different right now and i would be very nice lady or i would be a very strong man or something ladies enough to lead up to some event like alcohol or drug abuse or something ladies. get away from a seizure with a new beginning to this the main milestone was finding a doctor who would give me the hormones if i get the hormones and female crosstabs hormones my life will be perfect and then you think well if i can only get my voice get my male voice up here then that that'll make me you know just happy

and then you think the next thing is well if i can get breast implants. that's all i need it's never enough and finally if you. gone through the therapy and you can convince the doctor to start cutting on you know you go and you have a sex change i had my sex change in one thousand nine hundred ninety and in the back of my mind i didn't think i thought it might be like all the other stuff i had done. i was hoping just hoping it would make me feel complete. and i want to get it. so why would you tell your neighbor that you did something that was so stupid it's absolutely ridiculous to tell a neighbor hey i was

a transgender transition pretty embarrassing you go through a gender change to be that stupid to believe that you can actually change genders you get to be pretty. quick to handle the truth. i was born in los angeles good family good people i was taken to my grandmother's house quite frequently as my parents like to go away on the weekend they like to camp and fish. became interested in my grandma's house. and i mentioned something to her about that so she decided to make me a purple dress to put it on and wear the dress i finally got so interested and excited about wearing a dress that i get tired of waiting till i was going to go to grandma's house to secretly so i snatched the dress home my mom found the dress.

i was never allowed to go to grandma's house again. the first step was i changed my name secretly when i was about thirteen years old to crystal probably in my late twenties. i started to talk to doctors about hormone therapy and i began to take hormone therapy thirty five years ago there wasn't much information and we concluded that based on everything that was available at the time. undergoing hormone therapy further hormone therapy and gender reassignment surgery would be the answer to resolve this quote gender identity disorder that's when i in april of one thousand nine hundred eighty three i underwent the gender reassignment surgery by doctors and by birth in trinidad colorado it was amazing i felt like the world had been lifted from my shoulders and it was really wonderful the only thing i don't know is was it all the medication from five hours of surgery that made me

feel this way or was it because i had gone through the surgery because you're pretty heavily medicated my. female name at the time was laura jensen. housing crisis was a result of securitizing mortgages that were resold to dozens of times and like goldman sachs was. again bailed out by timothy geithner it is friends. of that controlled demolition of the housing market all the housing is concentrated in a few as like blackstone as a gift from their friends of the central banks and the result is medieval. business where her cocaine is where four bucks with the under fifty.

everybody use cocaine. cocaine you can smoke it this is worth. thirty. twenty. this is a a fifteen people smoke this one figures this we you go for these drugs in any city in the united states walking along as you want to get about to. make money. and that's what i do every day.

in a nice tell and quiet and small. little bit apprehensive going into surgery but. a little and five it seemed finally we're at this point and after going into. surgery in the coming out of surgery and being in the. elevator. and they assured me that it was because. i was very relieved. i was losing a lot of the law through the surgical fight. which they did was put. into my news for china. i was inside it and finally.

this is now behind. now and start my new life. i never had the full ability to have better course because the vagina that they make is so. small so any time i tried to have intercourse it was extremely painful in wouldn't happen so these surgeries are nothing more than plastic surgery they they don't create the phalluses that they create for a female to males are really hideous looking i've had several female to male friends and you look at it and you just go oh god you paid for that it's horrible the sex change didn't solve my discomfort the doctors who are honest will say that the gender dysphoria is always there and it's because the confusion is it's not so much it starts out being about your anatomy but really what it's you don't like yourself.

being free and society being i call it in my book a social pariah is not the way you want to live the isolation drives you to despair and so yeah suicide is a big big thing. yesterday i don't know the first time was right before the surgery in one thousand nine hundred and the only thing that kept me from doing a quiet honest is i'm a coward at heart. just. at the time i wanted in my life and somebody i knew had some

cocaine so i attempted to use it to kill myself and it obviously didn't work but. my heart was pounding so hard. i thought it was going to come out of my chest. i feel safe. place where people. want to be. leaving church one day. i'm ready to commit suicide. and it was. for two or three years. i was actually exchanging information.

to keep from committing eventually. everything. to people. it was. everything. how important it was. to be. emotionally. healthy person. to have a way to come back to that same experience and if they have.

changed. yeah we're doing we're doing good billy contacted me by email like most people do and we began to exchange information and i talked to a moment phone his story was just like mine he was sexually abused i was sexually abused and that was kind of the trigger point of changing genders. among kids. gets clothes on. seven years after transitioning to woman and woman. started thinking

ok i've been doing this for seven years now my problem should've gone away from by now but they had me and i actually had more problems at that point another problem is just trying to pass. trying to do my hair just try trying to do my makeup just for i trying to look just right to where people would not be uncomfortable because you can see when people identify you as being transgendered. this isn't why. nothing has really changed i'm still struggling i was better off if i was before the surgery before the hormone treatment and it was at that point five years after the surgery there about that i started to have about changing back that's

my student id. and for now a swim in the last year i have a really big adam's apple heavy brown ridge. pretty big. the idea after i had third. and then when i was transitioning back to mail. in louisiana that's the driver's license and i had a lot of other pictures from that period but one day. when i was. looking at the pictures of me back during this period seventy eight years of being female it was so discouraging that i wasted so much my life in this particular period doing all of this. just in the state that i was. i raised all of the pictures that i had with the computer and destroyed the pictures

of me from that period to try to write that period of my life with god's help i went through the change and i went back to being in may. so i went through surgery and on the bad side of it was so much pain and so much discomfort and read a grad dream or it and then me for. surgery that i had and then when he took the band into my stomach to show me the skin. i was almost horrified at it to me it was gross but it was true in the paperwork that the surgeon gave me. when i had the surgery done initially to gaming the paperwork and said ok i'm changed to mayo i'm sixty years old there's no reason for me after

a lifetime of being in transition to go and start living dressing as a man a name. there's there's there's no. there's no. there's no benefit but there is a benefit and standing before an audience of young kids and college who are considering this. and saying to them ok i'm the real deal i started living when i as a woman when i was twenty i've lived forty years of my life i had breast augmentation i've had genital surgery i've had forty years of hormones all of it has not made my life any better it's never solved the problem you break your your left leg you go into a doctor's office and under the transsexual rule of medical treatment they say this is your new normal and we're going to break your right leg too i think it's safe to say. when somebody has been crossed and affirmed

physically abused and sexually abused that psychotherapy is the most needed therapy hormones and surgery. was already. a good. day. her daughter came over to my fourth christian athletes leaving and it was first met her. and that was in two thousand. and. three and i didn't know it. so i asked one of my classmates what does that mean. a lot of

my younger classmates so so she said at the safeway for asking for her trying to meet up with somebody i shared with her my. what happened. and at that time she said ok let's be friends we had shared the same interests like what i was saying we both like doing stuff especially. but. i don't know i can't i know he will say he remembers one time we were high and he said. i sat close to him when i had the shoulder and it was that point. with changing. that it was ok for me to start. in a romantic wife and i did. or you would. be into me tween rachel and

me. with me being surgically altered i. come to want to. enjoy intimacy and that wonderful fresh air. it is beautiful. for a little bit more right. if you know. the green is starting to turn back to brown vs me pretty soon after a few bonds. i think i thought about it for not too long maybe a week or two and responded yeah my older daughter said. she wanted they wanted me to be happy.

and i knew i was going to change back with the big moment came when. i was praying and the lord jesus. to me as a vision in the air is so i could touch him just like i could touch anybody here and he came and reached down to me with his hands and picked me up and said you're now safe with me forever and it was at that moment. my life changed in a split second. leg of this i'm healthy. many of the people who've gone through this before me are dead. their alcohol they're still struggling. with their identity and i'm alive and well and healthy and married for twenty one years to my wife. restoration and i'm helping other people what other thing that's better in life when you're reaching

out and helping other people with their life. a. little too pretty. to pretty tasty. i am so happy i am the way i am now. even though i have problems i have a choice to let my problems. me. more to look to see each day as a beautiful day and just to enjoy the life. in. you and me baby in his hands he viewing me baby in his hands he's got the whole world.

trump said many times that you know we got let's say advantages you know with moving the embassy to jerusalem there with the mission of jerusalem as our capital . he said that there would be some fancy things that israel will not like either so this is why i think that other students should come with opening the minds to the to the negotiations. leading. people to plan as i live the good faith confident. you need.

and we have learned things from the smiles and this is it well for everyone and why some peoples also take our things all the power just for damn self. the national. anthem of the. russia what it did was it

was little things. that midday from moscow unconfirmed reports of another explosion now in the last. where at least already one hundred twenty nine people are reported to have been killed hundreds more injured in a series of bomb attacks this morning on churches and hotels the island's christian minority was celebrating easter at the time. looking back at some of the big news stories of the last seven days as reported from us to you know what collusion between donald trump and russia report reached its unequivocal conclusion plus to. the heart of france it is not cathedral gutted by that inferno that destroyed it.