lists. lists. and very well might continue watching on since last. lovely girl in mexico on the beach with the palm trees swaying in the monkey's chattering special guest with us today alex petroff see i. bit weary there rocking it out in the mining.

all of them to so because visionaries me sophie shevardnadze social networks have transformed the way we see communications even the most intimate forms. pushing us to words and not there is sexual revolution well today i talked about this with social psychologist justin. justin

len miller welcome to the show craig to have you with us very excited to have this chat with you so justin all over the board there is data that people are having less sex these days than 3 or 5 decades ago and i've heard that american teenagers are having less sags japanese aren't having any of the brits are given a pass i mean you name it can we say with confidence that having sex is in decline . so that's a really great question this is something that a lot of people have referred to as a sex recession if you will and when you look at the data it seems that people are reporting having less sex than they were a few generations ago but it's not completely clear what that means because in these studies people are being asked how often they're having sex but they're not

defining what sex is and the reality is that people can define sex in different ways and we suspect that perhaps people are having less of the sort of traditional forms of sex less. intercourse so if you look at very strict definitions of sex people maybe having less sex by that metric however we know that people are expanding their definitions of sex and engaging in more diverse forms of sexual expression and so it may be that we have other forms of sex that are replacing some of the more traditional forms of sex and we're just not capturing that in some of the data that's out there let's take that further 1st the internet has made sex accessible to all pernod graffiti can be watched anywhere pretty much and sexting with pictures is like a saying right yet resisting patients american teen pregnancy rate is going down and young people are having less sex and are having it later why doesn't

acknowledge gee enabled access to sex translate into more sex. that's also a good question so technology has made it much easier for us to connect with other people in some ways it's easier to for example arrange hoke ups to meet potential romantic partners through a lot of these apps and websites that are out there. however in addition to these technological changes that have happened there are also broader changes in the culture that have happened as well and so it might. story that's bigger than just access to technology that's impacting sexuality it might be related to changes that have happened in sex education in the broader culture about how we feel about sex what our sexual attitudes are and so it's kind of hard to isolate out specific factors and say the way that they're impacting sex and sexuality because so many things have changed in the last 2 decades it's not just the introduction of these

various technologies a lot of other things have happened as well so when a sexual urge is so easily satisfy it with pornography and maybe coupled with a sex toy does it want to or desire to go out and try to meet people and look up with them. so technology a lot of people tend to look at it as a replacement for human sexual interaction however the way that i and many other sex researchers look at it is that it's a compliment to an active sex life rather than a replacement for human sexual interaction so people are increasingly incorporating toys and technology into their sex lives but that doesn't mean that they no longer what human social and sexual interactions so i think we're adding these into our sex lives but we're not necessarily counting them as sex so if you look at some of the questions when you ask people how often they have sex they might not be

counting some of these interactions that incorporate technology just because they don't meet the traditional definitions of sex whereas so with sex robots being like this thing already i no doubt getting better with time with the wii arch ecology what will happen to virtual sex in the coming decades i mean why would we so this guy or anything in real life if the virtual experience will be completely immersive and maybe even better. so that's one of the things where we really need data and research to be able to answer how that's going to impact our sex lives we know that the technology as you mentioned is getting better the virtual reality is getting better and more realistic. however we don't know if people are actually going to perceive that is superior to a human sexual interaction there are certain things that you get out of

a human interaction that you might not be able to get out of an interaction with a robot or with virtual reality technology and i think where these technologies are useful for our sex lives is that they might allow us to engage in different ways with our sexual fantasies and so they can allow us to try things out test things out that we might not otherwise be able to try or might not otherwise feel comfortable trying in the real world so it's something that i think provides avenues for sexual exploration but i don't think it's actually going to replace human sexual interactions because that human connection is something that people crave and long for and want and you can't really get that with a robot or with these other technologies so sex can be more fun one there is excitement about it like when there's obstacles to overcome and the attraction is strong enough to overcome them is they would be lady of sex making it boring.

so it's true that when there are obstacles or if there is some perceived scarcity that that does seem to make something more sexually exciting or attractive so for example people who are perceived as less available we tend to be more attracted to them because that illusion of scarcity makes them more arousing work sighting we're exotic in some way and so that actually kind of. goes back to your previous question about the virtual reality in the robots once those things become more widespread everything becomes very easy right there are no longer any obstacles right and so that could be one of the reasons why they might not ever be quite as appealing as the human sexual interaction is because it just makes it too easy and people tend to be attracted to situations to people where there are those obstacles

where there is that allusion of scarcity they want to work a little bit for it because it seems to enhance the arousal factor. and that's like sex for the longest time has the mark of success or reward for creative scheveningen and now with new generations the paradigm is shifted and sex is not as important of a statue symbol as it used to be am i right. that sex is less of a status symbol than it used to be. that's an interesting question i haven't seen any research that can sort of directly speak to that but i understand what you're saying in the sense that people may view it as less of in achievement than they did in the past however i can't think of any specific studies off the top of my head that really speak to that or in terms of what the impact of that might actually be right now well i mean the whole me too movement really just speaks for itself to start with but then looking on and on about how that paradigm has changed

sure enough sex in general. yes and the meter movement has had this very big impact on the way that people approach and think about sex and dating and i think it's had an impact in the sense that men in particular are more hesitant to look at sex as a conquests or as an achievement. because. it's related to these power differentials that exist that are linked to sexual harassment sexual her assaults and abuse and so forth and so i think people are much more careful and cognizant to approach sex on more equal terms where there's a level playing field to ensure that everything is consensual and that sex is mutually enjoyable we also see that there is much more emphasis being placed on mutual pleasure and mutual orgasm and sex much has been said and written about the

orgasm gap or the idea that heterosexual men are much more likely to reach orgasm during sex then after a sexual women are and a lot of attention is being paid to closing that gap to ensure that everyone is experiencing mutual pleasure in these encounters with still have a ways to go in terms of getting there but people are taking it more seriously than they did in the past so sex once again used to come as a result of courtship right but falling in love jane lee or playing a clever game at a bar has the aspect of sex change with the me to you and redefine what is acceptable behavior for men i mean if i go to america can i expect men to shit on me in a bar still. yes but men are more hesitant in some degree about the way that they approach sex and the way that they

approach women so some men are more cautious about this than they used to be to ensure that. people that they might be approaching in say a bar setting are comfortable with the their approach or with their interaction now the complicating factor is that a lot of these interactions take place in bars in other settings were alcohol is being consumed and we know that alcohol changes the way that people think and process information and process risks and so. in these situations where alcohol is being consumed. you might not have as much care and concern for the way that things are approached just because when people are drunk or a need for hated that changes their ability to process risks and to think carefully about things i am off to a good thing or

a bad thing but like just on top of my hand like i think count at least half of my friends and there are a lot of them who have become couples after having met in a bar pretty much tipsy and i know a lot of families have started it it's not like a healthy thing but their relationship has started after being tipsy you know so i don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing but i don't know that that should completely be taken away from that equation of you know attraction and making things easier because when people think logically and assess all the risks probably they would be much less couples and families well less what i think personally what do you think. sure and i think it's important to recognize that alcohol is an effort when it's consumed in small quantities. enhances sexual desire it reduces sexual inhibitions it can give peep. some degree of confidence that they might not otherwise feel to approach someone that they wouldn't otherwise approach and so what you're saying is right in

that it's a social lubricant of sorts that they can help to facilitate relationships and sexual interactions and so there is a potential positive upside there of alcohol consumption when it's consumed in small quantities the concern and problem is when people start to become very in need for united because then that can start to blur the lines of. consent and what point do people lose the ability to consent when they're consuming alcohol or other substances so this is where we need to talk about alcohol in terms of the dosage effect when it's consumed in small quantities it can be this aphrodesiac when it starts to be consumed in large quantities and people are been drinking then there are lots of potential negative consequences there for our sex lives right just so we're going to take a short break right now take and hold your stop there because we're going to continue talking about that when we're back talking to social psychologist justin

len miller discussing the way technology has changed more and our communications for mental relations and sex life stay with us. the russian state television propaganda machine propaganda outlet propaganda tools we are in an information war. that can change the world tomorrow. we send out you tube videos the latest sleepless night shift today is the longest network on my.

list for sure brushes russia russia russia today's. reality t.v. they will choose russia to live and i'm really happy to join to see you then on r t. 4 are so proud and still. are just getting through a number. why have you not shut down our t.v. on you tube it's a propaganda machine mr walker. in this community there are people who believe that it's ok she herself back it's really hard there are no jobs and you see the kids. and as

a parent. i can come up with arguments there's a lot of conflict in the game between the 2 most of the conflicts i would say. and most of them has made. us want to know each other. each other is good business the state of california makes 6000000000 dollars a year of prison complexes you get some point in your life where. you don't care anymore nobody cares about you so you don't care about anything. and we're back with social psychologist justin lem miller talking about nature of human sexuality all right justin so you have written a book on sexual fantasies of real americans tell me what you want and based on

what you have found out is that there is some common thread binding all the different fantasies together some kind of a universal saying that we all crave and sex is that right. so for this book i surveyed more than 4000 americans from all 50 states about their favorite sexual fantasies of all time as well as hundreds of people places and things that they might have ever fantasized about and what i found was that there is a lot of commonality in the things that people are fantasizing about so for example some of the common threads involve themes of novelty so doing something that is new and different for you. beings are are titillated by novelties when it comes to sex because we grow bored of sexual routines very easily and so our fantasies are often about breaking free of those routines and for example having sex in new positions or in different places and settings another big theme in our fantasies is breaking

sexual taboos so doing something that you're not supposed to do we all have restrictions that are placed on our sex lives in certain ways things that we're told we can't or shouldn't do and we know in psychology that the more people are told that they can't or shouldn't do something whether it's sexual or otherwise the more it makes them want to do it so trying new things violating taboos are some of the most common and pervasive elements in our sexual fantasies so fantasies and poor and they go hand in hand but i just wonder are our sexual fantasies shaped by porn or just porn only enact what we're already have in our minds reflecting what we actually want. that's something that i explored in this research was to look at what is the connection between pornography and sexual fantasy. and one of the questions i asked people was where they think their favorite fantasy of all time comes from and it was about one in 10 predisposes who said that their favorite

fantasy stemmed directly from something they saw in pornography which tells us that porn can influence our fantasies to a degree if you're seeing new things in pornography that can shape what it is that turns you on when it comes to sex however our fantasies are very complex and they're not just about the porn that we're exposed to they're also saved by our previous sexual experiences and history is they're shaped by our culture they are shaped by other media exposure there are lots of different factors that play a role there also our personalities are important too in terms of what turns us on now in terms of looking at the other direction between pornography and sexual fantasy we see that the vast majority of people say that they go to porn as a way of vicariously living out their sexual fantasies so more often than not people are going to porn to sort of live out or express their fantasies in a way but there is also that bi directional relationship where we might see

something in porn that comes back and influences our fantasy content you know an age old story is losing the flame and you had it you got together it burned for a while and when 20 years later you don't want to have sex with your spouse anymore and that is why people cheat right so it's a growing trend of open relationship or polyamory if you want going to sort of replace cheating in coming decades or is a passing thing. so cheating is something that is very common and it has been common when you look historically a lot of people find binod to me to be very difficult to sustain over long periods of time and we know that as humans are living longer if you are in a long term relationship you're potentially. with that person for several decades

and so maintaining an active and exciting sex life with that same person for such a long period of time can be very challenging because people have that strong need for novelty and newness and excitement when it comes to sex and so that is why a lot of people go out and cheat it's a way of sort of adding in that novelty and excitement to their sex life however we have seen this growing acceptance of what we call consensual not monogamy where people are having sex they open relationships or they're trying things like swinging where they're swapping partners with other married couples or they're engaged in polyamory where they have multiple loving and romantic relationships at the same time there are different forms this can take and what we see is that there is this growing openness to having some type of consensually non-monogamous relationship and so going forward i suspect that we're going to see increases in the number of people who are practicing consensual number naga may however i don't know that that's eventually going to become the norm and if it does i don't think

it would be for a very long time because when you ask people what they want in a relationship the majority of people still say that what they want is a monogamous relationship they want that one person to be with to spend and build their life with so i think we're going to see increases in open relationships but i don't think it's going to replace monogamy given the strong desire that people are expressing for monogamous relationship that i mean i mean even if you. or someone for a long time in your sex life has gotten boring often times you still don't want to share your partner with someone else i mean just the thought oh it makes you go crazy manner which i don't think i could ever do could you ever share your significant other with someone else so a lot of people feel jealous at the prospect of their partner even expressing interest in someone else or when somebody else expresses interest in their partner

so this is something that i think for a lot of people is a very foreign concept to consider the idea of an open relationship because jealousy would come in and create a lot of turmoil and conflicts however what i've seen in some of my research on polyamorous relationships is that some people don't seem to experience the emotion of jealousy for whatever reason and instead they experience an emotion that has been termed comparators and which is sometimes described as the opposite of jealousy and so when they see their partner being intimate with someone else instead of feeling threatened by that they feel joy or pleasure or excitement so not everybody seems to experience jealousy it seems to be this individual difference and so i think whether people are well suited for monogamy or consensual number not to me really depends on just how jealous of a person they tend to be so the time when we all start talking about sex freely was

the sixty's really right the counter culture and the sexual revolution which was like a reaction to a very conservative time that came before that could mean now that people are just tired of living inside a sexual revolution all the time and they want to chill out a bit so like the pendulum a sort of swim back from permissiveness to her straight. you know i get where you're saying there but if you look at the trajectory of sexual attitudes in the united states we see that they actually continue to become more liberal and so for example if you look at the gallup organization and their polls that they conduct every year on sexual attitudes we see that they are the most liberal on record right now in terms of acceptance of things like sex outside of marriage or acceptance of homosexuality and same sex relationships and so there there is this

trend toward. more liberal sexual attitudes and that also extends to acceptance of sexually open relationships the question of whether we'll reach a peak at some point and switch back toward more conservative attitudes. and empirical question you know i think we need to track this for longer to see what eventually happens we know that in the united states in particular it is a very diverse country in terms of sexual attitudes and it's very regional in terms of how sexually liberal what is so you know when you look at the overall trend that doesn't necessarily reflect the trends from state to state and area to area there's a lot of diversity in variability there but there's still like a general trend and that that can be sort of observed and it's funny how just around the time when we're finally starting to have calm conversations about sex or sensible conversations about sex and we're starting to sort of lose interest in it

why should we make it like the forbidden fruit again and then you know everyone will want to piss one more time. yeah and so what you're saying there is some evidence that there is you know a growing conservative movement in terms of the way that people are thinking about approaching sex for example there is the anti-porn movement and the anti masturbation movement where people are being told that masturbating is unhealthy that watching porn is unhealthy and they're encouraging people to. engage in those sorts of behaviors in fact there are some states in the us that have declared pornography to be a public health crisis and you have some people who are talking about the way that this is damaging relationships and all of these other sorts of things so you know on the one hand you have people who are. you know espousing a return to more traditional sexual values but on the other hand if you look at the broader cultural trend. people are becoming more sexually liberal and so there is

this tension that does exist there and we don't know exactly where that's going to go in the future all right just and thanks so much for this wonderful insight it's been really a pleasure talking to you we're talking to social psychologists justin remillard discussing how our perception of sex and romantic relations have changed over the past decades i guess that's it for this edition. in 2040 you know bloody revolution of. the demonstrations going from being

relatively peaceful political protests to be creasing the. revolution is always spontaneous. is it. spoiling the. president recalls the events of $24.00. he's invested over $5000000000.00 to assist ukraine in these and other goals that will ensure a secure and prosperous and democratic 7 .

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