when dave decided to go off the meds probably didn't share it with me because. they worked for me and they were successful for me but that wasn't the case for him she knew something was was different something was wrong i was having. difficulty communicating sober a lot of stress in our relationship and we just didn't talk about it much i thought i was the worst wife in the world and i don't know what was going on and driving home i was like ok well you know what can i do differently. and about i would say for weeks it later he shared with me that taken himself off the medication. when i was a huge relief to me to go ok it's not me but. he was just became short and irritable and he wasn't positive anymore everything was negative i was totally dysfunctional and began experiencing this.

irrational terror like level of anxiety that i had never previously experienced i come home from work and i found him on the kitchen floor. just sobbing and rocking didn't want anybody to touch him anywhere near him. he'd go. you find a place to go hide in the house and just. sob uncontrollably it's really really hard to see i got to a point were false will refused to consume any more drugs and that kind of came to a head several months ago. and that's why right now we're separated the breaking point for me to say about there was there was a couple of things of the mindset that it's just going to take time and there's nothing that you can do you know here's what the options that i see they are mostly

medical based and he. absolutely refused to explain my entire background my psychiatrist said look i took pride in being in the navy i took pride in surviving and making it through mighty high hopes to do good things for the navy and for the country and now i don't know who i am and the only thing that's happened between then and now is i've been exposed to a series of very strong psychiatric medications. and the answer after 20 minutes was well i can give you a prescription for cymbalta. it's . it's when i did move out he called me and said that he was standing in a basement next to a noose and i said and what's your safety plan and. he said to call you and i said see if you plan to hang up and call 911. and. having to tell him that. it feels callous to me when you're going through withdrawal

psychiatric drugs the best thing is to kind of get back. off that ledge. and just say dave just give yourself give yourself more time. give yourself more time continue to fight for it. you know and some day you know you regain a sense of normalcy in your day to day life. typically we find that the withdrawal phenomenon is the opposite of whatever the drug does if the intention of the drug is to help somebody be more relaxed or help them fall asleep then when they're experiencing withdrawal what they will experience is anxiety and restlessness and insomnia they may even get so bad that they you know are profoundly depressed and consider suicide withdrawal symptoms can often be much worse than the original problems the person came with and the withdrawal is very

very difficult sometimes or quite dangerous may take months or years to really be accomplished people jumping out of their skin feeling terrific anxiety having all sorts of physiological symptoms that are difficult to bear people cannot stop this medicine except in the slowest possible way for a very gradual reduction in those. in the. cell this hell i've had my pills. i'm doing here a 10 percent taper 'd so take the pill. a way it. so whole pill that 2 milligrams weighs 0.15. 'd 910 percent and that you don't want to take off too much because even with the waste the pills. say it's almost there actually that's 10 percent in the 1st

time i tapered i didn't have my scale as yet so i was just eyeballing because i was determined to get off your body will tell you if your hand in the cuts based on symptoms so it took me a while to get from 2 to 1.6 was 1.64 that's all i could go. to this group has are most. 2300 members. people just post stuff how's everyone doing today and see i'm in a strange window today updos for almost 2 days of doses when you're at a certain dose and the symptoms get really bad so you go back to the original dose where you weren't feeling so bad everyone has a unique stuff running through you know 2 persons are like i am brain zap i have tremors i had severe night sweats i have a symptom where it feels like things are crawling inside my body just move in and i

came across this image and i was like wow that's exactly out as exactly how it is nobody understands this and if you don't have support you will lose yourself i have been a part of these groups since august of last year and since august of last year we lost 3 people to suicide in my support groups 3 we lost a 50 something year old woman who was dr coulter get her off of clonopin and she's suffered she has 2 little boys and she walked in front of a train because she couldn't deal with it anymore about a month ago we lost a 40 something year old guy. he shot himself in the head. louis. blew his head off. so we're losing people in this fight i think about it

all the time what if my symptoms get to the point where i can't make it. what am i going to do. let's go back to the start of this disease model in the 1980 s. ok now the 1st drug that was tested in this new era was santa preselect them for panic disorder and here was the study they conducted they compared. a placebo group and the primary outcome measure was the number of panic attacks on average per week and after 4 weeks 7 x. was doing better fewer panic attacks at 8 weeks that xanax patients were doing no better than placebo and then at the end of 14 weeks that xanax patients were doing worse than they were at the beginning and much much worse then the placebo patients the trial told of harm done it told the people who were going to get addicted when they came off they'd have so all sorts of withdrawal symptoms and some people unable to get off ok that's what the study showed what did they report they didn't

report the 8 week results they focused on the 4 week results because that was a story that told of an effective new treatment for panic disorder and completely hid the 14 week results pretty soon exam expecting one of the best selling drugs in the country it is still prescribe left and right and what they did we have in the early eighty's a story of science the tone of harm done the longer you take a study out the more likely you are to see people not doing well on that drug right or developing side effects from that drug so the pharmaceutical industry doesn't favor long term studies for monetary reasons and for outcome reasons they don't want to show that their drug actually doesn't do well the gorilla in the room is the pharmaceutical industry. the drug companies spend something like $80000000000.00 a year on marketing. and lobbying they spend much much less on research and most of the research they do is really a tool of marketing there's a is as much marketing in the tests that are devised to measure the outcomes

in the investigators that are hired to conduct the study all of that stuff is marketing but it's presented in manufactured and published science so here's how it's done and how it was done the pharmaceutical companies funneled all sorts of money to what are called we're academic psychiatry's a prestigious american university harvard stanford johns options and those academic psychiatry's began working for the drug companies as consultants serving as their speakers advisors that center you would start with a clinical study of the drug but who's designing the study the pharmaceutical companies they know how to design it to make their drug look good and that's step one who then analyzes the data well their own people doing it's done by the drug companies themselves. 3rd then who writes the papers it's actually ghostwriters hired by the drug companies to write up the study. they've now present this study

to the people that they want to be the big names of the study and then those thought leaders basically sign off on the ghost written papers and they become quote the authors of the published paper. the former editors of the medical journals like jama and new england journal of medicine and b.m.j. british medical journal they've all said that they basically we became vehicles for story laundering it was a corrupted creation evidence but he's. now i'm a practicing doctor in some town what am i going to believe what i want to believe you know. mr dr bigwig at harvard university that this is the best science so my obligation is to use the very drug they say is so great so for example prozac prozac can really work into trials prozac and all sorts of adverse effects and those of us who are old enough to remember when prozac came to market it was the drug itself was on the cover of magazines our powers are such now that we can give

you whatever personality you want that's how great our knowledge is advancing that was the story told what did science tell us you know what they found in the 1970 s. for the 1st states done in germany where they see all sorts of psychotic advance worsening of depression homicidal or suicidal impulses so much that the german authorities said this is a dangerous drug we're not going to approve it and now go read the studies that were reported by the americans the psychosis is gone the homicidal problems are gone imagine your mother and i know mothers who said to their kid who got depressed over breaking up with a girl or something like that the doctor says oh prozac doesn't increase suicide risk and then a week later that kid hangs himself that's a real case can you think of any worse corruption of that it has been shown that heart of the deaths that occur in psychiatric drug trials they're never published

they disappear. you have an expression in america. they confess and this happens all the time the difference between an honest data analysis and one you have manipulated the worst billions on the world market so what do you think they will do. me. right.

now i'm still nowhere near the person i was but explain it's my wife like i know i love her i know i can remember i can recall the feelings in the sensations when we met and we dated we got married. feel love for her don't feel love for my dog lover connection i mean it's almost i don't feel. for other people's concerns or feelings or emotions but i think that's fascinating it's partly the drug thing it's partly brought on by the severe trauma of going through the experience.

the world is driven by dreamers shaped by one person with those. things. we dare to ask.

how. a family hasn't necessarily understood why chosen to come back and stay in abusive relationship want to define it as abuse or. sets in hurtful things yes and when you were in the absolute depp's of it you were. abusive in what way. barely yes ok not physically abused physically no but for believe i can recall telling you just gotta give me time so rather you why are you so mean and well because we've given it time and it wasn't getting really any better and i. feel like. this certainly worked. when you said some pretty horrible things that happened so quickly after we got married i felt like it was like

a bait and switch kind of deal so when you think about you trying to go by them for the summer. i would like to try you know i think it's going to be hard to say what i'm most scared about i mean i haven't heard i'm here to support you through this. regardless of what happens and that's. ok and it doesn't feel like it. was. i have been through hell with you and have held you well you've bang your head against the wall and this is my fear coming from the things that were said when you were in your depths in that state you're going to say well maybe this isn't the right relationship for us now. and i put so much into right. now.

we were. really is no research on the long term impact of stimulant use but the longer you're on them the higher the dose though the more risks that you want occur over time and the less actual benefit you get from the drug. hi how are you going. to focus things are not as high as i would like it. it's kind of feel like i've reached that tolerance how long overall has it been that you've been on an interim 15 years and your dosage is as high as i've ever seen for myself but if it's just great. only you would try adderall ok and i am actually interested in

decreasing and getting off right yeah that's what i mean you always hear and are if i were you myself i wouldn't just some broken stop on how to get around trees down as i have been did and i was not right if you could actually open the capsule and gradually day after day just take out a little bit more playing what ever work rate you could kind of judge here you could maybe draw 3rd for the amount of one her own weight. few days take the 3rd out of the other one you know just kind of weaned off there from the other hand you say definitely it's better to be on the medicine as stelarc brain then i would recommend trying out a roll just because it's got a little bit higher potency oh yeah yeah thank you i appreciate all your shit here thing else i can't feel sorry thank you very much up and pick a day. appropriate while we're going to see

the doctor or to see that doctor that put me on these drugs there's a hidden camera right here and i got some wires underneath all this. well this is it there is the office right there. he's following the script he said i went to medical school and i'm a boy certified psychiatry and i follow everything that they say to diagnose people so basically he doesn't believe that he's doing in the movie. we go into this field because we want to help people but it's very difficult to know where to turn for on biased evidence on these issues the pharmaceutical industry has tremendous influence over a what doctors learn how they learn and so general lack of knowledge about the

dangers of these drugs is one of the main reasons that doctors continue to prescribe even when they're inadvertently causing their patients harm you know right before she went to medication she was just fine she was a little a little depressed but she was not having psychotic episodes she was not having body tics she was not hallucinating do you think that the medication is actually the cause of this. it was as if i was asking the most or all the question the world i never got a really response it was just not worthy of their attention the more of that we were talking about this is who rebecca is we know our daughter we know this medication has turned her into someone else we said now we don't think she should be on medication and here's why and we read off the list of symptoms he basically said you know i think this is this is a really bad decision a huge mistake it was a reminder of the year in which by and large whatever we went down the path of this

medication harmful we got no support from the psychologist that we saw not if it's not medication then you're not doing it right but we stuck to our guns and this sounds very dramatic but i feel good decisions saved our daughter's life i kept thinking when she was 1st time as that she was feeling the press that i wouldn't even have had the vocabulary to say that when i was her age so that just tells you a little bit about how pervasive this is become in our society i see children who are acting out or feeling the stress they are like the canaries in the coal mine you know that are basically shouting out like there is something wrong but you know i'm pretty quiet at them. i got out of the hospital and took me off medication and within a few months i was i was back to normal not normal but i was my hallucinations are

completely gone and what was left was the issues to begin with being fadi in the eating disorder and then we can move to focus on those because those are the problems with a real knowledge of something that i never thought that i would do during that year and even after it was like there's no way i can go to college i can't handle that but here i am i. i'm buying it and it's a paradise for someone who loves school as much as i do so i'm just kind of being a normal college and having fun because that's what i can actually do now. was . so why did you do this for me i was just as concerned as you were about coming off the drugs and i wanted to make sure that you were in charge right you did what you felt was best but you also had the tools laid out for

you the best way is essentially exponential taper and that's what we plotted out here and what that leads to is this nice slow. decline over an extended period of time do you think it was of any value well yeah because when i did it myself i went down too quickly and. felt horrible and this gave me a clear plan with specific dates and numbers it was very helpful. math can be love . i see glimmers of the old dave much more often than i have been several years. that's not he's not there all the time but. i want to come home now where is before it was ok. you know it's

a couple day bresson. come home but now i want to come home which is it's a good feeling and it's nice to feel that again. he got killed in action a month to the day after i was made a back out so now i'm processing this break 13 years later which most people would say should be over it right now you know i just had a call at one of my soldiers be like can you tell me a story again because last time i heard it i was on drugs and i didn't feel it. so i need to sit by him and think like look at this war did us and feel it.

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happened and a lot of one of our esteemed accounts way or both of us need to call the sob alec itself movie theater on the plaza in this way got it out so hard luck the thing in the other disappeared this moment the look at the hour and i don't mean to start then if. this is the only thing that we do is music because everybody fights in his own way.

to. the floor and you can feel the be without a visible priest woody allen where you have a whole movie about a lot of the death penalty. but i think is this is the fans that is a constant. well the demick no certainly no border is just blind to nationalities. has emerged into which we don't look actually in the world needs to be. judged as commentary crisis that is listening to the moment. we can do better we should be. everyone is contributing each of our own way but we also

know that this crisis will not go on forever the challenges crave the response has been must so many good people are helping us. it makes us feel very proud that we are in it together. and the headlines this hour a mass rape child murder and ongoing trauma downing new report sheds more light on how frauds quote enabled the 1st sample genocide of hundreds of thousands in verandah in 1994. a jury finds minneapolis police officer derek show even guilty on all charges in last year's killing of george floyd the case has been closely watched a with a 5th is arrested in case of acquittal.