back well to discuss an imagined bad microbrewery and psychotherapist and best selling author mr gordon it's so good to talk to you thank you very much for taking time great to be with you thanks for having me now our audience is widening internationally i think most people around the world saying that now and women boys and girls are creating a different not that i know more valuable but simply different and biological exact logical terms this is not controversial at all it is usually considered to be a fact of nature why is it such a polarizing issue in the united states. i think it's primarily because of what we call academic academic feminism is the term that's used and and it's it spreads through i call it the big 3 it spreads from act academe into government into media and the basic feminist concept that all of us with gray hair bought into you know

50 years ago was the quality but academic feminism has its take on it it's taking is to have equality you have to destroy males so males are bad you got to get rid of them in order to have equality and that is not a concept i would buy into but it's a very popular concept what it does is it erases male female difference it has to say we there we don't need males there aren't males get rid of there's no difference and that's how that happens sufficiently that that's a form of equating equality it seems sameness i mean saying right you know it's easy to say now i have to confess that up until recently i thought that this whole idea of i talk raster religion was just a reach for it and so what i'm going from here writing that the american psychological association has actually declared what i call traditional masculinity as damaging to life not a way of saying that the last i don't see if we heard it wasn't years if you're an

adult cultural evolution have essentially reached their own outcome you're absolutely right what they're trying to do is they're part of this movement and they're and it's just a division of the american psychological association but they the the a.p.a. gave this division the power to write these rules and and of course i and many others said no no that that's that's not going to work. the core concept that i think they're trying to get at is that there are things that men do that are not good right. and we would all agree with that i mean there are things and there are things we are going to put that are not good right absolutely so they're trying to get rid of those things but their approach is wrongheaded and nonscientific because what they're trying to do is say that men do bad things let's say because they're social construct masculinity is flawed and the things that are flawed in it

they say are aggression which is actually not flawed aggression is fine violence is bad aggression is fine the other thing is still ism they don't like still this is and they say well men you know should everyone everyone should always talk about everything they're feeling and actually the science shows that's a bad idea the more you ventilate your feelings the more depressed you get right but for them they've got this academic feminist approach or what they call pro-feminist approach that makes those things bad and they and they say those things are bad because the social construct created them. even though aggression and stoicism are actually biological too but they didn't yet exist also in the realms i mean i actually was writing that that was writing says medicine times i can recreate aggressive now correct me if i'm wrong but from what i understand

from psychology it's usually at impossible to clearly separate it and i think it's in an abuser especially or any information because they tend to be both at the same time there is a symbiotic brain reinforcing our relational dynamic. even if we accept that the pain chart gave through our economic benefits so that we have been able to exist for so low cost so many centuries for millenia in fact without the latter women get something valuable out of it. yet it was a response to what we call the patriarchy which we can see well represented like in judeo christian you know the bible that's good really represents patriarchy you can absolutely see it women don't vote women are you know they are 2nd class when they get is they're protected right they get protection and they're provided for and what the men do is they seek to be alphas they seek to run things and what they get

especially because they're worried and go to war is they get certain benefits that women don't yet and it was just have a higher chance of being killed i have to ask exactly right and then there are deficits for both absolutely and it was a logical response to population explosion because when we moved from tribal into agricultural rights around 10000 years ago populations are to explode and we had all of these people they had to be organized the patriarchy gradually developed you know so the patriarchy has to a great extent outlived its usefulness to a great extent and women obviously are ascending and they don't need to have those deficits anymore and all of that is absolutely true but the toxic masculinity thing you know what let these folks try to do is they try to attach everything like masculinity they try to attach it to patriarchy and then say well you see we know the patriarchy wasn't

a good idea or if it was it's not anymore so therefore masculinity is a bad idea from a security mentioned the way to go to pay sharply has its course and you know i don't for a 2nd should get a story couillard of males because if or you know right. aleutians fabens substance abuse migration all those factors happen 2 minutes here. 4 or 5 generations of strong women who compete for man rather than. for that pay sharkey's ecology dream i mean it's raining that how little it bring it on they actually want more of it all that and. i wonder what the real ground they charge in the dark it could be and how did he call it i know human arche human that's good i like it well each you have just you have just expressed that in russia for instance the patriarchy is sort of gun right women are running

a lot now in terms of needing more men that's that's part of what we've got this problem with world wide in in as the world is sloughed off or much of the world decided that there are certain things about the past we didn't want anymore we also threw the baby out with the bathwater so the baby here was men and men will develop it and we just said forget male development we are not going to do what males need to survive and thrive we are going to go ahead and you know they can go to war ok we'll let them die we'll put them in dangerous jobs and some men because they're very smart and strong will climb to the top some will right climb to the top very smart and strong but but tens of millions of men and tens of millions of boys we're going to forget about it and that's what you know what the u.s. is struggling with what rate you're saying russia struggling with and that's the thing we now have to address and the middle ground is science based to me the

middle ground is we take the politics out and we look at science we look at how the male brain develops we look at how the female brain develops we go deeper in to who we actually are and as we go deeper into who we actually are our societies will know how to help boys and girls are by. even thrive rap group mr griffin you coined this term gender indifference and i think it's very important to your contract understanding and they are correct ation are biological differences between men and women with the ideological negation of them which i think is because incidents in the west what are some of the ways in the wish e-mail and male brains are different . yeah well i'll give you the cute few quick ones one is that males do words on the left primarily on the left and females do words on both sides of the brain and that means males are also only males or behind females generally in reading writing

and speaking just because we don't use as much of our brain for words but also we don't connect as many words to feelings as females do or words to emotions because females are doing that on both sides of the brain males are doing it on one side and connected to that is that females are using up to 10 times more white matter activity which is in the mylan and which spread signals throughout the brain instantaneously males are using more grave matter activity which happens in splotches in the brain. connected to that is the males do much of their brain life is in the frontal lobe so all the different parts of the frontal and the frontal is impulse control executive decision making all of these things words studying all of that males do things further back in great matter areas so those are just some of the hundreds of profound differences that affect the way that how how do we educate boys and girls our teachers don't know that we need them to know this or we lose

a lot of boys in school you know etc and those are just 3 of hundreds i don't have here using a lot of brains and in your quest to show how different the boys and girls and men and women. process the same tasks and it's striking to me how the latest size or it's the most ancient ideas about the masculinity and it's funny. that sanity being as there are so see it brad into compassion arms and masculinity who are characterized by focus and mental this commission says that our forbearers where able to be here is that how ringback long before i had a machine for and bad i mean the machines for recognizing the difference in white matter and it raised matter in that ring. oh i agree so when i do talks you know when i do lectures and so on i show i have a slide that i show that has

a quote from a brain scientist and then right above it is from genesis you know and god created male and female and you can see way way back and everyone use common sense and they understood that there was a profound male female difference and what the brain scans are search is doing are just as you said just saying ok now we can really understand all the differences and then that health system understand how to set up our social systems so that they serve women and they serve men they serve boys they serve girls and everyone on the spectrum if we don't know the stuff now this is when we create social systems like school systems that don't support mainly males so that males are the ones that are struggling the most in school because none of the teachers were trained in this and so boys are getting in trouble for stuff that's just natural to them and that's actually ok and they're not able to do the words as well as females etc and so they get d's and f.'s or low grades and they flunk out. now this cruise

is there and they were it exists today in most countries is a product of its 20th century and it's for the most part of it so women dominate it women make up the majority of that cantors out stuff. but if i understand you correctly remember that tend to project luck even that values that that outweighs all being in this world on tuesday this whole next generation assuming that's the only way to be and no way is it more visible than in how boys and girls act relation job of human beings and when i just talk more about the difference that's been directed empathy what schickel at russian nurturance. ok yeah so the female brain not only some brain differences but also the hormone ology females have more oxytocin which is a direct bonding chemical and that and the mirror neurons in the insula in the middle you know where empathy happens in the female brain and mirror neurons last

longer than in the male brain and so they have more and more direct empathy immediate and it lasts longer because they mirror the pain and someone else or even and they pick up facial cues and the person may not even be in pain but they see it as pain and they see it as you know and it's a beautiful thing is part of why civilization exists because women have that capacity drooly males on the other hand are mirror neurons get killed off more quickly because of our testosterone so testosterone is an aggression chemical and so what males have tended to do and still do is is we tend to we certainly have empathy and all of that but we also tend to nurture through aggression so we create things like like soccer and football and you know all of the various hundreds of games that involve aggression now women are aggressive and complete those games no doubt very well but when you go back to why they were created those games were created for males to nurture other males to aggression to teach them how to be

empathic through aggression and how to use aggression and the same is true now rough and tumble play is one of the best ways to get more of the brain to work in the frontal lobe actually which is what we want rough and tumble play so i've called that aggression nurturance and males not every male but males in the aggregate tend more toward aggression nurturance females in the aggregate tend more toward direct empathy nurturance and the key is not to get rid of either of these the key is to have both so females do it their way males do it their way we cross over of course there's overlap and that's how we raise and educate really so good smart resilient kids we have to take care. very short break right now i will get back.

to. when we did our 1st show of the year we name 3 theme for 2021. dollars asian china fixation now here we are in the 2nd quarter of 2021 minutes showing up because one of the primary reason for getting inflation here is the nation has put america and china on an antagonistic footing we got a new cold war here and all the benefits that came to the u.s. economy by shipping all of our jobs over to china has now been used up. americans love buying homes. and this was a fundamental part of how our political leadership and our country

a large understood the bargain you get a home and then you know rebel right as the things you don't revolt if you have a stake in the system. and be really interesting to dial it back and think about the longer deeper history play housings man in the united states not just that old question of the american dream but the bigger question of who the dream is and for . again. welcome back to worlds apart but psychotherapist and best selling author and michael gurian is your guru. when we talk about. yes q initiate a special toss up restaurant i think it would be unfair that touches the subject of

so many agendas specially toxic examiners yet i don't want to discuss it in moral terms more interested in what is it in. women's and girls' biology and psychology that me make them unpleasant or even toxic. yeah anyone can be toxic and we always want to establish anyone i think i understand what you're getting at we don't you know sometimes we popularly say girl drama or girls can be really nasty to each other women can be can smile at that you know someone but really think something very nasty behind their back and under and and yeah women do stuff like that all the time i mean everyone that's what's so bizarre about the conversation that we are in we don't ever talk about toxics them in any we only talk about toxic masculinity when it would be better actually i just think not use those terms and just say ok what is what is going on in women so if

we look at what's going on in women that sometimes makes them self-destruct and harm others part of what's happening is they these rumination loops so the female brain takes in so much emotive jetta so much more than males picks up so many more facial cues so she takes all this in and she thinks things out and she's constantly processing 5 or 10 different things she may someone may roll her eyes at her like roll her eyes she could think about that for 2 days and that's a rumination loop and these these loops warm in women's brains and girls brains that last a long time and then are fed by the hormone ology and so then girls without realizing it they go out and they do some very mean things and often they have it's not causal like the person really was not the means of them but they go. out and they you know undercut people they do cyber bullying they do all sorts of things that you're calling toxic they yeah that art and

a lot of it goes back to how their brains work and people don't realize this about the female brain so so we will tend to say to females to girls will tend to say go ahead and express everything and really what we should be saying is we want to hear what you felt about that person rolling their eyes but then after that we need to problem solve this and reality check this and where there is actual trauma that she's been put through you know sexual assault i mean there's so many traumas that a woman can go through ok then we really need to hear things for longer and get her therapy but we also need a reality check and stop the loops because those rumination loops are really destructive to girls and women and then that's part of how they go out into the world and then they can even become bottling. united states where all those battles that are being waged has been pensioned sort of spreading its value it's around the

world including generalities and by that i mean we're already what you call gender indifferent but also there is ideas about gender. how do you think other societies should that brooch. i get i think scientifically are right now we're in a phase in the us of saying there's no male female anymore everything's fluid etc but it doesn't really fit the science when we look at science and every culture can use the same science if they go to green institute dot com which is my our site for our work you can see thousands of studies that show that sex is binary sex is male female that's binary that's biological and body and brain right male brain female brain or just come in on the x. in the eye chromosome that's sex and sex on the brain that's a binary there are only 2 options male and female gender which is a social construct which is what you know what are you in russia what are they in

saudi arabia what are we in the us what do what do we say socially about what we think masculine and feminine ought to be that's a social construct that is fluid because every society thinks of something different and then some cultures inside a society think something different but if we stay with sexes binary gender is fluid then we are covering every pace i think traditionally social institutional based on a sex rather than gender that 'd i descended in prison or interactions we should treat each other as human beings if we are but when you're trying to build a format hassle institution it requires several degree of generalization you mentioned before that even right hugh sachs this we're all doing it i really enjoy all of you know i commentating our sex differences i can't imagine how you can build a functional system or what is it like more than that how different genders any

approach just thing socially again i think is the tendency in some of the western countries substitute sexual differences that gen. that deference is an xterm that's right i think it's an incredible chance i don't see how we can build anything that will actually save our kids. trouble in. fact it really aren't you know patience and concern for it's part of our yeah we have to set them up for sex we have to send all of our systems up to take care of the sex of the child 1st which is and well let me use an example of schools we we we can't we can't say to schools ok we've decided not for ideological reasons that you no longer have to pay attention to the fact that that kids have male brains and female brains there are boys and girls they're going to all be they and we're not going to pay any attention to it all we will do if we do that is we will increase the number

of boys and girls who fail out of school who don't succeed in life you know because as you've just said sex on the brain is one of the primary drivers of human experience so we 1st have to create the system to take care of sex and then we can and then we can say to the system look you've we've got some exceptions who prove the rule in other words we have some folks who are gay right ok there are exceptions but the system can take care of them we don't have to say they don't exist the system can take care of them. and partially because the system takes care of male and female and being gay is inside male and female also trans if we take care male and female we can take care of the people who are trans around point 3 percent. that we can study with scans we can see are trans you know so transsexual transgender we can take care of those people because we've taken care of male and

female so we 1st take care of male and female and then we add on that is the best way to run the social system there is one more thing i want to touch you know all the. concept of safe space. i tried it a running got as crime statistics for united states is at record high there is so much discussion about creating a safe space at which sites will ever reason because human life is real here i thought it was supposed to be safe i mean it wasn't ever supposed to be safe humans outcry for all to all frustration well for total safety and if we cannot create a safe space inside our own psyche i don't understand how we can get around that from other people. yes safe space started out is certainly going concern and good what it was was our family should be a safe space and a counseling office should be a safe space and that's where the language came from because there was child abuse

we tried to get you know homes to be safe and then counseling offices people got to be safe to express their trauma and their feelings and we can't judge so that's where it came from it was the right thing but then what happened is the culture got a hold of it and said ok. we i have this idea so my idea is whatever that person's ideas and then they said ok i need a safe space for that idea so now my university has to has to allow me to express that idea even if it's you know not a very good idea and no one should argue with me because i need a safe space for my idea that is nuts so we need to get safe space me back to. home safe counseling office safe but other environments we should have great social arguments that mr gurr and i sing state government well we curse the ok so. you know i think this is it the only sliding in psychology that is

concrete pain even at me if i'm being extremely valuable for expending and developing here and so i mean i wonder if there is any get president a out record levels of anxiety depression your office is that recaps at observing from societies besides he had to say for everything even you can about him to say prove him alive when you know that some degree of frustration related to becoming richer him of being you know absolutely that's why i think the concept of aggression nurturance is so is actually such a good concept because and women can use aggression nurturance because what it says is actually if we want resilience in far goal is to build resilient children who can grow up to become resilient adults then they need to have more discomfort not abuse not abuse not rape not sexual assault none of that they should be safe from that but they need to have discomfort they need to have people push back and

challenge them and be aggressive with them not violent that's something else but aggression nurturance and here's one of the best ways we know we're right is it used to be that we were told that no germs that note that children should never get germs and now we know loops actually that was wrong we need little children to be exposed to these aggressive toxins which are germs we need them to be exposed to that aggression so that they develop the immune systems and the antibodies and the same thing is true of psychology we need to keep them safe from violence yes but not from challenge and not from discomfort they should have some frustration yes. great stuff it's been fascinating talking to you thank you very much for your time and the word if you take you to thank you and thank you for watching people to syria last week the world's apart.

hi.

welcome to on contact day we're going to discuss why joe biden is not f.d.r. with a historian and author paul street we were look back at the thirty's and the new deal and how they happen they happen because it was under on the left there was dissent in the streets right before the social security. and the rangar act probably the 2 key progressive lynch in measures far from perfect in the excluded much of the minority black i feel action from their coverage incident should not romanticize the new deal but they were breakthrough pieces of legislation or.