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ah ah us only father, thank you for the way that you have blessed and guided us and thank you for our family. by this occasion, b as special as it is unique. we pray in jesus' name, a man oil in looking back. sometimes it may, this was a difficult memory for all of us to unpack and try to address it. sometimes it helps, but one of the things was what were we initially concerned about in those early days? i still wanted taylor to be a happy little boy, and i don't know if how you'd be able to handle it. i didn't want the memory to haunt you all your life. obviously,

the huge concern about taylor's ancient, you know, he was out land hole in. so what is he gonna have to go through who i was young and i didn't understand most of what was going on at the time and it was difficult for me to process. and i look back as like, i guess it wasn't the greatest naina sharaya from, from me, i guess a member and distance from people in his house just the way of the way i've been dealing with it but but i know through family and everything. it's all about us closer and i appreciate they all done for me is changing my perspective on life. and i know that that, oh,

i thing about daily is how we're math. you expect me to me an example. now what do you want me to live? as a kind of big brother, i wouldn't want you to think i'm pro

well, and we probably all needed to say they say well, probably needed to be able to express this because to a great extent we have suppressed our failings in order to be protective in order to hope all of this would turn out well. again. i oh nice so long day. um that way he is strong. yeah. she is

oh i see so clearly. huh. it's so talking really to dr. lee. it felt very warm. october referred to chelsea. i remember watching the tree branches away. i felt peace for the 1st time. in months. i've got a telephone call from a detective about to any her noon. she was in intensive care and if they hadn't

told me it was kristen. i don't think i would have known that it was, she was just virtually unrecognizable. it was the next morning when we went to her apartment and i went out on to the balcony and there were bandages bloody bandages of needles. but the most dramatic thing i remember, and i still have a very hard time with this. there was actually still a piece of her jaw that was on the, on the full or the apartment of the floor, or the balcony. and i don't think i've even told kristen this before, but that is probably what brought the whole thing most dramatically home to me.

so look at that dr. you now and remember those ceiling is system now. it's a so unreal. i so thought about what it must have been my for my friends, i have to clean up. there were pieces of teeth, i'm phone and so much wife. and i can't imagine what heartbreak was said for them to have to face that it's so weird to go back into that mindset to see that balcony and think about well, it's going into my head as i sat there and kind of my hands. ah,

when i come in jails, you know is gonna make me briefly that i can leave in the browser and ended up being it was my walking on the way down the steps to the glass doors i a shot

and then i asked you more steps was up on a pool, my, my friend saw screaming only graham graham is lee. so i look around the pole to have a corner. messy 3. missed in it. like all 3. i'm so i'll pull my gun out slowly and in missed she missed a turn around. start shooting twice. oh boy, in the her, when our freshman got a gun was so loud. and i see tara's fall into ground kinda splint. i picked him up this funding. well. then i look in a walk over there was the c one as far as when the back in one

direction saw this turned around and his wall i was away when i 1st heard it and i feel i said, well, the reason being because i always justify to myself that someone does something to me or try to take my life than it was justify anything i dental and then realize how many labs i impact my to get his life. oh, my belief is the in the die. all the things that you have done is

recorded. yoga all your good. these now william bad ah o the way of life. so reindeer herders leading a traditionally nomadic lifestyle in the tundra is similar to a parallel reality. while the men join women carry the weight of the household work on their shoulders. mother she now with however, in the vast expanse of russia,

there is a spot where a housewife could secure regular implements done. it's in the fall semester with ah ah, ah ah ah ah, a ah.

i either financial survival guide, they learn about be allowed. let's say i'm it through, i agree. prime grief on base of the fight. wall street broad thing with joy. 6 that's right, fell out if you're a desk slavery with both guys coming to your house and they do what happened to appear. he gig whatever

measures. yeah. after you protect yourself and it was around you, the prosecutor tried to do everything if you had to find charges to push. yes, good. because you guys were in my house and i didn't know if they were armed or not . there was dark windows were closed. i saw him standing there, i told him to stop, they wouldn't stop. they kept, i don't know where they are doing and i said, okay, i mean, i'm alive. and as it who i say the whole thing or who asked about 20 or 30 seconds and then i got ugly. oh, it took almost a half an hour before the police showed up in age, not going to come in and do a dang until this scene secure in the scene was insecure because it took the guy

40 minutes to die as long cause again assembly. he kept reaching, i need to his belt, he wouldn't, he wouldn't roll any region in his pants. i didn't know where to reach for a bit ago and i was regional for derrick, meaning he'd crawl towards the name of collapse and i don't know what his intentions were. he wouldn't, he wouldn't say a word. so you know, i was still a certified medical person, sad time. if i felt the scene was safe, i don't know what i could have done, but i would have done something you know, trying to help the guy. but i was a long as 3040 minutes in my life. i knew that i was going to be on, i've seen enough death in my life like career i you there's, there's nothing new to this guy.

i wish i could put it behind me and move on like never happen. i know i never will . i don't think anybody ever could ever get over it. i doubt it. i liked by somebody there in

room. i felt i had become a burden to everyone. i now i had a gun in my room and case someone broke an alarm going to do and know what my phone is now annoying to end everything and so wish pain and things are just gotten out of control. c c i don't know any under way

something to walk out to the balcony and um, i'm gonna sit here for a minute and think about a faithful of love appealed of me. i'm going to ask god, forgive me for an else. i'm good poet. conway conway. i ah

ah and mom pulled the trigger and then when i'm not feeling any pain for me. i can't see my in i'm hearing my roommate screen. and then there's 3 weeks later i woke up from a coma and i wish i survives

my stuff every day. i'm alive. i'm alive. her for christine mm mm mm. i'm doing mine on laura jane gone to the

bathroom. i can a shower, brush my teeth and get my hair done. or matthew us, he was in the bathroom as well. he was up on the counter. i'm not sure why is up on the counter. it was for santa walk to my mom's room. i seen the guy lying there on the underneath the left side of the bed and i paid up and i walked back into the bathroom where the gun in my hands and out of curiosity is looking at it and trying to figure out what it does and how to work it and i slowly proceed to take the safety off. and then from there on, i caught the gun back, putting

a around and then chamber. and i just remember i matthew says to me, you know, that was a gift from papa to mom for safety and i didn't answer and then i just hear a gunshot. and so at 8 o'clock that same night, december, 1st, one by one. we say good bye and on the last one.

so like what did cleaned over put my forehead against his a little buddy. he's going to do great things for god. i love you. i'll see you in the morning. and had a lot in a lot of ways he feels like the morning has never come

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imagine picking up a future textbook on the early years of the 21st century water, the chapters cold gun violence, school shootings, homelessness 1st, it was my job and then it was my family didn't was my savings. i have nothing, i have nothing and it's not like i don't try. i look for resources, i look for jobs, i look for everything i can to make this pass. and all i end up doing is passing the road to the american dream paved with dead refugees. it's this very idealized image of this. older america makes americans look past happen every single day. this is a modern history of the usa by america,

so naughty with these people learn from their own experience, how vulnerable of business is to the bank. so he pushes my business over, the age, pushes me right to the edge, bankruptcy. now i realize we were good. this isn't just the back that they'd be involved in this is the concept. see, firms is, is the lawyers, these people have got you want other stories? ottawa can a whistle blower. tell people's marriages have broken up, lost their family homes, it is spectacularly devastating for people's lives. we have committed suicide, but left behind north, the explicitly state that it was the constant intimidation and billing by buying coffee sauce that led them to i took the spear obscene these people up,

nor saw a ah, the store is a shade the week we march 20 years since the u. s. and allies invaded afghanistan, toppling the taliban regime. and now in the wake of the pentagon, pullout many questions are still being asked with violence. they're continuing to rage rampant gas prices. scale down a bit in europe of to russia. pledges to boost supplies, but the move hasn't stopped us politicians from flaming moscow for the crisis and her austria's leaders, sebastian kurtz quits hamid's allegations of embezzlement. a bribery.