the political novice and not but from sarah good. this bo, other election, how far reaching implications, and it could signal end of the biden presidency with awe or come to so speaker visionaries may so fish, ebert, not of so from an early age, was strive to understand the world around us. but maybe we should do more to understand ourselves. well today i'm asking lives big questions about love and happiness, to philosopher and founder of this school of life. i love them,

but don't i landed but are welcome to the show. it's great to have you with us. so we got our big questions to you. you dedicated a lot of them to studying and telling people about the emotional intelligence. and here's the thing this to work together. so sound a bit wake chicken soup for the so kind of a phrase, you know, what i mean? or something from a book of an tory is live coach tony robbins. what makes you take emotional intelligent intelligence? seriously? why should take it seriously? what will know for the most part, we don't really understand what it means. yeah, so my approach is, is very different from the american approach, and i'll tell you how americans generally believe that life can be made perfect. and that happiness is the birthright of every citizen. this is not my starting point or the starting point of the organization. i leave the school of life we have,

if you like, a more tragic starting point. and the tragic point of view is that human beings are made to suffer, that there is going to be a huge amount that goes wrong in everybody's life. this is not to say that we should despair. in fact, we can be very joyful. we can connect with others around the difficulties of life, but we are very keen to suggest that if we accept that life is imperfect, we will have a much better time than to expect that life is perfect and keeps going wrong for us . so knowing that every human is a broken creature full of era full of madness. this is a good starting point. i mean, it's kind of like a mind trick. it's almost like if you have no expectations, then good things are more prone to happen because usually expectations don't come through and then that's when you're really upset. so you're saying,

if you think everything's really bad in the beginning, you may be surprised because some good things may come along. as this is what you're getting up. look, i think that one of the things that russia understands very well is melancholy melancholy. it's a beautiful word, it's not used enough anymore, but it used to be used particularly the 1900 century and melancholy is different from anger or bitterness. it is sadness that is handled with grace and dignity, and many situations in life demand a degree of melancholy medical. it isn't despair. it doesn't mean to say that we know that everything's going to be absolutely terrible. but it's an awareness that there is likely always to be a gap between what we hope for and what actually exists. i should also say, what about, what about, what about what live some time? because you things that you don't even expect that exceeded your expectations that happens to you don't need any help with those moments. grab them with both hands

and enjoy them. ok. you don't need it. you don't need me or anyone else for those moments. and regarding melancholy salute the wonderful world, and i wouldn't even say that it's a sadness, but it's graceful. it's sad when suddenly that's joyful. we enjoy this feeling of melancholy here in russia. we're state of it. yes, it's bitter sweet. and i should also say that it is at the root of friendship because you know, the way in which human beings connect with one another is not around perfection and triumph and success. any genuine friendship is built around acceptance of pain and ability to share stories of pain. i mean, if you meet somebody and you say, how are you? and they say everything is terrific in my life. i'm just going from one success to another. in a way you're closed off from that person's life. if somebody says,

you know, there's a little difficult at the moment in a few areas that is an invitation to the beginning of a friendship so far from this being a problem. it is a gateway to connection with others. well, that makes sense, but i just want to bring you back to the concept of emotional intelligence because what's where we started off. we didn't really go into it because you were studying emotional intelligence. a lot of people don't understand why it is so important to start the emotional intelligence emotions and intelligence are 2 separate things. well, in the perception of the majority, at least there's the reason hard truth 2 plus 2 equals for scientific for and all that. and then there's emotion, the irrational and received as an, imposed left over to us from this, like sort of per, historic day. so something animal ish, uncontrollable right? why is there so prevalent distinction between the 2 aspects of our existence? and should there be look,

i think our education system is overwhelmingly geared towards a technological and find terrific approach. you know, at school, you will never really taught to understand the really great mystery at the center of life. which is you, we are not given much guidance to trying to understand ourselves. and because we lack a ready understanding of ourselves, we tend to make mistakes in 2 big areas. firstly, in relationships because we don't understand enough of what motivates us and how our emotions work and then the world of work and professional achievement because we don't understand ourselves sufficiently well. we don't really know how we want to serve others and serve the community. and so in both areas, a lack of emotional intelligence create a lot of unnecessary unhappiness. and it's my goal in life to give people tools so that they can better understand themselves and their emotions. while there is still

a bit of time. how do we call today emotional intelligence? i mean, is it something that's inherent? is they tied to intuition or, or is it something that we can learn to detect? look, i think it begins festival by understanding your own story. all of us have a very distinctive story. we were born in a certain family in a certain context. there are certain emotions and a lot of the time we forget it. we cannot remember very much before our 5th or 8th or 10th birthday. and where we've come from is not very clear to us. and this has a really difficult impact on us politically, around relationships because you know, the way in which we love, as adults is always built on a structure that was created 1st and childhood. so without understanding your childhood relationships, it becomes very hard to understand your adult relationships. and that's why it's incredibly important to be able to have

a basic understanding of what motivates you as an emotional being before you cause too much damage in the relationships that you having as an adult. so you have also a lot of love and you said love is a skill, not an enthusiasm that are currenty of love is a leftover from 1900 century. do you mean to say that the feeling of love, i mean the deep sensation that you feel on a spiritual or physical level. busy is when you fall head over heels for someone is an illusion. it's a, what is it like a cultural concept? look, it live there is definitely such a thing as a feeling of love that the great question is how do you build a relationship? not how do you have a crush? anyone can have a crush, you know, you can be standing the supermarket and you see a beautiful person and you develop a crush. but how do you build a relationship? and so that there are lots and lots of skills. take the problem of sulking very

often. we expect that our lovers will understand us without needing to explain what we want and how we feel it. because we behave like small children who are always imagined that their parents are going to guess what they want. so we need to be able to learn the art of not just getting in a sock. if somebody doesn't understand what we want. but of taking the trouble to explain who we are and what we want in what we need in a way that is clear and not angry and not bitter, and not cynical. and that's, that's a real skill. you know, people don't explain that to us at school, so learning to kind of speak up for yourself honestly and clearly in a relationship is one very important skill and there are at least 10 others that i could tell you about, but i'm still a girl. so i want to like ponder a bit about love under the whole concept of love, the way i understand it. and most of the people around me, right? so it's love, it's just an invention of ports. how come ports of all ages?

not just romantics talked about it from greek myths to star crossed lovers to byron, to jane austin. i mean, it's the physical sensation. after all, how can we just ignore the wrong or do you do or you know, crush maybe that we just call it differently. men are so we have very powerful attractions to other people. there's no doubt, i mean, and it's a wonderful and very, very exciting thing. the question is, how do you convert that initial energy into something that is sustainable? because most of us, what we're really interested in is not just a moment of love, thought, years of love with somebody a shared life. and that's going to require a lot of things that could sound a little bit unromantic. you know, a good rule of thumb is if something sounds unromantic. it's often that a very good idea. so for example, it's often thought unromantic to talk about money with

a partner. so that's very unromantic. but actually understanding your finances and where each of you is coming from financial is actually a very important thing. if you're trying to build a life together, what else give up your tapes? it's also that sometimes you yeah, i'll give you more tips. so sometimes in a relationship someone will say there's something i need to tell you about you or your character or something i don't like. and then sometimes the lover feels very angry and says, hang on a minute, you should love me for who i am. don't try and change me sometimes to love. it can be in a relationship stuck like this. both of them saying don't try and change me. now this is a disaster because if you really think about what love is, love should be a process whereby we educate a lover to hold a mirror to our character. and at that point, we should be grateful if it's done kindly that somebody else is taking the trouble to try and teach us about ourselves. so in a good relationship, there's

a lot of teaching, and there should be a lot of learning. and that could sound a bit boring if you like, on romantic, but love is a classroom. the ancient greek philosophers very much believed that love is a classroom where each person takes it in turns to educate the other person about who they are. and that's a beautiful idea, sounds quite strange to modern life, but i think is deeply important, but call just not right there because we can take a short break right now when we're back. we'll continue talking to him. but on the loss of burring founder of this goal of life, stay with us a

ah, the lose ah russia, this class of car was discontinued more than 20 years ago. even though they more than a sort of can you sell it to propose rubbish dealing with

them for the practice? it took 5 years to close the gap on the will car industry from the drawing board to the 1st finished model. skip. so we'll go over the thought, excellent totals. can you deal with my food ocean from a small school? well, we'll shoot for almost a 1000000 with a pretty much it was the most or as a korea professional sport is much tougher on some than others. a euro, she was marked by everybody here. so why would somebody believe me? i was just a little girl to price to to, to achieve really was, was paul change a read on the paper this morning, usa swimming coach, arrested leslie had sex with a 12 year old girl. this happens almost every week. we get calls at the office. i

get informed about one of my greatest fears is someone is gonna start leaking all this together is going to be a 60 minute documentary about youth coaches. in sports like gymnastics in swimming, is that documentary, i see it on our tea. what we've got to do is identify the threats that we have. it's crazy even foundation, let it be an arms race is on offense, bearing dramatic development only personally and getting to resist. i don't see how that strategy will be successful, very difficult time time to sit. oh, a

and we're back with alonda, but don't philosopher and founder of the school of live discussing how philosophy can be applied to solving last most important issues. so if love is largely a contract, right? should people not marry for love? i mean what, what i call love is what you call a strong attraction. and should we maybe go back to the older days of the ways when we used to marry for money alliances? sensation because those mergers usually last longer and look, i think that the old fashioned marriages were unhappy and lots of ways. but modern marriages, unhappy, lots of ways to can we learn something from the failure of both of these systems and i think we can, i look forward to a time when you, we will have what we might call a psychological marriage or what is a psychological matter a marriage,

that is psychological is one where the troubles and difficulties of being in a couple are constantly examined through the lens of psychology. where it is accepted by both people. that living together is very hard, that they will inevitably be complexities that emerge from the difficulties of our own nature. because we are all such a mixture of drives and tendencies and histories. but where 2 people are devoted to being kind about the difficulties and to examining the difficulties and the issues rationally that that is what i look forward to since i mean they're like an apple that is to last in the marriage, has to be constantly going to a couple therapist i think it would be extremely helpful if everybody who was in a relationship went to couples therapy. i know that sense drug, that's a lot of money. sure. that's a lot of money. it's a lot. it's a lot of money,

but only because there is a few marriage therapists now, so they charge too much. so there's needs to be a bit of market competition and it expansion of the feel. but you know, nowadays people have personal trainers and dieticians and other things. why don't marriage or therapist it's after all, very, very important. what is a marriage service? my service is just somebody who gets a couple talking in a way that is reasonable. that is very honest. and where both people have to stay in the room, they can't run away. because very often, you know, what kills a relationship is a lack of conversation. if you think about sex and why sex often dies in a couple of the normal view is to say this happens because, well, it just normally happens. know, i believe that when sex died, it almost all with anger. that one person is angry with a now what about being able to find the words?

no, i think i think no, i don't think it's boredom. i think it's anger. i think that when you're the sexiest thing is closeness is intimacy. a sense of discovery of another person. if somebody has hurt you and you haven't been able to complain or even to realize necessarily, you will not want to be touched by them. why would you and you don't want to touch them. so i think that the physical side of a relationship is always a reflection of the psychological closeness that's going on in a couple. and always advise you sometimes hear about, you know, go to hotel and light a candle and play soft music that has nothing to do with it. it's all about psychological closeness, that is what sexual desire ultimately is born out of. but then you're also proving my point when i do get your it's about anger and you don't really want to sleep with someone when you're angry me. although although makeup, sex is always

a very good idea and it's is really more passionate than the everyday. so i'm going to have, yes, and it's, but the clues of the clue to that is in the concept makeup. right. but i don't agree about for them. it's not angry because you know, the people, they don't want to have sex with their spouses because they've been with them too long and they just don't want to discover them anymore. they're bored of them. they're not angry. they still love them as human. they don't cover them anymore. let me talk to you about art. what makes a great artist is that he or she is able to discover, often in an everyday situation, a beauty and an interest which ordinary people do not see. so you go to the museum and you see a vase of flowers, you've seen flowers a 1000000 times before, but suddenly, through the eyes of an artist, you think? what goes actually flowers are pretty interesting. now, what artists do with flowers, a good lover does with their partner. in other words,

they are able to see in them something very fundamental, which is that no one can ever properly know another person fully and therefore properly get bored of somebody. if you are feeling bored of somebody, and if you think i know everything about this person, you haven't scratched the surface. the human animal is such a complicated creature. there's no such thing as knowing somebody fully. it's probably that you are stuck in a situation where the deeper levels of connection a blocked, as i say, it could be anger, it could be routine, it could be a lack of imagination on both parties. but let's not fall into the trap of thinking that you can ever properly be bored legitimately, if another person. because if somebody is honest about themselves, there is always more to discover. alright, well i would argue more with you on that, but i still want to cover some other topics. so we're going to have to do another interview and why people stop having sex for durham and florida. her anger was the

last and the more you have studied philosophy in school and you have written books that aim to make the thoughts of great philosophers accessible to the public. and i think it's great. and obviously a lot of your academic peers, thing that you're dumbing those ideas down or reducing them to some kind of an easy to digest, form, sharing a lot of context in the process. simple, what's your goal? are you making philosophy, a pop commodity? so my goal is really guided by tolstoy who towards the end of his life or this brilliant book, or what is art. and in this book, he really asked the fundamental question, what is the point of writing and thinking that he was a novelist working in a particular genre. but actually what he says applies to everything. and he was also a christian. and he pointed to the notion that the point of art is to reveal the

truth of jesus christ. now, i don't believe this, however, i think that he is suitably ambitious about the point of art. basically, all of us are going to die. we don't quite know when we're going to die. life is fragile, life is beautiful, but also painful. and part of the task of being an artist or a philosopher or writer is to digest some of the business of living so that the audience finds it easier to exist. and this is an extremely serious mission. the best philosophers have always done it. and in my mind, the best philosophers have also spoken. clearly they've not only be good thinkers, but they've also been good writers. so there are some sentences of catholic god or nature or in the plato that are full of wisdom, but they can also be understood by a clever 12 year old boy go. and i very much believe in clarity and

easy communication. so i just want to talk a bit to you about the current state of philosophy, our contemporaries, because you talk about the neck in montana and you've mentioned nisha, but what do you think we're experiencing now? what about the state of academic philosophy to de jesus that it is capable of giving birth to another shop and our another nature? so look, you know, universities should be amazing places. most of us have to go out and earn a living every day and we're under heavy pressure from bosses and deadline. we don't have much time to think. so who has time to think of the guys in the universities? well, what are they thinking about? so the scientists are doing this science thing. but what about the other guy who is studying philosophy and we're writing about the big ideas? are they doing great work? and the truth is, in russia and around the world, generally not. when we heard from

a university philosopher an idea that has stopped us in our tracks or helped us in the middle of the night, or helped us to stop crying or brought sunshine to our lives, not very often. and the reason is that these guys and universities are paid for the wrong thing. they are paid simply to teach the history of thought, but not to push thought into new areas. so what we desperately need is what the italians have in the 14th and 15th century, an intellectual renee sauce, where people will once again open their minds to thinking very clearly in the same way one does when one wakes up early on a summer morning. and the world seems like something you can understand and that you can give shape to in your mind. and we need clear thinkers and we need helpful thing because it's not happening in the university. but there are some wonderful people who are doing philosophy, you know, on youtube, in the marketplace who are out in the world. and for me,

they are some of the more exciting thinkers. so where does this idea come from that live should always strive for happiness, which you, when you call continued tripping this enjoy as modern wall not interested in contemplating and balancing only interested in gratification. look, it will start in the 18th century in western europe and then spread throughout the world. it's an idea based on science and because science is so impressive and has sold so many problems, we have made the unfortunate move of extending the power of science into too many areas where we basically think we can solve everything through the scientific method. we cannot, there are areas which religion used to deal with which art deals with, which had to do with the complexity of human life. and for this, we are still trying to find the right words and trying to find the right way. but i

think all of us know that the great musicians and the great artists and the great thinkers are able to put forward some wonderful ideas about how to live. and i see my role as helping more and more people to discover those ideas. come up with some ideas of my own, but broadly speaking, make the difficulties of life easier to bad because what is the point of an intellectual, a writer, if the books and their ideas don't help, we need all of us help with the pain of living. and that is my own mission as a thinker and a writer. well, it's been a joy talking to you that is for sure. and i wish you all the best of luck in your for their thinking and pondering. because i'm sure it really does help people understand more about the purpose of life. thank you so much for this. chad. we were talking to alonda, but don't philosopher and founder of the school of life discussing our lives. most interesting conundrums. and how's your lots of it?

can come to help in solving them. well, that's it for this edition of the income visionary, i will see you next time. ah, ah, with the british and american governments have often been accused of destroying lives in their own interests. what you see in this, these techniques is the state devising methods to end, essentially destroy the personality of an individual plan by scientific means. this

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