gemina ekaterina balashova lead me to this hour, i'm maria sittel thank you for your attention. all the best, goodbye. hello dear viewers hello

dear viewers, we are back in izmailovsky park with the new year. today, our best comedians, the best singers, well, before we start, will perform in front of you. in general, our presentation. i would like to tell about myself. i usually talk about others, but i think it's time for me to tell you about myself. and i'll tell you everything honestly spirit so i'm a tall handsome blond with blue eyes. i love doing sports. i have the second category in swimming and the third in

chess. i know three foreign languages, women love me very much. i have only one drawback. i terribly love to lie. at school, i was an excellent student in physical education. i must say that i will be happy to play sports. so i started doing morning exercises again. in the morning i got up and washed, as i actively lay down on the floor on my back, stretched my arms along the body and fell asleep. started jogging, ran half a kilometer back home by taxi. in my youth i was involved in equestrian sports. in fact, he was engaged in code sports. and horses. i was very loved laughing at all my jokes. i have a higher technical education once it even helped me in life. i was driving somehow in the subway, a

girl was sitting next to me, solving a crossword puzzle, trying to guess a six-letter word there, what was written was written, and baba yaga's aircraft. she couldn't figure out what it was. i told her, i say pomelo. she says, how do you know? i still aviation institute graduated. after the aviation institute, i completed japanese language courses and now i can quite easily open a japanese umbrella without an interpreter. then i completed a higher screenwriting course, where i learned how to watch good films and write bad scripts. well, we dance very badly. something bothers me all the time. you know never dance in front of people so that they don't think that i'm grimacing. well, what else can i say in my youth? i loved books and everyone the most. well now the years have gone by force. i

no longer have those, so now only sex. at all i must say that with age, a lot in life changes in general. you know what a midlife crisis is . this is when all the girls seem like young goats to you, and you are an old goat to them, that's all the sounds that i used to make during sex. now i produce getting up from the couch. and memory weakens with age. they say that to improve memory, you need to solve crossword puzzles, but i tried to guess once. there was written a tool for instillation. i went through everything with a shovel. and a pick from that, you know which turned out to be pipetska. well, what else could you say? i am ugly, but when they say that they love not because of beauty, but for character. i'm

just animals, because my character is even worse. i am monogamous, i am monogamous, i love only myself in my youth, of course, i was fond of women, but i had an iron principle. you know my friend's wife is not a woman for me, but if she is very beautiful, he is not my friend. to be honest, i'm smart enough to understand that i'm not very smart to be very good friends with me. especially for those who have a lot of money, i am completely i disinterestedly love people who can help me financially. i can't stand it when he watches me eat, when he watches me eat. i start trying right away. hmm, eat gracefully and beautifully, or choke, or tea will go through your nose. at one time i was on a strict diet for

tomorrow, kefir for lunch, kefir for afternoon snacks, ether for dinner, this borscht with sour cream and cutlets, two steaks and three eclairs, but now i’m sitting, damn it, you know, sparing children, i don’t eat. after midnight. you know, in the summer i like to live in the country. once spent all night together, he sang with a mosquito, and i clapped. my wife got me very nice. she has only one flaw. this is her husband. i mean, i recently found it. so my testimonial from kindergarten. it says well eats sleeps walks and tells me, that is, how many years have passed, but nothing has changed. man, tell you it’s not a shame that the cat does nothing all day, only eats and sleeps, and his wife still loves him. but i love her too. i

love her. once, even we began to drink for love. we sat down and decided to drink for love the police were already separating us. do you know what real love is real love is, when you sober up, it's still beautiful. you see, i'm kind and resourceful. once i had no money at the striptease, and then the stripper in her underpants. i called out. thanks i had one habit after sex i smoked a cigarette. this is how i quit smoking. strapovich was a very witty man. i

even once asked boris burnov, who himself had no equal at the table. i say, and someone in life met, who was witty you. he said, yes, only the man rostropovich. so here's another one, my friend. aidar gainullin, a wonderful fighter , told how they drove together from a concert in the traffic police, of course. there was a banquet after the concert, and after the concert rostropovich took him home, and they violated the rules. rostropovich crossed the double continuous line in a car and was stopped by a traffic cop. and he says your rights were already going to fine them, but rostropovich. he leaned out of the car window and said, my dear. we were now performing at your very chief, then there was a banquet. of course, we drank and this chief of your boss told me go home, but only diagonally. the artist who will be on this stage now also drives a car, never

violates traffic rules, but she is still stopped by traffic cops, but only to take her autograph, because traffic cops and people from various professions love this actress . yes, the whole country loves her. and i love her too. meet this artist my favorite actress honored artist of russia elena stepanenko hi

yes, where did he find another such fool for himself. and what is not a fool of a fool of a parasite, and how did he disguise himself as a normal one, for example? you don't believe it. and you remember how i got my freak with a love potion. here is the name of the month i gave him to drink, and then brought him to the post office and i say, sign for the receipt of the benderoyka. he signed and has no complaints. let him just try. for this purpose, i have an amulet specially called a frying pan . to whom do you need deaf? you will be a mother, well, take yourself another get it oh, okay, all men are the same two arms and two legs and in the middle, you bastard. well where where? well, at least in transport?

do you know how they get there? oh, recently one stuck to me and says, i'm married. then he became insolent at all, he says, let's go with me. i say why on earth he says my job, well prostitutes. i barely got rid of him well, i had a cast-iron amulet in my bag. and you know better. let's put an ad in the newspaper in the dating section. well, that means not know what to write? go get a pen. now we will write, so you hit 40 a long time ago. recently. write, you have a young size. what is everything. the same fifty-eighth, write a miniature for a long time dumped which for almost a month. maybe calmly write to the girls 18:20. write with

two lovely little ones. what does it mean that it turns out to be a lie, and what do you want to write a forty-year-old fat terrible woman with two boltus? see the idle idiot? do you remember, she still seems to me a living tsar, she saw ivan the terrible recently, an ad gave a romantic life, age, you know, how did the grandfathers fall? of course, then they ran away. they thought it was veal, and their soup set is screaming, powdered. i was able to run away on crutches. i couldn’t, so that now i don’t indicate my dimensions in straight beets; men always get confused, they call and ask. tell me

if it's height or weight? tired, she took and blurted out the size of the bust, a cat's wedding, most importantly, the police had to be invited. well, i don’t know masha, well, you’re not dostoevsky, not roman, an idiot, you write fast, you need to write something. what do you mean no hobbies? n. you dumped every woman should have a hobby, i 'm inventing a hobby for you now. you know

how to cook scrambled eggs, and cook a sausage, write cooking. i can not. at least some man considered himself an orangutan without validol and it was impossible to look. write what i told you a month later, a man with a joint.

we are happy to have prepared. this is the anecdote i was told by mine. a good friend is an artist who will now take the stage.

i really like this anecdote at 4 o'clock in the morning the bell rings. and a voice speaks. say it's the society for the protection of animals. answer i who offended you goat at such an early hour? another anecdote is the patient leaves the doctor says the doctor. kiss me goodbye doctor, yes? are you laughing, or what? how can i kiss you? to her doctor, how can a doctor kiss his patient, i shouldn't have slept with you. these anecdotes were told to me by the artist who will now take the stage. in fact, he was not going to be a humorous entertainer. he was a circus acrobat, and in nizhny he kept it on himself. a whole pyramid of artists and he traveled all over the world with the circus, he worked in the wonderful dusalile circus and performed both in north america and south america, but i must

say that dad did too. his was also an acrobat. and a good artist too. dad was friends with yura vladimirovich nikulin. and i think that it was from this great clown of ours that our artists learned to tell jokes like that. he tells them with a completely serious face, and everyone around rolls with laughter. here he is now on the stage. and they will tell you everything, seriously, but you will still laugh. meet him. igor mamenko when was the module shown on tv? never seen a fashion show . as if according to gost, the skeletons were dug up from there and climbed out to the music of the route. correctly, by the way, they called the fashion show. so the desire to shout, where is the fillet? some moslas stick out, the dog sat licking his lips, only the bones are immediately mine.

nadyukha says, i dream of being the same as they are, i choked on cabbage rolls. i say, nadya, don't think of it, you pervert, fucking married life with a handle from a shovel. well, what's the fashion there ? she looks at these frozen hollywood and let's lose weight. well, where can you see it, so that a living woman weighs 40 kg, i have a dog 60 years old, a woman must correspond to the scale of the country. here, france is a country of small, small women. our country is boundless. the women are the same as our women, everything is the ural mountains. well, we have only been married for 20 years, our hands have not yet reached the magazine there is a glossy winter in the italian

style and the girl is smiling, the mini-skirt has a cleavage to the navel. you are in siberia, so take a walk under this snow miniskirt. we are full of panties, tormented to shovel, and your husband is on sprinkle salt at night so as not to slip in the performance of marital duty. i'll take a look when it's cool. well, we look at them, our women are the best? well , i didn’t zamuhry their handles, twigs and twig legs. in the navel of our woman, like the sea in it you can swim jumped and swing. russian field there plow not to plow we

dig up potatoes in the garden, we don't even need shovels. she has a left hand, a shovel right bayonet, and i look at two advertising excavators walking together. here is their smut. vobla in a skirt, broadcasts. bring him a light cloud of cottage cheese, tender cream with pieces of fruit, an exquisite delicacy and only 60 calories on domestic television, a normal woman. beautiful, like my nastya as they say, light clouds of bacon , tender pieces, shank, floating in jelly with dumplings, only six thousand calories. do not fit

the rain went there for the children to hide with the teachers, and the thong is a mockery of the russian woman to take our domestic underpants. everything, reliably, covered on all sides, the enemy will not pass. even the border is closed passage yard. and most importantly, these haircuts suit me not for our women. it's like carrying two watermelons with one shoelace. not suitable, my nadyukha signed up for a belly dance, the trainer showed how to twist this belly. in vain showed. my how i launched this pendulum

of death. people will complain, as the skittles belly will appear for another two hours. under the arm yapping, she says i want this. i say, you need this dog, like a flea. you need to find our wolfhound bigger, and these dogs are already dressed up in all sorts of dog clothes. the store didn't get anything. she was not at a loss dressed him in a mother-in-law robe. and i thought, i didn’t understand that this dog thinks that it’s people eduardovna climbed under the sofa and a rodent bone. and we nadyukha dug up on the

internet, now a new cartoon in a restaurant is laying down on the table, a girl is laying out food on it, as mine says the same on the table. but i covered the clearing. the navel of borscht poured a saucepan. squeezed for a whole week. the entire brigade came to dinner from work and ate with only one palm. the rest is what gives itself. glory to you lord in general, women, make babies. you our best are the most beautiful. we love you just the way you are. i would like to tell you in verses we are in verses. i'm not very good, therefore, let nikolai alekseevich nekrasov help me. there are women in russian villages. with a great soul, the holy and what for us

the investigative west, where the woman sings with a beard. and let foreign toads get hot on the fillet. native russian women are more beautiful than you on earth. thank you oh how long ago it was in the ninetieth year. angelina vovk and i hosted a program called adult and children, and she once told me said, come on, i'll bring my friend. his son sings such a good song that this friend of mine composed, but they came father and son son sang a song about a dog that was already known throughout the country, and no one knew dad and dad shared with me and told me that he has two songs that if

they come out somewhere on the radio or on television, the whole country will drink them. to be honest, i didn’t believe it, because, well, who can know in advance whether they will sing songs and they won’t, but he got exactly into the top ten even in 2 dozens since. for 30 years now, he has been giving out one or two hits every year, and two of his songs have become just informal hymns; one song has become the informal anthem of moscow and the other song has become the informal anthem of all officers of the russian federation. i think you already understand who we are talking about. i love him very much. no, not a single program in which i would not invite him, and he never refuses me. so people's artist of russia oleg gazmanov draw

a heart on the window in the living room with lipstick, we are passing by. i will see and understand you taking off straight through the three steps. without having time for you, from the open window i will take off planes and rockets. let them fly. where do they need to? let them spin a bunch of new ones all the time. we hugged on the ledge under fire from someone's gaze, spreading our wings, we go flying caught in a traffic jam. sleeping machines. going around puddles of squares, brand new skyscrapers, hugs. i'm flying with my girlfriend. down there, funny people are bustling about at the train stations, they continue to do business, the swept away, not the poor. i don't

know how lovers i fly. give it to me, i was the same did not know. oh, mom, they sleep at home in a traffic jam, drank around puddles of squares, brand new skyscrapers, hugs. i'm flying with my girlfriend. now we are not what we used to be , now we are not what we did not take the door to the hallway before. and as soon as midnight covers the city, and we leave the entrance and, according to the looks of a passer-by, we sit down, fly out. what happened to you? new height hug you i fly with my girls

flew guys. cars are sleeping in a traffic jam, bending around a puddle of squares, brand new skyscrapers, hugging spiers. i fly with the girls, the tubes sleep at home beaten, bending around puddles easier, brand new skyscrapers, hugs. i fly with my girls, i fly with my girl.

happy new year. let goodness come to the house to live without flu and colds . grippferon wishes everyone the first on television. in a year, no one will need you, except for me. so the amazing place of the first part tomorrow at 21:00 only on the russia channel toilet paper for dad 2690 pyaterochka helps out and overeating reduces prices and alcohol loads the liver three times more than normal. how to protect your liver during the holidays

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bank, i interrupted the call and stole 13 billion rubles from the russians. take paracetamol reneval, citramon perineval, we trust rinival. we choose rinival large tortilla cole slow lots of chicken and fries new big megaroll. day of christmas christmas christmas on this warm winter evening we will sing songs about christmas we all have suffered now since childhood. i'm very glad that you liked it.

razgel is the right choice for adults and children once a wonderful writer grigory gorin said that humor is a product soon perishable, probably it is, but there is an exception. you know, there is a story that was repeated by various entertainers, humorists

told that in sokolniki a clearing was fenced off with an announcement that an exhibition of rare donkeys would be held here next sunday. well, on sunday, a whole crowd gathered , walking around the meadow, looking at each other and saying, where are the donkeys? here is such an intricate joke that went well in public. and recently i found out that these are jokes for more than 150 years. and when is this announcement was published in a london newspaper, namely start, but even today there are such phrases such reprises that live for many years. well , for example, i’ll tell you one phrase now, you will understand who will take the stage now, because the whole country knows this phrase and starts smiling as soon as it hears this one. the phrase so the phrase is well, take me. now you understand that now elena vorobey will act in front of you. today,

this is something that tomatoes gave rise to me. wait , i'm in command. debts, what debts did lobnensky turn to us

economic bank, lobnensky economic bank, these zhulikin economic ones among the people, have long been abbreviated as chosen credit conditions.

and the bitch is 120,000 rubles. what rubbish? you are not talking to me, i warn you. i have a work counter of 1,000 rubles. a minute and you already owe 121,000 rubles. so that you burn in hell do not understand. we are already in hell. maybe you'll sit down and drink some tea with me, i'll give you tea, i'm suffocating, ladies, why am i pulling tea for tea, so this is the case here for you. is it? are you bringing me gifts? i don't know, how will i calculate. how do you know about my burned with me was. vaska, i approached him,

fate, then i say we are working. tell me in a good way. you where the stash of affairs did not tell the royal to him heavenly. iron woman chase the debt, take me as a wife to go where i ran so much, well, to us all of yours to the second ate mythakina. drive ours, which is 22,000 rubles. i'll say goodbye. be well. by chance, you don’t have this non-pork fungus, my son is not a pig for me. i have a bird it is not an infection. they didn’t know that at night, help checked to stand. what are you to me did you bring a search box to freedom? how does he know what i would say cosmo broke down from my late husband's milk of the kingdom of heaven to him. oh,

passion, how the son killed her in pies, and you got me from the road of cold work, nervous, say a pie to us. well, son, is it tasty for you , but what about taste? but delicious. no sik, i want pies on top. cars well, that's all you want to make friends it's useless you got the third clove there and the gasoline you have there is a loose chainsaw sorted out, look, son, i redeemed my 28 years

of railing heavenly railing. i'm what i think. maybe you should pay in parts of something. and you know what, let's just turn off the counter. you pay interest and the body of the loan is only 90,000 rubles. i feel that the two of us have a phrasebook, maybe the third one can connect maximka, who is the son. no, maxim 's grandson. no, well, an assistant is somewhere without a failed machine gun. maksim is ready, i recently smeared him, grandfather with fruit. yes, he dragged him where i hid him, but let's say 70,000 rubles. and let's go on good terms. would my rotten, on my knees, pleading eyes peep and asks so sorry and does not display tina let's break up with you

, for good. i say, now you have taken me as a widow, you are giving him heavenly 50,000 rubles. just quickly i have full time for you. you are not with me for three minutes . i have already given half of 1236 for a long time. far from debt i will not part, i will not pay off, and you will not leave me from here, your face is your shameless eyes. you burst into a lonely woman, you didn’t want to take them, but you have to. let me give you 5,000 rubles. everything is funny. and what is today 5.000 rub. what are you, for a long time in stores it was not good good 10.000 rubles. i will take out for the trail for water for gas for the overhaul of the stage. that's what you kept 50,000 rubles. i just put it in

my uaz, when my dil’s school didn’t have me anymore . okay, today i’ll leave a good 50,000 losharam in the hallway on the bedside table. bye bye. i drove home pants afraid, i said. okay, it can't be. and what, i'm lost, now i'll help my daughter. she's all in debt to me, like silk. hello, this is lobnensky economic bank. can you tell me if you still have a loan? why are you only today on especially favorable terms, on what only 500 percent per annum? we will take it

by hand. the artist whom i want to invite to the stage for more than 50 years has been performing on the stage with great success almost in humor. he can do everything, he sang verses, he sang ditties, he danced on stage. he played in miniatures with other artists, but best of all, of course, he reads monologues monologues - this is his forte. he them i don't know countless over the years

performed even published two or three books of his repertoire, which he performed with success at all venues, not only in russia but also abroad. i want to tell you that he is generally a multilateral developed person. well , for example, he could be quite calmly an art critic so well. he knows russian painting, he could be a professional book dealer so well. he knows the old book, but nevertheless, he has remained true to his profession. and i must tell you that the profession always goes to meet him. she 's loyal to him because he's a fan of our genre in addition, he also makes and hosts tv shows, in which he himself also acts as a participant in these tv shows. in general, i told you a lot about him, and you have long understood who we are talking about and so meet his people's artist of russia yevgeny petrosyan

as i am with my wife, this is me in a monologue already. drove last summer in his car to the sea left on sunday morning the weather whispers little cars flew almost 1,000 km to rostov. flew stopped at the

store to buy juice products there, maybe the saleswoman turned out to be some kind of guy with humor she was asked, how long does she work for him until 50? i smiled at her, she smiled at me, please, juice, dear, young lady, so what do you think, my musya flew up, as if into the air with indignation, why did i say, dear young lady. they just give me juice, if you said a stranger to me, dear, young lady, then you won’t miss a single skirt at sea. i imagine how you cheated on me before the wedding. and what about before the wedding before the wedding? this is not treason. this is casting. here

you have some nonsense to die. do you think i i forgot how you casually met me on the bus, the driver braked sharply? i slammed you into your lap. you asked 18 is. there are then sitting. all the time you have this topic all the time. do you remember when i said that i liked serov's painting girl with peaches, that you answered that you like more rubens's painting, he has beating peaches. that's it, turn the car back home. i'm with such a womanizer not wanting to deal with everything, what are you doing 1,000 km, drove. i still don't want to

go home with you, or i'll go out and walk. well what should muse do? even in anger, like sakura, i would say beautiful, but a tree. she even has it written on her forehead. i'm a fool, but i didn't show up on time before the wedding, she had bangs. passed the law exam. no, they asked how the engine works, she answered them. well, we drove almost 400 km to voronezh, we just drove through nothing . arms and legs don't work. we fell asleep right in the car at 10:00 overslept, in the morning we woke up we can’t understand anything, what where

when musya happily asks, where is the sea? hmm what sea is 400 kilometers from moscow? what is your sea? you see, in what century i decided to rest. he has already seen me for the third day in moscow. well, you yourself, that i myself am an impressionable woman. and you are a man, after all. you should have insisted. so turn back to the sea, or i'll get out and walk. turned around let's go an

hour later, after such a ride, the navigator asked, so well, where are we when we arrive, krasnodar, i look at the meeting. nothing happened. musya questions. i explain, because she went to overtake. do cows like milk? i say love but not reach out, and what is the difference between a bang and a cow? well, like a cow has a bell

hanging around her neck, and a heifer has a mobile phone. just kidding. little by little, to the best of our ability, we passed the market with flowers. be it not laden this market. horror, just another scandal. why didn't i stop and buy her flowers. if i loved her, i would buy her flowers. and so i don't like her. you never saw me as a woman. i somehow decided to seduce you. wearing sexy black lingerie. are you afraid that someone died? you only think about your car my mommy asked you about me. how is yours, sunshine, you answered oil. i just don’t have words, and when the mosik says that i don’t have

words, i can’t shut her up anymore. all husbands are like husbands, zoya's husband is a diplomat, because he went to school with a diplomat. and you apparently went to school with a satchel. and recently, do you remember our anniversary was small, but the anniversary, i wrote invitation cards, i asked you how to write anniversary or anniversary? you said write an anniversary. well, i don't want to do business with you. back home for divorce or me i'll go out and go on foot she sent me, honey, i

went with the girls to a bachelorette party. i will call. do not pick up the phone, do not run into. she passed the exam at the institute only because the examiner with humor was caught laughing out loud when she asked him a question. what is the meaning of raskolnikov's life, she answered to cut down more grandmas. more and finished him off, saying that all men are the same, and the wall of razin in general. pomatrosil and quit all the time wanting to seem smarter than he actually was doing brain tomography. nothing was

found. i say i knew it without them. when are we driving at all? oh how to go? oh, i need so much money for cosmetics for a pedicure for a manicure for an appeal for this for that for that, i say, but i was lucky, i was born beautiful right away. before the wedding , there was a swallow bird; after the wedding, there was a brain-peck bird. a woman must do in her life

, uh, three things to catch ring and zadolbat. well, in general, with these thoughts, i drove straight to tula, 180 km left to go home. well, nothing could stand it, i cut it down for a day. morning through the slumber the window was open such a breeze pleasant birds sing the air is good. good morning, i open my eyes. musya looks at me.

i'm at her. two rams met early in the morning. be quiet. i try not to interrupt her. suddenly she kissed me and said, i want to go to the sea. with me when humanly without me, the ropes are possible. well, of course, at sea. where else is

this weather? i called 911 just in case . told them how are we going? they listened to me attentively and offered to hang myself. i thanked them. turned around and went really sea. especially 180 kilometers from moscow drove off.

then i read that a person cannot reach his nose with his tongue. and suddenly shut up. i hear about an hour later. look, it's almost done. we again reached rostov, i basically stopped everything at this store, i found out about you already back.

we spent the day by the sea swimming, and then i remembered that i had to go to work in 10 days. and we immediately back, i understand, to moscow a day and a half drive, but i'm a smoothie somewhere near voronezh. musya decided to swim once more, but he managed to get to work, everything is in order. smiled at me.

kissed her with her unique smile and asked. i'm getting on your nerves. you're just a real woman, and you're a real man. because you don't get angry. today i go to church and confess. i'll tell my father how we drove. i say, just in

case, they seized dollars, suddenly they will take the priest. you will laugh, but we are still living smoothies, who said that it is difficult with women, that it was difficult to approach there, hugged him, kissed him, said that she was smart and beautiful. but if this does not fit into your head, you can ask, i did not understand. you've lost weight, haven't you? recently i i crawled home drunk, to be honest, i look, musya meets me with a broom in his hands. i knelt down and shouted musya not in front of my face. all wives are like wives normal but they live boring but you won't get bored with my music.

thank you very much, thank you happy new year . let goodness come to the house to live without flu and colds. grippferon wishes everyone this is a cool topic. we worried about them, we radiate. you trust you well, we voted for them, we learned from them, you charge your students with your love for your science and brilliant form of educational stand-up. the most enthusiastic teachers in general on your program realized that i was interested in learning the most interesting lesson, the highest score of 5 plus the sea, the brain's dopamine is a sea of ​​pleasure. it's time to find out the name

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in the acting department, in my opinion, there are up to 100 people per place, he entered and graduated, well, he acted in films, of course, but he also worked even in the musical theatre. e, vladimir nazarov and played. there rollers musical roles. he sang there and danced naturally. i spoke from the stage and i must say that somehow i managed to do it very well, but also in the cinema. more luck because he 's been in about 30 films. but you know, he

has a hobby, despite the fact that he has everything in order in his main specialty. he loves to make rapids. moreover, the parody makes for such artists, on which no one else of the breed can do. well i've had enough of you said good words. meet his universal romance on the air of a culinary show of a star on a diet so that the stomach does not stick out like a wheel. that's what avraam russo advises us. meet the night this night, a whole hot dog climbed into me. i already know this calorie pain won't be earache. you are crying so much my scales in the refrigerator, sausages,

many more kilograms are still enough. gaining stomach does not want a maniac. and it's hard for me to put it down. and i wish you the same, so that you don’t need to shake the fat. it is not worth breaking the diet, they rudely advise uspensky to us. lyuba for god's sake is already 22:00 and it is impossible, neither meat nor seasoning, nor in beans to observe. everyone in the country, therefore you can’t

eat at a banquet i gobble up a lot. i just gobble up the salad on my face on my face on my face. i look and shed tears again. i am cucumber, tomato and green celery. now my friends. extra pounds fly past if the diet from trofim is observed in television programs

and movies, one thing tortured us all. how to eat right? lose weight very quickly and don’t go on diets, buy trofim’s albums all in a row. when you turn on my songs, who can eat even after six, right? if if you want to get heartburn, then you can turn on buzova . elena vaenga friends went on a diet. let's just listen to the project. turn it off. about my problem. more lyricism with my hand

you can't you can't strict lacta diet so taught me with garlic always. i want to eat pork. at one o'clock in the morning again the refrigerator. i'm quiet. i'm going to you.

i love now there will be no extra words from markin , the advice is as follows. i turn around, i wrap it with cling film and learn the secret of harmony so that all the girls will see it again. my new silhouette will be built and high, so that the whole country loves me. i am ready to eat one sand. well, even a little. for them, a diet is useless for them diets, they are

cheerful guys on the stage, a group of hands up ran in right away, ordered a chicken, paid very little, it seems, not in vain, after all, a birthday. all your friends break. the teeth are expressed very rudely, but the reason was found here, the waitress friend confessed that the anniversary was darkened, it’s your chicken, she’s tough everywhere 18 already, well, the chef told her to wait for your table to cook, he’s lambs, those of which are 50. before the new sun wait to cook there those who are 50 thank you this artist came

to us in the genre from kvn, then moved to professional work, he worked at a radio station as a dj. then he came to moscow without any acquaintances, lived in a hostel, began to write good texts for various artists, but in time he realized that it was better to write to someone, and he began to write to himself and began to perform to this day. this is one of our most famous artists in humor. meet him sergey drobotenko

i have one good friend of a lady who has a rather magnificent body, but what is her charm. here, unlike other obese women, she does not have a complex about her figure. on the contrary, to be proud of ourselves, to advertise our lifestyle, we call pyshka. if only she would come out instead of me and turn to the ladies sitting in the hall. i think she would say something like this. my girls tell me honestly, girls. this is how i put my paw on my heart. why do you all want to lose weight? why does my husband get me from time to time . yes, i'll give you mummies away. i say why are you far away? he tells me i

when i try to hug you, my hands don’t leave behind me, you can’t hug the immensity. when we were just getting to know him, i came to his house for the first time, i didn’t have time to enter the apartment. he 's on my doorstep, god, what forms, it's me who entered the titanic today because there will be a new series of gone with the wind. no, girls, well, i must tell me this is with you, the car lives twice as much gasoline. but the stopping distance is twice as short. girls motherland needs donuts from us is one good. if i served in the paratroopers, i would

skydive while the rest of the air. i would have pulled out the anti-tank ditch by now. we have one train, i'm here in the pool. climbed up to a ten-meter tower will make a tsunami. girls i didn't see it honestly i didn't see it. the kid downstairs was just learning to swim. something didn't work for him for a long time. well, how did you see me from below? soaring on the wings of love they burn fat. my dear, yes, so many pineapples have not grown here. ashamed to remember

some mowgli pestered me saying good morning lady, i immediately told him. rush listen, they are there, it turns out they ride on elephants. girls, i looked there is an elephant. i don't i know midget elephants, sometimes not. want to ride an elephant? l

are you your existence? what the hell branch can withstand such a monkey? listen to lie on the beach. i'm standing next to a chic sombrero. i love beautifully dressed girls. i love doing it with a chic sombrerost, an ogre's dream. well, at least take off your hat. here you have people from afar take for a fungus you will be left without money. he understands how he possesses happiness. he doesn't understand and tells me we don't have a dacha. you bought a double hammock. open your eyes, it's a bra, girls. when are we on the bus we walk, we immediately give up our places, so

that's it. now, whoever doesn't get up, i'll fall on that, and on the train, the girls must have the bottom shelf , right? i'm not looking. and you claim top place for me. look, i'm not going to change. one assistant professor was crawling along the ceiling. they clearly declare on their birthday. i want you to look like madi and give me. just don't fall . thong well, such a bathing suit there is still a string behind it. along the equator

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for only 2.99 rubles. call. phone or order on our website leomax.ru. pasha is calling me to marry there was no sadness when i met my daughter-in-law. oh, you are my good. the artist is wonderful, now she is, i can say that she is an artist. but in fact, she started as an author and for a long time did not want to perform on stage, although she had a theatrical education. although she graduated from a

theater institute in st. petersburg, but for a long time did not dare to go on stage, then life forced her, and now she performs very well and fruitfully in miniatures and performs very well and writes very well. you know, i'm amazed that she once just made up a joke herself. after all, no one knows who writes jokes. here she is ivan ivanovich composes what did they do in the laboratory? locked up there with two laboratory assistants, did nothing. and why is the rabbit looking at you so respectfully? natalya korosteleva this issue is dedicated to those who survived the most terrible cataclysms - the volcanic eruption of the tsunami tornado or apartment renovation. good afternoon, my dear

builder friends, i am the owner of the apartment, where your friendly construction team will repair the old house. i'm worried about the wiring. no need to worry about wiring. there is vodka. i'm wired, well since i'm by profession an art critic for decorating an apartment. i got out the style of the rococo era, and in the office i will have pablo picasso what a bastard, in fact? is pablo picasso an artist? well, i am very glad to meet you to see your inspired faces. i don't believe that repairs are so nightmarish, it's a natural disaster, especially since you told me that you are professionals and easy. cope with the repair in just 2 weeks, six months have passed. what,

did you mess up? ira you i asked to increase the area of ​​​​the bathroom, well, not at the expense of the iron cage, i now have a shower cabin lift passes. what is that statue in the hallway? i didn't order the statue. so i asked you to stick photo wallpapers. i gave you two sets of masterpieces of painting for the living room and heroes of fairy tales for the nursery. well, you've got all the sheets mixed, now ivan the terrible kills winnie the pooh dana feeds his breasts

let's go to the kitchen. what is this in the kitchen? i'm not blind. i see that the why granite stove with the inscription rest in peace, because you drink all the time already drank everything that was whiskey in the house, cognac tequila, even a growth simulator. so i guessed you all from the mouth hair grows. you see the bas-relief of the ancient greek gods

at olympia, i understand that you spent 10 years in the zone. well, why do the gods sit on sweatshirts on olympus? i asked the fishermen on the lena to draw it . you have already brought me to the point that i look at the picture, death, pompeii and i think, lord, so almost the whole whole can live there. yes, i still have years in my apartment. 228

you said mistress 2 weeks, we'll do everything uzurbeks were 17 now 45. what did the goat bring to defeat the ceilings? i speak such a russian language

. you brought me to me already. gray on the head damned, they kicked me out of the art history department. because i said that the statue of michelangelo's david is the main thing that the arms of david grow from the shoulders, who connected the tap in the kitchen to the sewer.

you call me married 18 wife one minute. but i sold my car to pay for repairs. what are we going to the registry office on

? now i’ll read you a little poem, a dim poem, here electricity oozes water from the roof . you pass please, what is standing on the threshold? who are you ? where? you oh i'm a funny person. it 's just that you mixed up the city street and the century. meet aglaya shilovskaya

people didn't get along at all, they say i'm lucky with a cat. if someone is black, i will cross the road. yes, for now, on the contrary, only the black year is not lucky. the whole day in the yard the bustle drives away the roads. only a song just like you want a yard

of blanks they say you're not lucky if the black contact. only the black year is unlucky, even with my cat a mile away i had to meet the sunset, only the song is not at all, like a bell purr, with a cat they say you will not be lucky if a black cat goes to work there, while vice versa. only the black year is not lucky. was blacker than a tempting ingredient

they say. he cannot be

a person with 1.200, because the number of images that he did on stage is simply fantastic, whom he just did not portray. meet his honored artist of russia svyatoslav yeshchenko imagine that i am a young girl. oh, girl, i'm not young anymore, soon i'm 20 living in a women's hostel. herself. i am very attractive. you see, yes, and now these guys, come on, they are first attracted, and then for some reason they are very quickly distracted. and then i found out that i live in our city, an old sorceress, and she can do a love spell on guys from the gate and even drive into the oncoming lane. well, i come to her sorcerer, it turned out not so much scary. how many deaf

people ask what you want, girl. i say i want a groom with a voice to turn. you want to stand naked at the corner, we'll do it. i already want to make a boyfriend. love spell. she says you're yelling, you fool. i'm not deaf done right in front of my eyes. she had a love potion and immediately poured it down the toilet. i say why you poured? she says it's nanotechnology, the sewer flows into the river, and the whole city drinks from the river. you'll see, tomorrow all the guys will run after you. hehehehe. oh what tomorrow for tonight already one guy wrote me on instagram so i want to meet you, everything is shaking. i ask him. describe yourself, you are tall, he writes 1.82 in the boots of the first i of this weirdo decided to

take a walk before going to bed. i look at the entrance our hostel is such a nerd, you know , timid. uh, like a crab stick? well, in the sense of neither fish nor meat, then he says, here in c. i say i'm what i'm in marry me? lord, so sharply, and why to wash your socks, he says to marry me and my socks will become yours. i say, go earn money for a washing machine, and i myself think that a strange kind of love spell works on a strange one. i returned to my room, went to bed, woke up in the morning, and i open the door there, a bald man is standing on the threshold. cheerful how domino after and sings so these eyes are opposite and

he really sings, and he looks with his right eye his left. and he says, so playfully, let's dance tea and coffee. i say, what about champagne candy flowers? he says no thanks. but vodka, i would drink. i'm talking to you by chance to visit. sometimes the squirrel doesn't jump. he says that he does not jump. she lives with me. i say go back to her. he says and you will go about me more, hear me, i will still doze off. indeed, in our hostel the elevator is small, and the garbage chute is large. he doors confused, not what i heard about him. he went there and thundered on all nine floors. oh, i put on makeup, combed my hair, sit down in a

normal elevator and then fill up. the fat man pressed me with his stomach against the wall. he says, here's luck, let's get to know each other. i say, sorry, how much do you weigh, he says with glasses 130 kg without glasses, i don’t see the scales. i say, excuse me, of course, your fullness, congenital or acquired. he says, i swear i was thin, the devil pulled me to go to the gym there. i sat on the exercise bike and began to recover sharply. asked the instructor that i was getting better. he says, it's their fault they pedaled in the opposite direction, i opened up, fell out and went out into the street. at the stairs there is a soldier in a green uniform, under the color of his face he saw me throw himself into the line and says, girl, let me meet you. you know, i say, i need such a paris so that i follow it like a

stone wall. he says, then you need our foreman. he himself is like a wall and kidney stones. i remembered that i need to go to the clinic for help, i go to the therapist. he says undress, while no one is there. i i ask, in the sense of undressing to the waist. he says better to the floor. i ask in disbelief, you are definitely a therapist. he says, actually, i'm a gyniculist. it's like an honorary optometrist to an odd gynecologist. and then another doctor comes in and tells this gynecologist that he is sick. why are you wearing my robe? you can't leave it for a minute. oh, how i started from this stupid clinic. my left eye began to twitch because of this oculiologist, a traffic cop saw me, he said, girl, why are you blinking to the left? you turn right. fly with this

speed, and you're not wearing a seatbelt to help you. i looked, indeed, i forgot to fasten the belt on my jeans; well, not young, you can see the gunpowder in the powder flasks is no longer there, but there is still dust in the stone. he comes up to me and says, well, let's get to know my daughter? i say, oh, what kind of father are you looking for mother for 20 years. all nervous, bitch, nutty i go up to my hostel at the entrance is bugai with a very low forehead. so arms spread me out not allowed, says, hello beauty. leave coordinates. i say write down 40° north latitude and 20° east longitude. he thought for a long time, chertanovo or what? i say, let me

go invisible man, i'm almost invisible, because there's nothing to look at. and then he made a typical male mistake raised his hand to me. and if a man raised his hand to a woman, then he pakh, left him without protection. and then i realized that normal guys don't drink tap water. here actually. and the whole story of course i would like to wish this girl to find her love without any love spell, but you know, i suddenly remembered a short dialogue by mary ivanna what is it that you have been alone all your life, right? one, honey? i

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what is your business? what do you want from me at 21:20 on the channel, russia

two of these artists, vadim tankov and boris vladimirov, each of them had characters. grannies. one had an intelligent grandmother, the second had such a simple grandmother, but then alexander shirvindt united these grannies in the transfer of the tower-teremok and it turned out such a wonderful couple veronika mavrievna. i was in nikitin's dota , they had popularity in soviet times, not a single ogonyok was crazy without these funny grannies, and i must say that i somehow even went on tour with them. for a whole week in one city, two concerts a day and crowded halls, people were dying of laughter. over their reprises with jokes miniatures. they had solo concerts. naturally, and you know there is such a proverb that you cannot enter

the same river twice. but this today's artist succeeded. they play their grandmothers, and they do not only portray these grandmothers. but besides, they do parodies and sing, and one of them, or most likely, one even did somersaults on stage. so these are our today's new russian grandmas. meet today, on this stage, i am speaking to you as the people's artistic regions against russia as the matrons of the commander. again

late with a new one, like a fool. i stand alone. here where she disappeared, she just stood there picking her nose with her finger, she’s like this all the time and this is the claudia divan chui will forget to put on my way, that they torn into tights. who attacked, who then are you going to urgently take off? well, again, the brothers are not at the computer for five. just backstage, i just have

a pretty phone. teeth, in general, hello people, now it will be normal to raise. all nonsense, we came to you from afar. nedetsky dries write no one and not bogdan yes, yes yes yes yes yes yes, yes, yes comrades, like karaoke. here you go, comrades. we are with her often after time we go. rather, i take her to karaoke, i put the theater in a puppet movie. maybe, you see, yes , people, wherever everything wants, as

they say, the audience also wants bread. you are well done, reminded the lucky one. i’ll tell you now , a friend who recently dragged me to the ballet of the swan heart is called the wasteland hurts knew. i would have gone to throw a pillar start. they limp and everyone is in white slippers, and i tell you to go all on these show-offs. kiss me on the tutu 'bout kiss the tutu. i don’t know, but i can move the scoreboard i forgot to ask, why is this when there were men runes came on the scene army binoculars

took out. what are you seeing there? we, i wanted to understand what to understand, who is the leader, well, of course. who called the worst? meshaling thought up the wrong rod with this swan a couple of ugly ducklings on stroganov, are you really going to kiss here to plan? are you a princess chicken, why are you doing this? these. do you think it's beautiful, or what? enough, do not understand anything dance, dying of love. are you already crazy, or something, but right

in the coccyx people didn’t come to watch you squirm here too volochkova, the dried version, i won’t go with you more to the movies, you’ll go to the cinema, there is a lot more sex than on the screen. and you're talking crazy here , i'll tell her another egregious case recently and god bless in the cinema for a horror movie, as it's already called? the dead dead and, most importantly, the lights were put out and the screensaver began to present the film of john jr., the killer part two, the horror of the cinema, and here it didn’t work from you either , but in front of the screen with two fyodors of sweet popcorn so i got lost in the dark, got lost. just imagine sit and the real walking real went and a leg to the football camp, along the way, you look start. well enough. enough of this inscription on the

chinese maternity hospital is enough and that's it. you're lying, because it wasn't like that, of course, it wasn't like that, it was even worse. no, she trampled through the rows of leaves yelling. you're still really a fool, but we're the only ones watching a movie, and nobody spat anything over the spirit . at least i think she's spitting. what were you spitting? are you like seeds or something, they aren’t there, everything is eaten in it. and what knocked me rested? what were you in the system everything included landclusive? why are you silent, well, what are you, actually, well, glasses always

grumble at you when they have a man no, i'm looking for a woman. i'll tell you somehow. now so good man. it’s possible on pop-ups here, so there are new shoals of women there. no offense, then last saturday. and it says, let's go to the concert. i’m speaking to someone, well, yes, you’ll come, you’ll see, we’ll come to stas mikhailov woman over 40 hello, i’m a divorcee, i love stasiks, a decent person, i sang a song like a panochka, and stas mikhailova sings an old woman. bite me on the ear. you in my chest why rushed falsehood

take me at least at the checkout, but you'll be an old woman cool peasant uncomfortable police riot police this is okay, i didn't put on handcuffs, kicked like a sheep. who is well done i am well done. the runny nose is gone. what kind of thing is this? it's lucky for me. i don't have money for a souvenir. go to the bank.

go again credit, you look at yourself. yes , nothing, yes, i will not be silent, comrades, somehow we went with her to the theater of cats under the direction of kuklachev. i asked you not to tell this story to anyone . why are you pretending first she tore off her skirt, then the performance? do you know what happened? this is generally a horror vial with valerian in your pocket burst and in many ways. who you crazy thought up in the cat's diagnosis of valerian, my burden came to joke you, i believe. i drink it. he crashed in his left toe, his jump didn’t, and those 200 of them rushed, let’s try a comrade. artist. you suddenly condense, as i teach or valerian, yes, throw it on the matryona and let's

lick it all. it's crazy jumped back. there isn't here. there she jumped and climbed, probably cats climb after her matrons some kind of kingdom fights off yelling. spectators yell puppets. the yell ran out. god , he looked up her skirt. from above mother looked fathers or the cats were dragged away from her. now i'm thinking further. but if a cat sticks our dacha paper on its paw, he will not only wash her face, but also see it. don't get upset. i know what you and i came up with next time we 'll go to football. so you crush a bottle of vodka in your pocket , you know, so that the men throw the same on you and find your happiness, stupid

women, not men, but what about the fact that in you, well, it was comfortable to go wherever you want , whatever you want, in a word, that you just felt good, and now the theater is clapping for me, but the museum and ballet. and the beautiful gathered, the brothers to rest and after changing, so come to his girlfriends at the end. we are playing for you. we will sing we will even hide. there is no sadness, there are reasons for beautiful men, come to us all who are with us, come here, darkness, i adore and shoot

. we wish you to be distracted. do you know me in our izmailovsky park? especially for you prepared a surprise. today we have the two stars program, each of these stars shines on our stage with a bright light that illuminates us all with the love of these artists for us. and we are natural. each of these stars can gather a full hall. and we have here in izmailovsky park. they are together for the first time. i think that we are very lucky, because igor nikolaev and valeria are our guests.

then love is unrequited, then the misfortune of the pine tree knocks on the door with warmth, beckons, they and i. i want to go there, come back to me. just

dreamed mine. me dream about the weather, kayfovaya, somri, in memory forever your smile, my beautiful you are god's simple and i want to go there so much. thank you, let's just dream cool

light, don't trust my happiness.

buffer tv channel russia comes out to lead you welcome, i'm maria sittel hello for 5 hours non-stop firing on the petrovsky district of donetsk destruction, of course, critical houses for demolition. just miraculously, no one was harmed by the healers of the armor. per day