[000:00:00;00] today i was 19 years old, okay, enough, let's look at the weekend, your girl, she didn't die, kalya , we gave her to a childless family, tell me you 're delusional, you want me to believe that we have an adult daughter, a mistake of youth , which you won’t forget, i can talk to anya, hello, which one of you is galina nikolaevna? you confessed to her, said that she was not an orphan, you came to see your daughter, a mistake of youth that you want to repeat again, that you’ve gone crazy, anya is unconscious in the hallway and there is blood, i’m your mother, don’t leave me, please, us, you now

have a dad, pansies, today on rtr. you look 100 to one, what is our task to open the whole board, we can handle it, if you ask, then with the podbokh, the name of which character from pushkin’s works everyone knows, how many seven will be eight, how many, who is at work, speaks a lot and loudly, if you answer , i would think, chop, don’t pinch, problems with water, light, housing and communal services, i don’t know what else, geometry, algebra, physics, chemistry, headache kit,

god forbid now, if you win, then, 100 k alone, tomorrow at rtr, we need to have time to put the city park in order, you now have a serious competitor, you need to remove it, substitute it, it’s a shovel, everyone will immediately think of us, yes, no, well, not with my own hands, i ’m ready to get to work right today, i understand the logistics of supplies in the organization of work, some wise guy, be careful with him, i want us to be together. should a real man be manifested in his actions? i don’t understand, this can’t be, no one has ever disgraced me like this. if you want to thrive, get rid of the weeds. is that what you are everything is arranged, only all the facts are against you. i can't see you. roses and thorns, premiere,

today on rtr. in sunday. hello sochi. it is with great joy that we welcome you to our traditional humor festival in sochi. natasha, i noticed that the city of sochi, like a magnet, attracts tourists from all over the country and does not let them go anywhere. no, wait, but what about turkey? now you can fly to turkey, for example, for two weeks. natasha, why fly to turkey for 2 weeks, if with the same money you can easily relax for a week in

sochi. yes, that’s right, that’s right, especially since our humor show is taking place in sochi, where the best artists of the humor genre perform. now he will take the stage. the inventor will always come up with something that will immediately make everyone laugh, an artist of all trades, gennady vetrov , friends, recently i, i swear, it’s true, dreamed of my character, which has been in my repertoire for a very long time, if you remember , this is a poet, a botanist named sophocles, well, remember, you know, i

’m embarrassed, i’m embarrassed by them, i’m embarrassed by them embarrassment, there are women like violins, there are women like velancheli, i made a mistake in life, i married an electric drill, and we talked with him, talked half the night, in connection with which i invite you to my... virtual dream, well, he was offended by that , that i no longer include him in the repertoire, i say, well, you have something interesting, he says, naturally, naturally, firstly, i have proven hits, about women, one fat woman told two friends, with her fatness i am full of courage, i will not allow it, so that this moron had a beautiful and slender wife, and something new, he began to smile, naturally, on any topic, on the beach he found... a jug, old, rusty, like gin, day two, work every now and then, that maybe everything was sweating, and the jug was muttering, pull out the cork, moron, there is something about a shopping

spree, my wife and mother-in-law anna were on a shopping spree, they tried to get into the dolci, then into the gobanno, for about four hours i laughed there with all my heart, until they gave me a specific point rye, i'm sorry, sorry, whose wife and mother-in-law, you're a bachelor, that's right, he answers, naturally, i’m a bachelor, this is my neighbor’s family nest, kolyashi, here’s my mother and wife, but i’m sissifying, i’m sissing them, i kissed only once in the seventh grade, i kissed the school banner, and then it’s dangerous, depending on what kind of mother-in-law you'll run into it. although my neighbor has strollers, my mother-in-law is cool, he says, something, i respect her, but how could it be otherwise, she is the mother of my wife, the grandmother of my children, and also the prosecutor of our region, well, i say, if you

you’re afraid to get married, well, he’d have a party, he says, there was a party, there’s a poem left on this topic, they say, sulking, i walked to my sneaks, shifting from foot to ... foot in between , i stumbled on a track, even though i stumbled, but not in vain, but i fell in love with vera palovna from her husband, a quiet guy, we were quiet for four days , i didn’t know that her husband was a jock, on the fifth day, with an ordinary weight , he broke the cervix in my head, everything was normal, but in punctuation marks, now i sometimes make mistakes, and as soon as i come to consciousness, i don’t puncture with anyone anymore, i say, okay, okay, who got into trouble with the neighbor svetka, nicknamed

crumb, you remember, svetka, whose size is 150 by 150 by 150, well, these were punctuations because of my verse, i dedicated it to our women from the entrance, the figure of the christmas tree from the bank is like a violin, the guitar body has a challal manicure, well svetka... there is some kind of mistake, a figure, just a piano lid , she didn’t talk to me, very, very much like you , for a very long time, probably about 40 minutes, until she wrote her a personal poem, called infinity, you can’t see where left and right are, where is the shore, meet svetlana, where is the brooch, there in front, and i tell her: sveta, and then , you shouldn’t be offended at me, you said it yourself, you have such a figure, everything suits you, remember, you tried on a hoop at fitness, and it was just right for you.

i say, well, you can’t offend women, women need to be given compliments, because a woman loves with her ears, you tell me, isn’t this a miracle, i’ll just tell her about miami, but i won’t take her there, and he... summed up how could. oh, life without a woman, melancholy and sadness . well, who, as a bachelor, i know about this, stop snotting, tomorrow i'll fall in love. and i’ll fall into a magical dream together with mila, and so that you have someone to try for in life, and so that it’s pleasant to wake up together, let your dreams be extraordinarily kind, and don’t sleep through your happiness, you

accidentally. can you imagine, natasha, i was on the beach today and saw how one woman took 50 photographs with a monkey as a souvenir. i wonder why she needs 50 photos with a monkey? the photographer just didn’t have the change for the five thousand dollar bill. didn't you bite? no, but i still couldn’t sleep, the cats were screaming under the windows all night, i love amazing female logic, now an artist who knows absolutely everything about female logic will take the stage, meet

the brilliant elena stepanenko. good afternoon, dear friends, we are starting an excursion to the human reserve, which contains rare human species that are almost never seen in our lives. so, pay attention to the first enclosure. here are the so-called real men who women love. prope, this species is almost

exterminated, woman, don’t come close to the enclosure, otherwise one here also just wanted pet her, so they dragged her in and did this to her, there she sits, happy, for the second year she hasn’t been bent out. her husband came for her, cried, called her back, hissed, didn’t recognize him, and now pay attention to the next enclosure , there is a very rare species, almost never found in russia, a person who has no credits, can you imagine, just one credit,

now it’s quiet , god forbid you check, there is a doctor here who wants to cure, and not make money, there are fewer and fewer of them, don’t put your hands in the cage, he grabs it right away, starts measuring pulse, blood pressure, what does he eat? well, like all doctors, with cognac and sweets, here, in the central enclosure, you can see a rare specimen, a man who does not cheat, no, it’s not that he ’s against it, it’s just that there’s a story here, you know, he sawed down trees, sawed off branches

chainsaw. and by chance, he would be happy to change, but now, as they say, without a hitch, in this cage we keep the so-called migratory individuals, they feed in russia, at the slightest danger they immediately fly away to warmer climes. i will not call them by their last names. but everyone knows that these are rare creatures. but in this enclosure we have adequate western politicians. yes, the enclosure is empty. because

there are no adequate western politicians now. now pay attention to this. unique individuals are kept there, the only saleswoman from the market who does not weigh, she sells newspapers, a son-in-law who loves his mother-in-law, albeit posthumously, a husband who loves to go shopping with his wife. true, these stores are called fisherman and auto parts, here is a unique man who says: let’s have one glass at a time, in fact

he doesn’t drink more than one glass, although his glass is 2 liters. but the only captain in the world who doesn’t swear, that’s why he’s sitting here without work, because the workers don’t understand him, here’s a representative of the intelligentsia, singer sergei shnurov, what can i say about him, should he be a slave? but here we have an endangered species of real women, modest, shy ones who know how to sew, knit,

cook, yes, women used to know how to cook, and not like now, my niece asked. i go to bake pancakes, on maslenitsa, i arrive, she is sleeping, there is a glass of flour in my hand, i wake her up, she says, are you sleeping, she says, that’s what it says in the recipe, take a glass of flour and fall asleep, i say, lord, who if he's going to marry you so incompetently, can you at least knit some socks? and she says: it’s easy, she took two socks and tied them together. but in this valerie is a rarer and rarer

sight, a russian-speaking taxi driver. able to tell the navigator the address without hesitation. bearing lane, here is the teacher, who loves children, she entered the institute not because there is less competition, but by vocation, her students know that caesar is the ruler of rome, and not a salad, what are the lines, what are you moyaru?

to his lady, in this cage, there is an official who does not take bribes, and what’s interesting is that those who take bribes are not in the cages, of course they would be swapped, but there is only one cage, and there are thousands of them, they simply won’t fit here, oh, well, don’t worry, the work is underway, the cages are being prepared, oh, this is the noisiest enclosure. its inhabitants are running around, jumping, screaming, it’s practically already

an endangered species are children who have no. you see, they are all rosy-cheeked, cheerful, they run, jump, play, they have a good appetite, they eat bread and butter, how do i know, because this is an enclosure with my childhood and yours. only then it was not just one enclosure, our whole country, it was inhabited by teachers who loved to teach, doctors who treated not for money, but to cure, athletes who proudly competed under our flag.

well, my dears, this is the end of our excursion, no, boy, my good one, i’m with i’m not going with you, the fact is that i, too, am an endangered species, and i live in these reserves, i just give excursions for free, i want ... to see what we should all be like, and what it’s better not to be, you see , my little aviary, don’t worry, i’m not alone at all, i’ll tell you a secret that modest, shy women, he’s from that... valiera, they ’ve already gotten about four boxes of champagne, and

with their bare hands they broke the rod into the enclosure of real men, so everything will be fine with us, throughout our reserve called russia. this will be the best year ever despite the crazy century, this will be the best year, because your name is man, in the spring the ice will begin to drift, i will smile at the sun's ray, this will be the best year, i just want it, this will be the best year, let globa smoke aside, this will be the best the best year for me all over the country, after knocking back

a glass as i go, i shout to myself beautifully, this will be the best year, i just want it that way, thank you, thank you, thank you. thank you, thank you.

lord, i was scared, it’s good that it’s you, the premiere on rtr, first jaana, now anka, if her death goes unpunished , it will be terrible, you don’t know why she returned home alone on the last train at night, in the labyrinths behind the mirrors, it’s so difficult to understand who is a friend, i’ll take a long time to leave, who is the enemy? in general, there is a message, i need money, how much, a million , i’ve recently heard so many unpleasant stories about people i know, i hope you won’t look for the culprit in our house , we’ve gathered right away, you know, wagato christie, to find killer, mirror of lies, from monday, on rtr. every time i cry it's

it’s very hard to remember, i went into my house, sat down on the floor in the hallway and said: “i had to inform the military here that animals were simply dying there, donetsk was being shelled very heavily, but we decided out of spite, to have a wedding, most importantly, that we are together, ours, ours do not abandon ours, from monday to thursday, on rtr, the most cruel aristocrat in history. i am the power here, i am the power, bloody, and other historical series, only on the platform, watch, watch, many of you , the first thing they do when they wake up is check their email, and of course i don't

exception, do you want to get a sea of ​​positive emotions? tours to abkhazia, i spent a week vacationing in yuel vlazia, you are at the right place, here everyone will cheer up, yasha wants to read, please read, kesha can’t read, but a man has to earn money, yesterday i earned such lyuli from my wife, on the air of the morning mail and i am its presenter, nikolai baskov. the most positive: morning mail with nikolai baskov through sunday on rtr. the artist

who is about to take the stage asked to be announced. he is modest, so i won’t say that he is the sun of our stage, i won’t say a word about the fact that he is the most handsome, charming, i won’t even mention that he is the best natural blond i’ve ever seen in my life, i will say modestly, as he asked nikolai basque, right side, left, center, op, me

today i’ll be drunk, i can’t sleep today, i won’t get tired of having fun, autumn is spring in my soul, my heart beats with love and my eyes sparkle, everything will start anew, we’ll walk until the morning, pour me a pour and pour yourself a scotch for the occasion , today is my best day, and the best friends have gathered, pour me and yourself pour some champagne for this occasion, today is my best day, the best friends have gathered, i’m both happy and sad, i can do everything today , these trembling feelings are equally in my thoughts, my heart beats so much from love, my eyes sparkle, everything is fine something new will begin, we walk

until the morning, and pour me and some shakavo for the occasion. today is my best day , and the best friends have gathered, pour me and some champagne for yourself, for this occasion, i have the best day today, and the best friends have gathered, all hands up, joy, happiness, love in every home, well, in chorus we sing three, four, pour me, and pour yourself, shakhtam for this occasion, today is my best day, and the best friends have gathered, pour me and pour yourself, champagne for this occasion, i have

today it's the best day, and the best friends have gathered, pour it for me. pour it for you, shatanskaya for this occasion, today i have the best day, and my friends have gathered, it’s better not, pour it for me and pour it for yourself, tamsky hato for the occasion, today i have the best day, and the best friends have gathered, i love you all, and all in unison , to me pour yourself some champagne for the occasion, humorina and

the best friends have gathered in sochi today. thank you for your love for your mood. one woman tells her friend: can you imagine, she convinced her husband that i hate the sound of a vacuum cleaner. now, every time he gets angry with me, he starts vacuuming, and since he gets angry with me often, our house is always clean, a man and a woman will always find a reason for humor in the life scene, meet evgeny petrosyan and oksana infidel. hello, this is the morgue, by chance they didn’t bring you my husband, i have

the husband has disappeared, signs, well, a pleasant face, a mixture of gerard deportier with sergei zverev, dressed like, decently dressed, yes, a pink t-shirt with the inscription i will kiss you to death. yellow socks, green boots, everything is correct, traffic light model, they didn’t bring it, okay, well, nothing , as soon as he returns home, they’ll immediately bring him where this idiot hangs out, hello, checkmark, hello, my beauty, it’s me, listen, i’m calling , can you imagine, my kolya hasn’t come home for a week, yeah, you know, he and i, the last time we fought, he knows that he said, he says, i’ll leave you forever, for someone , even for an old folding bed, even for a washcloth, i just thought, he

’s not with you by chance, that you burst into tears right away, well, galya, oh-oh-oh- oh-oh, you might think i’m like that myself, i’m also all a bit nervous, huh? vityunchka, hello, my cat, and i miss you, and i miss you, mur-mur, mur, vitya, and you have my kolya, and where is he, why don’t you know, well, you’re the best with him friends, okay, vitya, that’s it, come on,

i’ll call you back later, oh, and where is this bastard? look, what a handsome guy to come to us hushed up, even. are you okay, kolya, where have you been? honey, this happened to me, you won’t even believe it, by god, don’t ask, listen, you ’ve been gone for a week, your phone isn’t answering, i ’ve already called all the hospitals, all the police stations, all your mistresses, my second cousin died, husband of a second cousin, that’s all. yes, and why did he die, i wonder, from smoking, he smoked at a gas station, now

there is no uncle, no gas station, just like that, why didn’t you tell me, why am i, like the last fool, why the last, you are always the first ? you're in it well done, kolya, i say, i’m like a complete fool, i’m sitting at home, waiting for you, and you ’re wandering around, god knows where, my uncle left me an inheritance. wow, a big inheritance, kolya, big, stunned, serious, yeah, listen, well, i just started shouting, i’m just worried, i’m worried about you, i don’t know where you are, what you are doing, how are you doing without me with an inheritance, but well, what kind of inheritance is

that, six acres, six acres of land? no, 600 rub. 100 bills, wait, are you kidding me or something, and i’m sitting here, you know, i’m going crazy, i can’t find a place for myself, and 2 hectares of land, wow, 2 hectares, where, the castle. podhantymonsiysk, and so, now, wait, i didn’t understand something just now, you just said with a castle, that ’s right, 4,000 km, i’ll give you a castle, that it’s here

or what? it’s 4,000 meters away, what are you doing, what are you doing so far away because of some two hectares, what were you doing there for a week? i was digging a well, i wanted to find water , i need to set up farms, but god sent me a fool, but listen, you have no intelligence, no shame, no conscience, you found oil, what the hell! kolya, my love, you’re great, wait a minute, why are you standing next to me, come on, sit down, hurry up, sit down, you’re tired from the road, my smart girl, my hard worker, my beloved, it turned out that this is liquid mud, i mean, well,

i mean, no. .. white-colored, such a childish joy, come on, i got up and sat down, i’m going crazy here, you know, i can’t find a place for myself, but i spent the best years of my life on you, the local oligarch offered me 100 million rubles for this plot, i spent the best years of my life on you, and you took them now, right? and just decorated it, well, i refused, ah yes, you idiot, you can’t do anything, you can’t hit a finger for the family, i said 200 , well, well, you can whenever you want, he

said: na... and class, go, he says, na, well, what i didn’t go, so i would have gone, i don’t want to see you anymore, but in the morning he still agreed, my bag, how glad i am to see you, wait, you’re standing there all the time, come on, come on, sit down, sit down, he’s definitely an oligarch, well, for sure, there was even an article about him in forbs magazine, it was called bankrupts of the year, you ’ve already worn out all my nerves, oh, but he said,

that he has a stash, it’s kept in a jar, like this, in a mayonnaise jar, so you know what, you’re a loser, you’re a loser, pack your suitcase and come on, come on, come on, come on, but in the bushes i found a chest, opened it, and there was a whole capital, kolya, and what did i just say, i say, let’s pack your suitcase, sit down to rest, capital is a book by karl marx, they arrived, damn it, damn, and under the book lay green, green fields, so, cucumbers, listen to you, such a family life, i don’t

wish it on anyone, i don’t wish these nerves on anyone i wished, and under them were 10 million rubles, no one would have a husband like you, kolya. i won’t give it back, we’ve been together for 20 years, but the soviet banknotes turned out to be, well, that’s how to live with you, and there was another million dollars there, kolya, that’s how to live with you, my dear, exactly, a million, exactly, it was on the banknotes , american president, thank god, with a mustache in a cap, you , but i blew the dust off the money, saw the number 100, yes,

american president franklin, i knew, kolya, i knew, but with slanted eyes. idiot, you already got me, i'll do it again i dusted off the money, oh miracle, miracle, kolya, to which i say, i say, i took champagne out of the refrigerator, this is necessary, i took the money in my hands and realized something, my dear, i know you realized how much you you love me, yes, i realized that these are mongolian tugriks, i raked the tugriks and among them, don’t beat me, that’s it , i’m no longer interested in this, i’m leaving you, nikolai, i’m doing my feet, so to speak, taking care of the nervous system, goodbye, dear , i am leaving

you forever, now you will lose me, yes, yes, you know why, because i am principled, if i said that i would leave, so i’ll leave, what was there among the tugriks, gold and diamonds? horse skull, fuck you, hello, vitenka, and i’m coming to meet you, yeah, i’m on my way, and then scientists found out that this is the skull of genghis khan’s horse, and i sold it to the museum, for a huge amount of money, do you want me to even show it? this is my money, this is how it happens in life , kolya, why, i went out for a minute to get champagne to answer this matter, but

i forgot my wallet, the house, calm down, i have security here, it won’t work out, kolya, you know what happened next, after this here. they began to live together, happily, they drank putram champagne, they ate lobster, and the wife finally bought herself a fur coat with diamonds , she went shopping, no, she just went, she went to see vetyunya, my friend, my ex, and my husband built a house near... russian, he found oil there, gas, and a normal woman, and the skull of alexander the great's horse, we often get angry, shout

, throw, when we sort things out with our relatives, she always howls, he would drink until the morning, she fights, he is always wrong, even if it infuriates. we didn’t create a family out of overplowing and not for a stubborn struggle, we need to understand them all

to each other, to be with god. oh, what a woman, what a woman, today we will sing, remember the best restaurant songs from yaroslav, in this house, today

for the first time for your birthday. this is for you, well, get some sleep, gentlemen, just a minute, attention, today is a big day, a big holiday, dashing, we haven’t seen each other for a long time, well, you know, for every cool fighter he’ll find an even cooler one, they fell in love, but who you are good, your wife or boys, don’t ask stupid questions

now, they are still loved, you are responsible for my words, i am always responsible for my words, heroes of my time, beauty, repen, the whole brigade, only on the platform we look, you look... 100 to one, what is our task, open all the boards, we can handle it, if you ask, then with podbokh, last name, which character from pushkin’s works everyone knows, what is seven and eight, seven and eight, seven and eight, what is eight, and who is at work, speaks a lot and loudly, if you answer, then with humor, i would like chop, no, pinch, problems with water, light, housing and communal services, i don’t

know what else, geometry, algebra, physics, chemistry is a set for a headache, god forbid, now, if you win, then, 100 to one, tomorrow on rtr. what do you want, girl, i'm on an ad, a cat is for sale here, red-haired girls are sometimes very stubborn, i thought you were my mother, beautiful barunettes, sometimes very determined, i 'm not going anywhere from here until i get the information i need, i say, far away go, fight and... hello mom

, what will happen then, well, i then went, a cat is for sale, on sunday on rtr, after all, sochi is an amazing city, there is a sea and mountains, sun, snow , here you can swim in the sea, ski, now an artist will appear on stage, he, too, is somewhat similar to sochi, well , imagine, philip kirkorov and nikolai baskov, and grigory leps and stas mikhailov, all in one artist, stage , parody artist, andrey barinov, hello, sochi, hello, dear viewers, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone, i would like to talk about

vacation. we all love to relax, but we choose different vacations depending on opportunities, i know that grigory leps. can not only relax, he can also earn money while on vacation, to your applause, grigory viktorovich levs, the best animator, you had fun with me, vodler at sea, and now go home, sorry shalbombino, out of my way, beggar barvadar, now i’ll entertain someone else, i’m

an animator, rumba is all, all, addressed i’m with you, chelbombinosauri, it’s time to leave. glasses, here’s my fish, he’ll tear her apart, and

grisha, i’m a mort! i'm an animator, thank you. the lead singer of the group beasts, roma beast, will tell you about how they relax in turkey, meet me, i can’t drink anymore, i drank everything i could

i don’t want to eat either, i’ve gained weight like a pig, bright yellow. glasses, all swollen like a seal, very sad pupils, i want to go home to tyumel, canteen, swimming pool, swimming pool, canteen, so, 10 days, we walk, in moscow, drink, barely drink, if i leave, i’ll leave, oh, thank you, different, it happens, of course, on vacation, it happens that misunderstandings arise between local residents and visitors , igor nikolaev will talk about the southern mentality, friends, i

ask you to applaud, also, robin fell in love with elena, with great and reverent love. he he fed her shish kebab, carried the churchela right in the room, he forgot what fear means, forgot his own family, but here’s a surprise, lena’s husband came to her quietly at night, already. hemotom is the result of this meeting of ruben and ivan, so ruben realized that he is larger than the universe, not a couple

, not a couple, not a couple, for the sochen audience and for all the guests, a song about how love from pensk did not come to my solo concert hello sochi . this is lyuba speaking, the owner of a bentley and a ferrari, the two of us were waiting for a miracle, there was a traffic jam, a creature, it was of no use to me, but to me concert, i really want to go, but the traffic jam is unlikely, soon. will it end, in this traffic jam, alone, i stand, friends, all together, to

the only gentle one, i stand near the playpen, with the hope, as before, that we will clear the traffic jam, but it’s unlikely? everything will get better, really, the traffic cop is struggling, we seem to be at the end of this traffic jam, thank you, thank you, dear friends, enjoy the hot weather, enjoy the good mood, be happy, be healthy, all the very

best, since, it seems to me, if our great writers lived in sochi, they would definitely share their impressions, for example, alexander sergeevich pushkin sochi, i remember wonderful moments, but the vacation has come to an end. and tyuchev would say: i met you, that’s it, that’s it, there’s no money. now another very famous writer will take the stage and also share his impressions, and not only about sochi, the writer sotirik semyon altov.

i represent the old school, which is why i work without swearing, which, of course, sharply narrows the audience, but i will read slowly, pause so that you yourself can... especially, especially more recently, pauses need to be taken more and more, this festival is 20 years old, i have been here all these years, i have grown old here, as they say, i remember my wife and i went, this is the promenade, you call it, and there is such a service there , aquarium, fish, you lower your legs, the fish there pluck something and the legs become