news of the week, sunday, 20:00, i remind you that all news is always available on the media platform, look in the application or on the website, but the news will continue to follow the development of major events in russia and abroad, stay with us. rtr planet, more than just television. this is a piece of russia on every screen on the planet, they flew, the loudest premieres, how did i get here, and you’re having a corporate party, or something, who are you, and you don’t know bender well, you don’t need a motive for murder using cunning, that it was on the strip , don't know. fala dogs, exciting

tv series, we are putting together an orchestra, we will perform shostakovich’s seventh symphony, those who don’t take risks are not lucky, we will succeed , i will do the surgery, i’m scared, as if i’m not me, unfortunately, there is no motive for the murder and no connection between murders, but she is there, and we will find her, i remind you once again that this is my investigation, let’s agree in advance, you are the coach, i am the player, the head.

i’m leaving, i looked around, she’s already packed my things, peek-a-boo, meeting the stars, what’s more difficult, becoming a good person or staying? question of course, it’s interesting, and it’s both difficult and different. you are the most understanding program about animals among friends. when difficult trials come into our lives, it is very important to unite and not betray anyone, no matter what happens. live story of a mysterious disappearance. the whole studio is discussing the nature of the conflict, why mother and son and daughter-in-law have not communicated for 5 years, advanced documentary films, and now the flag of the russian federation is rising over the norwegian sea. this was one of the most striking episodes of historical triumph. our soviet people brought liberation to the peoples of europe. current news, political investigations and impartial analysis. live program 60 minutes. on the air. they are sending news, hello, key

events, what will this day be remembered for, when the whole world calls black white, we choose the truth, vladimir putin is sitting in this chair in the hall, he, as you and i remember, enters through these doors, everything that is impossible without imagine russia, only on the rtr planet channel, watch out, i’m getting married, he’s my fiancé itches, i've been waiting for you for so long, please. this night the stars promise a miracle. please meet me, this is my mother, yulia borisovna, anna mikhalkova. a completely unfamiliar man appears in my house in the middle of the night, carrying some kind of chariot about space. nina usatova. again she kicked you out in trisha. and she did the right thing. i didn't sleep all night, thinking about you. anna chapovskaya. kiss me, anton

shagin, that’s what it is, golay’s comet can only be seen once in a lifetime, what a fatal comet, thanks to it i met you, comet halley, december 31 on rtr. hello, hello, hello, our program is humor, humor, humor, today we are in a particularly high mood, as all people on earth are in anticipation. year

, now is the time when it’s time to plan where and how we will celebrate the new year, i have a lot of options for where i will celebrate the new year, i just need to... choose at home or at home, or maybe at home, or at the very least case, of course, at home, smart people, prepare for the new year in advance, and although i’m not very smart, i joined them at home or at home, in general, the choice big, one man even hung an advertisement on a pole, looking for a woman to start a family...

everything is very good, but it seems to me that this will not be clear to the general population, i propose making some adjustments to the existing text, for example, replacing the words faffa tree with simpler and more understandable words for the people, pine, fu-fu-fu, friends, i have a thematic poem on this topic , very good, literary and musical composition, this is a new word from this scene, please, a christmas tree was born in the forest, she grew up in the forest, in the forest she dried up and died in the forest.

and you have something specific about the christmas tree, well , let’s talk about the christmas tree, alexander, come on, why do you stop halfway, christmas tree? that a christmas tree is already better, a christmas tree, a christmas tree is a christmas tree,

a christmas tree was born in the forest, very good, very good. comrade log, leave the stage, please leave, leave, so, my friends, well, who else has any suggestions? koren, dear, well, of course, i have an eastern one, very good, very good, a saxau was born in the desert, in the desert he withered, in winter and summer they were tangled, he was brown, the camel sang to him song, hey sak, saul wai-wai, wrapped in jacket, look, don’t, don’t catch fire, otherwise there’ll suddenly be a fire.

as the oldest honorary cleaner of our team, and i was hoping to remember the new year’s song that we rehearsed in 1972, everything was fine with me now. for the christmas trees on the christmas tree in the expanse of the forest, you are amely ice on the pud , ending the little tree dudu, we are grateful.

so that i can take you to a restaurant with me at least once in my life. decent, a girl was born in the forest, she grew up in the forest, and in winter and summer that little girl was slender. both in winter and in summer she is slim there was a girl, a gray boy

, sanka, and he wrote to her from the army, and he didn’t know that the gray wolf had taken the little girl, and he didn’t know that he was plucking, well, he had taken the little girl’s, you hug the green tree tenderly, a big sharp ax , hovering over the christmas tree, everyone is going for the christmas trees, it’s a festive snowy forest , i wish everyone got home today, we don’t put christmas trees and blue spruces at home, someone puts pine trees, who does soar, let the lettuce be in the needles and

the cones on the bed , how great it is that we are all gathered here under the tree, let the salads in needles and bumps on the bed, how great it is that we are all gathered here under the tree. a christmas tree was born in the forest, it grew in the forest, it was slender in winter and summer, it was green in the forest , the fir-tree sang to it from the fir-tree , look, don’t fall asleep, but i’m not sleeping, zibi, zibi, look don’t freeze, zay-zay, zayzay,

we don’t need a fish, we don’t need a palm tree, we need one pine tree, a christmas tree, a christmas tree, i asked him at the rehearsal , maybe closer to the people, the song about the christmas tree should be like this, you know - even though you’re with me, tree, green, all resin ,

covered in needles, and the night is so dark, into the forest he came, stumps, stumps, needles are falling, don’t go into the forest, people, oh, don’t cut down the trees. why did you come with your excavator, you'll get away from this with the whole gypsy camp, baby's head in the new year, howl out of the bag, don't cut down the forest people, long live synthetics, ski , come on, oh-oh, oh.

there is a little horse hanging in the firewood, a little man in the logs, he cut down our tree to the very root, happy merry christmas, the little gray little bunny under the tree said, he pressed his nose against the tree and broke the tree, the hare was gutted,

and now he is even closer to the people as much as possible. approaching, she lived in the snow in the face, she lived, she didn’t jump over the fire, well, she just couldn’t, one day she drank, stripped naked, and the baby brought a lot, a lot of joy, the little girl.

laughter cures all diseases in the world, and it is the most reliable medicine of all, but is it possible to imagine a world without jokes, but without jokes, it would be simply terrible, when there is coldness, fear and darkness in the heart, only humor does not provide. go crazy, we live happily, at least read a modern advertisement: when purchasing two or more apartments , a bottle of champagne as a gift, at the reception we don’t issue sick leave, you got to the clinic and you’ll get to work, there’s stewed

pork wings on the menu. i didn't know pigs had wings. advertising in the store. vodka and beer in one can, it will be something to remember. sms from a child. i arrived at the camp, were given bunks, and the deadline started. we live happily. explanatory note from the bus driver who sold tickets in the salon. because the conductor was so drunk that he constantly got confused in the change, we had to put him behind the wheel for a while, we live happily, from tv news, nikita dzhugurda recently offered a contract to hollywood, the

metro golden maire company decided to update the screensaver, remember, who doesn't? at first the lion roars, now dzhugurda will roar, by the way, did you know that the psychologist dzhegurda constantly visits psychologists, our filmmakers have learned to squint towards the west, the sequel to the film “svolosi” will be released soon, it will be called “svolchi”2, then the third series of the creature. fourth - nits, fifth - creatures against nits, sixth - creatures together with nits against svolots, well, what can i tell you, after the release of the film prisoner of the caucasus 2, i would like to give advice to those who will remake films

with a diamond hand and beware of the car, of course you can reshoot, we... we can’t make a living for you, but when we come to the cinema, pay our money, show us old films, please, let's live happily, the company received goods, some of which were defective, a young manager was appointed to sort the goods, he signed good boxes with the letter ha, bad boxes with p. what boxes do you think were thrown away? it's funny, here 's a picture for you: a sleeping car of a train, 2:00 am. everyone is sleeping, the conductor too , a woman enters the carriage, starts screaming throughout the corridor, crystal, who needs crystal

, listen, it is not needed during the day, at 2:00 in the morning, what does crystal have to do with it, the conductor does not slowly jump out and shouts to this woman from another end of the carriage, what are you doing? everyone is sleeping, this saleswoman from there shouts to her, who is sleeping, people are sleeping there, what should i show you or something , she opens the first compartment she comes across, people are sleeping, come here, shakes the man by the legs, tell this fool that you are sleeping, we are living happily. two decided to drink, one took out vodka, the other fanta, the one who got the vodka, says: i won’t wash down the vodka with fanta, i

have a diseased liver, we live happily, the doctor leafs through the medical records and says, khan, screw it, turns the page, well, it’s a complete mess, the patient is in shock, doctor, what everything is bad? no, i forgot my glasses at home, i can’t see anything at all, i’m completely screwed, we live happily, in the cosmos hotel, there’s a wonderful concert hall, i sometimes perform there, i worked as a manager, a woman named los, well, there are different surnames, she’s used to hers, but people are not used to it, when she picked up the phone, she solemnly announced, the elk is from outer space, he lives happily, hello, good night, can you

hear me? 3:00 am, who are you? this is your student’s dad, elena vasilyevna, you are sleeping, of course, but we are sawing chestnuts and piercing acorns. we are preparing a craft for your tomorrow's "farewell autumn" competition. we live happily, a woman on her way to work found a squirrel frozen in the snow. well, god’s creature took pity, picked her up, and carried her home. her husband was supposed to be... from a business trip that day, but she left a squirrel in a shoe box and went to her own place. work, my husband called in the afternoon and asked: “have you

fainted?” it turned out that in her absence the squirrel had warmed up and decided that she was now the mistress of the house. i saw pancakes on the table that the hostess had baked for her husband’s arrival, and what do you think, this creature hung pancakes all over the apartment. i especially tried my best on the elk antlers in the hallway, my husband came into the apartment and looked, there were pancakes everywhere, and most importantly a note, dear, this is for you, we live happily, the old lady collected flowers from the cemetery, then sold them, but her business is like that, but... what will you do do? she adapted with us like that, she was forced to adapt, she collected and collected and did not notice a freshly

dug grave behind her, and fell through there, but somehow successfully , she didn’t break anything, didn’t break it, and wasn’t even scared, but nothing, she says to herself, nothing, i won’t be scared, they’ll come and pull me out, anyway , okay, she says , she took something to eat, pulled out a sandwich, poured some milk, sits, has a snack , there were two people walking, but she doesn’t see them, but she hears them, which means one says: i would drink my fill, the old lady screamed, darling, glass, can you imagine how they ran, we were having fun, the atm was on the street, and the bank was on the first floor, which means

a person ran into the bank. shouted, karau, hurry up, everyone outside, what is it, what happened, it’s a nightmare, there your atm is strangling the old lady, it turned out that my daughter gave a credit card to my grandmother, and so that she wouldn’t lose it, he hung it on a chain around her neck, we live happily, a 3-year-old girl got into trouble, dad wanted to scold her, she just noticed, came up to him, said, daddy, don’t scold me, please, i’ll never do it again, daddy, i love you so much, please don’t scold me, dad laughed, naturally, melted, she put her palms to the counters and said: “well, he swam, bearded, we’re having fun, there’s a seller at the market, a caucasian man shouts: “pineapples, bananas, pineapples.” , bananas!"

a woman approaches him, apparently a russian language teacher, there is no such word bananas, listen, dear, what are bananas? she walked away, heard him shouting, bananas, bananas, bananas, bananas, we live happily, the man should have obtain a certificate for a deceased person, about the absence of debt, he came, they told him: write a statement on his behalf, you have to write on his behalf, well, how can it be from him, he died a month ago, anyway, we have this order, it means he wrote, i am so-and-so, so-and-so died numbers, give me a certificate, so that i can feel at ease, i signed for it, they issued a certificate, here.

hello, beauty, can you give me your number? i got to someone, i don’t give a number, do you hear, grandma, they are too impudent for a cloakroom attendant, we live happily, the business traveler arrived at the hotel, there were no places in this hotel, except for one place in double room, but the receptionist said that this was the place. only because there lives a man who snores very heavily, and not a single other guest could fall asleep next to him, but the business traveler had no way out, he agreed, the next morning he came out, sleepy, fresh, rested, the administrator was surprised at how how did you manage to sleep next to such a snorer, he explained, i came in, he really snored a lot, i quietly.

went up to him, kissed him on the cheek and said: “good night, nasty one.” he's right there woke up, and not only didn’t snore, he couldn’t close his eyes all night. a cool girl pulled up to the gas station. car, a glamorous girl got out of it, everything was moving on it, separately, he told the gas station attendant, ninety -five, please, i went to pay, when i returned, it turned out that the keys were in the car, and the doors were locked, just like that, okay, at least the glass slightly open, she asked the gas station attendant to help, he went, found some kind

of stiff wire, explained to this girl how to pierce it there, what to press on, and therefore unlock the car. after a while the drivers gathered around the car and began to laugh terribly, hysterically, i would say. well, the gas station attendant asked, what’s the matter that you’re laughing? yes, there is some fool over there trying to open the car with a wire. so what, i was the one who failed? so her friend is sitting in the salon. shows where to point, we live happily, the distance between my generation and the current one has lengthened endlessly, the young man asked me what kind of song it was in your time, he made noise like a mouse

, where did it come from, we are a good people, why do young people allow themselves to do this, i am very upset , a recently i was struck by the fact that completely different videos began to appear on the internet, kind ones, in one of them a girl reads touching poems, and millions of people listen attentively and like them. it is clear that millions , i was very happy, the fact that young people began to be interested in poetry, in which there is human sincerity, sincerity, inspires hope for the best, and the best, my friends, is

when life is not only cheerful, but also joyful, which is what you and wish. thank you, thank you, thank you, the secrets of the investigation in the previous episodes, yes.

the floor is shaking, the hay is shaking, big changes have come, in the new season with a new renovation, a slight movement of the hand, we are making three different

functional zones from this room, completely faceless, ideas are overflowing, we want to turn the radiator into an art object, there will be plenty of surprises and there is a lot of work, plans are turning into projects before our eyes. “i adore plants, i’m generally a plant maniac, real stone flowers will soon bloom in the living room of our heroes, after dismantling a lot will become clear, and dreams become reality, as you look, let us into your home, big changes, every sunday on rtr. dad, this is my fiancé , georgie, dad, lord, george peakcock, lord , all kinds of foreign tourists, we saw some weirdos here, we drove everyone away, as they say, you

are welcome, if you harass george, i will file for divorce, the best son-in-law maybe just a son, but... meet me, this is your father, this is the same doctor with whom you once got drunk, and i kept thinking what was wrong with you, your nose is fetish, son, dad, golden dad, 30 december on rtr love is long endures, is merciful, love does not envy, love does not exalt itself, is not proud,

more than once i will wake up, around the middle of another, the luminary is number, infinitely beautiful, where the queen of love is high, she is less i am not on a high throne should the queen of love sit, right? a person can do anything, he can overcome any obstacles that stand in his way, blue bird, welcome to the extraordinary finale, sunday on rtr, you want to work so hard for your stepmother, every cinderella dreams. and the prince, i’m standing at the mirror in a fur coat, then

he comes in, look what this quiet little one of ours is doing, every prince dreams of cinderella , capital businessman oleg vorokhov comes to our hotel, you believe in love at first sight, it doesn’t happen, it happens, it doesn’t happen, it happens, maybe this time they will be lucky, your fate is being decided, a hotel for cinderella, in sunday on rtr. in our interesting facts section, today we will talk about amazing historical coincidences. in 1895 , two cars collided in ohio. the strange thing about this case is that in those years the automobile industry was only...

about children, everyone had a friend named billy graham, kennedy had a secretary named lincoln, lincoln had a secretary named john. both were succeeded by vice presidents named johnson. both were southerners and democrats. here are some amazing coincidences for you. a parodist on variety, by the way, must also coincide with the person he is doing. parody and such coincidences are a dime a dozen.

a parody of the st. petersburg satirist semyon altov, you know him, right? quite a famous author, with such a very unique voice, if you remember, clap so that i knew, do you know him or not? i remembered. so, it is very characteristic of semyon altov’s manner that he pronounces voiced consonants instead of voiceless ones. he pronounces z instead of s, instead of k, g, instead of p, b, and so on. i 'll start doing it. you’ll understand what i’m talking about, i read his story, which is called the bird, this is what the first four lines from this story look like, performed by semyon altov himself, the title, the bird, there was a bird in a cage, it used to be like the morning he looked at the sun, yes tago is strutting merrily, just wants it... for her delusional, damn gonorrhea, don’t think about

copson from above, i can perform at eurovision, the main prize will be awarded to me for centuries, the jury of all countries throughout europe will be watching. for women i have been desired for many years, they from the audience always shout to me in unison, sir elton john, no, no, no, yogo capzono, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. why

do i confuse the pedals so much, why when the light is red, it’s clear they didn’t guess the horsepower. but in general it was a good banquet if i got into a convertible or... even my mercedes, even if the inspector from the traffic police stopped me in response if i got into cabri allette.

each artist has his own feature, and without a feature, it’s just a gray background, like a cone appeared on this christmas tree to stand out favorably against it. i ’ve been dreaming about being in a big balloon for a long time, i wrapped his hair up, with this chalka, this song of a mandarin on a podveto, i

’ll be torn for a long time this summer. one dark night i came to sochi to sunbathe, jump on the waves in a new bikini under a skirt, and under a mine i came to the beach with security. on the sides, a row of my bikini, dolphins shied away, but rushed into the water, men, trying to save me, by my chest with boasts, hold on, shouted masha, the bullies, shouting at the hat for 10 years in a row, fans in

a blow say about masha, attracts the eyes of the native working class, and the mountains and... the parodies have completely disappeared due to waste. apparently , there is no one to parody, no, there are a lot of writers, and they even say that we have modern poets , but apparently for many they are invisible, and maybe we are to blame for this, they are invisible because we don’t see them, once upon a time the poets' performances

filled stadiums, that's how interested we were in poetry, there were queues for books, we signed up in advance, handed over... kilograms of waste paper to buy the third volume of dumas. as one of my characters said, i got a gyuga, a duma, and a mumu. and yet literary parody exists, exists today. vadim kholupovich wrote the following lines: i went out onto the porch at night and turned my face to the sky. before the universe, i am poor differently, i whisper, i became like a star. parody: i ​​went out naked onto the porch,

i wanted to scratch my face, my face itched a little, i looked at it with a smile. the sky opened up to me without a bottom, such an abyss, full of stars, my whole body itched, and i i thought, my god, but this happiness might not have happened to me, my face wouldn’t itch, and i wouldn’t go out onto the porch and never become a poet. so i looked at the swarm of stars and thought in the silence of the night with foggy eyes, what right is grace, that there is still something to scratch? so, sergei pogorelovsky

wrote such lines, in the land of miracles it is impossible to believe that my grandfather has very interesting teeth, very attentive. parody, the earth is full of miracles, even make a movie about them, you don’t have to go far, over there at grandfather kondrat’s, very... the poetess elena schwartz wrote the poem red skirt, there are these lines,

my skirt was burning, hello, and the wind of the melting sands, the petergov cover blew it up so high. parody, my skirt was burning, especially the wide hem. the flames were so hot that even my heels began to burn, then my knees were seized, then my dear mother started smoking such a place that it’s even shameful to mention, thank you, the wind did its best, blew up my skirt right above my head, all of petergov came running and didn’t want to. go home, wherever humor went, even in

maternity hospital, for example, visitors to the maternity hospital have developed a very interesting tradition of congratulating their beloved wives by writing congratulations on the asphalt in front of the windows of the maternity hospital, all kinds of pearls were there, but most of all i liked this... olya, thank you for your son, misha and dima, don’t laugh, this is congratulations from the husband and son , fathers, excited by the solemn moment , sometimes talk such nonsense, i heard your wife gave birth to twins, boys or girls, in my opinion, one child is a boy, the other is a girl, but it could be the other way around , nurse. shows the young father of a newborn black baby, the man clasps his hands and screams: everything is always on fire with my wife, or

another case, a nurse brings out two babies to the father, they ask: doesn’t it scare you that there is more than one of them? no, what are you, what are you? well , great, you hold these, and i’ll run for the rest. lucy, lucy, lucy, what did she give birth to, well, she gave birth, so what? who, who, who, i ordered, whom, child, what gender,

cold, come quickly, what did you want, who is he like, you don’t know him. "i'm kidding, myself, of course, oh, at me, yes, also barely with my tongue he tosses and turns on fridays and yells constantly, which means it’s at you, uh-huh, lucy, what, how much is one 1 kg one child. carried some normal 3,500

more than 3,700 more than 3,900 throw another hundred i’ll say, what a fool, when to go home? yes, at least go now, when are you? i don’t know, i’m fine here too. what do you have in there? these are oranges. i bought this for you specially at the store. well done! i can't have citrus fruits. what can you buy? buy a fur coat, you can have a fur coat. oh-oh-oh, lucy, oh-oh-oh-oh! what's happened? now

for a second it seemed to me that you, through all i see a crack, i'll see something like this. okay, i went to the store to get a fur coat, no, to get glue to seal the crack, at the same time i’ll go to the emergency room, i’ll find out who was born to me , the farm is remote, a former collective farm,

we’ll raise it. so where is the chief engineer? i'm chief engineer novikov? why did i contact you? it would be better if you didn’t come, for every muscovite there is the best guy in the village. is this mahler of yours toothy? it won't be easy with him. look, svetka, valerka will leave you, this is a moscow fake, just let him try. aglaya shelovskaya alexander ustyugov. you probably shouldn't do this. i'll see you again. capital thing, today on rtr, we gathered about ten people into the first group, there were short calls, we are going to donetsk, you are with us, yes, when my fighters came running, they carried me, another shelling began, they put me down,

lay on top of me, one field is still inside me, and this... let's just say, my trophy. we had a famine then, here comes my grandmother, she is hungry herself, but she takes this kurpa to the shelters and says: baby, feed me, dogs, to lend a helping hand, olga and i decided that we needed to take the guys in, i came across such people who care, to support them in word, hello, dear soldier, and in deed, without your help you would not have survived, they can only. ours, honor and praise to you, what you do is simply amazing, from monday to thursday on rtr, this is for you, well, get some sleep, gentlemen, just a minute, attention, today is

a big day, a big holiday. we haven’t met, girls, whites, well, you know, but for every cool fighter he’ll find an even cooler one, in they fell in love, but who is good for you, your wife or your boys, don’t ask stupid questions now, they are still loved, you are responsible for your words, i am always responsible for my words , a hero of my time, beauty, rapping, the whole team, only on a platform, we look, somewhere in this world, where there is always frost,

labor is bears' backs, and in winter, oh, centuries float by, the seas sleep under the sea, bears rub, the earth turns, a blue light, from december 1 on rtr, maybe you today you will stay with me, i promise you an unforgettable night post, we need to live separately for some time, but what we need to understand is that we still have at least some chance, i would advise you to start a joint hobby, ballroom dancing would be best, what? and for the sake of my son, i agree to the experiment, if you haven’t danced, this doesn’t mean that cha-cha is difficult, nothing connects them anymore except dance, what’s so complicated about it, cha-cha, one, two,

three, you need just learn to count to three, by the way, i learned these stupid steps, seriously, lead the way, premiere, one day a man asked god to create for him the object of his love. god responded, having found out the reasons, created a woman from flesh and blood, added a little moonlight, and illuminated her with solar radiance. having liked the meekness of the dove, he added, and embodied the harmony of the chamois in the camp. the creator was so carried away by creation that he endowed that woman with a tear, he instilled

lightning in her, a moment, and he mixed the lightness of fluff with a thunderstorm, filled his voice with the song of a nightingale, endowed magpies with talkativeness, as a result, a passionate creation, the almighty... created for a man, god breathed life into beauty creation, he gave his order to the one asking, take it and suffer, he said goodbye, love and take care, like god’s voice, since then the man is a captive and guardian of the beautiful mixture given to him, he is a husband, lover, critic and connoisseur,

he says, there are only idiots there, i say , stop insulting people, and he says, who looks at them, they are even twice as idiotic, i say, okay, don’t bring two back to the house, but... shut your mouth, because girls, i stand for him, he’s sitting with the back of his head facing me, here ’s the back of his head, here’s a rolling pin, i’m standing next to him, close it, i say my mouth, but he doesn’t close it at all, i say, shut it, girls, i want to ask him what tasty things to take him to the hospital, and he has such a concussion, i come, he’s so happy, he’s happy like a child, oh, really, until he finds out, he doesn’t recognize him at all, the second says, he wanted to be sick, let him be sick to the fullest, the third says, girls, but i , on the contrary, respect football, especially such international matches, my friends and i gather, beer, chips, they shout, they cheer, i at this time i can ask for money for whatever you want, he says, just fuck off, don’t bother me, don’t believe me, i'm for the championship,