lord, are you sure you can handle it? look at rtr, i’m asking for official permission to look after you, so why not allow it, look after you, did you sleep raw, so what, how is she doing? na-na-na

, oh, well, i don’t know, well what can i say, now that’s all, we have to get married, everyone can see, we have a small town, everyone knows about each other, they hear everything, they found the murderer, just don’t talk to anyone , okay, we agreed, he’ll tell everyone everything, but in a big secret, the mask will now be absorbed, and i’ll run away until, okay, heaven? raya knows everything, so treat monday on rtr, a special edition of the program hello andrey, dedicated to the fiftieth anniversary of the baikal amur mainline, i lived there in this atmosphere of wonderful, beautiful, truly people's friendship , such unity, togetherness.

this is a difficult test, test two. we look at the website in the application.

hello, hello, hello, someone very figuratively said, humor is a sticking plaster that does not heal, but helps to endure the pain. others call humor a weapon, love like a sword, humor like a shield, someone suggested treating a person’s lack of sense of humor with humor, they say, if humor doesn’t reach them, let them try to reach it themselves. it will be easy to get to the humor of the number you are about to see. we will talk about sommelier. one person said: “do i know who samelie is? he’s a drunkard with a diploma. he wrote that on his resume. samyelier is a workaholic from 2022 to 2024.

samyelier worked as a freelancer, and no one knew that during these 2 years he was in binge, but you shouldn’t offend people in such a... difficult profession, one samelier came to get a job at leter-vodka factory as a taster, and they tell him: excuse me, but we have enough of our own alcoholics, enough, but no, i don’t drink, i sniff, but it can’t be, well, i’m serious, i’m not lying, check me out, okay , let's check, they gave him a glass of wine, he sniffed, obastardo 1946, 25 degrees. they gave him another wine. oh, and this is cleopatra, 1961,

but the barrel hasn’t been washed, it’s carrying mice. then they decided to make fun of him, gave him a couple of drops, sorry, machi's secret. he sniffed importantly, it was urine, 20 carbohydrates, sugar 35, fourth month of pregnancy, say from whom, the director shouted, no, no, no, we’ll take you, we’ll take you, we’ll take you, we’ll take you. next one please.

excuse me, here is the department of alcoholic beverages, faculty, samelye, tasting exam, why are you two coming in? come in one at a time. professor, i’m alone, yes, exactly, well, excuse me, i’m taking exams in the morning,

whose last name, my dear, i know my last name, semyon petrovich drybadan. your last name, mikhail sergeevich, is not a giveaway, i wonder how you study at our faculty with such a last name, so for some reason i don’t remember you, you went to my classes, no, i didn’t, what? i was crawling, and that’s why i didn’t see you, so you were preparing for the exam, preparing, breathe, you didn’t prepare much, okay, let’s shudder, i mean,

pull the ticket. oh, ticket number 07, a wonderful ticket, voluminous, well, i didn’t understand what it was there? you, come on, give it here, what is this, a cheat sheet, shame on you, you are disgracing our department of alcoholic beverages, okay, then let’s

move on to practical exercises, do you see what kind of drink this is?

professor, can you hear the music, yes. it's bang this is a glitch, a german composer, if you

hear a glitch, it means that in the tasting, you have reached the level of a glass, glass, let's have a drink for that, let's. professor, who is this? this is my cuckoo, what is she doing? she went, professor, where did your cuckoo go? as he knows, she comes and goes, but she always comes

not alone, she comes with her friend, professor. who is this? this is too much. he seems to be warning that enough is enough. then maybe that 's enough? no, just one more, professor, who are you? i am... a scribe, a scribe came to us, but no

you are boiling, you see, he is thin, when he comes full, then there will be a scribe, well, come on. oh, frost, frost, don’t freeze me, don’t freeze me, my dear, here comes the music, it’s a little early today, professor, who is this, this is a goat with a button accordion.

professor, who is this? this is ash. yasen, is there something you wanted to ask?

who knows who, who, he, who are you, in a coat, that i’m constantly tugging on business without anything to do, professor, who are the dogs? people, who the hell knows, but i don’t know, in short, they all work part-time at our institute, i’m here every day i see someone, someone, someone, listen, if you don’t leave us alone, i’ll show you kuzka’s mother, well, show me, kuzma.

lord, what freaks! mother! “i’m here, son, this is kuska’s mother, a healthy woman, a bastard, why didn’t you call me, who the hell knows, but i don’t know, i, who knows, who, who, don’t bother me, professor,

in my opinion, we already have enough, no, we need one more." what, here i am, i was already thinking, but you won’t come today, what are you, how could i miss this, professor, who is this, squirrel?

this is bad, but who are they? this is complete scribe, this is kondraty, i’ll hug you now, this is the italian playwright, doni, professor, well , the weighty man, i understand, kondraty too, but why did the italian playwright galdonius come to us, because the final comedy, and what should we do now, we’re running to where , to drenefene.

hello, i’m edrenya fenya, and i’m already here, this is yadrenya-fenya, our head of the department. student, you see her, i see, that’s it, that means you’ve passed the exam, the test, you don’t need to teach us. we already know how to drink, and we have one toast for the spectators, so that you will always be friends with your cuckoo, so as not to drink too much, not a glitch. i didn’t bring the psychiatric hospital, so that you don’t have a hug with the squirrel, so that you never come to visit me, so that you can give you joy, we stand

on stage, and let the sadness fly, but not foam to the core, for sobriety, we raise the main cause. whoever makes a joke, seriously, be healthy, girls, which of you ratted me out? eh, you lived

like family for a year, i’ll curse you, look at rtr, your work, and if it’s mine, then what did you pass, but cursed all three of you, i’ve never regretted that it’s not like that with us... with you no with masha, it’s a pity, if you’re afraid of a sting, then take him away from here, you love me, who do i love, well, if you love me, let’s go, it’s not difficult to leave, the main thing is to decide who to take with you, let’s go to mary, let’s go, let’s go, limited, continuation, watch on monday on rtr, good morning, my beloved, my!

morning mail with nikolai baskov on sunday on rtr look. love is when you look in one direction, look, look, look, if you want to look, look, let's see, look, well, look at the screen,

look, take it from me, look, look, sign the agreement, we sign at the same time for one, two, three, sign , look, look, maybe we can go to me, just watch a movie, where is your homeland, my brother? and whose homeland are you, soldier, who do you serve, former friend, tear away everything that is ours, which was together, what will be left with you, they went against god, went on a tour through all the liberated territories, what an impression, russia comes and the city lives, boris korchevnikov's program, life and fate, from monday to friday on rtr. you it’s mine, and you’re only mine, and you’re mine, stop

calling me, i don’t owe you anything, mommy, i love you very much, i owe me money, money, oleg is doing well, in what sense, maybe he has some- then there's a problem, there was an accident with a car... husband, get out of here, pack your things out of my house, your late husband owes me a very large sum of money, victoria, it always seems to me that someone is watching me, sunday on rtr , in our country, if it’s a sport, then with records, if it’s a holiday... then it’s a folk one, we love traditions, we honor our

history. we value family, strong relationships , we admire how the country is blossoming, even more achievements await us, fall in love with the country more at the russia exhibition, the history of humor knows hundreds of millions of cases when... troubled humorous interweaving surprised the listener, but here you go, what a surprise may evoke the ideas of the writer argo, who, having entered a fish shop, forced the seller to answer himself in rhyme, he asked him in such a way that it was very easy for him to answer in rhyme: what is this thing, pike, and what is this thing, bream? here

this belly is a carp, and what kind of fish was this, flounder, oh, the puzzled counter worker thought for a long time about his suddenly discovered poetic talent, the clowns of the mikos theater, whom i have known for many years, were still in the laughing panorama, i filmed their numbers as they flowed spectators, they really surprised me...

for a change of rhyme: i was walking through a dark forest, walking through a dense forest, someone hit me in the face with a prickly hedgehog. wow, if someone cries loudly and shows off, it means the girl is walking, swaying her hips, carrying a purse, oh,

well done, what a ah-ah-ah, i’m taking off her dress, i take off her boldly, i would soon see the desired body, touch it. i entered the michurin institute, i knew they would seduce me, i just had a feeling in my heart, i have never met a nicer man, aster, charming, very dead. every morning for no reason he smiles at me from the mirror, i know a lot of poems, i just forget the beginning, but i know, i know, as

one of my characters says, tomorrow i’m going on a date, i need to read something beautiful to charm, to make me fall in love, girls love poems, like the classics, did i love you? "why am i sick? something is wrong, before so much knew poetry, now..." the stream is still running behind the mill, but the pond has already frozen, the naughty guy has already frostbitten, something, it turned out, is a finger, only stupidity remains in my head, my uncle has the most honest rules, when it’s not a joke for he couldn’t, he remembered a wonderful moment when he could still confuse everything, something wasn’t

right, the less we love a woman, the worse the borscht and the thinner the kvass, and the children somehow don’t look like us, again it’s not right, in my opinion, lord, my head is full of holes, there is a green oak near the lukomorye, a golden chain, a learned cat, no one remembers the chest pinkot, three girls under the window were talking in the evening, as if i were a queen, then for the whole baptized world, i would prepare a feast, the second, what does the second say, if only, man, one nonsense would pop into my head, something is wrong with me something wrong is happening in recent

times, i don’t recognize myself, oh, lord, tell me the mirror, tell me the whole truth, am i smarter than everyone else, more ruddy and whiter than everyone else, and in response to me in the mirror, i’m soberer , damn it, i’m a tablet, i won’t even read poetry, i’ll invite you to a restaurant, it’ll go faster, in my library. which i periodically tell you i tell you that there are a lot of old books

dedicated to our humor and its history, including humorous folklore. there are not only proverbs, sayings, witty phrases and aphorisms. here there is, for example, a collection of numerous russian riddles, among which there are, as i call them, prank riddles , joke riddles. how to jump. from a ten-meter ladder and not get hurt, you need to jump from the bottom step, two fathers, two sons were walking, they found three oranges, they began to divide, everyone got one, how could it be, it was a grandfather, a father and a son, which can be seen from eyes closed, dreams, is it possible to light an ordinary match under water so that it burns out? to the end, maybe in a submarine, and now i

’m wondering how many legs a dancer, a stepper, can have? you will laugh, but if we are talking about the artist oleg abdullaev, then four legs, believe it or not.

recently, such a confusing story happened in our town, comedians made a whole skit out of it for the clowns bim and boma. oh-oh-oh, what's going on, what's going on, what happened, what's wrong with you? oh, don’t ask, but

you don’t know, right? oh, petrovich died. yes what are you doing and how? yes, i came home, drank, lay down on the sofa and lit a cigarette. what, did it burn out or what? yes, no, i managed to open the window and jump through the window. what, crashed, or what? yes, no, before jumping, he managed to call the firefighters, they pulled the awning, he springed, but unsuccessfully, he flew into the window again. here, christmas trees, what? burned, yes, yes, no, he got caught on the frame and jumped back down, oh, damn, did he crash after all, yes, yes, no, the firemen were standing there with a stent, well, he bounced against it again and flew off already in the other direction, onto

the roadway, and there’s a kamaz, what are you under hit the car, but no, kamaz... you know from the twenty-sixth apartment, well, yes, the big-faced one, he comes up to me further, he says, that’s it, he says, baba matryon, that’s it, that’s it, he says, things are bad, he probably says , they will send a killer, i won’t tell you exactly who the killer is, but i read, the killer, he says, is the one who wets, cleans, the janitor, in

general, i’m completely behind the times, you see, i didn’t know at all , what... yes, you know, yes, we need to clean up the entrance, of course, we need to say, i need vaska, a businessman, hello, hello. son, you not a killer by any chance? where did you get this from? we

were told, says byller will come to clean up? yes, are you a killer? killer? how long? yes, well, someone would at least take care of the elderly people, son, but what are you going to do with cleaning? yes, you have a tool, no, i have a tt with a silencer, but... what is a tet? well, it’s a toilet rag, so why

do they muffle it? well, is she a microbe in the wilderness, why don’t they die? and will you treat dima, son? it ’s always like this in the entrance, you don’t need to be in the entrance, otherwise there will be a lot of splashes, so i’m always in the basins i’ll soak it, i’ll bring you a basin now, there... soak it there, yes, and if it gets wet, you wipe everything with a dry cloth as follows, and then we’ll see, good luck, good luck to you in your difficult task, well, i’m off, come on, comrades, i’ll ask everyone to donate 20 rubles for the repair of the elevator, but i was wondering, i came, and comrade, what apartment are you from? yeah, that's 30 rubles. yeah, 500, you don’t need change,

what do you need, you didn’t happen to see mine, but you didn’t, you were probably drunk somewhere, but a parasite. you haven’t yet handed over 20 rubles for elevator repairs, then i’m coming to you, comrade kilya, comrade kilya, you

somewhere, where are you going to get it, and what is it, what is it to do, disassemble, daviler, i won’t get anything here now, let’s take our akm, what is akm, akm? automatically cool broom and we’ll soak everything under the food and clean it up, it will be better that way, you promised me no dates during working hours, no mottos, you have pretty informants, and what’s going on with her, seriously, i won’t be able to live if you they'll kill you, what?

it’s hard to leave me, the artist is on rtr on monday, we go to the doctor, we take up a lot of his time with empty complaints, and we don’t we go to the doctor, when we seriously need to go, the whole family is warned. the most important information is from the most two decades, so you need to consult competent sources. take care of your

complex body, take care of yourself and be healthy. about the most important things, from monday to friday on rtr. igor konstantinovich, yes, and you? and i, your daughter. you take me for a fool, honestly. let's see on the weekend. ah... help, help, i need to know who i’m dealing with, who sent you? before my mother died, my mother told me about you, and i decided stupid to see you, so what now your daughter will live in our house, we are of the same blood, you and i, you have a miracle brother, if anything, and you have a miracle sister, give this girl money and that’s enough, i i know that she... today

on rtr. from sanctions, love, to the station of destruction. we have a special episode of the hello andrey program dedicated to the fiftieth anniversary of the baykhal amur mainline. we didn't just work there on this road. people.

kazulki, how nice it is to tell them, and at the same time make jokes, and at the same time laugh at modern life, the sorceress vasilisa waves her right sleeve at the lake, waves her left, swans swim on the lake, waves another 200 grams, more complex glitches begin, i must say, fairy tales often appear in our lives. in all kinds of conversations, here are friends talking: why do you call your husband a scientist cat, is he really so smart? no, he just constantly walks to the left, the bastard, and at the same time he tells stories, too . hello dear kids, we

are funny storytellers, i will be a good storyteller, and i will be an evil one, or what? i don't i want to be evil, i’m not evil, i’m a kind person, and i don’t need all this, but you’re a famous artist, you can play anyone , right? tells me that since i’m kind, that means you’re evil, i can of course play, but here i have to figure out why i’m angry, say, at you, specifically, you know why, because you don’t give me back the 500 rubles you borrowed. where 500 rub. give 500 rubles. ok, ok,

i'll give it... okay, go ahead! so, dear children, we will tell you a fairy tale for the night, so now get your diaper ready. that's why sit back, listen, listen, yes, he lived, there was a father, and his father had three convictions.

a courageous man, but still a fool, with different letters, the father said, my sons, go shoot, cigarettes, i love to shoot a cigarette, shoot with a bow, with a bow, right? in whose yard the arrow lands, marry that one, and the older brother shot with a bow and hit 300,000, that’s how it happens everywhere, and you hit the wrong target, but why? but because you hit the neighbor’s mercedes, there’s nothing to get

into it? launched the middle brother liver, liver will start, why the liver? why? he launched it, the younger brother launched an arrow, the arrow flew into the swamp, there was a frog, kiss me, he says, ivan tsarevich kissed the frog and it turned into a good fellow. why is it a good fellow, but because it’s a european frog, people know why you

ruin all fairy tales, because you can’t give me 500 rubles for six months, calmly, i’ll give it to you , don’t worry. i’ll tell you another fairy tale, kids, an old man lived with his old woman by the very blue sea, once the old man came to the sea, the old man threw the old woman into the sea, yes, the blue sea has darkened. the old woman was too dirty, it darkened this blue sea, became black, look at the map, that’s

what it’s called, i’ll tell you another fairy tale, about little red riding hood, there lived a lonely woman in the forest and... and she had a stash of 500 rubles. she had, yes, uh-huh, the woman had a small breast, daughter, daughter, daughter, she had small, small, absolutely, yes, her daughter had large breasts. and the daughter had a red bump on her head, why the bump,

because the mother hit her daughter on the head and asked when 500 rubles. you will return 500 rubles. calmly. come on, come on, little cap, why did she have a cap, the cap was on her head, said the mother, daughter, go to the bathhouse, to grandma, to the bathhouse, to grandma, the old lady was too dirty, go, she says, to grandma, take her 500 rubles. take it to her, take her the pork pies, it’s impossible with you.