with whom he played football, went to the sea, fished, secretly told the whole world about something la-la-la shu-shu-shu, they were from here from the seaside town. and he was even afraid to return to taganrov, perfectly understanding that this crystal ball of childhood could be completely destroyed, but he returned, arrived and was enchanted, because he found some of his friends and girlfriends, saw his native school, and most importantly, he felt this spirit of taganrog. where, as tanich wrote, from a patch above the stone stairs to the light of the sea depth, where the smell of lilac and even a white swan on the pond. veronica bogma, edar elin, vladimir shamakov and denis denisov, taganrok news. and now we all have oksana kuvaeva with you. see you.

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good afternoon, good afternoon, dear ladies and gentlemen, we are glad to welcome you to the most family-friendly humorous program, welcome to the humor parade, i didn’t understand something, we have a program only for families, and my neighbor came to our concert today,

he can't, it turns out, yes, everything is fine, our concert is for everyone, firstly, everyone loves to laugh heartily, and we should not interfere with this, and secondly, good neighbors, almost like a family, of course, until they start singing in the karaoke at night, personally i think that all neighbors are good karen, but the lower ones are better than the upper ones. oh, karen, apparently you really want to talk about neighborly relations. of course, i have something to tell. then our concert today will be dedicated to our beloved neighbors and their passion for working with with a drill. and the first one to come out on this stage. maybe someone smart, handsome, with a great sense of humor. well, of course, karen, smart, handsome, with a great sense of humor, sergey drobotenko.

my friends, back in the soviet years i was at one woman's anniversary. she turned 50, well , a classic soviet feast, tables in the shape of the letter u, the birthday girl with a bouffant in the center, men stand up, say toasts, healths, well, naturally, everyone somehow tries to avoid the topic of age, so after listening to the toast at this anniversary, i realized for myself this thing, reminding a woman of her age, a man can be either smart. or honest toast of a smart man, dear friends, dear marya petrovna, yes, yes, it is not customary to ask a woman about her age,

no one asks this woman, everyone already knows, frankly speaking, to call marya petrovna a woman, my language is not up to... we look at you, we look at your grandchildren, and we see no difference, what to wish you on your 50? love is early, beauty is late, and is it really possible to give this angel 50, look, these lips are 23, these little fingers are 22, this

chin 15, and the same for the second, so let's drink to what we got in total. for you, my dear, a man's toast, honestly, dear comrades, dear petrovna, yes, it is not customary to ask a woman about her age, petrovna has not been asked for a long time, not everyone has strong nerves, pay attention, there are no candles in the birthday cake, this is understandable, i

apologize, where to stick so many candles, today our petrovna entered. the second half of the century, half a century is hanging from her back, what can i wish for this woman. although what the hell is a woman anymore, a decrepit dove my, now it's good to follow you in icy conditions, you won't slip, petrovna has been living in this world for a long time, pushkin wrote about her, remember, i love you, peter's creation, they say to a woman, wisdom comes with age, age came to petrovna alone,

children turn into youth, young people become adults , old people follow adults, and old people follow our petrovna, petrovna has gone a glorious way. we will remember her as an honest worker, mainly a faithful wife, petrovna learned the joy of swearing early, let petrovna wish i wish you health, although what the hell health, you breathe, thank you for that, and let's have a drink, who knows, maybe for the last time.

haren, let's give our viewers practical and, most importantly, sound advice on communicating with neighbors. then we can, i'll start first. well, of course, you. previously, my neighbors had furniture moving in their house. dishes were breaking and terrible screams were heard. i was sure that they had poltergeist. but don't worry, dear friends, they got divorced, everything stopped immediately. no mysticism, just photos. if your neighbors from above flooded you, you are too lazy sort them out, gather

a team of caring people around you, open the tap and flood the neighbors below, on the contrary, if you flooded the neighbors below, they knock on your door, generously wet your ceiling, go with them to sort it out on the floor above, and men, here you go... the most important advice: a woman usually doesn't know what she wants until it appears in the neighbors across the street, so keep your curtains closed, and it seems to me that all women know perfectly well what they want, what are you talking about, well, karen, who do you think is better at this tell everything? the best way to tell it is to tell it herself. woman, meet, charming always unexpected, elena

stepanenko. oh, i'll go, beautifully, i'll go out. oh, my dears, you know, i'll tell you a story now: three friends studied together at school, you know, they were even in the same kindergarten, even in the same class, they were such friends, oh, they were inseparable, here is the graduation ball, that's it, they graduated from school and hadn't seen each other for 10 or 12 years. imagine, suddenly they met in a shopping center, they say: and girls, girls, well, how did we

12 years, my god, how much time has passed, well , let's, let's spend the weekend together, yeah, let's, they decided to spend the weekend together, and you know where they went, you'll never guess, they went to the bathhouse, to the steam room, so, vera, nadya, and lyuba, oh, girls, ah, well, what does that mean, banya, but look? well, what's there at home, a bath, oh, it's a shower, a bathhouse, oh, girls , a steam room, oh, i gave it a couple of drinks, a basin of hot water for myself, once, oh, listen, vera, well , wash yourself a little more calmly, why are you

shouldering like a beaver in a water park, look, listen, you are a speech therapist's dream, you should keep quiet, but you can't get a word in, first get a tooth in, then you can get words in, and why are you picking on my tooth, i only have one tooth missing, it's not even noticeable, i pronounce all the letters, words too, i can even

pronounce the alphabet for you, look, and i'm getting it in with the short one, you see all the letters. well, i beg you, so that you pick on her, look how pathetic she is, no skin, no face, no teeth , no money, no brains, well, you got a bit carried away, oh well, lyubka has only one tooth no, well, she has her brains in the right place, yeah, she has them, only there are about 200 grams of them. you know, i once gave her a present, you know, i gave her mascara for march 8th, well , double white, you know, you color, lengthen, then black, but she did everything the other way around, i look at her, my god, two gray eyes are looking at me, the color of the mood, blue, she poked me in me,

bikini, i hear, we have a new song, oh, de... i'm so glad that we met, girls, oh, we are sitting here so nice, yeah, you are sitting especially well on my face towel, vilunchik, this, this is what, a face towel, such a huge big one, yeah, and look at my face, you've gone completely nuts. lyuba, oh, vera, stop clinging to her, why are you so attached to her, oh, everything is fine with us, husband, neighbor, lover, family, she's an unhappy, lonely woman, why is she lonely, lyubka, you said that you were at the seaside this year, there was a guy there who was making eyes at you all the time, yeah, but then it turned out

that it was a penguin, what are you doing? i told you, her face only penguins can admire, and what a face, a face, look at her legs, and what's wrong with her legs, oh, my god, i didn't even know that people descended from monkeys, lyuba, my grandma knits, she just needs an 800 g down sweater, i'd like to introduce you to her, huh? knock-knock-knock-knock-knock, girls, you'll order lunch, and here we have everything fresh, hot, and in 10-15 minutes, right as you order, we 'll bring it right to you in the steam room, and grandma, are you so brazen, what lunch in the steam room, and what a load it is on the heart, my blood pressure might go up, well i don't know, i don't know, you 've become completely insolent in your commercial bathhouse,

just to rip people off, and what, lunch is already included, wait? visits, and that means three borscht, three solyanka, four chickens, grill, eight portions of beef stewed with vegetables and six vinaigrettes, this is for me, girls, you'll order lunch, yes, i'll order it, personally i want jellied meat, lyuba, look at the thermometer, the temperature here is +70, you'll pour your jellied meat down the steps. oh, yes, i've fallen apart, woman, cross me out aspic, write, molodets, and you said that...

we know, lyuba, we know, it's when a person is shown your photo, his hair falls out in horror, so woman, before you leave there, this is all that i ordered, three borscht, three solyanka, four chickens, grill, eight portions of beef stewed with vegetables, tell them to cook everything without mayonnaise, because i'm on a strict diet today, i understand, that's it, well, come on, go, oh, girls,

get out of here, you've got the wrong door, and i say, man, you've got the wrong door, go to the men's department, don't crumble, i ordered it, come on, boy, dance, the color of the mood is blue, you don't have a mikila, i'm wearing a bikini, wow, oh, mayschik, i liked you, here's my business card, call me in the evening, we 'll dance together, the color of the mood is stiniums, oh,

i can't, nadya, have you seen how this lisping fizzy, boy, boy, i liked you, vera, well vera, i beg you, well leave her alone, lord, maybe... she's had only one man in her life, a ragamuffin gnome in childhood, maybe she wants to arrange her destiny, girls, what is your fate? my fate has been arranged for a long time, my husband is now in dubai on vacation with four children, two boys, two girls, my lover is at the dacha, planting roses, digging beds. in the city center i have five commercial stores, two restaurants and in general, girls, this is my bathhouse, and why were you

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tell me, do you like the theater? of course i do. oh, i recently went to a production of a modern play, and then i couldn't sleep all night, do you understand? oh, the theater is my love. wait, why couldn't i sleep? were you really that excited by the play? no, karen, i just slept well during the performance. unfortunately, in modern theaters there are very... helpful productions, my neighbor went to the premiere yesterday, but the play turned out to be so boring that he did not wait for the third act and went home, and there was a very big scandal, and what did he do, karen? he played the main role in this play. it's good that we are never bored. and only professionals in their field appear on our stage. on the stage

of the humor parade, a show group. xb. as soon as my country meets people at the dacha again. well, okay, by day from rostov, let it not even be varkuta, you will not leave there alive, to the ground there people get used to it, old people plant strawberries, young people plant liver, to the dacha, everyone went to the dacha, to the dacha, hey! a bag of rosada and marinades and a husband to boot, a special approach to the gluzhik, a man behaves lazily, only after two bottles of beer,

a vegetable garden in a flight, half a life at the dacha and we shachim, first. what is the kama sutra? this is what awaits us during the day, hey, dashnik, get ready for the poses, in the morning

someone calls for luck with a possendoy, well, and in the evening it's a fucking vegetable garden! my weeds have matured, the horsetail is quietly fading, already with someone's light hand, the night blind and the parey are fading, that's it more often burdock worries, although it pretends to be healthy, goat's rue cystic. fluff will not wait, apparently cold weather, my dear weeds, let me uproot the hogweed, with ragweed, that by the river,

we still, we still will fight, was usual. august evening, i was in a bad mood in the beds, at the neighbors' plot towards, a dacha ghost appeared, a textbook will not tell you about it, an artist will not find a better nature, maybe some kind wizard, revived at the dacha scared out of stupidity, she passed like an excavator for ... carrots flew and underfoot the earth stood up, i straightened up to see if it had straightened up, to see if i had bent over, i am a simple village mosquito,

today you will give me your love. i am like a husband, i am the same nightmare, i am just like him, i will drink your blood, i want to drink with you, i want to drink with you, and we will be together, in a room with... a ceiling with traces of blood, in a room with a slid to shit with faith in love.

an old man lives in a village, he is known as yegorich, such adoration. women did not even know allen dilonlich, they idolized him, although he is not old, you ask, where from breeds, his secret was in the beds, he planted not a pumpkin, go leeks, he planted only

cinder, cinder, cinder, i like it when you walk naked around the plot , start the cultivator, i like how erotic it is, and you control it, you excite all the neighbors, and let everyone share you, and the tomatoes blush with embarrassment, wow, what an effect it has, that cucumbers grow faster for you, satan rules the roost, the world has gone crazy, but ... will show us the way, the light of a distant star,

the dollar has fallen, the ruble has somehow risen, only summer resident in russia, it's all the same, it's all the same to us, it's all the same to us, let them swing, somewhere.

lena, can i ask you one question, come on, tell me, do you like fish, i really love karen, one of my neighbors recommended that i get them, what are you talking about, i even went to a pet store yesterday and looked at an aquarium for myself. you know, karen, i really like looking at fish, they somehow calm me down, and what kind of fish did you choose for yourself, goldfish, guppies, swordtails, fighting cockerels, wow, how well you know everything about fish, yes, fish are the most unpretentious animals in the world, do not require special care, sometimes i fed everything, the only thing is that once a week you need to clean the aquarium, why did they tell me.

even if they are your neighbors, then, lenochka, let's listen to a friend, especially since he is already waiting for his exit, meet the stage gennady vetrov, friends, my miniature is dedicated to professions, by the way, now there are a lot of new professions, i recently heard two people talking, one

says to the other: you know, mitya, i would work as a trend watcher or a targetologist, or an ordinary tutor, or content aggregator, says here: and i, sasha, and i would try myself in crowdfunding, fundraising, or would work as a cavist, and you know, i listened, of all the familiar words i only recognized mitya and sasha, that's all. and this is a conversation between two teenagers, imagine, 40 and 45 years old, here's a joke, but seriously, in every country there are professions that are characteristic of this country, i have one friend. recently returned from japan, a certain valerik, he says gin, they have such a profession there, it's called huggers, it's generally cool, so stress they're filming you, and he's constantly stressed, you know, he's always on edge, he even has a nickname, valery the cataclysm,

you know, well he recently had a situation, he bought a tv for 15,000 for the first time. evening and his cat pushed the tv off the nightstand and it can't be repaired, i say, well, valery , 150 thousand down the drain, what did you do to it for that, and what should i do to it, gen, it costs 2,000, the damn thing, and you know what the cat's name is, i don't know, it was fun for me, power steering, i say, why is it like that, power steering, it he says, imagine, i would like to go to japan now to relieve this stress, in japan, he said, they have these special cafes, instead of a table in the bed, this person comes, and in order to relieve nervous tension, he orders, for example, if a man is a hugger, they lie down, hug, that's it, but no intimacy, no showing off in clothes, that's it, and this valerik says, listen, i was also stressed, well, my wife found

my stash, you know, a million rubles, i say, okay, a lemon, a gene, a whole lemon, you know how much i started hiding from her, how long, i hid it, probably, for about three days, you know, here, i say, it's my own fault, i found a place to put it, a juicer, but we never squeezed juice, apparently she spied , you know, my tamara, she says, i wanted some juice, valera, she opens it, oh, valera, how i love lemons, to my mom, she says, to vacation for a week in rzherzhenopol, well, i have two stresses in a row, what should i do, well, i called not one hugger. but two, well, we are not in japan, so that tactile contact would be better, we completely undressed, lay down, hugged, the three of us, relieve tension, and tamara, take it from your mother 2 days earlier and come back, you understand, gen, i never thought that we could have such a misunderstanding, imagine, she didn’t believe in the japanese method, so she said: i

don’t need your valerushka, love, who needs you now without teeth? i say, huggers, and there? japanese theme, two geishas walked along the highway and sucked sushi, scratched all over, even their ears, here, in scandinavia, uh, there is a profession called a tax dog inspector, i have a friend, he is a journalist, we have been we keep in touch, his name is tim, he lives in turku, he says: gen, but this is a problem, these tax dog inspectors, i say, why? well, look, we have. the tax on a dog is about 700 euros, and many dogs are hidden, yes, so as not to pay, i say, and what should this dog inspector do, but if he has marked some apartment, and suspected a dog, he must be able to bark in at least twenty ways, he sneaks up under the door and barks, barks, sometimes for 15 minutes, or

even half an hour, i say, so what, there is result, yes, if there is no dog, they can just hit you in the face, and if... he barks, barks, barks, and a dog barks him from there, that's it, the animal is recorded, a fine of 3,500 euros comes, i say that you are telling a sad story, because one woman in our area fined me like that several times , there were different dogs, then i bought a new one, called her a very beautiful name, a codpiece, so i set up a video camera, i knew approximately when she might come, and waited, she crept up to the door, this woman, and i with... why wrapped the codpiece completely around her face, she barked for minutes 15-20, i watched this movie and laughed with an internal laugh, i say, how did it end, the codpiece could not stand it, it howled, and i received a tax on the wolf, in italy there is also an unusual

profession, it is called a parmesan listener, a cheese listener, well, to be honest - when i found out about this, i was surprised, what cheese to listen to? no, well, although on the other hand, if you are ready , you have a festive mood, you can listen not only to cheese, but also to other products, right? well, if seriously, then in italy, parmesan matures for 3 years, here is a cheese listener, he has there must be an absolute pitch, he must periodically tap the cheese head with a silver hammer to determine its degree of readiness. and this information in our elite supermarket shesterochka was heard by the loader uncle kolya, the senior merchandiser and the junior were talking to each other.

i wrote a short comment on this topic, almost a romance, i listened to cheese, then i listened to sausage, then i listened to borscht, then beans, how good that before that i listened to incomprehensible mushrooms in the forest, here is the profession of a psychoanalyst, it is important for residents of the whole. it doesn't matter what country you live in, because there's enough stress now, and all sorts of phobias, you know, i looked at the list

of phobias, i have a friend, he's a psychoanalyst, yes, there's even such a phobia, it's called fear of beautiful women, imagine, it's called kollegenophobia, yeah, and do you know what the fear of scary ones is called, oh-oh-ohushki, ugh, and what is it called - fear of enclosed spaces, claustrophobia, claustrophobia, so a grandfather goes to visit his grandson, the grandson lives in a high-rise building on the top floor, he gets into the elevator, goes, the elevator door opens, somewhere on the sixth floor, a chick comes in, about 20-25 years old, just blood and milk, with condensed milk, her breasts don't fit into her blouse, they're cracking like a watermelon, her skirt starts here, ends here, and her lips are like a duck at a watering hole, well... they're going, the grandfather looks at her, says: "beauty, come on, stop the elevator." stop the elevator, she, get out, come on, what

happened, get out, come on, otherwise i can't answer for myself. by the way, seriously, phobias are common in children. this same doctor of mine, an acquaintance, tells me, a mother brings a baby, about five years old to see him, he says, you know, he has a phobia, he hasn't been able to fall asleep peacefully for a month, he says, under the bed. nothing to worry about, and so for a whole month the doctor says, well, these are childhood fears, but they will pass just as they appeared, forget what 's under your bed in fact, she says, oh, nothing, an ordinary bunk bed, he, spokes, on top, me below, i wrote a comment, everyone left, the doctor drank vodka, valerian and festal, he himself almost started stuttering from this woman, professions with complex names in medicine, for example, have always been there's a lot of latin there, yes, they told me such a case, at the reception desk at the clinic , a man is standing in line, it's his turn

, the receptionist tells you what kind of doctor you need, he says now i'll remember now just a little bit, she says i'll help you, a complicated name, she's a phlebologist, no-no-no, a gerantologist, no-no-no, an audiologist , no-no-no, an otolaryngologist, no, who is he, a breast surgeon, who else , everything hurts. friends, you know, in fact, i recently learned that we have professions that deserve attention, yeah, in ours a new profession has appeared in russian elite baths, you know what it's called, a chaschoklop, it's a massage therapist for the bald, imagine, there 's a special technology there, they first inject the client's entire bald spot with small ones.

whatever, but it's important that there's demand for the profession, you can call the occupation whatever you want, and chaschoklop, and morgoshchel, and drindovoz, the main thing is to pay a normal salary, and so that there is no stress and recession, happiness to everyone in the profession, because all professions are needed, all professions are important, send me photos and videos with crime scenes, i want to see something, work from dawn to dusk, marya sergeyevna dreams of nothing else, i'm lucky today, yeah, there's a lot to do, we have no time to sit around, quiet, quiet, quiet, secret investigations, i already thought, i've reviewed everything, but i 'll tell you, no, it's addictive, from monday to

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fresh air, especially in the morning, they say that if you run in the morning, then your day will be great, karen is right, firstly, because it's good for you and secondly, it fills your brain with oxygen, i don't know, i don't know, i thought the day would be great just because you don't have to run anywhere when you're half asleep, oh no, karen, i just went for a morning run today but came back after 2 minutes because i forgot something, what could i have forgotten? some newfangled pedometer? no, no, no, i forgot that i can't run for more than 2 minutes. you probably run alone, that's why you get tired of it so quickly. nothing like that, karen, i run with his neighbor, though, it seems to me that he runs for a completely different reason. i wonder why? is he really late for

the bus every morning? no, i'm not sure. well, at least his wife says that he comes back from jogging an hour later completely drunk. well, that's not jogging, it's like a swim. oops, oh! who 's running there? haren, those are our next artists running, who are either rushing to our concert or taking care of their health. on the stage of the humor parade are vladimir danilets and vladimir moiseenko. on duty, oh, who else is there? come on quickly. come on, come on, come on, come on, duty officer, come on, don't sleep, come on, oh my god, when will this end, wow, you're so handsome

, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, don't be shy, oh you 're so handsome, so, so, so, who do we have, so, detention report, yeah, obscene language, got it, running around the park in my underwear, catching swans, in the pond, they weren't the ones catching me, shut your mouth, resisted, got it, sit down, thank you, i'll still have time, well, you jerk, i said, and breathe to the side, got it, so, so, what is this, an explanatory note, oh, i feel like a dick, really a dick, i'll shut my mouth. i felt like i could have just written it in the morning after yesterday's work , i was stuck, god, god forbid, it's her mom, my mother-in-law

, i felt bad in the morning after yesterday, i felt so bad, shut your mouth, i'll read it all, her mom insulted me, no, with censored words, how did she insult you, how dare you drink, nikolai, and i tell her so civilized, go far, far away, a slave in the kigliakh, and she starts screaming, tasya, tasya, tasya - who is this, shcheryeya, and my wife, she's also on... the rest of the woman at the factory inposhiv women's work clothes, underwear named rosa luximburg, so that's it, that's it, that's it, turn away, i'll read it myself, so tasya my, she's also

a guest, i've already heard, that's it, i'll read it, so, tell me who put such makeup on you, who, who, who are you, tasya, my wife, without warning, frying pans.

the third one, droplets, so, so, wait, so, so, tasya my, she would have left like that, but that's enough, well i can see with one eye, she's upset, yes, i thought she'd bury it now, yes i'm fucked, shut up, the perfume probably costs a thousand, but the cat saved me, what kind of cat is that, the neighbor's cat, the bastard, rarely, in march the whole blast furnace. pi, then, let's lick it off the floor, adnicalon, probably thought that in the avarilianka, here, and then he drank his fill, hiccupped proudly, relieved himself on our,

what's it called, he wrote there, sideboard, yes, on our sideboard, by the way, worth 2,272 rubles, 18 kopecks. in installments for 4 years. aimed at it, so, wait, so, aimed at the cat with celloid, yes, with a dumbbell inside, well , there's 6 kg, hop, he howls, then cries, like a child, you, khrestnezhnaya twist, so shut your mouth, then a neighbor flies in, nicknamed gorgon, and this is medusa, gorgon... murchik screams, what

did this drunkard do to you, it's me, look at my intelligent image, i wanted to say who she is with my cat, then i think, yes, go, well, don't sleep , they'll return from a walk here. says the queen prince, what prince, this, father, is my father-in-law nikonor-nikonoroch, i call him makaron-makaronych, a very good man, but he lives a long time, so, wait, so, father-in-law, returning with a dog mary, such a white one, paws, black, eyes, beads, but teeth like a uligator. jaw like a valetra, the day before yesterday

playing bit off a leg from a stool, bitch, rare breed, listen you, choose an expression, pardon, bastard rare breed, so shut your mouth , so on, what well, then, it means, this heart, this murchik chased after our virginity, virginally, after our virginity.

written in detail, read between the lines, the captain, when andrei saw the sea, decided that there would be sailors, when andrei saw vodka, but the sea often remembers, listen you, versifier, so, so, tasya, mine, oh, she 's a multi-tasker, so that's how it is, since you say a multi-tasker word there, got it ? my tasya, she takes the depraved purr off mary, for what? by the scruff of the neck and throws him out the window. too bad, we live on the first floor. yeah, if it were on the ninth, maybe hop, but i'll take the first one, then, what happened next? well

, then, she's a gorgon, she's a medusa, this opera sign screams, save me, i'm killing you, you've grabbed my tasya's hairdo with curlers with your bones, and my tasya, she's a multi-tasker, she's attacked, tasya is like a vakhdar, what do you mean, and i... i don't interfere, i think, i'll see how the battle will end, the titan will end, as they say , two to fight, the third to the son, i said it right, comrade netto, is it right or not, i 'll tell you later, what happened next, that's all, the final comedy, we sniffed the roses, forgot the buttercups, i'll make a buttercup out of you now.

cruel wilds were jungles, remember, as in shakespeare, we are of the same blood mowgli shouted and fired from a parabelun. so, if i shoot you now, nothing will happen to me for it, you understand, well, then you 'll hear a sad story, where does it go love, so you don't care that

your wife had half her hair pulled out, and this lecherous little slob tried to lie down, in the value of our favorite, she shouted.

"this is my service dog, time for big premieres on rtr, strong, strong, they work in pairs, where to look, look, here are the young ones, one listens, the other eavesdrops, i feel that something bad is happening, we 'll cope, yes, one sniffs,

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something positive, oh, well, the nobel prize in economics should go to a neighbor, unemployed, but always drunk, when a person drinks so much, it's not positive, it's immoral, let's listen to some good news, karen, you can't even imagine what i'm going to tell you now, so, galibry is performing on stage.

but it's unlikely, everything inside me is burning, come on, bartender, repeat it, oh, if only we could dial right now, i'm like a coffee-maker, give me sharp to the goddess, like a doll of barby in the shop window wants the leading role in the film, i won't give you a break ,

sharp to the goddess, a broken doll of barby. we'll get our oscar, fly away for seven seas. i'm like peredrik kofelene, give me, sharp to the goddess, like a doll of barby in the shop window, wants the leading role in the film, i'm like fredrik kofelene, give me, sharp to this goddess, like a doll of barby in the shop window. wants the leading role in the film, i'm like frederico the universe, give me sharp to this god, not a word, a doll of barby wants the leading role in the cartel, i wonder if there are ideal neighbors,

what kind of relationship do you have with your neighbors, mine is just wonderful. he lives with a capricious, grumpy wife, yes, she is so grumpy, so in the evenings the whole floor has to listen to their swearing scandals, but sometimes it gets quiet, what a nightmare, did he really, are you crazy, karen, no, just to save on gas, he

took his wife to the dacha on saturday, and picked her up around november, really perfect. almost as perfect as in the monologue of our next guest. yes, meet, stage karen avanesyan, meet. in the same apartment the phone rings, the father of the family picks up. hello! "yes, my dear, yes, it's me, what are you saying, you have news, what news, happy news, come on, come on, talk, what, are you getting married, what are you thinking, but you, you're just a child, you're only 32 years old, so suddenly, what's his

name, anyway, how, you're a magnifying glass, what a strange name, what are you saying, a normal name for an ordinary guy from africa, in short, so what, are you marrying an african, no, i, i didn't say that i'm not happy with your choice, i, what are you saying, you called me and i said, do it, what do you want, when is it... when you called, what on january 1st in the morning, daughter, on january 1st in the morning, any man will tell you, do what you want, daughter, well, for now , well, don't marry him, well, first have a good time with him,

make friends, at first for about 5-10 years, keep an eye on him. and now it's clear, and i think that our neighbors are so happy, they always hated us, now they say hello three times a day, smile, the bastards, sing a song, chunga-changa, chew coconuts, eat bananas, one

even said that the neighbor, he says, will you decorate a palm tree instead of a christmas tree for the new year? oh, daughter, daughter, and i hope you will live with us in moscow, like in africa, what are you saying, daughter, he will never freeze there, that is, that is not what i wanted. so i wanted to say, live here, well here at least there is hope that he - oh, daughter, well, don't be offended, but i do not wish evil on your mowgle, that is, this gladelupe, listen, tell me another, what if you get tired of him there, well, you will get tired of him, you will go to another, there are these other men, they are so different, all like yours, all black. with black hair, oh, daughter, who are you like, how could you fall in love with a brunette, you daughter, slow down with this with a magnifying glass, but

while you don’t have children, you, how many more children will you have, another 2 months, and then twins will be born, boys, oh, what a day today, well, just like... black tuesday, here’s gladelup, here’s mowgli, son of a coconut, already through you he’s throwing his people to us like paratroopers, here’s a sly prune, here’s a lip-slapper, and i think, until you called, that our burnt-down dacha is the worst grief: no, daughter, oh, daughter, daughter, no, i won’t call mom to the phone, she’s with her head now. problems, she watched too many of these turkish tv series, now she's dancing her incomplete 150 kg, belly dancing, our

parrot, when i looked at him, he almost went crazy, okay, come on, talk, afrodochka, how will you be there without us, where will you work , what are you saying, you won't... you won't, he's the prince of the country, a millionaire, your guadeloupe is a millionaire, daughter, why didn't you tell me right away that we all love him, why didn't you tell me right away that you love him very much, how come you don't know yet, but i know, i say, you love him very much, you love your dear gladelupa very much, you are not without him for a day, so advice to you and love, do not delay with the wedding, what

are you saying, daughter, you kiss me, your gvodylu will kiss, he is nearby, well tell me, this, i hug him too, what? he sent me and my mother 100,000 for tickets, well then tell your daughter that i also kiss him hard, that he is standing nearby, well give him the phone, well hello, son, mister mowgli, skhwadelupa, come to us,

health to relatives, and happiness to children, and to you gvodylupa, special thanks, because through you i became related to the great pushkin, boxer tyson is not a stranger to me now either, it's good when your friends and relatives live all over the world, in africa, in america, in europe and asia, and maybe then all wars will end, there will be peace, and you and i, guadalupa,

will sing ours, chungachanga, we live happily.

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a product of stellar group. cognac old barrel, a product of stellor group. you and i have lived so many years only for the sake of dasha. she went to him. who to him? i thought you had forgotten about me. you decided to settle in the village forever. maria kulikova. let's go home. and if you stick your nose in, i promise you,

i'll put you in jail. i believe in love, the premiere is on saturday on rtr. what's wrong with you, koren? damn, my back really hurts, although the summer cottage season has long since ended. why don't scientists do anything about it? i can't understand, well , poor karen, i'm very sorry for you, but tell me, what do scientists have to do with this, well, what does this have to do with it, it's the 21st century, after all, it's high time for them to invent a robot.

not semi-mythical, quite real, bees in the best possible form, exactly, here's my neighbor , the plots of this amateur beekeeper are also real. karen, have you been stung by bees yet? and did you tell your neighbor about this? inconvenience? of course, i came to him right away, i say, i say, you know, your bee stung me, yes, and he says to me: show me which one exactly, and i will punish it properly. karenchik, poor thing, yes, you need to distract yourself, forget about the pain in your back, and about these inconvenient neighbors, well, how can you do it, lenochka, how very simple: close your eyes, yeah, and dissolve in the healing voice of this brilliant humorist, the stage, alexey shcheglov! i am not only

a writer-humorist, for more than 20 years i have been working as a screenwriter and director of the film magazine yaralash, over the years i have written and filmed more than 200 stories, and as a director i often attend children's castings, you know what a casting is, 100 children come, one of them needs to be chosen for the main role, and i want to share with you some observations from the castings of yarolash, because the children come are different, one boy came, i said to him: read us a poem, boy, and can i sing a song, well, come on, boy, tra-ta-ta, tra-ta-ta, we are taking with us a cat, a dog, a bully, a monkey, a parrot, will be the shawarma is big, i say: where did you hear that? dad taught me, one

girl came, i tell her: here's an acting task for you, pet an invisible animal, and we have to figure out what kind of animal you're petting, girl, and now, you're my good one, you're my good one? "my good little one , oh how small, good one, i say, well, it's a snake, girl, no, a giraffe, yes, and why is he so strange, he's sick, one boy came with his grandmother, grandmother, come in, come sit here quickly, i'll sit next to him, otherwise he's very shy, i ask the boy, how what's your name, his?" "what's kolya's name, why are you sitting there, keeping quiet, should i answer for you? i say: kolya, what are you going to read to us? he's reading a poem, why are you keeping quiet, let's do this, frost and sun, wonderful day, well, grandma, what, grandma, he can still dance, let's show him how you

dance, did i take you dancing for nothing, well , grandma, i say, so grandma, come on, wait in the hallway, kolya and i will sort this out ourselves, grandma, oh, look at me, grandma went out into the hallway, boy, let me go, it's just, i need to go to chess, he comes a little girl, but just a little princess, 7 years old, two pigtails, big eyes, a smile from ear to ear, i ask, girl, what's your name, oksana, and what's wrong with your voice, your throat is cold, i say, oksanochka, well, how are you going to play for us, silently? from many children , an 8-year-old boy was chosen for the main role, and according to the script, he was supposed to kiss the girl. a girl was invited to the rehearsal, i ask the boy: can you kiss the girl? boy: ugh, kissing a girl, no way in the world. well, it's not surprising,

boys at this age this is a common reaction. i say: "you want to be in a movie, to be shown on tv, so that your mother can see you." i want, then a kiss. " okay, come here, well, when the shooting, a boy comes in, it is immediately obvious that he has rich acting experience, because he read a poem with all the passion, with experience, the storm covers the sky with darkness, snow whirls, then she howls like an animal, then cries. like a child, i say: listen, i like your message, you are probably involved in a theater group somewhere, boy, i don't do anything, i want to go to the toilet, i've been sitting in the hallway for 2 hours

, a charming girl comes in, but she turned out to be a little bore, i tell her: here 's a task for you, imagine that you're walking through the forest and suddenly you see oranges growing on a pine tree, here play ... surprise: girl, when you're hallucinating, don't be surprised, you need to be treated, i say: okay, here's another task for you, imagine that you're walking down the street and suddenly you see your mother walking somewhere in the distance, here shout: mom, so that she can hear you, girl, am i stupid or something to yell across the street, i'll tell her i'll call her on my mobile, she'll hear me, i say, listen, you're such a bore, girl, hmm, but you're pretty, go, to another girl of seven, i say: imagine that there's a boy in front of you that you really like, go make eyes at him, girl, i don't know how, i say, well, it's very simple, look,

turn your head one way, your eyes the other, smile and blink, like this, repeat, girl, i'll try now, yes, i say, stop, you know, something's not very good at you. making eyes works, then the girl starts crying, i say what happened, i won't get married now, another girl comes in, i ask what you will read to us, a fable, a crow and a fox, somewhere god sent a crow a piece of cheese, the crow ate to perch, well , i think, a weak girl, well, she will finish reading the fable, we will say thank you, goodbye, the girl, apparently, understood that she was not... having success, then she decided to gather all her acting skills and give it to the mountain, it turned out like this: from joy in the back of the breath stole at the friendly fox... at the words, the crow

croaked, we thought we would have a heart attack, the girl says: and i also know a fable about the wolf, to tell, in general, dear parents, bring your children to my casting for the film magazine erolash, and i will definitely tell you about them. thank you, and you know, karen, how i don’t like to travel by train, and especially at night, when i really want to sleep, i don’t know what you don’t like about trains, lenochka, personally the sound of the wheels always calms me down, and once a grandmother sat down next to me in the compartment and couldn’t... fall asleep, in the morning i woke up in beautiful knitted socks and

a hat, can you imagine? well, that’s wonderful, karen, of course, because a compartment is an opportunity to listen to a snoring choir of three people instead of a whole carriage. so, we were returning from a tour to moscow, the man in the neighboring compartment went to bed and fell fast asleep, oh, karen, how he started snoring, i knocked on the wall all night trying to wake him up, well, how did he recognize your morse code and answered with silence, quite the opposite, he continued to snore all night, as if nothing had happened, and in the morning, you know, he came into my compartment and said: "madam, please accept my sincere sorry, but i was so tired that i couldn't come to you at night, what a cheeky guy, honestly, tell me koren, do you snore in your sleep, i have no idea, i don't think so. at least, i've never woken up from my own snoring. yes,

indeed, he could ask your wife, and your wife certainly doesn't know, she has a strange habit after marriage, how she goes to bed, she puts in earplugs, be careful, karen, from love to hate, one snore. then, so that we don't hear a single snore, we need someone who won't let the audience get bored. i think i know such artists. irina borisova and aleksey egorov are on stage, welcome, dear parents, this concludes our parents' meeting, i remind you, don't forget to hand in. money for curtains, yes, and also,

i have wonderful news for you, next quarter we will have to change the desks, and the door, and the windows, and i also ask you to pay attention to the ceiling and walls, they will also be necessary. and get a second job? don't rush, you will have time for that later, marlovna. well, what are you sitting there, starting to collect from them

money for the curtains before everyone runs away. that's all i have, everyone is free to go, and i ask semyon baltushkin's dad to come to me. svetlana sergeevna, i'm baltushkin, the eldest, semyon semyonovich, nice to meet you, semyon semyonovich, sit down. oh, thank you, thank you. i've been wanting to talk to you for a long time, what has he done? oh, i don't even know where to start, what a parasite, well, i'll give him a hard time at home, he'll get to drive my zhiguli, excuse me, do you allow a 14-year-old child to get behind the wheel? no, what are you saying, only when i'm drunk, so what has he done? business the fact that this is not the first time your son has been to

gym class with a boy in the locker room. he spies on girls, well, what has he done? well, i'm telling you, he spies on girls, do you think that's normal? oh, well, yes, they spy on girls in the seventh grade, i did it in the fifth, in the seventh we were already wow! well, well, now your son has serious problems in geography, he doesn't know anything, look at him, he gets only twos, he doesn't know anything about the mississippi or titicaca, and

yes, everyone should know such things, the other day i asked him, the propane channel, and he said: our tv doesn't have such a channel, well yes, our tv is old, it doesn't pick up all the channels, yes, but he doesn't even know the capital of norway, ambassador, why are you doing this, the boy knows this capital of norway, ambassador, no, well, in the end you can just tell the guy what kind of capital of norway it is, ambassador, you know, for example, i

also forgot this capital of norway, cowardly, listen to her. what are you really saying, well svetlana sergeyevna, you are a teacher after all, and i'm not a boy, words pick up, donkey, donkey, okay, now literature, i ask him who wrote dead souls, what ears, dead, dead souls, i ask who wrote it, he says it wasn't him. what a parasite, well, i 'll give him a hard time at home, listen, maybe it really wasn't him who wrote it, and now a very serious question, yesterday during labor class your son smoked in the men's

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teachers didn't pose like that back in the day, the whole class did. apples, yeah, yeah, but they turned out to be melons, understand, i'm a teacher, i'm cool with him, you're super, thank you, what are you saying, and what did your son do in the winter? he spilled water on a hundred-ruble note right in front of the school entrance, the water froze, and as a result three lessons were disrupted, maryana, the literature teacher, broke her heel,

chemistry teacher, broke her nails, and the shop teacher vasily petrovich. two teeth, everything would be fine if the bill was real, and not from a joke bank. oh, by the way, about the money, i don’t even know how to say it, but your son offered me money, how much? a thousand, a thousand, and what did he offer it for? well, so that i don’t... call you to school, but i see a gold mine here at your school, tell me, there

’s an announcement hanging at the entrance to your school, a physical education teacher is needed, well yes, they are needed, so consider that you already have a physical education teacher, i’ll go write an application, while who got it not... dialed, hello, let's get acquainted, agatha denisonna, time for big premieres on rtr, an ill-considered decision can lead to an apostrophe, plays chess better than any grandmaster, calculating the moves in advance check , and i have prepared for you, oh, a figurine, my favorite, raises a dog better than any dog ​​handler, let's go home again and

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if contamination appears, it is enough to wash it with water. beautiful, fast, convenient and easy. call and order a universal photo facade for the fence bright life at a special sale price of only 6.95. just choose the right design and create a unique look for your suburban area. on november 17, 23, in kaliningrad, entrepreneur artur agadzhanyyan crashed into a bus stop at high speed. as a result of the collision, seven-year-old polina died. eyewitnesses claim that the driver tried to escape from the scene of the accident, but he was stopped in time by passers-by. almost a year has passed, and the participant in the fatal accident are still at large, how the culprits of fatal accidents drag out their cases. why are you violating the terms of house arrest? our investigation. malakhov, on monday on rtr. i wonder, karen, how strong is the friendship between neighbors, what do you think? well,

for example, my dorm neighbor and i are still friends. moved into a huge house and it began, there were security guards, gardeners, drivers, cooks, laundresses, when we saw him for the last time, he sadly said, it feels like i'm living in a dorm again, yes, student friendship is a great force, but what do scandals have to do with it, anyway? karen, for example, in my student years i had very friendly neighbors, they taught me how to cook chicken broth economically. how is that economical? let me explain: you are a hungry student, right? your neighbor puts a chicken on the stove to cook, goes into the room to read a book: you put a pot of water next to her, and as soon as she leaves, you put her chicken in your pot. as a result, she has meat, you have chicken

broth. great, if i had neighbors like that, i would never go hungry and sad, because the students in the dormitory always had fun. by the way, the next one on this stage will be the teacher of the humor faculty and the dean of the humor department, who will definitely not let us get bored. meet the humor parade stage, satirist writer, alexey tsapik. i just recently realized one thing, we are all neighbors, i am your neighbor, you are my neighbor, our children, our friends, our relatives also have neighbors, neighbors can be good, bad and bastards, there are fewer bastards, but they are everywhere, i recently caught a cold, sneezed all night, everyone

the neighbors shout at me from behind the walls, bugzrov, bugzrov at 5:00 in the morning the whole entrance in unison, yes the guy was renovating the apartment, first when you finally die, on the fifth floor he was renovating in the high-tech style, then in the so-so style, and finished in the style, and screw it, an old man and an old woman lived under him, he flooded them so much that both of their walls were washed off, granny went up to him, called, he came out knee-deep in water, she says: son, don't walk in the cold water with a bass voice, otherwise you'll catch a cold and die, so the old woman will get out of here, she says: you can't die a natural death, my grandfather wants to kill you with a berdanka, so this grandfather did an amazing renovation in 3 days, otherwise they would have been complaining for 30 years, in the neighboring entrance, we have a wonderful old man,

he has been living for 85 years, people's artist of russia, a baton, went up to the neighbor, a bow tie, took his favorite conductor's night grandfather could not stand it, put on his tuxedo , rang the bell, he opens the door, standing in his shorts, and the conductor says: decide to introduce yourself, people's artist of russia, laureate of international competitions. the bull fell to his knees, says: damn, i've drunk myself to death, a squirrel comes to everyone, a conductor comes to me, on the fifth floor. a woman, she has a rottweiler dog, a bitch, a rare one, howls on the loggia from morning till night, we come up to her and say: well, listen, how is that, what's wrong? and she says: what did you expect? this

is the fate of every old maid. we chipped in for money, rented a cat, who, when he takes a swig of valerian, becomes a sexual maniac, we poured him some and put him next to... half an hour later she said this: mom, apparently, was surprised, then until the morning, ah-ah-ah, in the morning, when the cat said goodbye to the rottweiler, the whole house cried, shakespeare with his romeo juliet does not fall into the dust, in the morning the owner comes to us, says: guys, thank you very much, but if you do not want me to howl on the loggia from morning till night, we live in ...

be quiet, the neighbor says, like vitya, my name is kolya, when - the neighbors gather, they start discussing everyone, we even had a meeting of the house committee, they discussed tamara from apartment 105, pensioner vas'kina says, outrageous, it's tamara, who doesn't come to her, georgians, armenians, and uzbeks, tajiks, i suggest we record in the protocol that ours...

43 seconds, that's what the bastard needs, when a wax museum came to our city, borisevna went, approached the figure of stalin and told him about our neighbors for 3 hours, 3 hours later stalin lit a cigarette, our neighbors were moving, and movers were carrying a huge mirror past their bench. the old ladies saw their reflection, they said: oh, there are some strollers sitting on our bench, the neighbor's dacha , the dog disappeared, the old man sat and cried all day, my grandson climbed over the fence, sat down next to him

with grandpa, hugged them, they sat until evening, in the evening i asked him: what did you talk about with grandpa? he says: nothing, i helped him cry, you and i urgently need to learn kindness from our children and grandchildren! otherwise we will remain unkind neighbors, thank you very much, karen, admit it to me, did you get enough sleep today, i feel this is a rhetorical question, any person needs time to really get enough sleep, is it 5 minutes more than he slept? sleeping 4 hours a day is not difficult at all, much more difficult, not sleeping the other 20 hours, i have not been able to for a long time now rest, here is my favorite neighbor acting

as if he does not have a drill at home, but a rest from repairs is simply necessary, your neighbor is obliged to observe a quiet hour, and what are you doing, i am waiting. what is there to wait for? we must solve problems as they arise. no, no, no, there is no need to worry. i recently bought a piano, and now i am waiting for the right moment. the repairs will end, and the music is eternal. lena, lena, you are cruel, but fair. so, let's listen to a wonderful singer on the stage, alexander buinov. meet! how could you think, i don’t know, that i’m exchanging you for someone, that things won’t be like before with us, that my heart will be everything. well,

let them say, rumors are going around, that with time it will only lead to separation, but i won’t believe it, i won’t get tired of repeating just one thing, and for us i’m just starting, let the snow fall on the temples, life in spite of itself continues again. and for me you’re the best, the calendar has thrown off all the unnecessary, exchanged spring for autumn, but one thing is always unchanged, you are with me without fail, how could you think, i don’t know, that i’m exchanging you for someone, that things will be like before... it won't happen to us, that my heart

will forget everything, and for us everything is just beginning, let the snow not melt on the hills, life in spite of, continues again, and for me you are the best of all.

passes, let the snow not melt on the hills, life in spite of, continues again, and for me, you are the best of all, and for us i am just beginning, on the hills it doesn't give snow, life in spite of, continues again, and for me you are the best of all, and for me you are the best of all, and for me you are the best of all.

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hello on the rossiya vesti tv channel, oksana kuvaeva is in the studio, the main topics for this hour. the russian group north repelled six attempts by ukrainian troops broke through across the border in the kursk region, the enemy lost up to 60 people and...