chain stores of moscow region and moscow. we will not leave you without products. during the sales period, we supply more than 200 tons of vegetables and potatoes to retail chains in moscow and the moscow region per day. if the tops for the borscht set are chopped in the south of the moscow region, then the roots are mined in the northern lands of our region. carrots fall into the combine harvester as orange icicles, where complex mechanisms take them into circulation, cutting off the tops and hiding the earth. this combine harvester per day. gives 3 hectares of carrots a good harvest, on average there will be 60-70 tons per hectare of carrots. for the harvest this year the farmers had to fight. the summer was long, hot and dry. as a result , all the potatoes were removed from the fields, and almost 3,000 tons of winter crops were collected, and about 190 tons of spring crops. we will not be left without pea soup, legumes were grown above average. cabbage harvesting has just begun. the results are promised to be announced before the first frosts. irina baranova, valery kupri. tatyana popova, a week

in the city. this story, of course, was dedicated to the moscow region combine operators, tractor drivers, shepherds, a lot depends on them now. this was a week in the city, we will return in exactly 7 days to tell stories that happened next to us. until we meet again.

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hello, dear friends, welcome welcome to the annual humor festival in sochi. today with you is the charming anastasia makeeva, and the magnificent yuri oskarov. every year sochi pleases us with sunny weather and a stunning atmosphere, vacationers from all over the country come here to rest, gain strength and health, because sochi has an amazing climate, there is a warm sea, and

hot sun, tropical rains. by the way, they say that the rains in sochi are the tears of russians who saw the prices for vacations. and once a year sochi turns into the capital of humor. but this is not surprising, because our the best comedians, and today we will plunge into the atmosphere of celebration, fun, laughter. and now, attention, the most important moment is coming. we announce the humor festival in sochi, from. open, they say, julius caesar could do several things at once, with his left hand he cooked breakfast, with his right he signed decrees, and

with his eyes he read a book, and if he lived in sochi, he would also shout with his mouth, hot corn, cold beer, now on the stage will come an artist who also does several things at once, sings, plays musical instruments, tells funny stories. on stage of humorina, gennady vetrov. thank you, friends, i have a museum instrument in my hands, this accordion is at least 150 years old, our

famous clowns bim and bom played it all the time, then our wonderful clown yuri kotov played it, then his son, and one day he came backstage after mine... he says: i want to give you this accordion, here it is today at our festival, we are opening humorina, and we are doing it beautifully, to the sounds of a retro concertina, we wish everyone positive, hospitable city of sochi. we love you very, very, it's time for us to open the festival, to your friendly, hurray, my performance, i want

to start with a story that i recently had at a concert, one woman was laughing across the hall, the hall goes quiet, suddenly she is silent alone, and so ... you run into such a face, a person is sitting, you think, that's it, now he will make a physical remark on the street, in the front row recently

a man is sitting, the face of an intelligence officer on a lie detector, not a single light is on, he looks at me, i think, an hour and a half ahead, smile, working for him the whole concert, he didn't even bat an eyelid, imagine my surprise when i saw him backstage at the door of my make-up artist, i say, what are you doing here? gennady, i'm your loyal fan, i won't leave without an autograph. i say, what are you playing around with, you didn't smile once during the whole concert, he says, what are you saying, i laughed internally for an hour and a half, at another concert, half of them were laughing, the other half were sitting tense, these guys were laughing their heads off, those guys were in tetanus number nine, well, i think maybe people from different areas, these guys got their salaries, those guys haven't, you know, almost the whole concert was like that the same, the same reaction, i'm closer to the end, i say, and those who are sitting further away to you... it's not funny, you can't hear anything, i say, oh well,

i can't understand a single word, i say, what didn't you say, you didn't ask, well, you know, it's better not to ask next time, at the beginning of my career i wanted to invite a girl for one of the shorts, the short was called the first love date, so in my naivety i said: "who wants to", this drunk chick came out, she says: "i've wanted to for so long, she's latched on to me, i just can't tear her away, i'm all in lipstick." people laugh, then they said, it was the best number of the program, and then i became, you know, more careful, so another time, going down the auditorium, i walk, say something, and i snatch one girl, she didn’t have time to get her bearings, as it turned out, on stage, she’s standing there, clamped down, like a folding knife, i say, how’s the mood, she - i say, what are you going to do on stage, she says to herself, i’m going to lose consciousness now, people are falling, okay, i warned her, and i catch her on the ground, well... it was just luck that there was a nurse backstage, well, by chance there was a nurse, we immediately gave her a slap,

we opened a three-liter bottle, she came back right away, i say, girl, i'm sorry, it just happened, you 'll now be going to my concerts for free for the rest of your life, she says: we agreed, and she started going with her family, a big family, mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, brother, sister, there's an aunt, uncle, about 15 people started coming to the concert for free,

advertising their dentist, get out your new video phone, record our meeting, he says, i gave it to my son to show off at school, there aren't any, there aren't any at all, he says, zurabik, what are you doing, look at how we are beautiful steel, zurabik, dear, what to do, amazing answer, remember you, i remember all sorts of funny stories, once - a woman comes up to me after a concert, she says: i am the administrator of this hall, gennadiev,

there have been both people's and honored artists here, over 20 years, who has not performed, and i have not taken a photo with anyone, can i please take a photo with you, i say, well, you have good taste, no, i just bought a camera yesterday, and there was no, another story impressed me, it was also in st. petersburg, in my at one time i had a guitar, they gave me a guitar, just a beautiful, old one, but it didn’t play, and i decided to make a trick instrument out of it, if anyone remembers, at the beginning of my career i had a guitar, the neck of which extended about one and a half meters, yes, when they paid for...

i didn’t sit down, i was sweating, i thought, i need to do it for gennady faster, i tried, everyone was resting, and thank you very much, but you know, i worked two days off, i say, i understand, please take the bonus, i give him another bill, he says, and his wife rosa, she says, arkasha, you’re so tense, you’re retired, why are you like this you try, i say, you don't know, rose, who i'm doing this to, my favorite artist, take another bill, he says, and then his heart seized up. rose was dripping, such expensive drops, she dug up half a bottle for me. i say: take another bill, he says: thank you, it's good that you came to me, because in another place you would have been stripped bare, and i'm already leaving, he says: i didn't say the main thing, i visit my grandchildren every weekend, i didn't

go here, how they cried into the phone, grandpa, you're not coming, i say, and i'm making a guitar, gennady anatolyevich, i say. "take another small amount of money, it's for a special pill, he lets me ask, what kind of pill is it? i say, out of greed, he says, let's get it for a pack, one won't help me, well, and the final story, one day my friend yuragaltsev came to visit me to drink tea, yes tea, well, i boiled a whole teapot, we drank it, there was not enough to sit down, and i boiled another half a teapot, i'm already seeing him off, and i live in moscow on the fourteenth floor, we get into the elevator, we went a couple of floors and the elevator got stuck, and yura says: well, you're a local, a muscovite, let's solve the problem, and he's from st. petersburg, well, i press the button to contact the dispatcher, i say, we're stuck, can we call a technician, such a voice, sewed, i say, what's in

the flandilozhe, i say, house five, building three, third. entrance, you'll save us, gals says, what to do, what did they tell you there, i say, i don't understand, he says, they praise moscow, you understand, but look at the result, it 's a different story in st. petersburg, i got stuck, contacted the dispatcher and they immediately told me clearly, we'll come, we'll save you, yes, in 3.5 hours, well, well i must say that after about 10 minutes the wheels started spinning, we went down to the first floor, the door opens, there is a woman, a technician, yes... she looks at me with loving eyes, says: gennady, i knew that you live in this house, i have dreamed for so long that you would finally get stuck, and that i would save you, now my dream has come true, suddenly galtsev from behind, wow, she, and also a bonus in the elevator, and smiled the way happy

people smile, you know, it is great happiness, to smile at the audience and receive gorgeous smiles in return. smile, friends. life is beautiful. gennady petrov. in sochi, you can find something funny at every place. today i go up to a shawarma stand and ask the seller: do you have chicken or pork shawarma? and he tells me, one dog, and you know, i was at the market and i tell the seller, please treat the lady to a watermelon, and he, the ultimate beauty, hands me a watermelon and says: take a bite, well, the

funniest thing can only be found on the stage of our humor, meet the new one! why yell like that, i, i'm becoming an alcoholic, what, i 'm becoming an alcoholic, huh? this is bad, alcohol is the enemy, but i can't get along, i sing a song, you have a defect, you

they won't accept, well, yes, there is a problem, i can't pronounce the letter e, what letter, e, i didn't get it, well, yaga. baba yaga, what baba yaga, bayan has a yaga, what other bayan has, you, and i think i got it, come on, repeat it, fyr, fy, not fy, but fyr, melted fyr, i see you also have a defect, tell me the highway? fofe, shalyapin, shepelyapin, they will like you, well, naturally,

everyone loves me, nothing, on the talent about vkafyu, great, i rely on our facts, by the way, let's get acquainted, i am a yobate. robert, yobate, yumkin, yumkin, what yumkin, yumkin, a ryumkin, a i'm a ftaf, stas, fivkovsky, the next vocalist for the casting, well, come on, no, no, you changed, i need dosp'. i thought of something, let's show that we're a duet, well, i'll

sing the letter r about you, and i'll sing the whistling and hissing for you, yeah, well, let's take a chance, let's drink it. do salute commission, hello, we're a duet, this is robert ryumkin and stas shishkovsky, our duet is called. russian expanses, words

of matusovsky, music, solovyov sedova, moscow region evenings, no... roads, moscow region evenings,

thank you, thank you, something else. from behind the island of the strain on just a river wave special stenkih float out. thank you, we are accepted, how glad i am, and i am like poison.

when to go to work, well, that is, to bring people nafai taste, oh, what to correct defects, to come, thank you, thank you, goodbye, when to work, then, yes, to work. to bring nafiya taste, food, listen, and why did they laugh, huh? by the way, here poison is a festival of humorists, maybe we'll drink there, exactly, they are all with defects, what for a vocalist to dare? for

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their joint attack, correction of the russian nuclear doctrine, so that now, in response even to non-nuclear aggression against russia, and to whom, if? has not yet reached, then it will reach, tough battles on all fronts, we are advancing, what only here in the vicinity of ugledar will not be found, our war correspondents, grigory vdovin and alexander rogatkin, the russian army firmly took the city in klech, from under ugledar, where it is especially hot now, we need myr.

and new facts about the atrocities of the bsu. elena erofeeva, about those who survived the occupation. the failure of the green party in germany, like the failure of green energy in europe. so why are the sun and wind good, but oil and gas better? confucius's birthday. so, who is he, a philosopher, or even a deity? the first? the celestial teacher is 2575 years old, but why is his teaching eternal? vesti nedeli, today on rtr. nastya, i

noticed that the sea is somewhat similar to a woman, and what is so interesting about it? well, it is beautiful, it shines, it beckons, it can be cold, it can be warm, sometimes quiet, sometimes... because the stage is the people's artist of russia, vladimir vidokur,

thank you, friends, but the theater that i manage is called the theater of parody, therefore. now my young artists and i will show you parodies of our most famous, most popular artists. let's start with a wonderful singer, nadezhda kadysheva, oops, come on, come on, more fun! it took a long time to find! she sang a new hit, turned the whole house upside down, opened the chest, and it lies right under my kokoshnik, and wine sounds, and all over the country, every hit parade

enjoys, popularity smiled again me, my husband smiles more, my songs to the audience. like sweets, they all want to go to the hobo with me, and today jumping for joy, my mischievous husband will tear the accordion for you, soche hi. faces flicker on the stage, surprise year after year, like a very important tit, each singer behaves himself, looks at them, not understanding who is the dove, who is

the peacock, only the truth is simple, sasha marshall, one eagle, hey, everything will be okay, marshall for people, as much as 2 m. of happiness, and know honest people, i am a simple man, a natural mass. oh, look how strong big, the neck of my guitar, to defeat age, you just have to be an ardent patriot, peace to your home, people!

a kind gentle look, a light gesture of the hand, this is how my doubles always see me, so i will announce a casting across the country. i will determine the best of them myself, that's how it is, a lion, he, the king of beasts, although in essence i am a russian nightingale, i will not become outdated, even through the years, everyone's affection, hearing, my voice. always, how much will be leshchenka, you

will sing from the stage, you will sing from the stage, there is a simple answer, like a superhero, i will be great, what i want to tell you, convinced. completely, this pun, better than anyone else, can show, only a distiller, it is impossible to know for sure. impossible,

to post a video with yourself carelessly, and to read the comments day and night, that i know how to relax, i know for sure, how did i relax? long time ago not a question, i will immediately post a video, there i will be able to explain everything in detail, like in a movie, understand one thing, not just sing and drink, my videos are discussed everywhere, even proverbs with me are composed from any expensive restaurant. now they shout what a wedding without bilanan,

so many! for years an interesting question has tormented everyone, what is my phenomenal success, i turned out to be popular here and there, and even with aliens, they flew from another planet to take me away, but they could only take away my teeth, they drilled my aliens like a drill, but here 's katya. try, try, jakoy

jaga, even lady gaga wouldn't envy me, again it seems to me that my head is spinning, these words fit in it, try, try, mushy-pusy, i'm now like at an interplanetary party, greece is so beautiful, i'll sing along to you in a dream... i'm bringing my family back, between songs... there is no relationship with pop, music is put to words in songs, and pop is where artists always, put words to music, i sing about one thing and not another, i am beautiful, and not with obscenities, i have been standing in the most prominent place for almost half a century,

i give you my happiness antonov songs, i have no new songs left, i will say to you, my friends, respect old age, i will say to you, my friends, respect old age, remember? chok, how we used to perform, all the girls used to come running to us in the dressing room, and now we are experiencing stress, terrible stress, terrible stress, not just a dressing room, but a paradise

bess, the whole organization has increased. with age , the kingdom of fans, everyone gives us only twists and medicines, each person knows for sure, maybe he knows after all, or maybe he doesn’t know , ivanushki have a lot of grannies, baba masha, baba lyuba, kissing, rolling us, lips, like before, there are no objections, just a hello to the smoker shalyapin, let us also become older, but the fans wished that a little bit would fall out of us, poplars boom, poplars boom, poplars boom, poplars boom, and not sand,

sochi is the best resort, there is a meat still life, shawarma, shashlik, lula and dolma everywhere, vacationers are all going crazy, here you forget your melancholy. worries, all roads lead to the barbecue on the beach, and the girls have tanned legs, shevotik, a side -button-button-button back, the cakes of burning are eaten here, i don’t know a better resort in the world,

i always raise my voice for the krasnodar region, i have cognac with shashlik. people started clapping again, they understand clearly themselves, the audience in every hall, i am loved like flowers, i hear bravo from everywhere, your reception is always so affectionate, a woman blows the roof, only when you are on stage. only when the stage is easter, a natural blond of all known golozin, my voice is clear and lively, brings in gold, puteral one piece of junk, and a genie came from it, and for kolya to start singing, you need

to rub the barrel organ, you need to rub the barrel organ. straight up polyalfa, only a binge in the hall of abatsia, each bend on the room, this. sensation, very davlennoy husband posanog my, you can see clearly,

on the edge of the planet all the outlines, my crazy comet in addition, at all will not be superfluous two beautiful, winter may cherries, you know, that brighter than stars from a glare of the sun is not the universe. and your angelica charm, with me all components, i reward, your applause, i am fragile. like a tea rose, at least a little full, if you knock on a glass door, i

don't have, that's the end, each of the men confesses, when i open my mouth, the mood rises, if masha slaughter. look here, look there, each side is so good, at night it is deprived,

on the stage everyone is hysterical, where to get new hits, oh my, but with love for russia i am sure. everything will be good for everyone, if a hit is not written at all, i will go out at night in the field with a cane, a new song will be found in the field, let's bargain everything for nothing, don't praise a fool, america, the truth of life sounds proudly, and love... the wire of your shore, oh so easy, our greeting will fly, oh so easy, our greeting will

fly, hands, hands, hands, hands. raise your hands, oh-oh-oh, girls, i see there are many grandchildren, oh-oh-oh, girls, i've been singing for a quarter of a century than seryoga. there is no more famous person than duyukov,

oh-oh, each one is dear, oh-oh-oh, i feel short of breath, oh. oh-oh, three star orchestras, we all greet our maestro, oh-oh, auntie's dancing, yumarina, as always in order, oh-oh-oh, about the grief of the mixture, oh-oh, the theater of vinatura. thank you, friends, thank you very much, girl, thank you, thank you,

you today. greeted the moscow theater of parodies, here is my factory of stars, and i bow to you too, dear friends, happiness to you, health of the most important world in our house. sochi applauds the people's favorite artist vladimir vinokur! bravo! the film love and doves is a film for all times. we have a super task of khulli danina. there is a reason. i

was born in zemlyanka. in transbaikalia and not just a yumlyanka, it was a monastic cell, i always was very shy, bashful, complexed, accidentally got to the diploma performance of the theater institute, he said, i say, mom, i will not enter in any case she said, i was so constrained to the anniversary of alexander mikhailov, that is, i play formidable, when i walked the stage, came out, people shied away, and why did they leave the theater, something? and in the end for the speaker, i wish you even further as many interesting transformations as possible, who are there two vernik2 on friday on rtr. we present you comfortable, durable and stylish artex sneakers, in which you will be comfortable in any situation. this is stylish and

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need a great russia. intend to fight in the capital, my friends and comrades, we are building a new russia, time for balanced words, i will not let the country be screwed, today there is pyotr arkadevich, and tomorrow he is gone, what do you think, for a short time, which of our ministers of internal affairs lived for a long time, time for important decisions, only you today have the power to save russia and lead it. time has chosen him, i tolerate any mysticism, but still i can’t get rid of a strange presentiment, long live, russian

revolution, tables, and where is my family, soon on rtr. if you are not yet 17 years old and you do you want all of russia to know about you, they often say, why don't people fly, they fly, if they wanted to, don't miss

your chance, come to the casting, you are now one of the most gifted at your age, our huge creative family is missing you, i wish that in your life there was always such a team, the blue bird from... makes dreams come true, so that the jury gives fair assessments, details on the website smoтриm.ru/птица. today i heard how one woman on the beach was nagging her husband. but look at yourself, you 've put on a lot of weight during your vacation. he replies to her: listen, the weather in sochi is too hot, and you know that when heated, all bodies expand, so i'm not fat, i'm hot. and now a really hot artist will come out on this stage, has he also put on weight? no, he's just a caucasian man, he has a hot temperament, he'll come out, light it up, make you laugh

, karen avanesyan is on our stage. hello, hello, dear viewer, hello, city of sochi, hello, our beloved humorina, we've met again, it's so nice when you see familiar faces, when you talk to your friends, actors, we exchange jokes backstage, i stood and watched the concert, and i, you know, so... i liked the way you greet, the way you greet and see off the artists, tell me honestly, isn't it hot, no, no,

i just remembered a joke on this topic, a guy comes to a restaurant, calls the waiter, says, listen, buddy, turn on the air conditioning, it's a bit hot today, he says, it'll be done, he runs, 5 minutes later he again: eh, buddy, turn off the air conditioner, it 's gotten a bit cold, he says, it will be done, and so on 10 times, turn it off, turn it on, turn it off, turn it on, and then he calls the waiter again, says: listen, buddy, i haven't gotten to you yet, turn on the air conditioner, turn off the air conditioner, the waiter says, no, we don't have air conditioning at all. restaurant, one of the guests makes a toast, dear guests, dear relatives, friends, i have lived with my wife for 40

years, an intelligent man next to him corrects him, not with my wife, with my wife, that's right, with your wife for 20 years. i would like to ask our men a question now: tell me, how do you write down your wives in your phone? well, louder, louder, guys, darling, that's right, i write the same way, you know, someone writes, little bunny, i have a friend, he has a wife, katya, he writes kitten, you know, my wife looked at the phone, glanced, as if you were giving her a compliment, cutting off the sharp corners, there was such a case, once a friend of mine comes to me with his new acquaintance, well...

no, well, giving compliments is a high art, i witnessed such a conversation, a young guy with a girl, she says: "tell me, just kidding, am i really so beautiful to you?" and he says: "well, am i really so pretty, well, oh, ashotik, what a great guy you are, giving such compliments?".

tell me, how do you like my figure? oh, you have such a figure, it's immediately obvious, you're not starving, what's wrong, well, our women love with their ears, so why not say the most beautiful compliments into these ears, you're charming, you 're enchanting, men, join in, you...

the answer was simply brilliant, and don't think about it, man, try it, or, for example, here 's a compliment, i really like it when he says: hold your hand until the end of my days, so as not to lose you. an elderly couple is walking through a store, holding hands tightly, towards each other, a friend says: "oh, you're so great, you've been together for so many years, it's so touching, and you're still walking hand in hand." he says: "yeah, if i let her go, she'll definitely save something." well, what's wrong with that, we're men too, we really love

compliments, especially when these compliments our charming women tell us, you are my hero, you are smart, you are talented, you are caring, well women, now it is up to you to join in, you are generous, you are smart, wonderful, well wonderful, in fact, to make it even more pleasant, women can raise the degree of a compliment. for example, you have such eyes that i am ready to drown in them, there is such a story on this topic, the sea, the beach, a woman is swimming near the shore suddenly screams: help, tanu, help, a man rushes to her aid, women, wait, hold on, i'll be right now, she says, no, no, i wasn't shouting at you, but at that tall blond guy on the right. i was recently

complimented. you know, after a concert a woman came up to me and said, "karen, you look so good today, so young and handsome." i thanked her, and then i thought about it. you must admit, a compliment with the word "today" looks very dubious, right? well, tell that woman, "oh, my dear, today you look so beautiful and young. does that mean yesterday?" she didn't look quite young and beautiful. well , i think you can use such an unfortunate compliment. spoil a woman's mood, well, one man, somehow says to his wife: oh, you are so,

such a story, i have one good friend, somehow he came to visit us, we sat down, had lunch, drank, and the next day he calls me, says: karen, thank you very much for yesterday's lunch, your wife is such a wonderful hostess, she cooked such wonderful dishes, i really liked it, and can i come to you again today, i say, come, of course, the story is also from my life, now i'll tell you, i got sick. i somehow well with who doesn't, i'm in the hospital, well my friends call, they want to know how your health is, how you're doing, i say, everything's fine, thank you, then one of my acquaintances calls, who works in the funeral services industry,

he calls, well, karin, how's your health, dear, i answer him, are you calling as a friend or are you asking about work? no, well in life it really happens, i don't like black humor, but i involuntarily remembered this joke, at the funeral they said so many good things about the deceased that the widow approached the coffin twice, check who is lying there, you know, because everything depends on intonation, because if my wife wants to praise me, she says: oh, how smart you are, and if something is wrong, she says that you are smart or something? on new year's they ask grandfather frost: grandfather frost, why are you without the snow maiden today? she says: oh, she was told so many

compliments today that she melted, well, you know, giving compliments is a high art, the main thing is not to overdo it, and for... this is the applause of the audience, stormy and prolonged, karen avanistan, yur, i wanted to ask you, did you study at a music school as a child? nastya, i have the warmest memories of music school, they didn't take me there, do you have an ear, well, what

kind of question is that, of course you do, i can hear you. now a singer will come out on this stage, who not only has an excellent ear, but everyone can hear his songs. young, very talented khabib, hello, turns his head, like, loo and pours out stop, you are such a gruzdin, hungry as a dlin, blinks his eyes, left, right shelf, all together, number one, crush girl, i've been eating for a day, i've been sleeping for two, number one,

my fairy tale, where is my genie, i would have guessed all of you, rivers, rivers, rivers, you are with me, that would be with you, tra-la-la, daddy, let's take the sans to the cinema.

flies into the dop, you are so sad, cold as hell, swaps eyes, left, all together, oh-oh-oh-oh, i am a year old raspberry, oh-oh-oh-oh, you are my sadness, oh-oh-oh-oh, i am a year old little girl, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, let's applaud them this beautiful dancer, well done! and what are you

doing here, the time of big premieres on rtr, like a dance floor, everything was trampled, but no traces, no body, no case, elena tsyplakova and irina razanova, i keep thinking, you and i have collected a lot of information, but we have not made any progress, i heard this phrase somewhere. lyutik and anyutik on rtr from monday.

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themed rooms, the largest children's town in the region and an unforgettable holiday. rikssas rodomis sharm el-sheikh. pechora vodka, a product of stellar group. to be where the fate of the country is decided, the choice of the brave, our military has no shortage of courage, volunteers go to the front, leave.

the russian world will not be able to stand if we do not win this battle with the world evil, they will always answer, yes, no need to go help the boys, we just got ready and went. every day there are more and more people willing to help the front, to help the country, people work, honestly 24/7, courage, bravery, this is some kind of incredible spirit, our premiere, we continue the work of our grandfathers, from monday to friday on rtr. this is our home, yes my child, let me in, wait, i'm so sorry, let me in,

antosha, why did you leave him alone, huh? this is you are to blame, she treats me like an enemy, she mixes alcohol with sleeping pills, she is slowly killing herself, and i am already tired of being alone, i am not alone, asya, i slept with genka, forgive me, forgive me, i did not protect you, i did not hold back your father, for a thousand reasons to leave, there is always one. to stay, you are the mother of that boy, the body that we never found, which means we never found, despite the body there is a chance that he is alive, that my boy is alive, my boy, on saturday on rtr. rastislav sologaev, the groom

daughter of the former head of the moscow district administration, boris trofimov, robbed her family and took more than. million rubles from the safe. he replaced all the money with counterfeits from the joke bank, and gold bars, expensive watches with skillfully made fakes. everything valuable from our family, he took everything, only furniture remained. the story of the daughter of a moscow official, why her first serious relationship ended in a crime. malakov, on monday on rtr. nastya, did you know that a vacation in sochi contributes to an increase in the birth rate in the country? and here, please. in more detail in life how it happens: people meet, communicate, like each other, kiss, fall in love, get married, usually this process takes from 3 months to 3 years, in sochi this process happens in one evening, in my opinion it is wonderful, let's applaud, and sochi also

contributes to the increase in the birth rate. in humor, here too in more detail, please, it is in sochi that new acts are born that will please our viewers, now, friends, such a act awaits you, meet natalia korastelyo and yuri khvostov. one, one, did you hear me, dear guests, today we have gathered in this cafe to celebrate my silver wedding anniversary with my dear wife, larisa gennadyevna,

we have lived together in love and harmony for 25 years. larisa, please come out, let me admire some beauty of mine, here she is my goddess, my aphrodite, the love of my life, everything, don't be rude, just my sunshine, 25 years, we are just, just soul to soul, she gave birth to three beautiful children, here vitalik, the eldest, is filming us on video, vitalya, only you film it well, and not like a mother's anniversary. when you dropped your smartphone in the aspic, we sat down to watch, and there was only meat on the bones, and for you, my dear larisa, i have prepared a surprise, a song of my own composition,

a ballad about love, my swallow, my darling, valera, let me support you, golden woman, how i love you, right away. here i helped, well done, that's it, a ballad about love for you, my swallow, my darling, higher, hold on, fool, without you my life would not have swept, and lower, are you stupid, or what, lower, all my boundless love, i will lay at your feet, what don't you see? me closer to the court, you, chicken, stick together, closer to the card, you are my sunshine, clear, you are my gentle earthly angel, what are you shoving in my mouth, you one-eyed bastard, okay , hold me like this, hold me like this, okay, you can hold me, i hold you as best i can, i've been composing for you all night long, how i love you, you

can't hold me normally, what's the matter, sing your nonsense already, your nonsense, you fool, yeah. you're a fool yourself, smile, even people are looking, how i love your eyes, your blue ones, what are you, colorblind, my eyes are tory. you 've been living with me for 25 years, you can't remember what color are your wife's eyes, for a rhyme you need to understand, blue any goddess, you puy kari, how can i find a reef on kari now, let her say, here he is stubborn, let me think of something on the go, let's do something, smile, the guests are looking, how i love your eyes, your eyes, brown, how i want to hug you, how i admire your... brown, give me back the blue, then blue then brown, brains are 25 years old, so i live with you, i don't understand at all with

you, like your mutaten, run normally, i will sing, i will get to your house yet, i will arrange you, i will break all your fishing rods, to damn it, i'll poke your boat with a nail, i'll pour glue into your shampoo, got it, smile, the guests are watching. i'm your knight, faithful and devoted, i'll protect you from your enemies, what kind of knight are you, we went to visit my sister, their dog broke loose from its chain, a shepherd, what are you talking about, larisa, run away, distract her, i'm not a coward, there, when the man burst into the apartment, i immediately punched him in the face, you're a fool, it was santa claus who called the children, who is santa claus? he calls in august, santa claus should be called in december, it's expensive in december, smile, even the guests are watching, the carousel of love has spun

us, our nights are full of passion, there's no need to pour it on, and our nights are full of snoring , your passion is like a lunar eclipse, once every 5 years, this is poetry, you understand, the sheep dug, poetry, this, i'm stupid, right? and are you smart or something, he made his mother's floors with heating, as soon as he turned it on, all her slippers melted, now she walks around the house like this, but she's always cheerful , lean, athletic, where is mom, mom is sitting over there, why is there nothing to eat on mom's table, bring mom something to eat, yes, i specially ordered a dish for mom for her, bring it quickly, come on, what about you? you ordered three pickles on a plate, bring mom something hot, warm up the cucumbers for her,

oh, it's been a year since you've idolized me, come on, smile, the guests are watching, remember how fate married us, i took you to heaven on earth, you shouldn't call gilendzhi the beauty of the earth, i rented a room, the toilet was outside, it was a 4-hour walk to the sea across the greater caucasus range, eight people slept in one room, like this in two layers, like pencils in a kickbox, i still don't know who our vitalik is from, i say, vitalik takes off, come on, sing normally already, that's it. people are looking, we've gone through difficult years together, and

my loyal friends have always been nearby, wise, yes, who's wise, but this is a team of morons, when we got stuck in the mud in the car, drunk guys arrived, tied a rope to the door handles, how to pull? i got sick, asked her to call a doctor, she called a vet for me, well that's right, vets treat goats, i'll divorce you, smile, even the guests are looking, a memory for

life, in summer and frosty winter, i love you larissa, and a bouquet of beautiful roses, i'll give you my angel i give, "i hate roses, you can't remember that i don't like roses, i'm allergic to roses, what, i love lilacs, lilacs, i need to be given lilacs, where can i find you lilacs, you don't have lilacs for march 8th yet, you have a birthday in the summer, there are no lilacs anymore, we have a wedding day in the winter, there are no lilacs at all , where can i get you lilacs, i spent the whole night making up stories about how i love you, no, what were you making up for me?" "one

lie, friends, wise, blue eyes, everything is the opposite, wise eyes, and your friends are blue, one lie, if you want the truth, i'll sing it now to tell the truth, i am married to a couple of kariklas, our nights are full of snoring, and it is not me who snores, but this fat man who bears the name of his wife. what about me, what about me, i have already lost 200 g, and i am not fat at all, look, i just dress myself up a lot, it is cold at home, how you built the stove, well, you got it a little mixed up, what a little mixed up, the stove is outside,

the chimney is full of smoke at home. i have been suffering with you for 25 years, lord, but in my whole life with you i have only tried caviar once, and that was frog caviar, when you drowned me in the pond, well, forgive me, do you want me to? i'll put it back, i'll buy you a bucket of kryk, do you want something not a lyakushchy one, but a normal kopecky one, i knew that you'd rip apart this bouquet, i bought you a spare bouquet, this is a spare rip-off, my whole life, all the time, you're my white swan.

and you're the best man in the world, i 'll attach a door to the car, we'll go to gelendzhi, by the way, if you're already staying in the room, they'll give us a 5 ruble discount, i've been talking too much, but the sea is like my eyes. we'll be happy, the three of us, and why the three of us? well, because, my dear, we'll take ma with us, listen, about vitalik, you joked that he is not my son, but look how he takes pictures of

himself. he pointed it out, he takes pictures of himself, he is as stupid as you, mine, exactly mine, my sunshine, mom, give me some cucumbers, let's go to gerenzhik with us, natalia karaseleva, yuri khvostov! thank you! a true story: alexandre dumas, travels along the volga, was passing through saratov and wanted to visit a local bookstore. having learned about this, the owner of the store decided to flatter the great writer, urgently removed all the books from

the shelves and put them back. only dumas' books, when dumas went into the store, he was very surprised asked: where are the books by other authors, to which the owner replied: "sold out". yes, perhaps, you can't make up such a naroshen. now the humorist writer will come into the scene, he not only knows hundreds of such stories, but sometimes makes them up himself. meet alexey shcheglov. recently a new management company appeared in our house, well, you know, they are engaged in the improvement of the yard, do repairs in the entrances, and today they sent

me a letter in a beautiful holiday envelope, so let's see, wow, a postcard, dear vasily, i am respected, it is a pleasure, congratulations , happy birthday, how attentive, thank you, we wish you good health, great happiness and that everything in life is within your power, and so that your teeth are intact, urgently pay 52,000 rubles for the services provided, what, have you completely lost your mind? so, what is this? 2,000 for heating, what heating? in winter my cat climbed onto the radiator to warm up, froze, i barely managed to tear him off, but in summer it was +30, they turned on the radiators, i touched it, the pipe was red-hot, i called the management company, i said: my pipes

they're burning, do something, a plumber came, brought me a glass of vodka and left, and what is this 3,000 for a new swing, huh? "i already paid 2,500 for the old one, where did you get it? i was swinging a child, the seat came off, the child flew into the open balcony on the third floor. i went up, the neighbor opened the door, and he himself has three children. i said: "excuse me, but one of your children is mine." the neighbor 's eyes widened, he said: "i've had suspicions about my wife for a long time." i said, your wife has nothing to do with it. it's all because of the swing, we were swinging and accidentally flew in, and the main thing business, i also paid 2,500 for this, the neighbor says: what do you want from me? i say, give my child back, tell

your wife not to go to the playground anymore, it's dangerous there, you can fly in so hard that you won't know what hit you, i didn't have time to finish, because of your... broken swings i got a broken jaw 8.00 for roof repairs, oh, you fixed it, we live on the top floor, there was rain with a hurricane, a piece of the roof slid off, everything leaked so much that i flooded the neighbors below, i came to the management company, i say, excuse me, i've soaked the neighbors, what are we going to do? they got scared and said: why did you do that? i said, what do you want, me? i'm nuts, i've soaked everyone down five floors, do you want me to show you, there's a wet spot left, they crawled under the table and shouted: no need, don't come near, what do we have to do with it, i said, let me interrupt you, i want

you to solve the problem with my roof, otherwise next time i'll soak the whole entrance, i thought they'd fix everything, but... these idiots called the nuthouse 5,000 for the hood in the kitchen, here i am happy, at least something was done properly, when my mother-in-law started frying pancakes , she turned on the hood, it sucked her into the pipe, she was stuck in it all night, i barely got her out of there, in the morning the neighbors say, your dog howled all night, did you torture her or something? i say, it's not a dog, it's my mother-in-law? mine, imagine, i grabbed her by the legs all night, tried to pull her out, thank god, everything is fine, she's lying there alive without hind legs, since then my mother-in-law hasn't set foot in our house, so

thank you very much for the hood, 3,000 for cleaning the area, for what cleaning? "in the summer they didn't clean up the poplar fluff for a week, i wrote in the house chat, clean up the poplar fluff, i have an allergy, and you sent a message, dear residents, fluff is beautiful , may the earth rest softly on you, 1500 security, yeah, i saw this security, an old concierge of 80 years old, only lets in residents, drives them away, once we were waiting for tesya to visit, it was raining, the concierge was standing at the entrance in a black raincoat with a hood on her head, when my father-in-law came up, soundproofing,

yeah, now, a family of guest workers lives in the neighboring apartment, and recently someone came to visit them guest, only one, one village, the soundproofing is such that you can hear everything, please pay everything by the thirty-first

, hmm, and the month is not specified, dear management company, i promise you that i will definitely pay you the entire amount, on the thirtieth, february 31, wait. thank you, today, that i love, i am such a touching guy, in fact, although i look so bright in tattoos, we will take off the green, we will hardly give a damn.

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light of a grenade, a new melodrama, is already on the platform we are watching. at the moment, so to speak, i am in search, engineer, well, don't call me ever again, well, why did i call you myself, in this family everything is based on great feeling, and how will my subordinates be afraid of me if my husband is a sausage, with a sense of humor, excuse me, who are you, i am your lucky ticket to a new life, here is my business card, it says discount on windows and doors. yes, and what's wrong here, what's wrong? irina razanova, luzhin, stop suffering, yuri stoyanov, the boundless world of his imagination. bring it here, everything sour, spicy, savory, everything, everything, urgently possible, necessary. dreamer or

the amazing world of engineer luzhin. premiere. october 6 on rtr, the wife indignantly asks her husband, why am i listed in your contacts as convulsively, he answers her: darling, i just shortened the phrase: my dear wife, yes, men are great comedians, but women are even more comedians, by the way, you will see for yourself now, charming, witty stage... beloved, people's artist of russia, klara novikova.

how long have i been waiting for this meeting with you? long, long ago, i love you very much, long ago, i have been participating in this humor, in this humor festival of ours from the very beginning, i was surprised yesterday, i arrived at the hotel, when i was still very young, i came to this same hotel, in the pearl, i gave my passport at the reception, i was the same age as these girls who worked at the reception, we understood each other. i immediately gave my passport this time, the girl is pretty, long legs, she looks and says at the photo, how pretty you are here, and i say, and here? i thought, do you know what? look,

the photo in the passport, when do they paste the last one in? years old, at 45 the last ones, what does this mean that our state promises us that it will take care of us like this, will treat us like this love and cherish, that at 90 we will look like 45, in general i want to tell you that there are many surprising things in the passport, but let's start with my last name, last name: mine is novikova, you all know this very well, but this is my married name, and before that there was another last name, married, then how it happened, i remember, i was on tour, you know, a young girl on tour with suitcases, parents at home, and i was 19, 20 years old, well, of course, someone

is found who helps you carry your suitcase, who will invite you to dinner, who will invite you there to have lunch in the morning for tomorrow. there was this man, vitya novikov, who helped with the suitcases, who called me to breakfast, who, here is a tour, some city, i ... i remember it to this day, a new hotel, we came from a concert, novikov brought my suitcase to the room, it was left, well, flirting, well, too, we drank tea, it remains, suddenly at 11:00, a knock on the door, the maid comes in, we have 111, you go out, he went out, waited until the maid fell asleep, and came back. at 7:00 in the morning, a knock on the door, i think, the infection, came to check, i, therefore,

i wrap this new guy in a sheet, onto the balcony, and it was february, it was freezing cold, onto the balcony, barefoot, i quickly threw his suit in the nightstand, opening the door, there stands my cousin, with tangerines and a cake in a military uniform, he... served in this city, i say: mishka, why are you so early? he says, today is my day off, i saw your poster, i came to spend the day with you, i say: mishka, and this one is already freezing on the balcony, february 25, i don’t know what to do, i say, mishka, and i got married, he says, and where, who, i say, he's on the balcony, he says what he's doing there, smoking, i say, do you want to meet him, at that moment i open the balcony, my novikov comes in, well, a coryatid, you know what that is, well, he comes in like a stone guest, like that,

and the bear holds out his hand to him, novikov can't hold out his hand to him, i introduce myself, this is my husband, at that moment the door opens, at 8:00 in the morning the maid comes in, the hotel director and the duty officer, she says, what did i tell you, look, one... in a sheet, and the other in a shenelishche didn't have time to undress, so what? and what? and i had to go home, i say, mishka, i beg you, just don't tell dad that i, dad doesn't know yet that i got married, he says, honestly, the officer told everything in an hour, and i dragged, of course, honestly, the officer was right there, listen, i dragged this novikov, home to meet my parents, dad is tall, handsome, novikov is not... tall, like, well, a little taller than me, dad thought that my husband would be like dad, tall, handsome, this one is not

tall, novikov sat down at the table, dad looked at him through the mirror, not directly, through the mirror, novikov, nervously, went to smoke on the balcony, dad tells me, dosya, i congratulate you, that such men exist, and novikov has a small foot, he says: such feet are common among men, and so they became friends, but i didn’t last long, then yurka zhderchaninov appeared with me, novikov didn’t last long, yura zerchininov appeared, and in the same way i brought him to meet my parents, of course, i didn’t change my last name, because the novikovs already knew me, but i brought, yurka was 17 years older than me, when i brought him to my parents to meet and...

why did i have so many worthy men in my life, i say, why was it, i say, now there are, of course, there are, young, handsome, there are, i raise, a woman is not the one she gave birth to, whom she raised, oh, just no way, such, you know, capricious, does not want to. story, it's a funny story,

i have such a question for the women in the hall who work in the store at the checkout, girls, dear cashiers, i have a request for you huge, well, you see that i'm becoming a young man, well, you see that we 're flirting, well... well, well, why ask me for my pension certificate in front of him? health to all and good mood! yura,

tell me honestly, do you understand music? of course i do. and do you know the difference between mozart, bach and beethoven? well, of course i do, it's elementary. mozart is young in a wig, bach is old in a wig, and beethoven is actually a dog's nickname. yura, bidhoven was deaf, he wrote music simply by touch. poor mozart was poisoned, i know, salieri gave him poisoned wine to drink, mozart had a hallucination, also, by the way, a composer, i see, you are a real connoisseur of music, you know, a musician will come on stage now, he is almost like beethoven, he is a real virtuoso, he plays, well, almost by touch, he runs his fingers over the accordion, it turns out simply

magnificent music on the stage of humor. honored artist of russia, pyotr drango.

i am dmitry kiselyov, and this is vesti nedeli, we talk about the complex - it is clear, about the important - in detail, vesti nedeli with dmitry kiselyov, today on rtr. hello on the rossiya vesti tv channel, in studios denis polanchukov and the main thing at this hour.