i have not read anything like it before. i was on my couch laughing out loud. i went to college couple of years later and said i wanted to try this. i was at usc. i wrote a weekly humor column in a similar style to yours. i ended up writing 100 of these every week, every night. >> and you are homeless now. >> sincerely, it was one of the most rewarding experiences i had done, so thank you for that. >> is that the statement or the question? >> the statement. >> he is so much more a fan of mine and yours. if anybody has any questions about deli, i am here for you. sliced meat?

i am here for you. hitler, bin laden, and this kid. i hate him. >> you're right about that head comment. >> and you are standing pretty far away. [laughter] >> in transitioning from writing your short for humor to yearlong for narrative, what was the biggest challenge? >> being brave enough to try it. i was in my 40 pause before i even tried to write a novel. i said i did not know how to do it. if you read a lot, and you can figure out what you're supposed to do -- the hard part is -- the difference is, in the novel, the long form, you need some sort of plot.

when i wrote a humor column, i never a word about any structure. there was no point. it was pretty clear. you read them. >> thank you very much. >> you're welcome. >> now we have another question. >> i do not have a statement. >> actually, that was a statement. [laughter] >> my question to both of you is -- dave, your books have such a breath of topics. alan, saturday night live is such a huge thing in terms of the topics. where you get these ideas, where do they come from? >> we have no useful skills. i am dead serious.

we have talked about this. 3o was t thing, and the code got crinkled, i could not do anything. >> the mental energy the other people are using to make useful products in the world, things that people need, we have spent our entire lives trying to amuse ourselves. that is all we know how to do. so we are better at it than people who have real jobs the them i think that is absolutely right. if you want to feed your family, let's say, you have to discipline yourself. there is also a way of looking at the world. once again, my friend larry david, he would take a little more salt and make a whole meal out of it. it is about looking at the world with a certain attitude. >> there are a lot of people who are funny and have a sense of

humor, but they get sidetracked into productive work. we do not let that happen. [laughter] >> i am afraid we are out of time. as hard as it is to believe. [applause] >> thank you. >> i do not even think we can ask a final question because it would take us past our time. >> our thanks to dave barry and alan zweibel, authors of "blue knit 6." -- lunatic." we also want to remind everyone here in the room that copies of the book are on sale in the lobby, and our guests will be here to autograph them. >> anyone have a pen?

>> we appreciate your allowing them to make their way to the lobby as quickly as possible. this meeting of the commonwealth club of california is adjourned. [applause] >> good morning, everyone. my name is naomi kelly, city and minister -- city administrator.

welcome to the portola neighborhood. we're celebrating the successful efforts to revitalize san bruno avenue. this city has had a great partnership with the portola never its steering committee, where some of it's never the investments include streetscape improvements, from planting trees and leaves to utility underground in and fixtures and to install office saw improvements and much more. today, mayor edwin lee will talk about launching the investing in iran initiative. joining him is supervisor malia cohen, robert ramirez from the portola neighborhood steering committee, and many department heads, including jennifer from the office of economic and workforce development, ed harrington from the san francisco public utilities commission, regina from the small business office, bevon from sf hope, and

revitalizing our commercial corridors has been near and dear to mayor lee's heart since his days as director of dpw and as city administrator and down as mayor. whether it did the dpw community corridor program, ambassador program, or the challenge grant, the mayor is always asking us how can we strategically deploy our resources to revitalize these aboard commercial corridors in areas that need it the most? with that, i would like to introduce mayor edwin lee. [applause] >> thank you, city administrator. good morning. welcome to the portola neighborhood. that is the pronunciation that i learned many years ago when we were picking up garbage in these little pockets all over this san bruno avenue. and we learned that very quickly, because the neighborhoods fell that we were

not door to make investments in our neighborhood, and if we did not, it would go downhill very quickly. so we started with a number of debra agencies to work together along this corridor. guess what, a few years later with that kind of investment, we have trees alive here. we have got sidewalks that are not only clean, but they have been redone. you have got signage at both ends this a welcome to portola. as a result of that investment, there is a vibrancy that i have not seen in other corridors comparatively. one of the statistics i want to make sure you know is that during the years where this great recession that hit all of us, i think the city's self tax -- maybe we did a little better than other years. maybe 3%. this corridor along san bruno experienced an 8% increase in sales tax, just because people

believe in this neighborhood and continue to come in here, not only for the coffee shops. for the giver and clubs, at the activities, youth activities, -- for the different clubs and activities, positive activities and the neighborhood investments. i could talk all day long about job creation. as you know, cougin recent weeke have been announcing the big leases with a successful technology companies. that is excellent for the city. it is very much in downtown and south of market and in our mission area. but i want you to know that we're paying just as serious attention to our neighborhood corridors throughout the city. yesterday i walked with carmen chu, supervisor chu throughout the teravelle district and got a good sense of some of the challenges and listened to the

copy shop owners, the insurance company owners, some of the other areas where they are giving us and put about how we can improve all along that commercial corridor. this morning, i got the and breakfast with supervisor malia cohen just a block away, and we talked about the different sections of san bruno, how wonderful of an emperor of man that has been over years of effort that has been a collaborative -- how wonderful of an improvement that has happened over the years of effort. this is the kind of framework that we wanted to continue establishing throughout all of the commercial corridors, the merchant corridors throughout the city. as we walked along third street yesterday with the opening of the kitchen, that was exciting. we commented on how positive the feeling was. it is a framework that wanted to make sure that you know as we

discuss things like the revolving loan fund at the board of supervisors, as we discussed programs were we're linking an technology challenges with our neighbor minutes. we wanted to do it in a framework in which the public knows we're bringing together all of the different departments in all of our neighborhood corridors, to make sure you know we are going to take care of a lot of things. this is just an announcement here or there, it is an announcement in concert with everything else we are doing. the most important thing is that you know we are working with neighborhood leaders when they come into the corridor. it is not about a parklet that is going to be isolated. it will be embraced by the residences and businesses that will use that. make sure that it is a part of the vibrancy. that they have input to the leadership in developing. every one of our corridors, and we're going to look forward to not only teravelle, noriega.

supervisor of a los -- avalos wants is to pay attention to the geneva corridor. bernal, as well as the traditional corridors. we're going to be working on ideas about a small business loan and what it means to get resources out here where people feel, maybe they're reading the paper every day and see that we're paying attention to the downtown and south of market interest. we're not and inlet. we're just going to be as investment-friendly to our merchant corridors throughout all of the city. even as we set the agenda for the old redeveloper over subcommittee, we are going to be paying attention to all of the kind of commercial corridors that they pay attention to as well, whether it is midmarket are outlining areas like san bruno avenue. that is the framework in which we wanted to make sure the

discussion continues. it is the portola, the neighborhood that has been out here. the neighbors that want to continue investing, want us to invest in debt. it is a coordinated and collaborative effort. today we begin identifying the key partners and leaders. so i wanted to announce that noami kelly is the city administrator and will be working with jen matts as kind of the two leaders in this initiative of the neighborhood investments. the neighborhood investment initiative is going to reflect collaboration of all of the different elements that made a san bruno successful. in an addition to the small business loans, we're going to have a lot of other ideas. where do we bring more of our community ambassador program as we invest in that? where do we bring in the collaboration with our police department here today, where they can have more visibility so

people can feel safe? how do we get our office of small business -- regina is here today, to get their programs out where needed, and to lecture the commissions are paid attention to all of the different corridors. this all has to do it collaboration and a coordinated effort. when we announce the $1 million this year and the $5 million small business loan program, it is in the context of a very good collaboration that we have from agencies like the puc. ed harrington is here today. dpw, community ambassadors program, muni, our police department, and cdbg, our mayor's office of housing. it is all part of the way in which we should do business, getting collaboration as well. so that when we meet with neighborhood leaders here, they know they have got connections

to every single agency. when we work with sf ci5tty and quarter and eight permits online. when we do things like an event parklets and make those successful and accessible. or use money to create an even better coffee shop that will come here to san bruno. it is going to come very soon. we have leadership in place. we have coronation. funding is in the works. -- we have coordination. we're on a positive scales in our economy. i am going to use the additional revenues we see coming into this city. make sure we do it and use it smartly. we are going to invest in our community challenge grant program that has been so

successful all along this corridor. they have worked magic with the neighborhood groups that want to see greening and better programs. the murals in place of grafitti have been wonderful. it will be replicated throughout the city. thank you very much for joining us. [applause] >> coldiron, we have some more people -- hold on, we have some more people. there will be questioned. next, i would like to invite up supervisor malia cohen. [applause] >> good morning. i think today is another example, as was yesterday, of the physical manifestation of what happens when thoughtful people and thoughtful leaders come together.

i like to publicly to thank the portola neighborhood steering committee. thank you for your leadership and commitment to san francisco and to this little cove that recall the portola. my home. i was raised here. my parents still live here. this corridor means a lot to me personally. it is a very committed to continue to support the merchant corridor, as low as the neighbors, and continue to improve our efforts to beef up and maintain the safety as the number-one priority here on the margin corridor. thank you to our community leaders. [applause] >> , thank you, supervisor. next, i would like to introduce reporter wrote rivera's to speak on behalf of the portola neighborhood steering committee -- i would like to introduce roberta ribble -- roberto ramirez. >> good morning. we recently went through and

name change. we're not the portola neighborhood association. i am making the official announcement today. i want to thank the office of economic and workforce development, as well as liz. our partners. i also want to thank the mayor and his staff for being here and enacting the initiative this morning here in the wonderful portola, where we have accomplished a number of great things in the past couple of years. and number of volunteers successfully completed the first phase of the island beautification project at the intersection of allegany boulevard and san bruno avenue. we're still hoping to complete phase two and phase three of the project soon. we hope with your continued support, mayor, that we can accomplish this. mid the first phase was made possible by efforts of dpw, mohammed nuru, liz, and sandra.

greening and planning has been made possible by dpw and staff and sf clean city coalition. have accomplished and made possible seventh assata improvements along san bruno avenue. -- seven facade improvements along san bruno avenue. we have had a series of events to promote a neighborhood pride and involvement, such as an night on the portola, chinese leaders dinner, and a pop-up art gallery this past february right there in that space, which is available for lease. this is the site of our future pocket park and hopefully a coffee house right there in that space. [applause] and i wanted to thank others for their efforts and architects for

humanity. [applause] thank you for helping us move this forward. i would like to give a very special thanks to oewd who has been instrumental and supportive. this coming thursday at 6:00 p.m.-exact location, we will be having a needs assessment workshops to determine the needs of the neighborhood in hopes of continuing to make the portola of better place. we still have a lot to do. we're confident that with the mayors of the city's continued support, we're going to get some great things accomplished. thank you, mayor lee, for your commitment to helping the portola and other san francisco neighborhoods. [applause] >> ok, next we have a member of sin city coffee, one of the first revolving loan applicants. [applause] >> thank you all for coming. i did not really expect to see all of you here. 15 months ago i was laid off.

with $25 and a big dream, i often -- and opened a little coffee shop. amy came around six or seven months later asking if i would like to open another one. i said, if you believe in me, i will take a chance. the biggest gamble ever did. mayor lee, your staff rocks. thank you so much. i know what i do open, each and every single one of you can come and check out blue bottle coffee and single origin and chocolate. thank you. [applause] >> all right, in addition to all those departments that i mentioned earlier, i want to thank mohammed nuru from the department of public works to build ginzberg from rec and park, adrian, jose, von, tiffany, and lenita from the

community challenge grant. and juaquin. thank you. portola, portola, portola neighborhood. thank you for coming out to the portola neighborhood today. [applause] >> thank you for comment.

i am with the office of economic and workforce development, but i am representing quite a broad swath of the city and redevelopment staff who have spent rallying cry around this project. and i am here with a member of community folks who have been absolutely instrumental in putting this together. i wanted to start by introducing mayor ed lee to speak a few words on this exciting day in bayview, which has honestly left of me breathless when i walked in. [applause] >> everybody, welcome to our bayview. welcome to third and oakdale. we are proud to be here today. a lot of good things happening. we want to announce yet again a collaborative effort that has been going on for some time. but it begins with people who have dreams and we have one of

those people here who have been working in the neighborhood, building a community garden, and decided that perhaps it was time to be less and nomadic about his skill and to establish himself in a neighborhood that i know well not only welcome hands in, but there are employment opportunities here as well. certainly, there is healthy and very vibrant food menus that will be displayed at a radio africa and kitchen right here. i want to begin by it and looking a lot of the entities that have been around to this together. i know our office of housing has worked in collaboration with the redevelopment agency. tiffany is here. the redevelopment agency put in a lot of good work to get the tax increment dollars involved in this site. the work with the loan program with the mayor's office of housing.

they got together with the housing developer and coordination that owns the house and around this area and packaged its together what some small loans from our office of economic development, and collaborating about his dream and putting the financial package together. we all collaborated, and we have not ever, ever had a feeling of giving up in anyway to any part of their street. so you know that i was out here a couple months ago with a supervisor at malia cohen, who is here today. thank you for welcoming us to your district. malia and i have been focused on its third street continuously. we're not going to give up. there's no reason to give up. there is investment in people to be had here. wonderful people who live here want mendell plaza to be more

successful, the bayview opera house. we open up a couple other storefronts along third street. we're going to continue doing that with the personal investments that people are making on housing. i want to continue thanking the former commissioners of our redevelopment agency. leroy king is here today. along with commissioner dar. thank you. [applause] i want to thank the bayview merchants association. thank you for constantly working with us here and making sure we do the right thing and communicate with all the people and not let go. i want to thank our police department. the captain is here. he is working with everybody thank you for being here. [applause] askinder is very worldly.

he knows what is happening in our city and in this neighborhood. he is investing in an neighborhood he knows very well and investing in people. that is what makes a great menu, if i can put that connection together. a menu that will be reflective of the health of this neighborhood. it will get us involved. it will get the contractors involved. some are down here working in the bayview, along with the contractors and vendors throughout this corridor. he is working with mohammed nuru who is here as well with dpw. he is working with our city administrator noami kelly, who is also here. we're all here in collaboration to make sure that you know city hall is going to continue putting resources in. we are reinstating the revolving loan fund, putting more money into it.

we will have more of that decision making with the budget committee, the board of supervisors coming in the next week. then we will be walking through teraval this afternoon, touching all the aspects of it, in every district. you have supervisors like malia cohen who are no longer worried. they know we are working together. what they're worried about are the people's negative attitudes, which should not creep in. we are confident with the merchants in the city. we are going to continue discounthis positive outlook ane will continue to do it with neighborhoods, to make sure there is job creation and economic opportunity for everybody. thank you for being with us today. i look forward to an intriguing menu here starting with

eskender. thank you for your leadership here. [applause] >> he cannot talk get. he is at the very end. [laughter] i just want to thank -- then davis from the san francisco housing corporation. she helped to get this bill. i also wanted to introduce supervisor cohen to state a few words. we are all one family and we were together but i also wanted to thank every development staff, especially andrea baker for helping to manage this project. [applause] supervisor cohen? >> thank you, mr. mayor, for once again and leaving me with nothing left to say. it is good to see our city partners and a special thank